10 Telltale Signs of an Unhealthy Enneagram 3
Enneagram Threes, often termed ‘The Achievers,’ typically exude confidence, charisma, and an innate drive for success. When healthy, they are industrious, adaptable, and inspiring—truly a force to be reckoned with. However, like all personality types, Threes are not immune to periods of imbalance or unhealthiness. I personally am a 3, and while I’d like to say I’m always in tip-top form, the truth is I’ve had moments where I’ve thrown myself under the bus by behaving badly.
We’re all human, and we all have our off days and life circumstances that can impede our development. These unhealthy periods can stem from a range of factors, from external pressures and expectations to internal conflicts and unresolved emotions. Recognizing these signs of unhealthiness is the first step towards personal growth and restoring equilibrium.
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Sign 1: Overemphasis on Achievement
An unhealthy Enneagram 3 often places an inordinate amount of emphasis on success, personal achievement, or professional accomplishment. Their self-worth becomes intertwined with their ability to achieve, and they may feel worthless if they believe they are not succeeding. Such overemphasis can lead to burnout, stress, and strained relationships. The unhealthy Three has extreme bouts of insecurity and shame if they feel that they are not meeting their goals. They worry that others will reject them or they will wind up alone.
Sign 2: Overemphasis on Image
Enneagram Threes in an unhealthy state often fall into the trap of cultivating and maintaining an image that they believe others admire, completely enveloping themselves in the illusion of success and perfection. Their world revolves around how they are perceived by others, and they fear being exposed as frauds or failures. This fear fuels their relentless drive to maintain a carefully constructed image, often at the expense of their authentic selves. It’s a mask they wear, a role they play to perfection, but beneath it, they are just as vulnerable and human as anyone. They push aside their true feelings, dreams, and desires, focusing instead on curating an image that is nothing more than a dazzling façade. This constant performance can lead to a deep sense of loneliness and disconnection, not only from those around them but also from their very selves.
Sign 3: Overly Status-Conscious
Enneagram Threes in an unhealthy state become excessively concerned with their status and societal standing. They start measuring their worth in terms of titles, accolades, and the outward symbols of success. This overemphasis on social prestige propels them to strive tirelessly for higher status, often neglecting their emotional health, interpersonal relationships, and inherent values in the process. They may become envious of those they perceive as more successful, triggering feelings of inadequacy and an intensified race to move up the social ladder. This pursuit of status can become an exhausting, never-ending cycle, leaving them feeling empty and emotionally depleted. In their quest for societal approval, they risk losing their unique identity and the essence of who they truly are.
Sign 4: Dishonesty
Dishonesty is another trait common in unhealthy Enneagram Threes. This dishonesty, however, isn’t always about manipulating others; it’s often a by-product of their deep-seated fear of rejection. Threes, in their unhealthy state, are terrified of revealing their authentic selves, fearing that their true personality might not be appealing or impressive enough, resulting in rejection. This fear frequently drives them to project an image that they believe will receive approval and admiration from others.
Sign 5: Detachment from Self
As Threes detach from their true selves, they become so focused on the person they feel they need to be in order to succeed that they lose touch with who they genuinely are. This detachment can result in a lack of self-awareness, emotional numbness, and a profound sense of inner emptiness.
Sign 6: Sacrificing Health and Well-being for Short-term Payoffs
An unhealthy Enneagram Three often resorts to sacrificing their health and well-being in the relentless pursuit of short-term payoffs, viewing each achievement as a stepping stone to the next. Consumed by the desire to appear successful and capable, they might overlook the importance of self-care, disregarding both their physical health and emotional well-being. This can involve neglecting nutritious meals for convenience foods, skimping on sleep to work late hours, or ignoring the need for relaxation and downtime. They may also suppress their physical, emotional or spiritual needs, considering these an unwelcome distraction from their path to success. This disregard for their holistic health in pursuit of ephemeral rewards can lead to health issues, an increase in stress levels, and potential burnout. Their fixation on the future robs them of the ability to appreciate and live in the present moment.
Sign 7: Perception of Self as a Commodity
An unhealthy Enneagram Three may begin to see themselves as a commodity, an object to be traded and valued based on their achievements and successes. This market-like perception of self-worth is alarmingly dehumanizing, reducing their identity to their perceived market value. Their life becomes a performance, a series of sellable moments and achievements, thus losing sight of their intrinsic worth that exists beyond measurable success. This commodification of self also fuels their fear of vulnerability and the belief that they are only as valuable as their latest accomplishment. Consequently, they struggle to believe that others care about them for who they are, and not just for what they can achieve or the image they project. They may find it difficult to forge genuine connections, always questioning whether people are attracted to their real selves or their carefully curated personas. This can lead to a debilitating cycle of loneliness and alienation, further distancing them from the path to true fulfillment.
Sign 8: Overly Competitive
Unhealthy Enneagram Threes tend to exhibit an excessive competitive nature, a trait that often outshines their ability to connect and empathize with others. Their obsession with success and achievement, combined with their fear of being ordinary or unimpressive, fuels a relentless competitive drive. They constantly compare themselves to others, finding it almost impossible to feel content with their accomplishments because someone else always seems to be doing better. This competitive streak can strain relationships, as it can turn colleagues into rivals, friends into competitors, and family into benchmarks for success. The unhealthy Three’s world becomes a constant race, a never-ending battle where there’s always a next level to reach, a new goal to conquer. They often forget to celebrate the journey, so focused are they on the destination. It’s a lonesome road, paved with the hollow echoes of unacknowledged accomplishments, and it can lead to a sense of isolation and dissatisfaction, despite their external successes.
Sign 9: Exhaustion
Unhealthy Enneagram Threes often find themselves in a state of perpetual exhaustion due to their relentless pursuit of success. Their determination to excel, combined with their propensity to equate self-worth with achievements, can lead them to overwork. They frequently put in long hours, pushing their boundaries, and ignoring the warning signs their bodies and minds are sending them. They are always on-the-go, rarely taking a moment to relax, recharge, or even reflect on their accomplishments. This constant state of busyness, while it may create an illusion of productivity and success, often results in chronic fatigue, stress, and burnout. The unhealthy Three’s insatiable drive to achieve more and more, while neglecting their well-being, can lead to severe health implications, not to mention the emotional toll it takes, leaving them feeling drained, unfulfilled, and disconnected from their authentic selves.
Sign 10: Disintegration to 9
When unhealthy Enneagram Threes disintegrate to 9, their once relentless drive towards achievement begins to dissipate, replaced by an inclination towards inertia and apathy. They may start to withdraw from their usually active pursuits, preferring to retreat into comfort and routine rather than face the pressure of constant success. This state of ‘autopilot’ living can be characterized by passivity, disinterest, and a lack of motivation, which are stark contrasts against their typical dynamic and goal-oriented selves. This shift in personality can be disconcerting and confusing, both for the Threes and those around them, signifying a total depletion of the Three’s energy.
Moving Back Towards Health: Reclaiming Authenticity and Self-Worth
Transitioning back to health for an Enneagram Three involves the critical task of letting go of their identification with a constructed self-image. This journey entails a conscious shift from equating self-worth with external achievements, towards acknowledging and embracing their intrinsic value, devoid of external praise or recognition.
Firstly, Threes need to learn to disconnect their sense of self from their accomplishments. They must remember that they are not their successes or failures, but rather, individuals of immense worth, irrespective of their measurable achievements. This involves challenging and restructuring deep-seated beliefs about their worth and identity, and gradually learning to value themselves beyond their productivity and performance.
Secondly, they should strive to cultivate self-awareness and self-compassion. Recognizing their unhealthy patterns is the first step towards change. Mindfulness exercises, journaling, or therapy can be beneficial strategies in promoting such self-awareness. Self-compassion involves extending kindness and understanding towards oneself, especially in moments of perceived failure or inadequacy, rather than resorting to self-criticism or denial.
Lastly, affirmations of self-worth that are independent of external validation can be incredibly healing. Threes need to internalize the reality that they are worthwhile and deserving of love, even without constant achievements or praise from others. This can involve daily practices of self-affirmation, consciously celebrating their inherent worth, and fostering relationships that value them for who they are, rather than what they can accomplish.
Remember, the journey back to health for Enneagram Threes isn’t about becoming a different person; it’s about coming home to their true selves, beneath the veneer of their performance.
Other Articles You Might Enjoy:
21 Signs That You’re an Enneagram 3: The Achiever Personality Type
7 Struggles of the Enneagram 3 Type
References:
Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery by Don Richard Riso with Russ Hudson (Houghton Mifflin Company, 1996)
The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert (Crossroad Publishing, 2001)
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