10 Things That Terrify ENFPs – According to 304 ENFPS
Do you ever feel alone in your fears or worries? Have you ever felt that your fears isolate you from other people? I’ve wondered for a long time whether fears are in any way related to personality type; or which fears are more prevalent among different types. I decided to research fear months ago, and have been talking to as many people as possible to determine if there are any fears that are more common to specific personality types. I’ve also been researching my MBTI® manuals and books to see if they had any information to give.
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What I Found Out:
There were definitely variations in the major fears of each personality type. I made it my goal to get responses from at least 300 people of each personality type before writing a blog post about their fears. What I discovered is that there were some universal irrational fears (spiders, heights, snakes) but that aside from those, the fears varied drastically according to type. NT types, for example, greatly feared mediocrity and stupidity. SJ types mentioned insecurity and financial ruin. NF types tended to have more existential worries about meaninglessness and the afterlife.
We’re Not All The Same
While this study I’m doing showed differences in the majority of fears that each personality type faced, obviously, there are exceptions to each of these fears. For example, a huge number of ENFPs mentioned being alone as a major fear, but there were several who said this fear didn’t really bother them at all. There are always going to be variations within type, so all this post is going to show us is what the majority mentioned. The top 10 fears in this post are based on the number of votes that I got from ENFPs I spoke with in forums, Facebook groups, and one-on-one in real life.
The Top 10 Things That Terrify ENFPs
- Being Alone
By far, the biggest fear among ENFPs was being alone. However, this doesn’t mean they want to be around people constantly. The fear had more to do with not having meaningful relationships, dying alone, or feeling disconnected from humanity in some way. Having a healthy social group, supportive friends, and meaningful, honest relationships are extremely important to ENFPs.
- Death of Loved Ones
This particular fear has been mentioned by nearly all the personality types I’ve surveyed so far; although every type seems to mention different relationships more. Certain types mentioned loss of children more, other types mentioned loss of spouses more; ENFPs mentioned loved ones in general.
- Meaninglessness
ENFPs are strong believers in serving humanity in some great way in their lifetime. They want every moment to mean something and to have significance. There’s nearly nothing worse to an ENFP than being faced with meaninglessness or feeling that their life hasn’t been put to good purpose.
“I worry that I’m going to miss the things that really matter in life in my pursuit of looking for my next adventure. I worry that once I get to the end of my life I will have missed out on all the small things that give life true significance and purpose.”
– Helena, an ENFP
- Not Meeting Potential
ENFPs are true dreamers, and long to do something significant with their lives. They have no desire to just “get by” or fit in; they want to make a difference and an impact in the world. Not being able to use their life to its greatest potential is a very real fear to many ENFPs.
“My biggest fear is that I will look back on my life when I’m older and see all the opportunities I passed up. I have a hard time making long-term decisions, and I worry that the time I spend deliberating or trying different things will never amount to anything. I’m worried I will never meet my true potential.”
– Dave, an ENFP
- Abandonment
To be left behind is a major fear for many ENFPs. They take their relationships very seriously, and hate the idea of being rejected by those they depend on or care about.
- Hurting People’s Feelings
ENFPs desire to connect with individuals on a deep and personal level. They pride themselves on being honest and authentic in their relationships, due to their auxiliary Introverted Feeling (Fi). Because of this, they have a hard time faking anything, even if it might make others feel good. Sometimes this can cause them to unintentionally hurt other people’s feelings, and this is a major cause of anxiety for ENFPs, who greatly desire harmony in their relationships and hate the idea of causing anyone pain.
- Being Morally Flawed and Not Knowing It
ENFPs place very high importance on living in accordance with their values. Because they have Introverted Feeling (Fi), they make value judgments that are very independent and are less based on outside influence. They are less prone to accepting a value or moral belief just because someone says it’s the “right thing to do”. This is one of the admirable things about Fi-users. They have a very strong internal moral compass and often have a lot of integrity because of it. I think because of how important living by these values is to ENFPs, they worry more than many other types about finding out their values are wrong or that they’ve betrayed them in some way. Some ENFPs mentioned that they are afraid that they will come to the end of their life and find out that they made the wrong value judgments or had an incorrect set of moral beliefs and were unaware of it.
- Old age
ENFPs have a lot of excitement and enthusiasm for the future, and are extremely ambitious, adventurous people. For this reason, many of them cited old age as a fear because it might take away their ability to explore, dream of the future, or be as autonomous as they’d like to be.
- The After Life
The world of the unknown is both exciting and frightening to some ENFPs. Some worried about going to hell, others worried about the nothingness that might be awaiting after death. The reasons that many ENFPs feared the afterlife varied, but if often had to do with facing hell or facing nothingness.
- Missing Out
ENFPs want to experience all the beauty and adventure that life has to offer, and they hate the idea of growing old and finding out they missed out on something incredible. They want to explore endless ideas, avenues, experiences, and visions. This is one of the reasons ENFPs enjoy traveling so much.
What Do You Think?
Do these fears bother you or are you surprised by these choices? Let me know in the comments! I would love to hear from you.
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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I am an ENFP and these are pretty dead on. Good job.
Thank you so much! 🙂
I can totally relate to most of these and how I’ve been feeling these past few months ..
Yep, this is pretty accurate for me and I’m always always always a dead on ENFP. The meaninglessness, not living up to potential, hurting people’s feelings, abandonment, all of it. I’m not really afraid of actually being alone but how it was described is very accurate, such as feeling disconnected from humanity. This actually helped me a lot right now to understand why I’ve been feeling the way I’ve been feeling lately. Thank you.
Great Blog, Thank you!
Thank you!!
As an ENFP, this is pretty spot on! Though I was surprise that old age was not related to personal growth or development. I do fear that old age will limit my freedom, physically, but I fear to be a bitter old lady. I want to be wise from my experiences and share with others what I have learned to the younger. I would hate to lose joy in the world due to old age. I want to be upbeat and a quirky old lady, not in a retirement home eating bland oatmeal for the rest of my days! That’s a nightmare enough! At the same time, related to old age, I do fear time. I fear that as an elderly person, I’m not making or I haven’t made the best use of my time. When you’re older, there’s only so much time you have left!
I’m a solid ENFP. These are incredibly accurate. Thank you.
Very accurate! My ex ended our relationship because I was unable to be alone. It took me a while to figure out that it wasn’t the being alone that scared me but the not being meaningful to him. And so I finally understood myself. Reading about ENFP was a big eye opener for me.
My top 10, but not in the order of listed. Being Alone isn’t a fear. More a preference. I really appreciate your blog and I am motivated to learn more about this. It is so helpful in understanding people, and helping people understand each other.
Spot on.. I also agree with the way the afraid of being alone was explained. It is more a fear of feeling disconnected . I do enjoy my time alone from time to time.
I can so relate to a great many of these – being alone doesn’t bother me much but boy did I chastise myself for not living up to my full potential (never satisfied with anything I do). That and “meaninglessness”, and “missing out” are big ones too.
Being alone, abandonment are the two main fears I struggle with personally. My fear of abandonment are usually intermingled with my fear of hurting or weighing on others and my wish for their own happiness that sometimes I distance myself from the people I love because they ‘already had abandon me but if it is what they want then I am happy for them’. Sometimes though I act too clingy without noticing it because I really don’t want to let them go and I feel as if they are slipping from my fingers (even though they are not). That back and forth, oppressive and neglecting attitude I sometimes take on is based on these fears.
Meaningless also bothers me. I have been brought up in a religious household and I have faith in what I believe in but I am also prone to having a great time and doing fun stuff. This usually leads into a crash of some sort later where I struggle to make sense of the fun I had and what purpose does it serve in the greater good.
Being old is a thought that I dislike but it isn’t enough to be a fear for me and while I do think of the afterlife a lot, it does not scare me so much as it is a sort of finish line (well death really) that once I die, all my chance of serving reaches its end and I know I haven’t done enough.
Every One of them, were Right On! Thanks for taking the time to figure out the Deep Stuff!
My greatest fear is being a disappointment.
I fear deadlines
I mainly fear Not Meeting Potential, hurting people’s feelings and Being Morally Flawed and Not Knowing It.
Thanks for letting me know your thoughts!
All of them are indeed my fears as an ENFP but the strongest ones are 3,4&5 and the death of my children or spouse. I would love to live a life of purpose and leave a positive impact in this world but until now at age 32 I am still struggling with choosing my career path.
Miriam
Spot on.
This is all so true for me. Meaninglessness and Living to Potential are less so, because at 53, a mom, writer, and an educator, I am currently and constantly finding meaning and making my life meaningful, and also feel that i am carrying out at least some of my potential. I’m not finished yet, and if I could live to be a 120 to keep developing, wouldn’t that be wonderful? 🙂
It is comforting to read this because it is so true. I thought I was doing it wrong since I retired recently and turned 65 and still don’t feel completely settled into the new life. I feel like I need a plan and maybe this information will guide me. Thank you.
I don’t fear old age and afterlife, all the rest is so, so true!
Same!! I sort of fear old age only because someone might have to take care of me and I fear no one will be there. But old age itself is a blessing and inevitable if you live.
I’m sort of excited for the after life. I’m energy, energy can NEVER be nothing.
The first one really hit, especially as of recent.
I sometimes get freaked out looking at my friends while we’re having a good time because I consider, “How many of them do I confide in? How many of them do I truly have a deeper relationship with than just having fun? How long will we be friends… Will that even matter?” And then I have to shut down the thought process sO QUICKLY.
Really almost all of these are SO legit. Especially death of loved ones too. I hope that I die before many of my loved ones, which feels selfish, but I don’t EVER want that pain
4, 5, 6, & 7 were true for me. The other answers really surprised me. I do not fear death, age, the afterlife. My dad just died 11 months ago and he was one of my closest friends, my heart still aches for him, and I miss him dearly, but even when he was ill and told he would soon die, I was optomistic for his recovery and had little anxiety about him dying, my stress and anxiety were about his pain and suffering.
I can’t relate to worrying about finding meaning, missing out, etc, because I’m very proactive and make these things happen.
I absolutely hate being told “because I said so.” Yeah your older but hold ona damn fricking minuet! Who’s saying that’s better? And if you say “because I said so” again we’re through
All of them are very true for me as a solid ENFP for several years. 🙂 #9 might be one of my deepest fears, on that I admit I have avoided confronting for the longest time. Same goes for #3.
This is all really true. I was bullied pretty bad as a kid, so I can definitely relate to meaninglessness, abandonment, missing out, and the afterlife. I just thought it was just me XD
I’m so sorry you were bullied as a child! You are definitely not alone!
Well I went into this like pff no way I don’t fear this craaa…..starts crying so true so true
Yep all so true but the first one, love being alone
Thanks for your feedback on this!
It must have struck a chord, cause the list made me cry. Being alone, I would say it’s not being alone in the present, ( i like spending time by myself) but the idea of having no spouse, family, or close friends is quite scary.
I’m so sorry, yes, that would all be scary! I hope you’re feeling better now (and sorry I’m so late in responding to your comment, somehow I didn’t see it until now!)
Yes on all 10 fears. Amazing. And I know I’m an ENFP since I’ve taken the Meier’ s Briggs test 3x.
Thanks for your input on this! Hope you don’t deal with these fears too often!
My biggest fear is not being able to contribute to the betterment of the world.
I regret about every opportunity I left or all those things I couldnt do. I feel as I get older, I shouldnt envy seeing the newer gen ppl following their dreams. I very much worry about staying in a place where I am not surrounded by my kind of ppl who arent on the same wave length.
Every fear is absolutely true. Thanks for the post.
I got teary reading through because the fear of abandonment you mentioned makes me realize why I feel like a failure when a boyfriend ghosts me.
I’m not really scared of the afterlife though.
Wow! This list was so accurate, it cut pretty close to the bone.
I was just confessing to a friend a while ago that my biggest fear is being alone.
But it’s actually really comforting to know that there are many others out there like me with the same fears. I guess I’m not alone in that sense 🙂
I’m a little scared at how accurate this is
Being alone and abandonment are the two biggest problems. Before I knew about MTBI, I felt something was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why I hated being alone. That fear caused so much trouble for me, staying in situations where I didn’t belong, becuase I didn’t want to face things alone. I wish I had known this when I was younger, becuase most people saw this as a personal flaw. But since learning about MTBI, a lot of my past troubles make sense. I have put a lot of work into being OK with being alone, and have developed strategies to deal with it. I am much more willing to do something for someone else, than for myself, so I look for opportunities to do something for myself and someone else at the same time. That way I can take care of myself, and help others at the same time.
I am an ENFP and I’m really scared of being just like everybody else and not being unique.
Definitely yes on all except for old age and the after life. I’ve never really thought about getting older. Its strange. I constantly think about the future but not about my actual age. I’m only 20 now so maybe the fear will develop in the future.
Oh my gosh, you don’t even know me and described all my slightly irrational fears perfectly. I was very impressed, well done!
So for about a year now I’ve been trying to prove I’m NOT an ENFP by taking more tests on different sites or retaking tests on familiar sites or their links. I consider Psychology Junkie my home and it is here that I have come full circle and it is here that I’ve become convinced that I am ENFP. This article was the deal sealer plus a few that I read right before. Funny thing is none were 1st time reads 4 me. I’d like to point out Susan Storm’s exceptional dedication to her work and research. As subscribers we truly reap the benefits of not just her dedication alone but of the true source of her wisdom, and I believe that is her tremendous love for people in general. Thank you Susan, I’m grateful for all your hard work!
I feel like i’m in a different universe and that this is my hell! I wish I wasn’t an enfp :/
Another one for me is getting stuck in the wrong relationship or community. I take extra care to ‘vet’ people before getting close to them out of a worry about being led astray morally or being pinned down into a relationship with someone who lives a lifestyle that contradicts my values or infringes on my freedom to dream. (Realizing this while dating an INFJ who is pushing way too hard for marriage and not understanding my hesitancy to commit and possibly sacrifice the openness of my own future).
Hello as an INFJ, if she/he thinks you’re good for marriage, they probably love you very much. We have very firm values and standards, so we’d hesitate more than the average person but go at it when we realize its great after much thinking. You should be open about it with them, talk it out because if they pick up you’re hesitating they might think you don’t love them at all, and they’ll totally start on the road of preparing for moving on from you without you knowing. After that, you won’t be able to be with them that moment they finish that preparation.
Omg. I completely agree with you on this. Very deep! I fear being alone, but will pass up opportunities to socialize with people who are fake or can taint my reputation or don’t respect my morals and values. Very well said, JS!!
Hello, as an ENFP I’ve been thoroughly interested in what scares me. Apart from very common fears such as fear of heights, I think the only real fear I have is unfulfilled potential. Just like everyone else here I feel completely different to “normal” people but I also have a massive, massive ego that contributes to this. Over my childhood my parents and I have taught me how to just conceal my ego and it helps a lot as personally I feel I would be a terrible person if I didn’t. Thankfully, I am gifted, I hate boasting and I am embarrassed to be “showing off” but I have known that I have been gifted from a young age. I consistently score high on SAT tests and have a high IQ level, but all this is joined in by a lack of focus and work ethic. When I was 14 I was performing badly at school partly because the teaching methods weren’t suited to me, (I prefer speed teaching and I am able to take in a lot of information easily), but mainly because I wasn’t bothered to be working towards any of the school work. Teaching myself the art of hard work has been one of the hardest tasks I have taken on, but I feel that I am already starting to feel change. The future is exciting and thankfully like me my dad is a “dreamer” and we can dream of the future together but without hard work I wouldn’t be able to go towards my goals and ultimately achieve them. Hopefully I will be able to go on and do everything that I dream of doing, (I am working towards an internship with NASA hopefully at Harvard and just seeing where I can go from there with the ultimate aim being an astronaut), but I know if I feel that I haven’t lived up to my high standards then I will be depressed. Being a devout Roman Catholic I am not scared of the future and the eventual end, in fact I am almost revelling what will come next and just see it as a new adventure. I have never found death of loved ones sad and have been called strange when do not show remorse or signs of grief, but I know they have moved onto a greater place and as a child I would have used the imagery of being at a train station waiting for your train to take you away to the new world. Life is weird, but being an ENFP with a good quick mind just makes it that much simpler. I want to hear from everyone that reads this and will love to be able to compare and contrast experiences and ideas with you all.
I have social media so please, do not hesitate to contact me and just chat 🙂
Snapchat: omcalin102
Instagram: CEO_of_garlic_bred
These may have some people feeling hesitant as they are not really normal names for social media accounts, but I wear my sense of humour on my chest and do not feel belittled or embarrassed about what people might say about them. I feel like I could talk for ages on this but I don’t want to bore you so I will wrap it up quickly. Being an ENFP is not easy, society is not adjusted to our needs and life is not usually set out the way we want it or would like. However, we are stronger than this, and I urge you all to move forward with your heads held high. Nothing in this world can stop you. You are all able to hold the torch for humanity and push the boundaries of your own respective areas of expertise, and don’t think that you have no area of expertise as EVERY one of us ENFPs are highly skilled at something and most of us have a high skill set in whatever we do. The time is right to do something positive in this world. The world is currently at a crossroads and the current COVID-19 situation is a gift in disguise for us ENFPs as we can now us this break in normal life to step back, self evaluate, and then take a stand and implement our ideas into everyday life. Whatever you do, do it as best as you can, and never ever give up or accept normal life. We must fight for the change, and eventually show the world the overall combined potentials of the strongest personality type in existence, the ENFP.
Much love everyone, and remember to contact me,
Oisin
I’m with you
Imagine a whole sisterhood of enfps.
…
Hi, bro. This inspired me. I feel beloved, treasured and participated. I know you feel the same way
This was really good! It was super interesting for me to read the descriptions behind all of these fears as they make sense to me; yet at the same time some are not big fears for me at all though I see why they would be for other ENFPs.
For example, I don’t have a big fear of abandonment because I surround myself with a lot of people (well you know, when there’s not a global pandemic). Or Being Alone — that one isn’t the number one fear for me though I resonate with how terrible a hypothetical situation that would be if I really truly were alone, but I hardly ever let myself feel alone.
Being Morally Corrupt and Not Knowing it is a WAYYY higher fear for me; probably top on the list with not meeting potential as a close second and hurting peoples’ feelings in third.
I’m an ENFP, and I fear alot about not having choices as well!
I think this is why there aren’t many ENFPs in dystopian horror novels or if there are they get killed. Like imagine how many ENFPs died in the Divergent world.
I’m an ENFP 🙂
I found I relate to the top half of fears most, but the later ones not so much. I don’t so much fear an afterlife, because I’m a scientific type, but I do fear coming to the end of my life and not liking what I’ve reflected on.
I fear rejection, loneliness, and failure most.
And spiders. 😑
😂😂
Same here
Spiders are too scary!!!!!
As an ENFP this feels very accurate although the fear of being alone it’s not much of a problem because I’m usually aware when it may be heading towards that direction and reach out to those I feel safe around and have full conversations with them building a friendship with them. I agree with death of a loved one to a certain degree but also have some kind of hope they will be in a better place and my fear more of not ending things well with them or mending my possibly broken relationship with them before they’re gone. I also have a fear of not reaching my full potential and wasting my life over thinking a lot of possibilities without getting to have chosen my true path in life. I think the number one for me is the fear or losing myself. Thanks you author, I feel a lot more self aware now after reading your article 🙂
Sincerely, Anie
I’m an ENFP
My fear I’d being meaningless, having no meaningful family relationships and friendships, old age cuz my life seems to get more boring as I grow older, being alone, when I realize a mistake I did and it just replays on my head over and over again.
For me, this was spot on. Truly fascinating. I found her explanation’s and research to be wildly accurate in my case. However, they’d be in a different order, if they were in a rating sequence. And, would include, fear of change.
Also, I sense a bit of a pattern with some of the listed fears. Where my fear of change also coincides. In my opinion, they each share an unknown outcome. Where the future is unpredictable, and cannot be clearly anticipated, leaves me in a panicked state. Grasping for familiarity and semblance of normalcy.
I found something else quite interesting that resonated with me …… during her research she stated, many other personality types also included the fear of losing a loved one. The difference, all other personality types had a specific loved one in mind. Where as, ENFP’s fear had no specification, and feared the loss of any loved one. Making an oddly precise distinction.
I really enjoyed the article, informative and has inspired me to learn more on the subject.
Thank you, best regards…… Dee L.
Hi I’m compelled to comment. As this article has made me aware of what I’m going through at the moment. Due to a loved one passing. And the desire to be on my own currently buying a house in the French countryside. I’m feeling fears of loneliness that I haven’t felt before. So we have a double edged sword that takes one away from the other. Looking forward to exploring it. But loneliness fear is not good. I guess I will get over it.
Hi! I’m Emily and I’m an ENFP and…
Ah, yes, the afterlife.
I’m afraid that once I die that’s it. I’m afraid that once I live out my life, I will die and not come back and I will never be able to come back and live a different life.
That’s why I like to believe that rebirth and reincarnation exists – I’d love to come back and keep living and keep experiencing new things even if I don’t remember my previous lives!
I think after this life I would like to be reborn as the opposite sex – I wonder what it’s like…?
Also dying alone before or without ever falling in love is a major fear for me.
I really crave a relationship where I can let go of all my fears and worries and really know that I’m understood, that I’m not being judged in anyway, and that they love me truly for who I am.
I want to be able to tell a partner my hopes and dreams and know that they are interested and care deeply and WANT to hear them – I want to have a partner to have deep and meaningful conversations with.
And also laugh and joke and sing not-very-tunefully with!
Being as comfortable with a person as I am alone – that’s what I want before I die.
Just one experience like that 🥰