10 Secrets to Being Happy as an INFJ
INFJs often find themselves living in a world that pushes them out of their comfort zone. As introverts, they are often surrounded by noise and over-stimulation. As intuitives, they often struggle to find the depth in communication that inspires them. They are both empathic but deeply in need of alone time. Navigating the world as an INFJ can be a challenge, but knowing these 10 things about yourself (or, if you’re not an INFJ, about an INFJ you care about) can help you to gain self-understanding and make room for the kinds of activities that will nourish your soul.
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10 Secrets to INFJ Happiness
1. A Sense of the Profound
INFJs are drawn to the deeper meanings in life. They yearn for experiences that stir their souls and awaken their innermost thoughts. Whether it’s a piece of art, a philosophical discussion, or a moment of serene beauty, they crave moments that give them a sense of mystery, meaning, and depth. If a day goes by and there isn’t any sense of the profound, of something that makes them stop and wonder, they tend to feel down and uninspired.
2. A Big Picture Purpose
Walking through life without a sense of purpose is unthinkable for an INFJ. They’re at their happiest when they can see the grand design and understand their place within it. Because of this, they are often drawn to projects like making vision boards, to-do lists, or mind maps. This big picture fuels their motivations and provides direction. Whether it’s a personal mission or a broader societal impact, having a purpose and knowing they’re working towards it every day keeps them satisfied.
3. A Long-Term Goal
For INFJs, fleeting desires and ambitions hold little appeal. They want something more substantial, something that requires dedication and persistence. A long-term goal provides not just a sense of accomplishment, but a framework to organize their entire lives around. This enduring objective becomes a guiding star, offering clarity when life gets unpredictable or chaotic.
4. A Deep Connection with Someone
Emotional intimacy is the lifeblood of an INFJ. Superficial interactions drain them, whereas deep, loyal connections give them fulfillment and a deeper sense of meaning. They crave relationships where they can truly understand and be understood, forging bonds that withstand the test of time. For them, a kindred soul is a sanctuary.
5. Authentic Communication
INFJs have a finely-tuned radar for authenticity. They can sense when someone is being disingenuous, and it grates against their very nature. They seek out conversations where words are not just spoken but felt—where honesty and vulnerability aren’t shied away from. Authentic communication is their balm against the superficiality that pervades modern life.
6. Alone Time to Ponder
The mind of an INFJ is a complex web of thoughts and feelings. To navigate this profound inner world, they need alone time. Solitude allows them to process their experiences, reflect on their emotions, and get in touch with their intuition. It’s in these quiet moments that they make sense of their world and clarify the direction they want to go with their lives.
“INFJs may find themselves getting their best ideas when they first wake up, or even while they dream. Attempting to direct these thoughts may actually interrupt the process. An insight in process can feel like a bloodhound on the scent, and it needs freedom to explore whatever is the next lead. The mind can offer up buried insights, if one is quiet enough to hear them.” – Joel Mark Witt and Antonia Dodge, Personality Hacker
7. A Story That Gives Them Faith in Humanity
INFJs are Idealists, and Idealists need to feel that the world they live in has potential and beauty in it. Stories of corruption, YouTube comment wars, or negative gossip can make them feel empty and disillusioned. They need to feel that, even within the messiness of life, there is hope. They crave stories that restore their faith in the goodness of people—tales of kindness, bravery, and selflessness. These stories act as a counterbalance to the darkness they so often perceive, reminding them that light still exists.
8. Connection with Nature
Nature offers an INFJ a sense of peace and belonging that is hard to find elsewhere. The rustling leaves, the whispering winds, the serene waters—all these elements speak to their souls and help them get in touch with their sensing side. Nature is their refuge and their muse, a place where they can get in touch with what’s real while exploring abstract ideas, concepts, and theories.
9. Quiet Time Without Distractions
The modern world is loud, and we all know it. From the vibrations of our phones to the demands of friends and family, there are constant demands for our attention everywhere. INFJs crave periods of uninterrupted quiet, moments where they can focus fully on their thoughts or tasks at hand. This silence frees up their mind to find patterns, insights, meanings, and inner wisdom.
10. Harmonious Relationships
Conflict and discord wear heavily on an INFJ. Conflict and disagreement tend to overwhelm them, and many INFJs have told me how they end up in a state of analysis-paralysis when their relationships aren’t in a good place. For the INFJ, a harmonious life means that their mind is freed up to explore deeper meanings or make new intellectual discoveries. Balance and peace are their ultimate goals, both within and around them.
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What Do You Think?
In a world that often feels superficial and chaotic, INFJs strive to find meaning, purpose, and deep connections. These daily cravings aren’t just desires—they are essential elements that sustain them spiritually and emotionally. By understanding these needs, INFJs can better navigate their lives and find fulfillment in a society that often doesn’t always cater to their unique sensibilities.
But what do you need every day as an INFJ? Do you have any tips or words of wisdom to share with others who have your personality type? Let us and other readers know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
Other Articles You Might Enjoy:
The INFJ and the 9 Enneagram Types
10 Extremely Annoying INFJ Pet Peeves
The Dark Side of the INFJ Personality Type
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John Sugar is basically an INFJ and it makes him feel alienated, don’t ya think?… I mean as a self identified INFJ, I’ve never related more to a character that I can recall at the moment.
I’d love to read one of your articles about it.
Your fan
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I LOVED that show, and John Sugar. I could definitely see him as an INFJ, but I’d have to watch again because when I was watching it I wasn’t really paying close attention to personality details (although I remember thinking IFJ for him).
This article is so spot on for me. Thank you! Sometimes it is difficult to explain how I function and what I need. I appreciate having your articles to share with my ISTJ husband.
I love your site! It’s very insightful. The harmonious relationships part really struck a cord. My partner is an ISTP and my son (8) an ESTP (he just never stops talking and constantly interrupts or just starts doing things without thinking too deeply – he has confidence but lacks knowledge and experience). It’s a struggle just to get our son to bed on time (my partner always wants to show or do something with him right the time he needs to be getting ready). The chaos drives me bananas and then my partner claims I’m just being uptight and difficult (and a buzzkill) while proceeding to assign feelings and opinions to me that have nothing to do with me (those are his fears and experiences with an INFP mother gone off the rails talking). His mother and I do similar things with different intentions, but it triggers him and causes him to overreact because it looks the same.
The problem is I can’t connect with either of them deeply (makes it feel like I’m lacking oxygen). I discovered a little while back that my partner only sees about 50% of who I am at best (making me wonder what he has been seeing all this time). He doesn’t understand me at all and keeps repeating that I’m the one who can’t see him for who he is. -_-
A friend invited me along on her vacation (I NEED a vacation, the stress is actually starting to make me feel physically ill) and to get there it’s either a 2 hour flight or 24 hour bus ride. My friend couldn’t understand why I’d take the bus (extra day of vacation + alone time).
Sorry for the rant, but I thought someone might be able to relate and feel a little less alone (plus it does feel better to get if off my chest).
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