10 Things That Terrify INFJs – According to 352 INFJs
Have you ever wondered if what frightens you is unusual or weird? Do you feel alone in your fears or worries? Many of us do, including me. I’ve wondered for a long time if personality type has anything to do with the kinds of fears we face as humans. Do different personality types fear different things? Are there any considerable differences or similarities? I decided to find out.
I scoured numerous online forums and Facebook groups and asked everyone I could about their fears. I wanted to make sure I had at least 300 responses before I wrote any blog posts on the subject. The first group of personalities to get to 300 responses were the INFJs. I’m thankful to each INFJ who contributed to this by talking to me about some of their most personal fears.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTIยฎ here.
What I Found Out
Each personality type had a unique set of fears, and there were definitely patterns and unique worries that were particular to type. While some fears were shared between types, there were definitely big differences in what people feared most. For example, NT types greatly feared mediocrity, while SJ types greatly feared uncertainty. And within those temperaments there were even more variations. This is just part one of a series on what truly frightens each of the 16 personality types. I found talking to all of the types extremely enlightening, and I hope these posts will help you to better understand your own fears and the fears of others.
DISCLAIMER: ย Just because you’re an INFJ doesn’t mean you will automatically have these same fears. Your fears may be different, or you may have confronted a lot of your fears and be free of them by now. Don’t take offense if you don’t share these fears. This is just part one of a study on the 16 types and what the majority of them mentioned as their biggest fear.
Universal Fears
It was plain to see that certain fears were universal to all types; for example, spiders, bugs, and heights came up in every group regardless of type. So I’m not going to include those fears in these lists.
The Top 10 Things That Terrify INFJs
1. Humanity’s Potential for Evil
INFJs crave a world where equality, compassion, and freedom reign. When they are inundated by news of injustice, corruption, and cruelty they start to feel emotionally connected to all the pain around them. It can be difficult for them to detach from all the struggles that people encounter at the hands of others. It can feel impossible to focus or find their strong sense of vision and purpose when they know others are in pain or being treated unfairly. At the same time, many INFJs use their fear of evil to spur them towards speaking out against injustice. After all, Mahatma Gandhi and Mary Wollstonecraft were both INFJs who stood up for their beliefs and values.
2. Death or Loss of Children
While nearly every type mentioned loss of loved ones to some degree, INFJs were unique in that they specifically mentioned the loss of their children. While other groups mentioned “Losing someone in my family”, or “the loss of someone I love”, or “losing my spouse”, INFJs were the only ones who, by a majority, specifically mentioned the loss of children, and not a general loss of loved ones. INFJs are known for having very strong emotional bonds with their children, and for being very protective parents, so this may have something to do with the nature of their responses.
3. Phone Calls
“Making phone calls scares me to no end.ย I have to make scripts of what I will say, and I feel jittery and nervous the entire time. I hate it when there’s no way around making a phone call.”
– Sarah, an INFJ
More than 1/3 of the INFJs I spoke with mentioned phone calls as a serious cause of anxiety and worry. Whether it was making a phone call or receiving an unexpected phone call, they much preferred written correspondence to the phone; unless they were talking to a very close friend or family member.
4. Crowds
INFJs easily become overstimulated in large crowds of people. They tend to absorb the emotions of the people around them, and they also have inferior Extraverted Sensing (Se) which makes a lot of commotion especially difficult and strenuous for them. While this may be more of a stress-related fear than a cause of real terror, it certainly was mentioned a lot.
5. Ghosts
While a few INFJs specifically mentioned not believing in ghosts, and others believed but weren’t afraid of them, there were still a considerable number that feared their existence quite strongly and even shared their experiences with me. Some INFJs believed that their strong Intuition and the ability to pick up on moods and emotions outside themselves made it possible for them to sense a spiritual or otherworldly presence.
6. Insanity
Insanity came up as a fear far more frequently among IN personality types (INFJs, INTJs, INFPs, INTPs). IN types have such strong imaginations and look so deeply into hidden meanings and connections that, for some, they feel that their faith in “reality”, may be a little more skeptical than what most people believe. It also could be that because IN types are so heavily immersed in their own thoughts and mental functions, they fear the loss of that far more than most people would consider. None of the other types I’ve spoken with have mentioned insanity as a fear at all. This doesn’t mean they aren’t afraid of it, but it wasn’t at the forefront of their minds when they were speaking of their fears.
7. Abandonment
INFJs are notorious for having a difficult time trusting others. They read between the lines so fluently and look for hidden meanings so frequently that they take everything with a grain of salt, almost without realizing it. Because they are the smallest minority, making up only 1% of the population, they also tend to feel a little alienated throughout much of their lives. These factors can cause them to have difficulty trusting people, difficulty accepting love without restraint or apprehension, and difficulty feeling like they can be 100% themselves. Many INFJs, when speaking of their fears, cited fear of abandonment alongside a fear of opening up to others and allowing themselves to be loved unreservedly.
8. The Supernatural
Out of the ten types I’ve surveyed so far, INFJs mentioned fear of the supernatural far more than other types. INFJs are known for being very spiritual in nature, whether that spirituality is religious or personal. This may cause them to have a much stronger belief in the supernatural world. While INFJs tend to avoid a lot of superstitions, they have great respect for the unknown and what “could be”. Many said that they strive to be rational about everything, but that there is only so much that science can truly explain. Of course, there were several INFJs who piped up and said they weren’t afraid of or didn’t believe in the supernatural at all. So these fears will vary from person to person depending on their beliefs and background.
9. Their Own Imagination
INFJs have extremely rich and vivid imaginations. They spend a lot of time “in their heads” and a lot of time analyzing and predicting. However, sometimes their imaginations can get the best of them. Because INFJs have such strong Introverted Intuition (Ni), they form insights and future-oriented visions quite frequently. They put a lot of faith in these beliefs, ideas or “gut feelings”; almost more so than the faith they put into the sensory world. This can cause them, especially in childhood, to form very strong fears that have been formed by their imagination and their intuition that may not be particularly accurate. Even as adults, many INFJs struggle with taming their overactive imaginations.
10. Darkness
While many INFJs can enjoy stargazing or a night-time hike in the woods, they also mentioned a deep fear of dark spaces in their homes. Getting up in the night and using the bathroom might make their minds wander to all the things that could be lurking in dark corners or empty rooms of their homes. They tend to fill in dark spaces in their homes with terrifying ideas and images from their imagination.
What Do You Think?
Do these fears bother you or do you disagree? Share your thoughts with other readers in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, ย The INFJ โ Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP โ Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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Did you enjoy this post? Then you’ll love these!
https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2018/08/05/7-things-that-infjs-experience-as-children/
https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2020/10/05/12-amazing-infj-fictional-characters/
https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2020/08/12/12-awkward-moments-infjs-absolutely-hate/
Good article, and I think #10 applies to all NF types in general including me, whether J or P, I or E!
I would agree with you on that for sure!!
An editorโs observations – #7: INFJโs are not the biggest minority. If theyโre only 1%, they are the smallest minority.
Thank you for telling me!!! I really appreciate it ๐
I read this to my husband (Infj) and he agreed with all of it. Soo crazy how accurate it is.
Cant wait for read my group (enfp)
Oh goodness! So many of these fit, I can still frighten myself with my own imagination to the point of going hot and cold all over and have a racing heart. I have to laugh and remind myself it’s all in my head! And yes to the news: I grew up without a TV and at first when we got one, I cried nearly every time I watched the news. Even now, I know it’s best not to oversaturate myself in distressing current events. Thank you for sharing your research, it’s comforting realising others feel similarly.
Very on point. It took me years to deal with the stress caused by darkness, phone calls, crowds, the fate of the world and my own mind. Still to this day I can watch any horror movie without blinking except for demonic ones because of my own personal experiences. Even the death of children was eerily accurate. I would morn the loss of any close friend or family member for sure, but the only potential death that keeps me awake at night is losing my baby. I can’t wait to see the rest. Thank you for showing me that I’m not alone in my fears.
I can totally relate to this.
Thanks for reading! I hope you don’t have to face these fears often!
Speaking as an INFJ, this was on-the-dot accurate. Some of these I don’t fear as much as others (crowds, phone calls, they’re more irritating than fear-inducing), but besides that, this is true to the letter. Nothing frightens or fascinates me more than the unseen and unknown. Well done and well presented!
This was scary accurate. I get teased a lot in my family about preferring to sleep with another person in the room but, honestly, at night when my mind is muddled and half asleep and there’s darkness all around me, it’s hard to know what’s real from what I’m imagining. I’ve woken up from dreams that blended so seamlessly with reality that I was scared I was still dreaming.
Omg.. all of this is so accurate. I laughed so hard at the phone call one because it applies to me and I felt stupid. I work at an office and sometimes I have to make calls or to take them and it really stresses me out. I feel like I need to write down everything I have to say. Good to know I am not alone. And darkness.. ew. When everything is dark I tend to imagine some evil presence or an intruder in my house and such things. Really scary.. And also I stoppedwatching the news because every time I get moody and most of the time I end up crying and fearing for the future of our race and our planet.. Good to know I am not the only one as well. ^^
The more I go through your website the more I am shocked. Thank you for all these insightful posts. ๐
Many of these are not so much a fear, but are known triggers. Being in a crowd is intense – but you don’t need to be “with” the crowd to feel their emotions. It happens with pictures of crowds, people – on TV. Growing up seeing spirits was part of my life. I feared closing my eyes to sleep knowing they would appear. Darkness no longer creates fear – it has become a space, a clearing. Abandonment, my imagination, insanity – I think it’s part of this type of life. We don’t think or see things like others and tend to become self sustaining if there are no like minded friends. We get ridiculed and laughed at and labeled. As I read through the list, most of those things are a big part of us inside, things that can be very scary. But in truth I’ve learned to start accepting these things as part of me and am working on embracing them rather than fearing them…..
3, 6, 7, 9, 10 all fit me, but #3! I cringe every time my phone rings, and I put off making phone calls as long as possible. Thank goodness for text messaging!
I feel exactly the same way! ๐
1, 4, 6, and 9 for sure! When I have a mental breakdown, then I may fear death because I imagine what happens(if anything does) after death.
Fear of abandonment/rejection is without a doubt my biggest fear followed closely by fear of going crazy I wish so much to just get out of my head sometimes because I feel most alone when I let my imagination get the best of me. ‘Does a forum exist where one could meet other infj? It’s such a lonely existing and I’m guessing I’m not alone in feeling that way.
This accuracy of this is profound!! Every point…
I thought of mine before reading post and my first answer was the dark! I had no clue other adults were afraid of the dark!
Every fear (except for the fear of ghosts) are 100 % accurate to me! It’s scary…
All of them fit me. At times it’s been such a frustrating way to live but I would not want to be anyone other than me. Exhausting? Yes. The “knowing” part of me? I now love this. I am in my mid life and I have now grown into myself. My early years? Hum, such an isolated feeling. Currently I don’t care what people think of me at all. I have a blast in my own inner world and I like myself and not a day goes by where something in this world doesn’t fascinate me. That in itself has helped me to evolve even further. For you younger INFJ’s: Trust me, the best is yet to come!
I just want to say I’m an infj, and I have all these fears. I am just so happy now, that I’ve grown as a person enough to admit all these fears.
{Praise God/Psyche/Nature/Self
& the Harmony of Life} Peace
3, 7, 9, 10
1, 2, 3, 4, 8, and 10.
I’m also always afraid of things breaking while I’m on them (swings, bridges, etc.)
Wow. This list. Just wow. As I scrolled & each one popped up, it was like someone was reading my soul. Damn. Is that what we are like to other types? I would never. Ever. Share this list with…others. Maybe only my husband & besty. This list makes me feel very exposed.
Why are we being “publicised”. At first, finding out there are actually other people just like me, was an okay thing. It was sort of nice to find out I was not totally alone. But now INFJ’s are “exposed” on a number of different sites, and it feels invasive. I really do not want to be a studied specimen so I shall go back into hiding.
Hi! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I think the goal is to provide solidarity and understanding not only for ourselves, but for those who know us. For me as an INFJ I think studying each other and myself better allows me to be a better friend, family member, and also be more understanding of my own “quirks”. Hope that makes sense! I’m definitely not trying to expose anyone personally, just trying to make sense of things so that we can feel more understood, even if it’s just by ourselves.
I couldn’t agree with you more, Susan!
Dear Ms. Storm,
Ironic last name considering your personality type:))) A walking contradiction. I don’t usually bother with replies but I felt called to compliment you on your excellent work. Frankly, I began reading your article with much suspicion because I have dealt with a LOT of fear in my life and feel pretty confident about myself. YET!!! You NAILED so many of my fears with shocking detail!! The phone~HA! One doesn’t usually consider the phone a horror but to me it really is!! I thank GOD that I understand my personality type now because I cannot tell you ( actually you maybe experience this too?) how many people in my life get angry with me because I simply don’t answer the phone or get back to them on their time schedule. I have noticed that people can be so very selfish by being demanding and then not even know or try to take the time to understand who we are. I have carried around 10,000 pounds of guilt concerning the phone issue until I understood my profile and now it feels like I have shed a skin, literally. I still wish the phone was never invented. I could get along fabulously in society with e-mail and texts. Oh and Skype and all that~NEVER~ even worse than the phone for me. Ghosts!! SUPERFREAK me out as well as the supernatural. And of course the human potential for evil is always a very real threat for me and something I am always checking in faces I meet. The dark, I am glad to say, has become my friend. I agree about our personality being mysterious to others because many people are drawn to me and cross my boundaries as far as interaction goes, even to the unhappy level of stalking. The dark was my enemy as a child but as an adult I love it and feel I can hide within it and remain unseen. Probably the fact that I have two very large German Shepherd guard dogs that are with me always at my home and one is a personal protection service dog and she is with me when I venture outside of my home, which I never really want to do. Hey! Maybe the fear of leaving our home would be a good one to add too? HA!! I am having an intellectually wonderful time exploring who I am and what makes me tick and written works like yours make it all the sweeter.
Many thanks!
Kaysi
I think this pretty much nails it!
Trump, Trump scares the hell out of me!
That was really acurate! Especially when talking about insanity, darkness, and ghosts/supernatural things.
interesting article ๐
making phone calls (for some reason i think this is what most introverts fear, or maybe more hate rather than fear?); insanity and loss of children would probably be top of the list for me. crowd used to be one too.. so draining..
but darkness… this used to be one of my biggest fears indeed when i was little, but after meditation and learning more about chakra and energy, darkness has become my solace, the most comfortable place to fully recharge and to finally be ready to face the world again ๐
thanks for listing this out ๐ each of this fear is such an opportunity to grow in this lifetime. observe, acknowledge, and grow.
I think another fear that may be close to the INFJ is helplessness, that and finding out that they are breakable. Just writing that both makes me feel defiant and terrified. Defiant: I am unbreakable and never truly helpless.
Terrified: …but what if I am?
I can relate to a few but ghosts, supernatural scared me when i was a kid as did the dark. I do see spirits and so I can understand why it did back then. Now as a mature lady and even in my early 20’s I adore all things supernatural, spirits etc. I love the dark and am nocturnal. As far as the rest I totally agree with. Loss of a loved one is huge for me as is suffering. I rather see it die than suffer or decay or deteriorate.
2, 4,7,10 very very true for me but I don’t at all fear spirits or learning the truth of supernatural mysteries .
I feel that losing memory is beyond terrifying by this i mean the nostagic memories and experiences.. i personally feel that if this happens i will feel too empty inside and my imagination will take over.. and i also agree to centaura27..
Speaking as an INFJ, I think the fear of humanity’s potential for evil is based on the fact INFJ fear the potential for evil in themselves. We know (or at least I know) it is there, and that we feel we can be either the greatest beacons for good or the most debased forces of evil. I can only speak for myself, but I strongly feel both very strong light elements and very strong dark elements in myself, and keeping the dark elements under control, or at least harnessed to serve in a more positive way, sometimes isn’t or doesn’t feel very easy.
On a more trivial note, I think that’s why I like music that is powerful, emotional, and epic, with both major (harmonious) and minor (ominous) chords or drones played at the same time. Most milder-sounding songs, like acoustic ballads, just don’t appeal to me.
I do very much agree with you. Although I do fear evil in the outside world quite a bit as I don’t understand a lot of the corruption there (even though I know I have plenty of my own). And I also agree about the music! I always love minor-keys and darker music.
Also INFJ, and I can absolutely relate to what Centaur72 said, about the light and the dark in myself. But I’m also painfully aware about the corruptions and evils of humanity.. Which is why I prefer the animal kingdom.
And I also don’t really care for slow ballads. With a few exceptions, such as jazz. But overall I prefer upbeat music.
This could not be more accurate for me. I am scared shitless of ghosts and the supernatural, darkness, insanity, abandonment, and the demise of humanity. Ghosts are probably the most frightening to me. I’ve never seen a ghost, but sitting in pitch blackness, and hearing my cat knock a pen off a counter, I can be SO sure that there is no other possibility than a ghost eyeing me while hovering 2 feet above me. (Typing this also freaks me out). I’d be interested in ways to deal with freaking out about these things. No matter how much I try to tell myself in the moment that nothing ever comes of these insane paranoid feelings of the supernatural, I have to find someone to come chill me out when I have these issues. And I don’t like having to find someone to calm me down… I like my alone time and don’t need unseen ghosts stealing it from me.
7 of them are true for me. Phone calls being very high in my fears… I ever write out scripts to say before I make calls. It was me to a T. I only figured it was because of my social anxiety not my INFJ personality. This was interesting.
Definitely right on point with me. Only one or two of these mentioned weren’t too big of a deal to me. It’s uncanny how much the rest are.
My biggest fears are the unknown and my mind for sure. I know where it can go and still I can’t stop it – that is the worst. And the same about ghosts and supernatural, losing control over myself whether it’s my potencial evil side or my consciousness or my sense.
Great post! Its all in there! Its Nice to read in detail about these fears, sometimes i dont understand why i have surtain fears, now i understand much better. Everything is true, definitly the imagination area ???? Thanks a lot !
Nice research!
I am an INFJ, and I am ridiculously afraid of phone calls. I dont have a landline and I rarely answer my mobile. The obligation to form an appropriate response without forewarning is horrendous for me. I am also terrified of robots. As much as I dislike dealing with unknown humans for more than a few minutes at a time; the idea of dealing with non humans curdles my guts infinetely more.
Totally relate to what you’re saying! I don’t mind making phone calls to very close friends and family members sometimes (I have four kids and it’s easier for me to keep my hands free this way). But unexpected phone calls drive me crazy!
I agree with all of these fears. Some of them come and go in intensity except for darkness , humanity, and my mind. They are the worst of all.
Thank you for your feedback. I hope you don’t struggle with these fears too much, but I can totally identify if you do! Those three are some of my worst fears as well.
PHONE CALLS…
I can definitely relate to this article. As I was reading this, I started to notice a lot of similarities in my own fears. Most of these aren’t necessarily my biggest fears, but they often do play a role in my life. This made me wonder, which personality type- in general-do you think has the most fears? Also, how do you think each personality type would react to a shared fear? It was definitely an interesting article. I enjoyed reading it.
Fascinating. I never considered that I’d be afraid of the dark but I am quite skittish … Especially shadows. I feel almost paranoid in these situations which leads me to say that the fear of insanity is also true. I worry that I might be losing touch or not seeing reality as I should. What is reality? Am I creating reality in my head in such a way that distorts my perception of what is really happening?
This was so accurate! I clicked on the link thinking “yeah, I doubt this will be right” but the very first one, darkness, had me like WHAT?! There are other adults who are afraid of the dark?! I couldn’t believe it! I thought I was the only one! Very cool article!
Thank you! And no, you are definitely not the only one! ๐ You’re not alone !
This was terrifyingly accurate. Holy cow. But helpful actually!! Helps to know this is a common trait, with a common theme. Will keep that in mind next time I get fearful. Will still probably get fearful thinking about/being part of all the above mentioned, but a nice tool to have to try to shake it off.
My mom said once that her biggest fears is to lose one of her children. We’ve always had a realny deep and meaningful relationship. She is an INFJ and probably so am I. At the first time I had an INTJ result but now I think Imight be more INFJ but I stilo don’t know for sure. I don’t really identify myself with all this fears and I’d love to read about moลผe common INTJ fears. As an INTJ i resonate with most descriptions of this type but I feel like it miss all my voulnerabilty abd the deep empathy I have for people and how deeply I care about them do I’m stilo searching to find my best fitting personality type.
Crazy ‘scary’ accurate [pun intended]
I found the one about crowds to be pretty interesting. From my experience as an INFJ, there are times where I am absolutely afraid of crowds, particularly when there is a real possibility of mob mentality and anarchy taking over, but there are also times where being in a huge crowd can be exhilarating. I think of being as sporting events where my team won, movie premiers of a beloved series like Star Wars, or rallies like the Women’s March on January 21st, and the feeling of being in a crowd that is excited and passionate about the same thing as you can feel like a high. I am guessing this is from my own strong feelings about the activity/cause/win, but also feeding off the energy of the crowd. There are times when I seek out a crowd because I know it will enhance my experience of the thing we’re all excited about.
Thank you. I need to be more honest with my fears. I can’t give some thing to the Lord I do not know I carry. I want to trust people more and not let lost relationships effect my current relationships.
Omg that is really me but I want to know is there any one like me struggling with the strange world as an infj
Ghosts, abandonment, death… aren’t these what most people are afraid of? I don’t think INFJs are particularly fearful to them.
More like female INFJ fears; men and women are differ.
I cannot believe the accuracy of these!
Yes people fear death, abandonment, etc,.. but not necessarily in top 10,
I had rationalized my fears for all of these, even fear of phone calls, I told myself it was bc my mom had not a particularly great grasp of English language, and I had to answer the phone at a very young age, BUT! when I saw fear of phone calls! I’m still too stunned to explain how that felt!
This is so much like me. I hate dark rooms due to my imagination and I can’t stand phone calls and crowds. I don’t know if other INFJ’s have this problem but I also have a fear of failiure, I know that this might be a universal fear, but I have extremely high expectations of myself which I find annoying at times.
I couldnโt agree more with the fear of failure. I am my biggest critic and while I know I hold the skills and knowledge necessary to be successful in whichever endeavor I am currently contemplating, I somehow find a way to convince myself that somehow I will fall short. That leads me to decide that the risk of failure outweighs the odds of success. And even when I do succeed, I feel like I could have done more, or done it better. I am constantly analyzing EVERYTHING. Sometimes I wish I could be more carefree and just take a chance without caring if it was perfect or not.
I suppose if you have faced them all, they donโt scare you anymore. Except death, that just happens but itโs not scary because itโs part of life. Being an INFJ and older now, none of these things scare me and I have lost a child in a tragic accident….so I do know what I am saying. I also think most INFJโs are interested in the โparanormal โ and find it more interesting than scary.
I’m so sorry about your child. I definitely think as we get older many of us can become more accustomed to facing our fears or overcoming them. This list was actually voted on by INFJs, so while there’s a chance some of them were mistyped, it wasn’t something I just guessed about on my own because I know it’s going to be different for each person to a different extent. It’s just interesting to see what was mentioned the most ๐
Is it just me or are most INFJs always believers of some kind? I am an atheist myself, so I do not have any of these supernatural/ ghost fears, but I do fear sociopaths ^^ – like, a lot (I read somewhere 1 in 25 people is a sociopath??). And I have very vivid nightmares, which are almost always about people torturing, bullying and humiliating other people, so number 10 is definitely my number one fear. I also fear violence a lot. But specifically other humans, yes. That’s definitely my biggest fear: other humans. Well, that and insanity. But really, if there’s like any other atheist INFJ out there, please mail me. I’d love to meet you ^^
Hi! Thanks so much for your feedback! I definitely believe there are INFJ atheists out there (and I’ve met some myself!). I think that true INFJs tend to be a little on the skeptical side and so a lot of times they ask a lot of spiritual questions and have to have their own unique journey before deciding on a religion or belief. I’ve seen a huge variety of INFJs with a wide range of religious or non-religious beliefs so I think that if you look you’ll find other INFJ atheists out there as well.
My feelings exactly ! I’m an Agnostic, Humanist INFJ.. am spiritual but not religious per se and that last item was spot on for me too. The horrors that humanity is capable of inflicting on itself and other species on our planet are the stuff of nightmares for me. Cluster B personality types are also the people that horrify me in their callousness and lack of conscience. I’ve seen a ‘ghost’ twice in my life and thankfully neither experience was frightening. The cruelties that people do to one another …. that is and will always be hard for me to wrap my head around.
I agree completely. I too am agnostic. Spiritual but not religious. In fact due to the scary side of humanity super religious people scare me, because they seem to use faith as an excuse to harm others and get other people to join in on their hate. Frightening how quickly people can turn on each other.
INFJ, if you write late at night, in a poorly reads room, listen carefully. Do not you hear anything…
Now turn around!
I’m still very undecided between INFJ and INFP (or maybe others, who knows), but this list is quite spot on for me.
Phone calls… I laughed so hard!!! I think this is so peculiar and brought tears to my eyes because I feel very stupid every time the phone rings because of all the anxiety I get… So I’m not the only one ๐
Loss of a child. Since a very young age I wondered about that and thought that that must be the biggest pain someone should have to endure. Got the shivers, a little depression, and tried to move on in spite of my thoughts…
Fear of other humans. When I was young I was very idealistic about people but as I became older the more I know I realize there’s a lot of evil and potential evil and that scares me. All they (we) need is a little push…
Big thank you.
Thank you for reading and for your input! It can be kind of scary and comforting at the same time to realize you’re not alone in your fears, right?
As an INFJ It really surprised me that fear of darkness, ghosts or supernatural even made the list. I was born a medium and very spiritual. I felt so alone and back then it was not talked about as it meant ur going to a looney bin. I was never understood but I understood everyone one so easily. I am nocturnal because of the quietness it offers, the stillness, the less noise, sounds, movements, colors. Darkness to me is where I recharge, away from people and not being seen. I love the silence it brings and knowing that most are asleep and I feel so alive and aware and do my things. I could not imagine not having nights. Ghosts dont scare me at all anymore, people do. The supernatural is one of the highest interests I have. Paranormal, NDE, parapsychology etc. Wow! I really am shocked by this and I wonder how much may have to do with being born like this. I thought we were the intuitive ones the ones that most never understand? I always feel alone and misunderstood. My biggest fear is death of my parents. I never wanted children or marriage. Simply because I dont like this society and I would not want to bring any life into it. I like my alone time and my parents I have dedicated my entire life to them. They are 83 now. I am tired and I want to do for me but…its always going to be them. Their death or should say any suffering would most definitely do me in. Phone calls,I fully understood. I dont even have a smartphone. I dont answer calls i check vm. Its so difficult so that i can understand. Crowds? for sure. My own sanity, no doubt. I think i embrace my intuitive gifts whole heartedly and I wonder if age has an impact on fears with INFJ or not? I remember being afraid of the dark as a child and as far as late teens. I am 52 and I cant imagine not being with the moon and the night and it calls to me.
I am only recently discovering my INFJ personality, however each of these struck a chord for me. The phone calls, I thought I was just a weirdo, lol. Crowds drain me, just totally- the stress of being around a crowd wears me down very quickly. I have a deep and overwhelming fear of losing one if my children. Very vivid nightmares about something happening to one of them. (I sleep poorly for a number of reasons and that’s one of them). I practice mental games to keep my mental abilities sharp, or I hope they will, because I fear losing what I’ve learned through life to some mental disease, losing who I am. I only watch news once a week, it hurts me, to see all the callous, violent, vicious things people do. I just can’t see it every day. Though i feel strongly compelled to remain informed, and have very passionate ideas pertaining to our world. For me, I am finding so much understanding and insight about myself, which is a relief!
Wow. Alarmingly accurate. Some used to be more of an issue when I was younger. But wow. I think everyday, โWhat if my kids died today? What if today was my last day with them?โ I even wrote a letter to my little one before leaving for work this morning telling her how much I love her and what I admire about her. And phone calls – they just suck.
A lot of this hit home with me too. Out of all of them my fear of losing my child is on the top. I am worried my fear of losing him will effect him somehow. I hold him tightly and tell him how much I love him and why I am so grateful to have him in my life. He is four and wakes up when I go to work in the morning to give me hugs and kisses, tell me to be safe and wave me goodbye. Such a sweet child. My next fear would be crowds and phones. There’s a several people around me that don’t understand this, but it is what it is.
This is well done. At first, I didn’t want to admit a fear existed, but, looking back, the evidence is clear; it’s just a matter of severity around them and their impact. Fears, like the shadow side of life, can be viewed as helpers to growth and maturity. As for the supernatural, though a help or a hinderance, generally it can be hard enough for an INFJ to deal with the complexities of life on this side of the veil without having to consider the other side. But, I admit to a certain self-centered laziness in stating that; a ball of contradictions are we. Above all, avoid insanity. I would call “abandonment” more desertion or non-acceptance in its lighter form.
This article understands us well in terms of our common INFJ fears. Wow! The phone!! My EST, IST family members decided I was just plain deficient mentally and emotionally based on my response to incoming calls. So phones ringing caused calamity for me and entertained them, not healthy. Great job on the distinction of abandonment could be also be referred to as โdesertion … non-acceptanceโ – yes. Or even stated in other articles that โbeing misunderstoodโ … once again, downright exhausting too.
The MBTI has given me a positive more proactive foothold on myself; understanding personality types is dynamic and had given me confidence to know better how to help others. I appreciate being able to understand others with more compassion so much.
TThis article is pretty much spot on. Even as a child I preferred the company of animals to people. Trust issues, Don’t get me started. I am proud to be an INFJ,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Animals can be much better company than a lot of people!
I can relate to many of these fears. A long time ago, when I was in my early 20s, I worked as a scientist on one of the British Antarctic Surveyโs bases in the Scotia Sea. One night in the middle of winter it was my turn to do the midnight weather observation. The weather station was several hundred yards away from our base, it was pitch dark, and I was the only person awake for maybe 1000 miles, as far as I knew. We were on the edge of a bay surrounded by snow covered mountains, and on the other side, about a mile away across the sea, was a derelict whaling station โ it was partially ruined and hadnโt been used for at least 10 years. When I went to read the thermometers in the screen, I suddenly noticed there was an electric light on in one of the old buildings across the bay. Now no outsider would have gone there without coming to us first, there were no ships around at that season, and anyway there was no power over there so the light was impossible. It was the most eerie feeling I have ever had, seeing that weird light in the dark, the cold and the snowโ I must have broken the world record for completing a weather observation and getting back to the base. I can really understand why fear of the dark, and fear of the supernatural are mentioned!
But my own greatest fear is not on this list. When I was eight years old, I woke up one morning and noticed the world didnโt look real. It hadnโt changed at all, it was just that Iโd started noticing it, and it was very disturbing. I canโt imagine what my poor mum and dad made of this โ they took me to a doctor but nothing came of it. I suspect that, at that age, I couldnโt explain properly what was wrong – but I think I was also finding even then that there are some of my experiences that most others canโt relate to and are best kept to myself.
This problem got deeper in my mid-teens, leading to what I can only describe as negative mystical experiences that, while I was in them, put me on my own, completely isolated, with nothing, no world, no time, no other people, outside me. It is the most frightening thing I have ever experienced by far, and more than fear, it filled me with horror. (No, I wasnโt mucking about with funny mushrooms, etc).
I found a way of living with this by making separate โworldsโ for myself โ one the everyday world that I didnโt know for sure was really there, but which I could believe in (like people can believe in God for example), the other my inner world, most definitely real, but full of these strange perceptions that I was trying to work through. Over my lifetime since then things have moved on a lot and my inner world is now in some ways bigger and richer than the outer world – beyond a certain point it seems just as โother than meโ as the outer world does. The problem hasnโt resolved, but it has been transcended in many ways โ but how this happened is another story.
Are there others who go through the same sort of experience as I did? If there are, how do they cope with it? There are hints in the INFJ web sites and literature, but Iโve not seen anything as explicit as my own experiences. It would have been more than good to know when I was young that there others who had worked through something similar and that I wasn’t alone – maybe there are children out there now struggling with this sort of thing.
I wouldn’t describe it that way. I felt as though the world had become miniature and I was watching from far far away. I could still feel everything. I could still see everything crystal clear, almost sharper. Same with hearing. But it felt as though I was watching from an outside, distant place. when i couldn’t make it stop, it made me nervous, but I’ve decided not to worry about it. I don’t know if that is similar, but it’s what your description made me think of.
If you have imagination like such horrible/ terror, you have to deny its presence. Here’s why, you are giving your power/energy to an entity to become somewhat real in your mind and sometimes it will reside for couple of days. As INFJ, your impulse and hunger of knowledge on understanding would want to question why and how . To stop the terror, you have to firmly say to your mind, i dont want to know, and it will pass eventually even if you feel scared. I agree with everyone as darkness is the number one fear of INFJ because we can see features/details of whatever we are imagining. Hope this help.
“…I woke up one morning and noticed the world didnโt look real.”
I can totally relate to this. This happened to me a couple years ago, I was out with friends and on my way back home suddenly the world didn’t look real. Exactly as you said it. It was one of the weirdest and most terrifying experiences I ever had. Nothing was real, it felt like I was watching a movie, like my body was alien to me, I had no ties to other people…I spent almost a week like this. I had to hide all my pictures (I didn’t recognize myself in them) and I nearly threw out all of my belongings. Nothing mattered, nothing was real, I wasn’t real.
I slowly got out of it once a friend of mine told me, “now you can be whoever you want to be.” I don’t know why it helped, but I “remade” myself and I became “real” again.
Hi Susan,
Very relevant content, almost every fear hit the mark for me in some way.
Do you think maybe you could remove the pictures though? I personally find it triggering, and have to cover the screen so I’m not unnecessarily adding fuel to the fire. I figure others may feel the same.
I appreciate how well you write about the issues in each article, I’ve read plenty of others that are frankly embarrassing and ridiculous in their personality profiling, but you communicated your points well, and I’ve enjoyed what I’ve been reading of yours so far.
Thanks!
I definitely relate to fear of making phone calls, crowds and abandonment. Also the fear about death but it is so palpable that I canโt bear to be any more specific than that. Maybe the dark. I donโt believe in ghosts at all. I am starting to consider the possibility of the survival of what we call the soul, but itโs not a fear.
Itโs not insanity I fear so much as experiencing a reality that I imagine others share, and finding out they donโt. This I think comes down to listening more to my own imagination at the expense of understanding the way other people might think or feel.
So my older 60 year old, INFJ sister has decided to not get really involved with taking care of our elderly parents. She only lives an hour away, an empty nester, and hasn’t had a job in 10-15 years. When the going gets tough, she retreats and hides from the world for months on end. I’m an xNFP and don’t understand this at all.
I will write a book about myself one day, because my life is very interesting …..
I always say this about myself too! -a fellow INFJ
Had a male infj acquaintance/friend I started to crush on out of knowhwere after 11 months of having his number and a few interactions. We were in a one week class together before all of that. Honestly we don’t know each other super well. I feel like I was a bit lonely texting him after breaking up with a friend I texted with all day everyday. (I broke up with that friend bc they not making good decisions in life so I had to let them go). Anyways my crush an infj guy whom I was texting with I felt like he didn’t want me to get to know him. He opened up to me about getting sick when I asked specifically why he had to stop doing one of his favorite hobbies. He only answered half of the questions I asked him in a txt. Sometimes I had to txt him one question twice to get an answer. He would always to about work and vent and his illness and thats it. What do you guys think?
As an INFJ man, we don’t always like to answer immediately, we will answer at our own pace after we know we can trust you with our inner world.
Get him to open up about what he is passionate about and he will be more open with other things.
Thank you!! I CAN’T think that fast, slow tf down!! But if I send multiple questions in 1 text it’s because I’m looking for multiple answers. You fail to answer one I start wondering if I was getting too close, or what happened with that particular question that you chose not to answer. To us, it’s a deliberate decision on your part to avoid the topic. Then comes the rest; no. wait, I really wanted an answer. Are they gonna blow up at me if I ask again? Ugh, I overthink enough, I don’t need any help, thx.
There is something you need to understand about INFJ men, or just people in general: we can be very sensitive people, not “overly sensitive” which is how toxic people stereotype us. An example of “overly sensitive” in real life is rage quitting and becoming depressed because you can’t beat a video game of varying difficulty levels, like Final Fantasy 7 remake. I have seen extroverts absolutely go nuclear over things like “DAMMIT! Help me out Tifa, you little bitch! You’re useless!” and this type of almost personal offense taken when a video game or even real life situation doesn’t go your way, in that they internally personalize things to an unhealthy level. Not everything is about you, or any person in the world, even extremely successful rich moguls like Elon Musk know this and need downtime, he has a crazy schedule and he’s an INTJ which is hardly as ambiverted as INFJ. But Elon aside, we all need downtime, so texting once, and expecting an answer immediately – is that an extrovert thing? Like you naturally become energized by being around people, we get it. But introverts, even more ambiverted ones, get their energy by being alone, or almost alone at least. 3 people in a room could be a party for an INFJ or any introvert, same thing if you have too many people, our low Se means we don’t respond well to our external world. It can make us clumsy, not extremely athletic and overall bad dancers (well ok maybe not Lady Gaga, but come on man she’s an exception, not just in clothing choices) If an INFJ is autistic, like myself, then that effect is multiplied many times over. Loud music, too many people talking over each other, drunk people, high people, or just annoying people, that is overstimulating for an INFJ in general, even a neurotypical. A healthy INFJ won’t tell you they’re overstimulated, or even annoyed sometimes, though you might read it on our face and subtle body language. We can also read you, autistic or not, sorry to break the stereotype about that, I have met a few autistic people that can read body language and sense emotions BETTER than most NTs, it scares NTs, and other people in general. I don’t wanna use this analogy but we’ll take a Disney route, an INFJ is like Queen Elsa, lots of us don’t need a big house to live in, and when we might have one it just seems like lots of empty rooms, that drives us crazy. We’re pretty pragmatic so we hate things that get unused, even when its our own things, we like playing or using stuff that hasn’t been used in decades, call it being sentimental. We’re also sometimes hopeless romantics, or rather, we don’t always know the “rules” of romance. I only recently learned in the last few years that playing a woman’s violin at a party could count as “foreplay”. I mean, that wasn’t my intention, I’m autistic, people tease me for taking things too literally almost every day. But to me if someone gives you an instrument to play and there are others playing in the room, that’s a shared jam session, not some random innuendo that I can’t figure out who made up – certainly not me. I know some innuendos and semiotics and such things but I don’t preoccupy myself with these “sexy” things. I’m demisexual and I know people have a right to be full-on sexual but like, it doesn’t seem necessary to me to copy them. And like Elsa we can get overstimulated quite often, too many texts bothers us, because we feel compelled to interpret the meaning of each one individually, and sending more texts is s trap, we can’t always think that fast, or if you use hidden meaning or subtext we’re going to be analyzing it for 10 minutes each message. We’re pretty resourceful sometimes, we’ll even ask someone we think is an expert to interpret it, or just try finding the answer online.
Anyway don’t pressure an INFJ male, or anybody. Slow down, let them go at their own pace. Elsa got pushed too far (and she may be autistic) and we all saw what happened. We won’t freeze your hearts, but we might need a lot of space, and if people push an INFJ too far, using snowflake powers to make it snow for a long time metaphorically isn’t the worst thing I can imagine. “The cold never bothered me anyway.” Pfft yeah as if, we don’t like the cold anymore than any other person, or even being cold to others, but sometimes we have no choice, and we have to sing an empowering song and live in the cold. It’s a self-defense mechanism that might also apply to autistic adults. I guess I just got dealt an interesting hand by the gods up above. I’m an INFJ autistic male that sees a bit of me in Elsa, but she is beautiful, when you look past all the pointy icicles.
Good Lord ๐ค
Still waters run deep. Those rare texts you get back are only the tip of the iceberg to indicate what we (INFJs) are thinking.
My guess is that “your crush” thought about how you would react to every single word sent to you.
Give it time, let it grow. You can’t force the trust that is required for one of us to open up and trust you with our inner thoughts.
extremely accurate; scary even.
Personally, I’m scared of losing control of myself and hurting someone badly enough I can’t fix it.
Same
As an INFJ male, this list is really very fascinating to me. All the things on this list have definitely given me pause at some point, or because of some of my life experiences used to be quite frightening. But as I’ve gotten older, and processed through my life, I don’t know I would say any of these frighten me except the phone call thing. There are two or three that I think that can still “consume” my thoughts or cause stress are the loss of a child (which I have had happen, I’m not sure you ever quite get fully over it, but it doesn’t become quite as frightening either. It is survivable.), also abandonment/rejection and the evil in the world. The ghosts/spirits and supernatural don’t frighten me at all, although they might have at one point but isn’t that one of the beauties of being an INFJ who has grown up? You realize there is actually very little that you need to fear, and much more to hope for. You don’t lose sight of the truth that reality is more than what you can experience with your 5 senses in the here and now. There is an unseen realm that is just as real as what can be seen, heard, and touched. What I do today can and does have an effect on the future, but ultimately the outcomes are beyond my control. I can rest in remaining constant and enduring whatever comes my way while still remaining gentle, empathetic and caring of others.
I have all of these fears, that’s a scary thought too. I’m a retired person but, like a child, I think it could be possible for something to be under my bed. I am aware of an invisible spiritual world, containing good and evil forces. I would do anything to avoid talking on the phone, when I have to make a call I fret about how it will go, afterwards I go over it and tell myself what I should have said differently. This is ” the tip of the iceberg” of who I am. I have been abandoned by the first 2 males in my life who were important to me, but thankfully have a enduring partner who understands infj’s. I may not stand up for myself, but I would risk my life for others precious to me in a heartbeat. I have a “sense” about some people I come into contact with, if that meeting is the very last time I will ever see them, I know it. I’ve enjoyed this article very much, once again I am glad I’m not the only one who experiences life this way.
I hear you there, but I was able to wall off that world but now I wonder what else got walled off with it ๐
The 352 people you asked were definitely fake INFJs who filled the test over and over again until they got INFJ.
I had the same line of thinking. ๐
I personally would get rid of ghosts from this list. Then, add Conflict to the number 2 spot, just following death of child (#1 fear of mine). Then the list continues as written.
Those are all my fears ranked in order
I clicked on all but insanity. My husband was deeply afraid of that but not an infj. This is a surprising list. Itโs been startling to connect with other infj โtraits.โ Itโs good to know Iโm not alone but I just thought I was weird. I didnโt know my weird thoughts and behaviors (not weird to me but others not like me) added up to something. Like, itโs ok. I can better celebrate our differences and similarities.
I have only recently (a woman aged 74), when I started reading about being an INFJ, realized why I have always been different, and why I have always felt hated by everybody. To the extent that I have always hated myself and wished that I could be someone else. By trying to be someone else, of course, I made a mess of everything. .
If only I had known that I am part of a group (however small) just like me, my life could perhaps have been so different, not filled with insecurities, loneliness, and feelings of inferiority.
To make matters worse, I had a bad stutter since the day I learned to talk. For a female, a stutter is a big no-no: no friends as a child, no friends as an adult.
One can be among many people and still be alone.
This personality trait seems to run in families: my father, me, and my eldest of two sons.
My sister once said to me that I have aura to pushes people away. I was so shocked and offended when she said that, but in hindsight, she was right.
Wow, I can really relate to everything that you said. I just don’t know how to overcome it at 48.
Ghost are my second weakness because of my imagination i can easily imagine a ghost without even thinking too hard. When i was a child i actually don’t believe in ghost or supernatural things, not until i saw not just one but three ghost myself. It was when i was still 5 or 6 years old, it was Halloween that time so we visit the cemetery where my beloved grandfather is buried, my family members were lighting candles for my grandfather. There was a playground there were kids were playing, i was bored so i ask my mom if i can play in the playground but she said no because she don’t want me to go there alone i ask my siblings and aunts to come with me but they were lazy and then i ask my mom again if i can go alone then she got really angry because there was no one in the playground, i thought she was trying to trick me so i can’t play in the playground because i can definitely see kids playing so i said to my mom, your lying i see two girls and one boy playing in the playground then i mother was completely shock cuz she can’t see anyone in the playground then she said no so desperately then i just gave up. Then one day my mom suddenly brought me to a shaman and i got confuse, the shaman put his hand in my head and mumble then suddenly pour water on a cup and put something in there and gave it to me, he said to me drink the water in one go so i did what he said then he said to my mother that my third eye was open he said that what i saw on the playground were not humans but dead poeple i got scared and that how i started believing in ghost and supernatural things and that is also the reason why darkness became my biggest fear. And this is true
This is SO accurate. I relate to every single one of these. Thanks for this!
-34 year old INFJ
I struggle a lot with kidnapped children,and people disappearing in general. I donโt even want to think about it because I start to create situations imagining their suffering to the point I feel it in my body . I canโt stand watching movies with these themes cause I keep on thinking it might be happening for real. Also phone calls Itโs hard specially to doctors offices. I wait months thinking about appointments I need but I never make the calls until itโs extremely necessary.Crowded places like the mall. I plan ahead , I would read the map so I know where stores are located in order to rush out and get out of there.
M
All are true..
I agree with the comments in here too. I feel quite relieved knowing I am not actually alone. As an infj, I always feel like an outsider, not accepted or welcome in any group. I just do not fit in anywhere I go, like an alien. I find it so hard to make connections with people. Cause I’m a person that craves for a deep and genuine connection. Yes I got to meet some good friends, however I still feel detach and lonely at some times. Maybe because I feel that no one understands me, cause I view the world differently. I also tend to shut people out even though I don’t intend it. I also developed a serious trust issue overtime. But after meeting this friend of mine, I realize that we just have to wait until we are with the right people.
Aside from that, I have this acute sensitivity. Its like I’m hyper sensing things; I could read my surrounding so well, as well as people’s intention. I also tend to predict scenarios that will happen. However, I hate how it makes me drown with negative thoughts sometimes. In connection to that, I could also see ghosts as a child. At my childhood, I always see shadows passing by, at our old house. I knew I wasn’t seeing things ’cause our house was really haunted back then, after getting some consensus of my relatives. Up to now, I could still see some, at some place.
Generally, I am scared of people’s judgement, cruelty., as well as injustice and unfairness. I am not that scared of ghosts, but it is still unsettling. I might appear cold but I could offer all my love to people whom I trust, however constantly feeling pain and keeping them inside makes me so fragile. As I age, I tend to hate myself more, but I will love myself from now on, since I’m the only one who understands me truly afterall.
To all infj’s like me, I wish you all the healing and warmth. Stay strong out there rare unicorns~
No I don’t agree with this, yes we are very sensitive. And because we are few there is not much info about us. Don’t let yourself be pushed in this scary corner we can be very strong and can overcome everything if we want to. It is not we, that need to be scared it’s them that are scared of us because what we can do if we want to good or bad remember Jesus was an INFJ but so was Hitler.P.S. Choose the good side because you are being watched ๐
Fear of losing a child? I have. My oldest son, in 2009. He was only 21 years old. ๐
I am very sorry.
I fear having to work closely with people who don’t understand my personality type (particularly those with ES types).
I just CAN’T concentrate on getting anything done and planning things out in my mind when these types are being overbearing or micromanaging.
What’s worse is I like harmony and smoothing things over, so rather than outwardly rejecting the behaviour of such types, I go on battling away in a state of stress.
Just started a new job and it’s happening…. probably the worst I’ve experienced (at 39 years old).
Yes, yes, yes, I hear you !! ๐
Itโs so good to know that there are others who feel like I do. This whole article I could relate to.
The part about phone calls causing anxiety is so true. I’ve worked for over 20 years in a call center. The only thing that has helped in the beginning of each project and nearly every day is the script we have to follow and the things we have to say & do at each step on a call. On every call I keep a mental checklist not only to make sure I pass the quality evaluations but so that I’m comfortable on a call. Planned outbound calls outside of work require a mental script before calling.