4 Reasons You Might Be Lonely As An INFJ
A few days ago I received an email from an INFJ who was struggling with bullying and a sense of isolation in her everyday life.
“I feel so alone. I feel like I can’t be myself around anyone. When I do try, I’m instantly rebuffed.”
Unfortunately, this kind of experience is very common. Every day I get emails and comments from INFJs who feel like nobody understands them – like they’re walking through life unheard. They feel like aliens in a world that simply doesn’t accept, understand, or appreciate their strengths.
Why is loneliness so common for the INFJ? How can they feel more connected to the outside world and more understood? I hope this article helps you (if you’re an INFJ) feel less alone, more understood, and more aware of why you struggle with loneliness. If you’re not an INFJ, I hope this article can help you to understand the INFJ in your life in a better, more positive way.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.
P.S. If you want even more in-depth information on INFJs and relationships, careers, parenthood, and more check out my eBook: The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic.
4 Reasons INFJs Struggle with Loneliness
Reason #1 – INFJs Are Rare
INFJs make up only 1% of the population. That means that you have a very small chance of meeting another like-minded individual in the world. This also means that 99 out of 100 people you meet are likely to see the world in a different way than you do. Many INFJs go through life never meeting anyone who sees the world and makes decisions in the same way that they do.
“But I see so many INFJs online!”
INFJs gravitate towards personality forums, groups, and message boards. They are one of the types most naturally interested in Myers-Briggs® theory, so you’ll find a much higher percentage of them in personality groups. Also, I would guess probably 8 out of 10 people typed as INFJs by online tests are actually INFPs, ISFPs, or ISFJs (also amazing personality types). You can find out more about this here.
Now before you give me a hard time about having a “special snowflake INFJ syndrome” just remember that I’m only stating facts here. Every personality type is unique, special, and gifted.
Reason #2 – INFJs are Social Chameleons
INFJs interact with the outside world using Extraverted Feeling (Fe). This means that they are remarkably attuned to the emotions and moods of others. They “absorb” the feelings of the people around them. If they are with people who are sad, they will feel sad. If they are with people who are happy, they will feel their joy. If they are in a stressful environment, they will feel other people’s stress.
On one hand, this ability makes INFJs great at connecting with people and feeling their pain, rejoicing in their joys, and empathizing deeply. On the other hand, it also leaves them at the mercy of the ever-shifting moods of the people in their environment.
INFJs are so concerned with maintaining harmony and improving the moods and emotions of others, that they can leave their own emotions and feelings untended. As a result, they can wind up feeling overloaded with other people’s feelings and lost and alone when managing their own.
Related: ENFJs, INFJs and Empathy Burnout
Reason #3 – Very Few People Trust INFJ Insights
The intuitive insights of the INFJ are hard to explain in a tangible, concrete way. INFJs have insights, premonitions, or predictions about the future and most people will laugh these off as “silly” or not grounded in reality.
Why do people react like this?
If we look at the US population, about 70-75% are made up of sensors. Sensors trust concrete facts and tangible results. If an INFJ explains a “gut” feeling or insight about the future, the sensor is naturally going to feel suspicious. They’ll want to know what led to this insight, what tangible, concrete steps were taken to determine this intuition.
The problem with this is that Introverted Sensing (Si) is the function that determines a future outcome by looking at past experience. Introverted Sensing (Si) focuses on verifiable facts, credentials, or concrete tangible proof. Si-users predict the future based on past performance and experience. If you ask a Si-user why they predict something, they’ll be able to say “because A led to B which will lead to C”. If you ask a Ni-user why they predict something, initially all they might be able to say is “I just know”. This does little to impress or influence the sensor, and as a result, the INFJ may be seen as “nutty” or bizarre. There IS a logical way that INFJs get their insights, and you can find out more about this here.
Living like this can be debilitating for the INFJ. Many other types have dominant functions that are appreciated and promoted in daily life. Extraverted thinking, for example, is easy for people to trust and see as beneficial. Introverted Intuition is one of the most abstract and misunderstood cognitive functions, and very few people in the outside world trust it or understand it.
Reason #4 – INFJs May Lose Friends Due to “Vanishing”
INFJs often go through long periods of time relying very heavily on their auxiliary function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe). Work, family life, and social obligations demand it. INFJs enjoy the company of others, because it allows them to exercise their feeling preference. However, after prolonged socialization INFJs can experience stress from leaning too hard on Fe. It’s important for them to get plenty of alone time to give their dominant function, Introverted Intuition, time to breathe and be fully accessible.
After too much time spent socializing, INFJs may suddenly decide to retreat from the social realm for an indefinite time. They may ignore phone calls, texts, emails, or any effort at communication. INFJ blogger Marissa Baker writes about this well in her article The Vanishing INFJ. No matter how friendly and sociable INFJs may seem to others, deep down they are true introverts, and they often leave their introversion needs unmet.
What happens when an INFJ vanishes? Many times their relationships suffer. Friends and family members may be offended, and certain relationships may even be lost. It’s hard for people to understand why someone who once seemed so friendly and compassionate would disappear, leave phone calls unanswered and refuse to speak to them for days, weeks, or even months. This not only hurts the friend but the INFJ, in the end. They care very deeply about their relationships and when they finally return from their vanishing act they can feel regretful and even more alone than ever.
What Can INFJs Do to Avoid Loneliness?
1. Tell Your Friends and Family About the INFJ Personality Type
Share this article with friends and family if that would help. Otherwise, you can check out a book like Please Understand Me or Type Talk: The 16 Personalities That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work. Understanding more about yourself can help you to feel less alone, and telling your loved ones about your type can help them to be more understanding of your needs.
2. Balance Time Alone with Time with Others
It’s important that you get plenty of time alone to recharge. Just make sure you also balance that out with occasional time with friends and loved ones. INFJs who spend too much time alone and ignore the auxiliary function can get stuck in a Ni-Ti loop and that can lead to more loneliness. Conversely, spending too much time socializing and ignoring your introversion needs can result in the need to “vanish” and can hurt relationships. I know as an INFJ you care deeply about your relationships so try not to wear yourself out so much that you need to disappear completely!
3. Express Your Feelings to a Good Friend/Journal
As an INFJ, you are probably able to express your thoughts and feelings in a deeper way through journaling. Because you use Extraverted Feeling (Fe), instead of Introverted Feeling (Fi) you may be more aware of other people’s feelings than your own. This can exacerbate a feeling of loneliness and anxiety. When you write your feelings down in a journal and then read them back to yourself, it allows you to channel your emotions through Fe and understand and manage them better. Venting your feelings to a trusted friend can have the same effect.
4. Read
Many INFJs find that reading allows them to feel a connection with other individuals, albeit fictional ones. Ideally, you would balance reading with real human interaction, but reading can be a wonderful way to cure stubborn loneliness when there’s no one around you can truly connect with.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Do you struggle with loneliness? Do you have any tips you’d like to share with other INFJs? Let me know in the comments!
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Related: My INFJ “Grip” Stress Experiences
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Sources:
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Neuroscience of Personality: Brain Savvy Insights for All Types of People
Creative You: Using Your Personality Type to Thrive
Type Talk: The 16 Personalities That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work
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This is mostly the case with me. Especially if you’re on the spectrum. I feel like there’s a wall in which I can see the emotions of others, yet I can’t completely comprehend it.
thank you, loved it this is me. wow
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I hope it helped!
Thank you for this article. I do finally feel like someone understands, albeit online. In my daily life, no one gets me. I had hoped when I discovered my personality type that I could finally explain myself to others.; that they would finally see that I wasn’t crazy. I thought those in my life would be glad of and interested in understanding me finally, but they aren’t. And I’m back to asking myself if I should forgive them and continue loving them or walk away from people who show no real interest in getting to know me at all. Classic INFJ relationships: I am made to understand, not to be understood.
Hello. I’m an INFP-T. I just read this article and your comment. I want you to know that there are people out there that care to know about you. As for me, I read this article because I wanted to be a better outlet and resource to my close INFJ friend. Us INFPs highly value close relationships and strive to make those relationships solidify into unbreakable friendships. Us INFPs also tend to have loneliness problems, being approximately 4% of the American population, so I’m sure that an INFP would easily want to befriend you if you’re a nice person. I’m sure that if you found a good INFP friend and explained the Myers Briggs testing to them, they would love to learn more about you (INFJs) and how to be a better friend to care for your INFJ needs. After all, that’s exactly what I’m doing for one of my close friends. I recommend you hunt down some good INFPs for friends. 🙂
Can an infj learn to embrace loneliness instead of fighting it? Experiencing happiness in solitude. Or this would be counterproductive
I think any type can learn to embrace it, especially INFJs. It’s important for them to access Fe, however, so that they don’t get stuck in a Ni-Ti loop, which can result in unhealthy development. Definitely embrace solitude and quiet, but balance that with occasional interaction with the outside world to use Extraverted Feeling.
Thank you so much, I’ve felt alone all my life and have only felt like I belong once I discovered I was an infj and the description fit me perfectly. I’ve never fit in as whenever I try to speak about important issues everyone else simply tries to speak in idle chitchat which I find draining. I often need about three days of no human contact to recharge and I try telling my family that I can only do with so much human interaction, but they don’t ever understand. They often tell me that I need to spend time with people and have fun but they don’t understand my personality. I’ve tried telling them of the fact that I’m an info but they don’t take the test seriously (my friends don’t either) and its nice to know that there are other people out there who are like me. Thank you so much. Everyone thinks I’m an extrovert but I’m really an introvert and it’s nice to know other people are going through the same thing. I only wish I could manage to fun another infj… Thank you so much and please forgive me for the long message.
I’ve always loved to be alone, but sometimes is nice to be able to share our thoughts and interests with others. Whenever I try though, I feel utterly uncomfortable because almost instantly I can see the confused expression in their faces. My mother is a ESTP, she has a difficult time accepting the way I am, and thinks something is wrong with me. My husband tries very hard to listen and understand but can’t ever relate to what I am saying. It gets very lonely sometimes, and I’ve just would love to be able to be myself around my family. I can only be myself when I am alone.
I have read a lot of online articles and blog posts about MBTI types, mostly about mine, INFJ. I have never been able to relate to any so specifically, it’s uncanny and eerie. I’m not sure if this due to the subject matter expertise of the author, or maybe there are subgroups within INFJ and I fall in the same category as that person.
An additional “problem” I face in adulthood: this is an extension of the “chameleon” part. Whenever I watch a movie, I project very, very heavily, and very frequently, become one of the characters (usually the lead or strongest supporting) for a few hours. This is problematic at times. I watched American Psycho long time ago, but recently re-watched it, and what I thought is that I would be scared after the film ended, afraid of Christian Bale’s character. But instead, I “became” Patrick Bateman instead of being afraid of him, and started thinking of things like he probably would. And I was frightened to my core. Maybe because I was empathizing very strongly with a character designed to be devoid of empathy: a very complex prospect, and NOT an enjoyable experience, at least for me.
I could go to sleep several hours later (youtube videos, music etc.) and then woke up 2 hours later to go to work. Not a good night for me.
Why do I feel like maybe I’m the only INFJ who has never been bullied in my life?
I was a confident little girl in school and always stood up against bullies, always defending other kids and helping them.
I was among the popular kids and almost everyone knew me at school,
At home it was the complete opposite; I didn’t like visiting relatives or going out with family. I spent everyday reading books and listening to music all by myself!.
,
Of course it did cross my mind that perhaps I’m not an INFJ !, but no other personality described me so accurately like this one, and although I have close friends but until this day I’ve never met anyone who can really understand my complicated way of thinking!..
P.S. English is not my first language, so; there is a possibility that maybe I haven’t explained my thoughts correctly .
I feel like I came across this article at exactly the right time, as this piece resonated with me so much – particularly in terms of #2 and #4. I work in a social services related field and my job can be extremely hectic. I have a tendency to really absorb the energy of others which can be problematic if I am dealing with people who are very angry, anxious, etc. I also witness a lot of suffering. Even though I have a good balance of work and personal time, I often feel like my days off are spent recovering and I don’t want to be around a lot of people.
Which brings me to #4 – I’ve often had people tell me they think that I “hate people” because in my off-time I can seem cynical or like I want to avoid others. Again, I don’t think this is true (otherwise I wouldn’t do the work that I do) – I just think that when I am overloaded with human interaction I definitely want to retreat from others. My social life has always been fairly weak, and I’ve usually only had a few close friends. My personality combined with life experiences has made me very wary of group dynamics and I have a hard time reading/relating to others in these social group contexts.
My partner (who is also an INFJ) are moving across the country in a few months, and one of the reasons I am looking forward to it is that it will be a chance to start anew. In some ways I think it will be easier on me to not really have any friends where we are going but to also be anonymous. I have thrived when traveling solo (it gives me the freedom to socialize with like-minded but also have copious amounts of solitude) so I am looking forward to this experience, and hopefully learn from some of my past mistakes when I do meet new people.
Oh my goodness! That sounds so much like me. I’ve never left from a Tri-state area and now we are. Such a sense of freedom thinking of starting fresh and learning from my mistakes of getting attached and trusting the wrong people. However, when you can’t love completely, do you just feel like a shell?…… I do…… I hate being a INFj
Yes, I have also gone through various articles and blogs to know about INFJ. Generally, INFJs want a meaningful life and deep connections with other people. They do not tend to share themselves freely with other people. Loneliness is the biggest obstacle slowing down INFJs on the way to happiness. And to overcome loneliness is not at all easy. Overcoming INFJ loneliness is hard because they often feel misunderstood. If you want to overcome loneliness you need to make yourself your own biggest support. And while going through all these issues truly it feels very irritating. Anxiety and depression rapidly change our moods. In order to overcome this situation, many people practice mindfulness activities, distract them self from negative thoughts or go for any voyance pure consultation. Once you may check out here http://www.martine-voyance.com/qui-suis-je/ . Consultation is one of the best methods to overcome with your problems.
I took the MbTI test about 15 years ago on a huge team building work thing. I remember standing in the tiny group of personality types that were introverted and feeling validated that I always knew I wasn’t the same as the rest of the world! As I appear extroverted to most people, there was a lot of confusion, especially as I was standing with another IN personality who was also perceived as extroverted. Fast forward 15 years and both of us have come out of narcissistic long term relatoinships at about the same time and both of us are struggling to come to terms with how we ended up in them. I decided to redo the test in an effort to rediscover myself and to see if I’d changed, and no surprises, I’m still an INFJ. I spent ten years in a relationship with someone who didn’t understand that I felt lonely next to him and he made no effort to understand me. He and his family are very academic and looked down on me for not having the rational thinking that they perceived as the absolute truth about everything. The house we lived in was centrally located and always full of people popping in, and it exhausted me. I was relieved when we moved away because too many people were draining me and I wanted to be alone – but not lonely. I barely knew anyone for about two years. But then I felt started feeling lonely because my ex is an extroverted narcissist who prefers the company of strangers to his kids and I. He didn’t value my need for understanding and connection with one person. So now, I’ve created a huge circle of friends since becoming single and I’m back to having a house full of people – which is draining at times because they don’t return what I give. I spend so much of my time feeling lonely because I don’t have a partner who understands me and who I can share my life views without being criticised or ‘solved’ and people seem to look to me as an insightful catalyst in their lives. I am learning to laugh at this never ending confusing cycle of life, loneliness and the need to be alone! I’m lucky that I have my children, because without them, I’d be truly lonely. I now ensure that I have 24 hours a week to myself as my kids stay at their dad’s overnight and I have a whole day to myself which I fill with reading, writing, exercise, self indulgence and no one else’s needs. It still never feels enough because the rest of the week is FULL of other people and their needs. I do have a male introverted friend who understands me better than anyone else and gives me a little bit of hope that maybe one day I will be able to find someone who understands that I want to be loved unconditionally – even when I want to be alone.
Thank you! Now I know that I’m not alone. But can someone help me? Lately I have problem with my lecturer. She doesn’t believe in my ability. instead of giving a time to prove it or to “recharge”, she actually trying to change me To become “normal”. I’m INFJ-T by the way. This really making me crazy. I already tell her my strengh, weaknesses and my plans. but still, she doesn’t want listen to me. I feel so deeply hurt. plus, last examination, my result drop. This make me really stress.others keep advising me to just ignore what she said, but for me, that the most hardes thing to do. For you, what should i do? (sorry if my english is bad, english is not my mother tongue )
Hi yeh the loneliness thing has been a struggle for me for most of my life, except for when I was in an intimate relationship. Since being single, all the time alone really feels like I’m alone, but before when I had a partner, she would always know about it, she sort of got my time out and loved me for it – as she knew I’d come back at some point with something genuinely interesting to talk about. All the friends I have maintained over the years, our relationships work in this way too. I don’t talk to them for ages, or see them. Then maybe once in a month or two we will decide to chat or have a long lunch or night out. We really put time into it when we see eachother and the occasion is always really awesome. Its like this because so much information has been gathered, so many experiences and interesting stories learnt which can all be told in our brief meeting with eachother. Then we disperse and go about our way for a while.
I understand this about myself now, this is just how I relate to the world, its how I like to be in relationships and it works. For many years I didn’t understand it and forced time spent with people which just seemed kinda stupid and pointless at times. Also, many of my friends got caught up heavily with with drugs when I was younger, and I was keen on this initially. But the idea of us sitting each afternoon, smoking billies, watching stupid T.V, isolating ourselves from previous sociial networks and escaping our existential problems never sat with me well. In fact if there is any situation where I feel like the anything from the above is happening I will usually fade away. Time to me is much better spent alone reading interesting things, listening to new, undiscovered music, listening to super intelligent professors, watching films, reflecting on experiences or reading books which are philosophically based. I notice when I do these behaviours, which at times have been weeks straight with any outside contact absolutely charge me up. They absolutely energise me. This has and still causes problems with sleep, because often when I get home from work, when I jump on the computer I actually have more energy after a couple of hours, and so find it harder to get to sleep.
Coming back to friends though and loneliness. Being like this is pretty freaking awesome. When I enter the world I have set my life up now, so that I do so with people who are eager to explore with me I am so fascinated about. I actually do this for a job now, which has changed my life a thousand times over. Aside from this, I have managed to keep enough friends who I see occasionally, and attend parties or gigs with them. I also play music and sports and am actually quite talented at them, so do this regularly which gives me social contact. Still, I feel quite lonely alot of the time. I dont think my way of relating to the world is incorrect for me though. And I dont think I need more friends, or social things to do. What I do need I think though, is an intimate. Perhaps someone who is there always without being there. A person can come visit when I’m in my alone time and I actually feel lonely, anxious and not stimulated by it. A person who can enjoy the internal world with me from time to time, and can relish in this strange existence with me.
This is a great article, and I love that you not only very accurately described the perpetual struggle with loneliness in my life and apparently the life of other INFJs, but you also provided strategies for making things better. Wonderfully helpful. Thank you so much for writing!
I’m so glad this was helpful to you!! I hope the strategies prove effective, from one INFJ to another I know how tough loneliness can be!
I can certainly relate with the vanishing act. I have done it quite several times and it’s true, my relationships suffer. That makes it more lonely for me. I have lost some friends and it did make me guilty. It made me feel like nobody would ever understand the way I am. I want to know the best way to control this but I haven’t really did well on this one.
I can certainly relate with the vanishing act. I have done it quite several times and it’s true, my relationships suffer. That makes it more lonely for me. I have lost some friends and it did make me guilty. It made me feel like nobody would ever understand the way I am. I want to know the best way to control this but I haven’t really did well on this one.
I recently discovered my personality type and I confess that I was delighted to read more about being an INFJ. Now I’ve come to understand me better and how I deal with things. I have already suffered from bullying, I have suffered from rejection and all this has led me to depression. I lost friends without knowing why and I did not know how to deal with loneliness. Today I learned to deal with it, and I feel much better alone, I like to stay in touch with nature and I do not mind having friendships since I’ve always been rejected and always felt that I do not fit anywhere. But I’m happy with myself, I’ve learned to love myself, and I do not care what others think about me. I have a melancholic personality and I’m glad to know that being INFJ is rare.
I’m reliefed to find others just like me. I have vanished probably too much and it’s been very damaging for both parties. I’m very picky on who I share my energy with and being bullied growing up/ having too many two faced friends has made it hard for me to let anyone come too close. I’m still trying to learn how to be happy- socially speaking. I have 4 wonderful little kids and a hubby so I have that as my treasure & reason to live. However I hope I can trust someone enough to be a friend though someday cuz I’m still a young person who wants to hang out and have a good laugh, not just a mommy or wife.you know?.. it gets lonely.
Very interesting! I recently realized I’m an INFJ, and what you said about INFJs gravitating toward personality forums, etc. certainly rings true for me. I’ve always been interested in personality, both my own and others’.
Also, the “vanishing act” is true, too: “No matter how friendly and sociable INFJs may seem to others, deep down they are true introverts, and they often leave their introversion needs unmet.” I’ve done this without really realizing why, and now I know. This website is a gold mine of info–thank you!
I’m so glad I found this article. I am an INFJ and I struggle with loneliness but then I don’t want to spend time with just anyone. I pick up on EVERYTHING people are feeling and can at times feel their physical discomforts so I’m leery of group settings. I can tell what a person is truly about as opposed to whatever they might be saying or doing in a matter of seconds but I could never adequately explain how. I just know. I’ve been this way my whole life and one of my first concrete memories is being a little girl maybe 7 eating lunch in the cafeteria and feeling so incredibly alone, like a stranger in a strange land. I always thought there was something really wrong with me until I had personality testing done and realized there was a name for this. I try to support myself and know I’m ok but there are times the loneliness is suffocating. This article makes me feel more validated in knowing this is just another part of my personality and I’m not the only one.
Yup me as well! I always would think to myself what is wrong with me? Until I found out my personality type. It still gets lonely but I’m learning to love who I am & learn to do things alone like museums, being in nature being around animals. & spending time with my young nieces. Find things that bring you peace & your feel less lonely. Know your not alone.
I can relate to all of these. The vanish part, being alone, etc. I have not even be access by a professional yet :(.
I do struggle with this, however contradictory it may sound, truth is I’m comfortable in this state, and I don’t really need others to understand or reach out to me like i’m in dire need of help.
I suffer with a Avoidant – Dismissive personality disorder from early childhood trauma. I think this also exacerbated my issues of loneliness separation and the need for other people. This had plagued me all my life. How much of the INFJ overlaps with this condition?
ugh, how I wish I was never born an infj. Extroverts life is so much easier and better.
You re right Susan about folk not believing an infj. It’s so frustrating. I can see it so clearly and they just laugh at me.i cannot tell them how I know. I just do. I just want to shout at them, “can’t you just take it on faith this one time!?! Maybe I might be right, what can it hurt?”. ( But I know I am already right). I would just like to see another failed situation avoided.
I am 67 now, Susan. I just get tired of being rebuffed. Tired of people not even trying to understand what I see as an infj. I stiill try to warn them but still last I am coming to the conclusion it is useless. I am beginning to think at last I am warning them more to protect my self from grief then believing they will listen and that is sad. I can tell instantly if a situation will succeed or fail based on the ratio of instead balance in a situation. I have been able to do it since I was old enough to have a unified field if knowledge large enough to discern. I have seen people hurt and die because they won’t listen. Now I am older and tired but I still try and help them.
Susan, that should read ” based on the ratio of innate balance in a given situation”.
Unfortuantely, when I try to explain my sensitivity and introversion, my family tell me that I wasn’t like that and that I let what I read online affect me and sort of “brain wash” me which makes feel like they don’t want to listen to me or willing to understand me ????????????
Susan,
I would like to know how much of this is really me that is: INFJ, personality, and how much it affects someone who’s been labeled or diagnosed with a Dismissive Avoidant attachment left over from childhood. This is very confusing to a person who had endured much neglect, rejection, and sadness coming from a very dysfunctional home. It can be quite baffling sorting out the pieces to this puzzle. I’d really love to hear from you on this situation.
This is too much for someone stupid like me and I wondered how or why god created such being like me. I’m already 26 turning 27 in august and still feel trapped inside, feel misunderstood and nobody even my family don’t accept me for who I am. I wished love can be equal and balanced, flowing through all kind of communications. But in the end I always like stupid or thinking too much. I wish I was like other people born into this world.
I’m really sorry that you feel this way! I’m sure that you’re not stupid – it sounds like you’re misunderstood which can certainly make you feel that way though. Are you okay? Do you have any kind of friends or support group?
1. Tell Your Friends and Family About the INFJ Personality Type
sound good doesn’t work
Being an INFJ I have gone through all these things and cause of all these reasons I have come to a point where I wear a mask and a blind fold to hide my real tears and pain and closed my eyes toward anything, I just observe from behind and only help occasionally only like until and unless I have a strong desire to help the person
Sometimes when I think about it it hurts a lot a lot more than I can express it in words ????
My ex wife used to accuse me of making stuff up. Even though my intuition was completely on the money. I can just tell when things are off. But no one believes you. On top of that they typically get really angry with you for being right…
Hi. Loved that post about INFS…I I found out I was an INFJ many, many years ago .I .am also a scorpio, a hypothyroid and a diabetic, so I deal with a lot of things daily. And I am a vusual artist too.. Art is a jealous mistress, and so my equally important concerns in life get put aside, and a lot of times ignored. Your article helps me figure things out. Thanks!
Thank you very much for your work!
Thank you for reading! I hope it was helpful!
I read often about depression, loneliness, low self esteem, etc. But I have embraced my personality type and realized the world doesn’t “hate” me, it doesn’t “understand” me. I read posts from INFJ’s on several different sites and the commonality is staggering. However, when I turn away from those conversations, I am a drop in the ocean as far as connections go. Sure, I have a few (stress ‘few’) friends that I have bonded with over the years but those friendships took a very long time to manifest. One clocks in at 33 years. And trying to make friends with that INFJ label is extremely difficult. That struggle translates to lonliness also and conflicts with other personalities that have very different definitions of friendship. To shorten this up, loneliness is a part of this INFJ whether though self preservation, retraction from the stresses of the world, and/or the vast misunderstandings of our personality type. Ok, that made it longer. Sorry! Thank you for the article and letting me understand (and accept) the INFJ label.
is vanishishing a cornerstone trait of the infj?? I have never vanished, and I do know people who have. It’s very strange. I feel very extraverted myself, I thought I was ENTP for YEARS.But in every other way I am infj. Thoughts?
I test as an INFJ when I’ve taken the “real” MBTI. Very strongly INF, but it’s very close between J & P. I sometimes get INFP on online tests. Anyway, I felt kind of funny about it, but I actually enjoyed the isolation of Covid. I am in healthcare, so still had to go into work, but it was actually kind of a reprieve from having to do so much “peopling.” I enjoy people, especially close friends, but it is exhausting.
I’m a 52 year old male, married 17 years with 2 kids. Recently found out I’m an INFJ. Growing up I was familiar with Myers-Briggs but was always skeptical thinking it was a bit too much like astrology. Well, as I have struggled with some depression the last couple years, I am trying to know myself better. This article and others describe me astonishingly accurate. Now, if only other people understood me, sigh. I am also extremely ADHD and wonder the relationship between ADHD and INFJ and the rate and the effects. Sounds like a fun topic to hyper focus on!
Thank you for the article
I’m very much the same way! I took the official MBTI six times over the past 8 years and each time I got either INFJ or INTJ. Given that the four MBTI dimensions correlate well with four of the Big 5 personality traits (‘E’ with extroversion, ‘N’ with openness, ‘F’ with agreeableness, and ‘J’ with conscientiousness), my very close F vs. T isn’t surprising given that F correlates positively with agreeableness and that’s the only Big 5 trait I’m almost dead average in (54tb percentile).
I’m not aware of any data on the relationship between ADHD and MBTI types, though I’ve also noticed that high-functioning autistics (like myself) also very frequently gets types like INFJ/INTJ/INFP/INTP. Also, ASD and ADHD show a substantial amount of comorbidity, so it’s entirely possible that certain traits shared by both conditions may cause one to lean towards certain MBTI types more so than others.
I discovered I was INFJ during OT school; my classmates could not believe I was an Introvert, but I have know it my whole life. I am now in my 50s and in order to avoid disappearing I schedule 2 “off” days per week and one social outing. That seems to give me a good enough balance and I can use my strengths to my advantage.
It’s crazy to me how often I get bullied or told how weird I am… I always said they broke the mold when they made me.. It wasn’t until I started learning about my personality type and found out how rare INFJS are that it all started to make sense. I am different and I don’t color in the lines and I’ll never fit in the proverbial “box” (I can’t even find the the box). Learning to love ourselves and what makes us so unique and special is amazing. Loneliness is often part of it but I’ve learned to be okay with it. Tysm for all your articles. I love reading and knowing that I am not alone. 💚