10 Things You Should Never Say to an ESFP
ESFPs are some of the most fun-loving, charismatic personality types out there. They know how to grasp the moment and make the most of what’s happening “right now”. They are naturally mindful, conscientious, and spontaneous with a zest for life that is contagious! I have a special spot in my heart for ESFPs because my mom is an ESFP! Growing up with her helped me to realize that ESFPs are much more than most type descriptions say. They are adventurous and exciting, but they can also be deep, insightful, excellent listeners, and intellectual readers. They tend to be “jacks-of-all-trades” and interested in a huge variety of subjects.
But what really irritates ESFPs? What words get their blood boiling?
In general, everyone hates hearing “calm down”, “relax”, or “you’re being too sensitive”. When I spoke with members of each personality type, across the board everyone hated those statements. Nobody wants to feel like they’re being unreasonable or illogical, regardless of their thinking or feeling preference. But what especially triggers ESFPs? Let’s take a look.
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“Here’s What You Need To Do”
ESFPs are free-spirits who are naturally independent and adventurous. They despise being stifled, ordered around, or controlled by bossy, overbearing people. A sure way to turn off an ESFP is to start micro-managing their life.
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“You Can’t Do That”
Imposing limits on an ESFP is a sure way to get on their nerves. They love their freedom and they live with a confidence that they can grasp what life has to offer and take advantage of opportunities as they arise. Being around someone who is regularly putting down their dreams or aspirations is sure to cause conflict and unhappiness in the long run.
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“Let’s Talk About Your Long-Term Goals”
ESFPs are definitely opportunists who can get excited about future ventures and ideas. However, sitting around planning out the future in detail can be stressful for them. Settling on just one plan for their life; whether it’s a college they want to go to, the career they want, or a relationship, can cause a great deal of stress. They worry about making the wrong choice and regretting it later. They feel much better if they can keep their plans open-ended or leave room for change and modification.
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“Hurry Up And Decide!”
This point goes hand-in-hand with the last one. ESFPs don’t like being rushed to make a serious decision. They like to explore all possible avenues and experiences before they settle on one thing. Usually when they decide on something it comes across as spontaneous; however, it may have been the result of a long period of inward reflection.
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“You’re Not That Funny”
ESFPs are often called “the entertainers” and it’s not hard to see why. They love to make people smile, laugh, and forget about their troubles. Many great comedians and actors have been ESFPs; people like Will Smith, Cameron Diaz, and Andy Samberg. Lightening the mood and making people happy is one of the many ways that ESFPs show they care. Telling them they’re not really that funny can seriously depress them, and it’s just mean anyway.
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“Don’t Take This Personally, But…”
Do you really need to say what you were thinking of saying? Most of the time when people preface something by saying “don’t take this personally” they’re about to get insulting or condescending. Insults, non-constructive criticism, and condescension are aggravating to ESFPs. Think hard about how you say things; is it important to critique them? How could you phrase your criticism respectfully and with empathy?
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“I Don’t Like You”
Some types don’t care too much about what other people think. ESFPs tend to take rejection hard, and wonder what they did wrong or what they can do to fix a relationship. When people reject them or verbally “disown” them, it hurts, a lot. They may spend a lot of time trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship or what they did to offend the other person.
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“Let Me Show You How It’s Done”
ESFPs hate having their projects “taken over” by other people. They are also incredibly turned off by controlling behavior and micro-managing. If you want to help an ESFP, try to think of another way to present your help besides saying something that might imply your way is the only way.
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“You Need To Take Life More Seriously”
ESFPs may come across as playful and exuberant most of the time, but inwardly they have deep values and emotions. They don’t always show their serious side, but they do have it. They often reflect on their goals, their life decisions, hopes and dreams in solitude. So be careful not to mistake their outer liveliness as a sign of shallowness.
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“Mope, Mope, Mope”
Regular negativity and complaining will wear on the nerves of an ESFP. They don’t mind listening to their friends when they’re truly in despair, but if they have to be around someone who reacts to everything with negativity they will eventually lose patience. ESFPs tend to be optimists, and constant negativity seems impractical and a waste of time to them.
ESFPs and Stress
What Do You Think?
Do these statements bother you? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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Other Posts You Might Enjoy:
Are You a Ne-User or a Se-User? The Difference Between Extraverted Intuition and Extraverted Sensing
7 Things Extroverts Are Sick of Hearing
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Hi, i am isfp and ambivert and i hate the same things. And the coincidence is i always meet people like that.:). I alao have a problem with some qorss, like i hate the word “however”. People starting to talk about something the discovered and after a few sentences there is that word and they start making excuses they didnot search it right etc etc.
This was well written. The author is well versed in ESFP…I am 20 years married to an ESFP and these things are very true. We are a quite miraculous marriage since I am an INTJ female.
What do you to win an ESFP back if you moped around them?
If they’re nice, then they won’t ignore you just because you did that
They might not like your personality though even though they’ll still care about you as a person
You just need to not be negative the next time you talk to them
They usually don’t like having negative opinions of people, so that would be enough for you to “win them back”
Hi! I just wanted to say that this is very accurate for me. I’m very impressed. Especially the last one. I cannot stand it when someone complains about every single thing! And number 5, saying I’m not funny is synonymous with saying you hate me.
O MY GOD!!! IT’S TOTALLY TRUUUUEEE!!!
omg I still can’t believe this is my personalty.
ONMM this so accuratee😂👏🏽💪🏽👌🏽👍🏽😊✨
I’ve just found your website and love it. This article is spot on! I struggle with how to respond to people who make condescending comments like these.
How do you respond to patronising comments?
As an Esfp when someone is condescending, I know they are feeling stressed. They are responding in their personal way to an internal process beyond our interaction. They have valid reasons for wanting to respond how they do – which is often due to me being more relaxed than them. I often feel beyond their immediate response and am prompted to respond rather than react.
Basically you can’t carry a conversation with ESFPs. As an INFP, so tired with the randomness at home but my ESFP mother won’t sit down.
Whoa I was kind of on the fence about how my result came out, because in the past I’ve gotten introverted vs extroverted but regardless, every. Single. One of these is so fricken spot on 😳😳
Spot on accurate love it!!!🙂🙂🙏