10 Things You Should Never Say to an ENFP
Have you ever offended or irritated someone and not really been sure how you did it? Each personality type finds different phrases more irritating than others. Call a thinking-type overly emotional and they’ll be furious! Call a feeling-type selfish and they’ll be thrown into anxious self-analysis. What words really get under the skin of the enthusiastic, innovative ENFPs? Let’s find out!
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10 Things You Should Never Say to an ENFP
#1 – “Because That’s How It’s Always Been Done”
ENFPs lead with a process called Extraverted Intuition (Ne). Ne is focused on new, future-oriented possibilities. As a result, ENFPs are driven to find novel, innovative ways to do things. The “tried-and-true” method is boring to them. They are more skeptical of traditional methods and more focused on improving and brainstorming new, unprecedented advances.
#2 – “Be More Realistic”
Unlike their Se-dominant cousins the ESFPs, ENFPs are much more focused on theoretical outcomes than realistic, present-day occurrences. They are less focused on what “is” and more focused on what “could be”. They want to challenge pre-conceived ideas and question what others take for granted. Being told to stifle this part of their personality is frustrating and can leave them feeling misunderstood and limited.
#3 – “Because I Said So”
Authority must be earned with ENFPs, it is never automatically given. Rank, titles, and position mean little to Ne-dominant types. Being told “because I said so” will only invite numerous retaliatory questions. “Why do you say so?”, “Explain your position”, “Why do I have to follow you instead of …”, “But you don’t understand the whole story!”.
#4 – “You Can’t Do That”
This statement is simultaneously frustrating and invigorating to ENFPs. On one hand, they dislike being limited or underestimated, on the other hand, it ignites a fire in them that motivates them to prove you wrong. “You don’t think I can? Watch me.”
#5 – “You Have No Idea”
Really? Because ENFPs have about a thousand ideas about “the” idea…in fact, the more you talk about the idea, the more you trigger a plethora of interconnected, related ideas that build upon themselves exponentially.
#6 – “You’re Such a Flirt!”
ENFPs tend to be enthusiastic, playful, and warm-hearted. Unfortunately, this can confuse more reserved types and be misconstrued as flirting. I have spoken to countless ENFPs who are sick and tired of having their motives questioned when they were just being friendly.
#7 – “Here’s your project. The deadline is tomorrow.”
ENFPs like to take their time to make sure their projects are up to their high standards. When they are pushed to reach a quick deadline they feel that they don’t have the time to innovate, imagine, and be creative with the job they’ve been given. A job done in a hurry is rarely satisfying to an ENFP.
#8 – “Stop brainstorming and just decide!”
ENFPs love to brainstorm and entertain endless possibilities. They don’t like to decide on something till they’ve explored every possible angle or potential alternative. Being rushed to make a decision is a sure way to stress them out and make them irritable.
#9 – “You’re perfectly normal!”
If there’s anything ENFPs don’t want to be, it’s normal. These visionary, imaginative types take pride in being different, skeptical, and thinking outside the box. Telling them they’re fitting perfectly fine “in” the box is a major insult.
#10 – “If you really cared about me, you’d…”
ENFPs detest being treated with passive aggression. If you want something from them, just be direct and ask them for their help. Don’t try to guilt them into fulfilling your needs or desires.
What Do You Think?
Do these lines bother you as well? Do you have any statements you’d like to add? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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Oh my word an emphatic YES to all these!!! These drive me nuts!
Oh, very true.
Quite accurate for me!
YES!!! YES!!!YES!!! Dead on!!! Every one of them. Especially “it can’t be done”. That drives me mad and bossy people drives me insane!!
Yes for me
wow!!! im impressed!!!
I’ve also heard something along the lines.. “If you really wanted to fix anything in life you..” Ugh
YES!!!! Specialy the “you’re perfectly normal”…. Tsssk.
This is 100% true since I am an ENFP. I can agree with eveything on the list!
Every is so true! Also, it is infuriating when people tell me to “calm down”…
No doubt, every one is spot on, “You’re Such a Flirt!”…
Ugh, dont get me started.
“Because I said so” is how each and every major argument with my mom would start… LOL. Sooooo true.
Just thinking about that phrase makes me sooooo mad ahhh
I hate people acting like I’m dumb. Being told I’m “such a blonde” or calling me “an air-head” really pisses me off.
I don’t blame you! Those are horrible things to say to anyone!
I am so grateful for these posts. I have always felt misunderstood, like I process info differently..I’ve been called weird all my life..which is honestly not offensive, but now I know why. I am now able to work on my procrastination constructively with the knowledge that I’m not lazy, I’m ENFP!
As an infj I can relate to most of this. At times obliquely differently.
I’d like to be called normal though in a limited and concretely explained way though. Lol. Not being normal is both torment and point of “ pride” I guess. Something like that. No creativity is also a bit different. Ect.
Regarding 10 things not to say to an ENFP. I didn’t mind #7. Here’s you project, due tomorrow. I would love this! I do some of my best work when under a deadline, sometimes my only work lol. This would be a challenge i would have fun with. I would have no time to think about other things to distract me. My creativity would be jump started and I don’t have time to get bogged down in details. And I’m fine with good enough if there is a piece or two that dont quite fit. Details can be worked out later, the big is what counts to me.
There all true, except the “your such a flirt”. That would just confuse me, or I’ll just inbrace it..
Im always called a flirt.
Also, I hate being told I’m flighty, non-committal, HDHD, unreliable & that I never finish anything. These states are either just not true or the person saying them assumes their way of doing things is superior & there is something wrong with an ENFP because of our amazing ability to see potential & get excited about just about everything.
Two I can add: Face facts and That proves you’re crazy.. As an ENFP, facts are not a part of the picture, and I am just an ENFP. Just because I think and act differently from other people does not mean I am crazy. And I wish I knew where to find my Myers Briggs soulmate/twin flame too..
Wow. ENFP here… You hit the nail on the head. 10/10
ENFP here, too! I feel the same way!
not all were true for me…. some es some no
I laughed so hard at the very first one. That’s my red rag to a bull phrase for years! All absolutely 100% true. One of the most accurate accounts of an ENFP I’ve ever read. I literally feel nauseous if anyone calls me “normal” ????
These were good, yet didn’t seem to hit me like others things would when or of said to me.
Anything that is a misjudgment on my character is a huge one. Someone telling me they assume how I feel. Or how I should feel about something that hurts me or bothers me. Putting labels on me of any kind…you’re way too this or your lazy, crazy, emotional, irrational, you just seem like you like to….and fill in the blank with anything other then what I actually just openly shared with them and have them see at as something completely different.
Hey guys. This is so ridiculous. I have the end of two relationship with the absurd reason behind. Read #6
Wow. Yep. Nailed it.
Definitely. I will deck someone if they call me normal.
Is she an astrologer or something coz thats sooooooooo acurateee…
Wonderful insight into my ENFP daughter. Those are SO her pet peeves and stress reactions.
All of them, but especially number 2 and 10 are dealbreakers.
The ninth and tenth ones wasn’t my problems but all others was. When someone says ”Be quiet – or more realistic! We don’t want hear your ideas!” I get annoyed internally but i have good patience and I can hide also nonverbal signals.
Susan – I think you’re great. I absolutely love receiving your emails re ENFPs. Yup I’m one. I am going through something quite serious health-wise and people around me are telling me to do almost everything on this list. I’m so stressed out and over-whelmed from it all but reading your email today – now I know why. Helped clear things up….. Thanks so much. Onward.
My pet-hates come from interactions with Customer Service personnel:
It’s the petty rules and regulations that often mask poor or rigid practices…. “You have to ring first, to make an appointment!” “You can’t just walk in, you know….”
OK, but I’m here now….
Or the ‘Stop’ signs put up, that herald a flat refusal…. “No, we can’t do that!” “I’m not authorized to do that!”
OK, so tell me, what can you do? / who is authorized?
I had someone try to guilt-trip me with #10. I was so angry, I told them that if they felt that way, they could leave. I never spoke to that person again.
“It’s impossible/not possible”
Just because you say that doesn’t make it true, it only means you haven’t found a way to make it possible thus far……or yet but a change in perspective may lead you to endless possibilities.
I agree with this. I’m a campaigner, and all those statements definitely bother me.
Ive been debsting if im an ENFP or INFP for the longest time. After I acknowledged myself as an ENFP, I started to understand myself much better.
It is so true that these statements bother me as an ENFP. Similarly to statement 1, I hate it most when someone especially my bosses told “not to reinvent the wheel” and being with people with strong resistance to changes. I like possibilities and embrace them.
I really relate to this article!
But another thing I really hate as an ENFP is when someone assumes something of me. For example, when someone assumes I don’t know something or I’m feeling a certain emotion and doesn’t give me a chance to explain myself. This infuriates me because I feel that they don’t view me as I really am, that they are building their own image of me and not checking to see if it’s accurate.
Hi Emily I struggle with this everyday. I have learnt the best way is to let them think it. As its pointless to explain and to boring. And carry on on your own world of happiness knowing you can solve what you need to. I have only just learnt about my personality type and it makes me so happy. Keep enjoying and visualising. Xx