Your Biggest Relationship Fear, Based On Your Myers-Briggs® Personality Type
Ever wondered what your significant other really fears in your relationship? Today we’re looking at some of the biggest underlying anxieties each type faces when they enter the dating scene. Knowing these fears can help you to be considerate of your partner’s headspace and individual needs. I’ve also included some infographics to help you be aware of the major relationship “don’ts” with each personality type.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.
Table of contents
Estimated reading time: 8 minutes
The ENFP
You have an eye for novelty and passion. When someone rocks your world with new ideas and novel experiences, you find yourself inexplicably drawn to them. You fear that underneath the excitement and newness of who they are, they lack true character. You worry about committing too quickly to someone only to find out they were “faking” it.
The ENTP
You love exploration and adventure. You worry about settling down with someone only to find out you’re missing out on new experiences and opportunities. Being trapped terrifies you – you like keeping your options open and knowing that there’s always room for change and transformation. Being in a relationship where your freedom is stifled makes your skin crawl.
The INFP
You are deeply loyal and understanding, so you fear getting involved in a relationship where your loyalty to your partner is tested against your loyalty to yourself. You crave freedom and autonomy in who you are as a person. The idea of being “labeled” by your partner, micro-managed, or controlled terrifies you. This fear is so real that you probably get queasy when your significant other does things like orders your food for you at a table or tells you what you “should” do.
Read This Next: INFPs and Their Compatibility with Every Myers-Briggs® Personality Type
The INTP
Autonomy is vital to who you are as a person, so your biggest relationship fear involves being “crowded out” of your own life. Being with someone who spreads themselves out in all the areas of your home, fills up your phone with text messages, and begins to micro-manage your life causes you major panic. You need space and quiet for your own thoughts and hobbies, and when someone starts to intrude on your space it can make you anxious and irritable.
The ENFJ
You crave authenticity and passion in your relationships, so one of your biggest worries is meeting someone who is pretending or who lacks initiative. Stagnancy makes you irritable and listless, so you want a partner who wants to grow with you, explore new ideas, and better themselves. You fear falling for someone who is secretive or a slacker.
The ENTJ
You’re a determined visionary who lives your life with a sense of purpose and ambition. You are always trying to better yourself, optimize your time, and understand the deeper meaning of life. Your biggest relationship fear is that you won’t find anyone who can keep up with you. You’ve got no interest in small talk or small dreams. You want to find someone who will aim high and dream big with you.
The INFJ
When you fall in love, you want to have a clear direction and vision for where you are going. Your biggest relationship fear is that you’ll meet someone who is consistently wishy-washy, hot-then-cold, and emotionally erratic. You want someone you can count on, someone who is faithful, and who will be transparent about their true needs and desires. Someone who follows through on their word is crucial to your well-being.
Read This Next: Why INFJs Need More Alone Time (and Struggle to Ask for It)
The INTJ
You’ve done the math. You know 39% of marriages end in divorce, and many more relationships wind up in discontented co-existence. You worry that your cynicism and rational mindedness will result in you being disinclined to romantic experiences. You worry about falling for someone who you know you can’t see a future with. It might be the enthusiastic extrovert who charms your socks off but you know would grate on your nerves in ten years, or the passionate introvert who warms your heart, but you’d inevitably offend after the first date. At times, you can be too pessimistic about the success of a potential relationship and may shut down opportunities before they are allowed to play themselves out.
Read This Next: INTJs and Their Compatibility with Every Myers-Briggs® Personality Type
The ESFP
Enthusiastic and spontaneous, you crave a relationship that is filled with fun and new adventures. You fear falling for someone who will eventually try to “rein you in” and stifle your free spirit. When you fall for someone, you fall hard. And you don’t want that to result in a battle of loyalties between you and the person you love. You want to fall for someone who will join you for an adventure rather than pull you away from it.
The ESTP
People underestimate your loyalty and the lengths you’d go to protect the person you love. But it takes something powerful for you to commit to someone. You tend to be hesitant to cut options out of your life, so you have to be really sure of someone before you get serious about the relationship. You worry that by falling for someone and settling down you’ll do anything for them – even cut back on your passions, adventures, and the activities that make you come alive. You worry about being tied down or controlled.
The ISFP
You crave authenticity and integrity in all of your relationships, especially the romantic ones. It takes a great deal of trust for you to let someone into your heart, and your biggest worry is that you’ll do this only for them to use it against you. Whether they’re a manipulator, a narcissist, or liar, you worry that you’ll fall for someone who will know exactly which buttons to push to make you love them, only to reveal that their true self is someone with deceitful motives.
The ISTP
You are an independent soul who hungers for autonomy and a sense of freedom and adventure. In a relationship, you desire someone who will stay by your side during the adventures. Someone who won’t tie you down, but who you can be loyal to and trust. You fear becoming trapped, and unable to be your independent self. You don’t want to have to ask permission to go on a hike, or worry about offending someone if you need some alone time. You need a partner who doesn’t feel like a manager.
The ESFJ
You see the best in people and enjoy brightening up their lives. Because you know this about yourself, you worry about being taken advantage of or manipulated. You worry that you’re going to wear your heart on your sleeve only to have it used against you or be rejected. You don’t want someone to manipulate your kind-hearted nature only to cheat on you, lie, or show their true colors when you’ve already committed your heart to them.
The ESTJ
Determined and hard-working, you will do nearly anything for the people you care about. However, you worry about prioritizing your relationship with all the other duties you take on. You tend to have so many balls in the air at once that you leave no time for the passions of your heart. You worry about getting stuck with someone needy or emotionally overwhelming and fighting to balance every task you have to juggle.
The ISFJ
Deeply loyal and generous, you’re someone who craves a sense of security and belonging in a relationship. You fear getting stuck with someone who is wishy-washy, volatile, or unpredictable. You want your home to feel like a haven from the chaos of the world outside. If you come home and your partner places you in situations that are chaotic, that’s something that will weigh heavily on you. You want to be with someone who respects your space, time, and need for harmony.
The ISTJ
You’re a very private, thoughtful individual and you take your relationships very seriously. For this reason, you fear finally opening your heart to someone only to be rejected in the end. You dislike uncertainty and unpredictability, so the very nature of romantic relationships and dating can put you off. You want to know what you’re getting into and where it’s going. You worry about being emotionally stuck in limbo while you or your romantic interest figure out where the relationship is going to go.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Do you agree with this article? Disagree? Let us know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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Wow.
I’m an ISTJ and you got my fear spot on.
Getting into my first relationship there were many times where I had this underlying stress or feeling of anxiety. I had certain fears about the relationship, or how I could mess things up. When they patiently confronted me asking what it was that was bothering me I realized that I was most fearful of actually telling them my fears. We were on the phone and as they questioned I started quivering and got all clammy, I had to gasp for breath and couldn’t physically get any words out for a few moments.
The thought of baring my real thoughts, my deep emotions: was horribly uncomfortable.
Like having my skin pulled back and being touched.
And the possibility of them leaving me and becoming insignificant after having given them that depth of myself seemed painful.
Geez I can imagine. I relate. INFJ and haven’t read article yet, but emotional honesty is a real struggle for me. It seems at times that in order to “protect” myself from my powerful highly sensitive emotions I went to the opposite extreme. I am often numb. But it is preferable to suicidal. Hoping there is a happy medium, obviously, because I can’t be in a healthy relationship with anyone else until I learn to take care of myself lovingly. Cancel sarcasm and self-derogatory humorr.
Hi!
For the ESTJ you say not to be emotionally need or hypersensitive. I am curious if you mean hypersensitive or do you mean highly sensitive. There is a difference!
I could understand that for an ESTJ being hypersensitive could be a real problem but what about highly sensitive. Can they adjust to a highly sensitive partner?
I definitely mean hypersensitive and not highly-sensitive. By hypersensitive I mean someone who you have to walk on eggshells around because they take offense so quickly and easily or they blow things out of proportion.