The Flirting Style of the INTJ Personality Type

Coy. Gregarious. Vulnerable.

Just kidding, that’s definitely not the INTJ’s flirting style.

If your idea of being swept off your feet involves intellectual discussion deep into the early morning hours, intense gazes, and raw honesty (even when it hurts) the INTJ is the man or woman of your dreams. These types forego sweet-talking and flirtation to get right to the meaningful matters of life.

Think Mr. Darcy in Pride & Prejudice. Brooding, serious, but ultimately heroically romantic. Or if you’re looking for the woman of your dreams, think of Clarice Starling in The Silence of the Lambs. Now that’s a rom-com for the ages….

So without further ado, let’s take a look at how INTJs show affection.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

#1 – They Will See the Best You Could Be

INTJs have a gift for seeing the potential in people. Some of us find that annoying, and some of us find it inspiring. But for INTJs, self-improvement is an integral part of existence. These types can’t stand the idea of being stagnant. When they love someone, they want to inspire them to evolve WITH them. Not alone.

They’ll invite you to a class together.

They’ll buy you a book about personal growth.

They’ll ask you about your dreams and goals and come up with the perfect strategy for their achievement.

While some might respond with, “Hey! Can’t you just love me for who I am?” Others will see the INTJ’s true intentions. INTJs want the people they love to know they believe in them, hands down. They see a potential that they don’t want you to miss out on because they genuinely care about your happiness.

#2 – They’ll Give You Autonomy

INTJs believe that one of the best gifts anyone can receive is the gift of independence. If they’re into you, don’t expect them to overload your phone with text messages or show up at your door unexpectedly. They will respect your time above all.

In fact, for some people, the respect might be a little too excessive (we’re looking at you, ExFJs). It’s important for partners of INTJs to know that the space they give isn’t out of lack of interest, but merely out of courtesy. INTJs crave independence and they tend to figure most other people do as well. They don’t want to push themselves on other people or interrupt them, because that seems disrespectful and annoying to them.

But they will show up on time for your dates. They will text you before calling. If they care for you, they will be there for you. Point blank. They will show generosity with their time, which is really one of their most prized resources.

I mean, seriously. Most INTJ moms would rather have alone time for Valentine’s Day than diamonds or fancy massages.

#3 – They’ll Be Honest With You

INTJs are extremely private people in most situations. If someone asks them something too personal, they’re likely to respond with a steely gaze and a shrugged off, “Why is that any of your business?”

However, when they are invested in you, they know that their history and life is significant in establishing trust. They’ll be deeply honest with you and hope for the same in return. They hate the idea of wasting emotional energy and time on someone who isn’t what they promised to be. They’ll respect you enough to be real and authentic with you.

#4 – They’ll Ask You Meaningful Questions

Small talk and casual conversation is the bane of the INTJ’s existence. They want to know what gives your life a sense of meaning and purpose. Your goals, dreams, ambitions, and motives are what interest them. The state of the weather or the status of a celebrity couple will hold little to no interest for them, and they hate the idea of wasting their time on such matters.

Date: “Did you hear about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West?”

INTJ: “Did you hear those crickets chirping? Time for me to leave.”

#5 – They’ll Find Ways to (Respectfully) Touch You

If you’re looking for someone cuddly to lavish your affection on, don’t look for an INTJ.

Unless they like you romantically. Then, by all means, lavish away.

INTJs are very protective of their personal space, so if they’re casually touching you a lot then it’s a good sign that they’re interested in you. They might start small, like brushing your hand as they reach for something. Eventually, this could lead to lingering hugs or a hand on your shoulder as you navigate your way through a crowd.

At the end of the day, INTJs will probably just tell you if they’re interested in having a relationship with you. After all, they hate wasting time and being direct is more in their nature than sending mysterious signals. And if an INTJ likes you, enjoy the ride – you’ll be the recipient of deep loyalty, rare honesty, and intense, imaginative discussions about the future and your life together.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Did you enjoy this article? Do you have any insights or experiences to share? Let us know in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!

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