How to Get Along with Every Enneagram Type

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes

The Enneagram 1 Type

Enneagram Ones appreciate people who are fair and considerate. People who seem level-headed and rational impress them, especially if they don’t seem snobby about it. But even more important than that is honesty. Be up-front about who you are and don’t play games with them. Any form of dishonesty no matter how small can take a long time to come back from. Ones tend to be suspicious of people who aren’t as principled as they are, so it’s important to try to follow through on all your promises and espoused ethics. At the same time, be who you are. Nobody’s perfect, and healthy Ones will know this and be understanding. Sometimes lightening up and being silly is exactly what they need! All the Ones responsibilities and serious endeavors can get tiring over time.

Key Things to Remember with Ones:

• Mean what you say and be direct.
• Acknowledge their hard work and efforts.
• Be honest and straightforward.
• Apologize if you mess up, and don’t try to get out of it.
• Be fair and unbiased in your treatment of people.
• Ask them for advice.
• Help them to enjoy the little pleasures in life.
• Be yourself!
• If you have a sense of humor, don’t be afraid to use it!

Read This Next: 21 Signs That You’re an Enneagram 1 Type

The Enneagram 2 Type

Enneagram Twos are naturally attuned to other people’s emotions, so they’ll probably be trying to “read” you as soon as they meet you. Don’t try to pull anything over on them, because chances are they’ll be conscious of anything manipulative. These types strive to meet other people’s needs and often go the extra mile to take care of their friends, but it’s important for them to feel validated in return. Take time to say “thank you” or reach out and offer help, even if they haven’t expressly asked for it! Twos tend to get hurt when you’re emotionally closed-off, so be sure to let them know how much they mean to you and be forthcoming. If something is bothering you, speak up!

Key Things to Remember with Twos:

• Be authentic and forthcoming
• Show appreciation for their kind deeds
• Let them know that they matter to you
• Be gentle with criticism
• Share fun experiences with them
• Ask them how they’re doing, and actually show that you care about their honest answer
• Do helpful things for them if you see an obvious need. They often struggle to ask for help.

Read This Next: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 2 Type

The Enneagram 3 Type

Enneagram Threes like to feel like they are progressing in some way, whether it be career advancement or learning a new skill. They tend to be very goal-oriented and usually have trouble relaxing because they’re always considering the best way to achieve their next milestone. If you’re friends with a Three, it’s important that you motivate them to take time to enjoy themselves. They tend to push themselves hard and burn out quickly when they feel like there is no achievement in sight, so try to find things you can do together that will help both of you unwind. Surprisingly, beneath their confident outer demeanor, they often hide some insecurities. Letting them know that you believe in them and value their friendship for who they are and not what they do can be very impactful to them. Let them know that it’s okay for them to be themselves around you.

Key Things to Remember with Threes:

• When giving criticism, be honest, but non-judgmental
• Don’t interrupt them when they’re working
• Laugh with them and find ways to let loose and relax
• Tell them when you’re proud of their accomplishments
• Don’t gossip harshly about others; prove that you’re someone they can be vulnerable with
• Tell them you like being around them
• Be direct and straightforward if there’s a problem. Don’t be passive-aggressive or give the silent treatment

Read This Next: The Enneagram Type 3 – The Achiever

The Enneagram 4 Type

Enneagram Fours tend to be reserved and quiet, especially when meeting new people. It’s crucial for them to feel like they can fully express themselves without judgement or fear of looking foolish. They sometimes struggle with self-consciousness and may be unsure about how much to reveal to others. Because of this, candid, heart-to-heart conversations help them to open up and feel comfortable sharing themselves with you. They often have an artistic flair and enjoy spending time with other creative people. If you have any artistic interests try them out with the Four! Even if you’re not naturally gifted in the arts, they’ll enjoy the experience and you might find yourself learning something new!

Key Things to Remember with Fours:

• Don’t pressure them into socializing or joining activities if they don’t seem comfortable
• Be authentic and sincere
• Let them know what you appreciate about them
• If they have an insight or imaginative premonition, try to listen with respect
• Confide in them when you’re struggling (if you feel comfortable)
• Be creative with them
• Be honest and don’t try to manipulate. They’ll likely catch on.
• Never belittle their feelings, but don’t be afraid to show them another perspective if they’re only seeing the gloomy side of things

Read This Next: The Enneagram 4 Child

The Enneagram 5 Type

Quiet and analytical, Fives like people who can think outside the box and theorize about fascinating ideas. They are often drawn to other independent individuals who have intellectual or offbeat views. The last thing a Five wants is someone who is clingy and keeps conversation on the shallow end! In fact, it’s best to be considerate of their need for space and down time. If you constantly text them or ask them personal questions, they won’t stick around for long, so give them room to breathe! But don’t be afraid to show your warmth and friendliness in moderation. Sometimes they need that to be drawn out of their shell!

Key Things to Remember with Fives:

• Be direct and straightforward with them
• Talk about subjects that fascinate you and ask for their honest opinions
• Invite them to join activities, but don’t force the issue if they seem reserved
• Sometimes you might need to be the one who reaches out first. E-mail or text messages are more likely to get a response than phone calls, but don’t overdo it!
• Don’t forget to ask them about their interests. They love sharing what’s on their mind!
• When they’re feeling down, give them some space and time to be alone
• Listen to them when they try to explain things. It usually takes a bit of effort for them to draw their intricate thoughts out into the world in a verbal way!
• Don’t overwhelm them with intense emotional outbursts or loud, chaotic environments. This tends to cause them a lot of stress.

Read This Next: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 5 Type

The Enneagram 6 Type

Enneagram Sixes like having relationships that are on a solid footing. They appreciate knowing that the people close to them are dependable and there for them no matter what. Clarity in communication is key, so don’t shy away from honesty and directness. These types hate the idea of letting things simmer under the surface for too long; having all your cards on the table is much better for a Six’s mental health! Humor is also an integral part of the Six’s personality type. For all their anxiety and hyper-vigilance, they typically have an offbeat, quirky sense of humor that others appreciate. They enjoy bonding over funny, weird or touching things that have happened in your shared lives!

Key Things to Remember with Sixes:

• Don’t judge them for their anxious ways.
• Listen attentively (though this would apply to all nine types)
• Be direct and forthcoming about your feelings and expectations
• Reassure them that everything is, or will be, okay
• Gently encourage them to try new things
• Laugh with them and do leisurely, low-key activities together
• Mean what you say and be honest

Read This Next: The Enneagram Six Child

The Enneagram 7

Sevens crave connection with other people who are intellectually curious and open-minded. Their friendships should be exciting and dynamic, with lots of room for fun and laughter! These types don’t like to be hemmed in by rules or expectations, so it makes sense that they gravitate toward people who are low-key and don’t take life too seriously. People with a sense of adventure and a sense of humor appeal to them because that’s how they tend to be! But if you’re different from them, this doesn’t mean your friendship is doomed. Just be open to exploring ideas, swapping interesting facts, or trying new things!

Key Things to Remember with Enneagram 7s:

• Be adventurous! Enneagram Sevens love discovering things they haven’t tried before.
• Give them freedom and try to avoid roping them into restrictive schedules.
• Have a sense of humor
• Listen to their stories and try not to be nitpicky about the details
• Give them space and avoid clinginess
• Don’t beat around the bush
• Be honest if they’re doing something that upsets you

Read This Next: The Enneagram Seven Child

The Enneagram 8

Enneagram Eights like to hang out with other people who are productive and active. Exploring goals, taking on challenges, and debating interesting topics tends to interest them. Want to try rock climbing, eating the spiciest Indian food, or starting a new business? Enneagram Eights are ready to give it a go! They can be tough on their friends, but this is just their assertive nature coming through. This type does not enjoy passive or hyper-sensitive people, so be willing to stick up for yourself and think with your head as well as your heart.

Key Things to Remember with Enneagram 8s:

• Be willing to fight for your beliefs
• Ask them about their goals and dreams, but don’t push too hard
• Don’t be overly-emotional around Enneagram Eights. They can come off as intimidating if you cry or complain too much.
• Be honest with them.
• Treat them with respect.
• Don’t gossip about them or others
• Acknowledge, but don’t flatter.
• When they’re being assertive, don’t assume it’s a personal attack.

Read This Next: The Enneagram 8 – The Challenger

The Enneagram 9

Enneagram Nines are drawn to people who are relaxed and enjoy the moment. They appreciate their friends’ ability to listen, be chill, and not cause drama! Imagination is also something Nines enjoy, so be open to discussing ideas and concepts that stretch their mind’s boundaries. This type can seem too mellow and non-committal for some, but give them time to warm up. When they know they can trust you, you will pleasantly surprised to find them a gentle source of wisdom and comfort.

Key Things to Remember with Enneagram 9s:

• Don’t try to pressure them, they’ll come around in their own time
• Don’t take advantage of their generous nature
• Listen until they are done speaking
• Don’t push them to make a quick decision,
• Give them specific and honest compliments
• Laugh with them and look for the beautiful or funny things in life
• Let them know that you appreciate them
• Encourage their imaginative, quirky side
• Be considerate and gentle with them and others

Read This Next: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram Nine Type

What Are Your Thoughts?

Did you enjoy this article? Did you learn anything from reading about Enneagram types and friendships? What Enneagram type do you relate to the most?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Discover more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!