10 Extremely Annoying INFJ Pet Peeves
Today we’re going to talk about what rattles the enigmatic INFJ personality type. INFJs are referred to by psychologist David Kiersey as “the Counselors.” They are true idealists; always longing to make the world a better place, yet simultaneously feeling haunted by the evils and injustices they see everywhere. INFJs are constantly looking to the future and trying to find ways to bring out human potential. While they may be hard to get to know initially, INFJs can make incredibly loyal friends and insightful listeners.
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The 10 Biggest INFJ Pet Peeves
Noise and Interruptions
INFJs have an extremely active inner world that they rarely, if ever, show anyone else. They use dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni) to seek out meaning and find patterns that point to a future outcome. Ni-dominant types (INTJs and INFJs) often need considerable quiet time to themselves to think and focus. Interruptions, noise, and excessive sensory stimulation will push an INFJ to the edge of their comfort zone. Along with needing peace and quiet to harness their intuition, INFJs also have inferior Extraverted Sensing (Se) which makes them extremely sensitive to sensory stimulation – noise, bright lights, excessive movement, etc,..
Related: Why INFJs and INTJs Get Overstimulated
Facades and Attention-Seeking Behavior
INFJs detest attention-seeking behaviors and melodrama. Their strong intuition combined with their awareness of emotions makes it easy for them to spot when someone is being fake or is always seeking the spotlight. Emotionally manipulative movies and TV shows also get on their nerves. While INFJs love to listen to people’s problems and help them sort out their emotions, they prize authenticity and honesty. They can’t stand passive-aggression, phoniness, or people who are always trying to find ways to add more drama to life.
Small Talk
INFJs would much rather converse about the weightier matters of life than spend time talking about the weather, celebrity gossip, or the latest fashions. While they know small talk is sometimes a necessary evil, they can’t wait to get to the point where a conversation delves into more meaningful material. INFJs would almost always prefer to talk about the meaning of life, existential fears, hopes, dreams, aspirations and ideas. INFJs also especially like to talk about plans for the future. Because they are one of the most future-focused types, they love to come up with an idea or ‘master plan’ for the future. If you can get them talking about their plan or vision, you will probably see a more talkative side of the INFJ than you’ve ever seen before.
Condescension
INFJs can’t stand being talked down to, patronized, or condescended to. Some people misunderstand the INFJs quiet, sensitive nature as a form of weakness and feel they need to patronize them or ‘take charge’ of them . INFJs quickly see through this kind of behavior and, although they may bite their tongue initially, will likely lash out with uncharacteristic resolve and anger at someone who repeatedly talks down to them. Because INFJs combine Ni (Introverted Intuition) with Fe (Extraverted Feeling) and Ti (Introverted Thinking) they can easily analyze other people using a combination of insight, emotional awareness, and logical deduction. If you repeatedly patronize an INFJ, don’t be surprised if one day you find out they have been carefully collecting every logical flaw in your arguments, and every personal weakness you have to completely annihilate you when you’ve finally gone too far with your superior attitude.
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Having to Focus Solely on Concrete Reality
INFJs are masters of existential thought. They aren’t designed to focus on the tangible realities of daily life, and feel drained and stifled if they have to for inordinate amounts of time. This is why INFJs tend to get depressed in jobs that require a lot of repetitive, detail-oriented work. They are happier in jobs that allow for creativity and big-picture thinking. They often struggle with focusing on the present moment, the sensory details of the world around them.
Crowds
Enough said. Being in masses of people forces INFJs into a place where they have to be hyper-conscious of their surroundings, immediately propelling them into their inferior function, Extraverted Sensing. Long states of being in crowds can make them feel antsy, restless, overwhelmed, and unable to think.
Lack of Manners
Sure, manners may be old-fashioned to some, but INFJs appreciate them because they afford every single person, no matter their job, age, or position, a standard level of respect. People who don’t make eye contact with servers, who don’t say “thank you” when a barista hands them their coffee, or who otherwise refuse to acknowledge other people’s efforts are frustrating and even embarrassing to INFJs. Manners are simple, require little energy, and let other people know that they are deserving of your respect and gratitude. Manners affirm other people, even in small interactions, matter to you.
Black and White Opinions
Narrow-mindedness is a huge no-no if you want to get close to an INFJ. They see many shades of gray in how each person understands the world around them. They realize that there is nuance to everything and that nothing can be simplified. Because of this, people who classify people in very general terms, make black and white judgments, or create “either/or” situations where there really are hundreds of options get on their last nerve.
Overly-Traditional Perspectives
INFJs are intuitives first and foremost. They see new perspectives, explore abstract concepts, and want to be inspired by new and transformative ideas. People who are bound by tradition and can’t see past their own experiences and personal beliefs to another side overwhelm and frustrate them. As introverted intuitives, INFJs have the gift of being able to see from many different perspectives and angles. They realize that there are new, unknown ways of understanding life itself and everything in it. People who can only look at their short rulebook of life experiences and traditions to understand life and who limit innovative thinking tend to bother them immensely.
Being Pushed Into Spontaneity
INFJs are people with a plan. They need to know what’s going to happen and have time to prepare before being pushed into a spontaneous situation where they have to think quickly on their feet. Occasionally this doesn’t bother them if it’s an area where they naturally excel (for example, a concert pianist INFJ being asked to perform a simple song). But in general, INFJs need fair warning and time to prepare before they are expected to do something. Rapid changes in plans, spontaneous requests, and little time to prepare cause them considerable stress.
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What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on these pet peeves? Do you agree or disagree? Let me know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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Check out these posts for more INFJ information!
Understanding INFJ “Grip” Stress
The 5 Biggest Misconceptions About INFJs
10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFJ
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Love this, you nailed it.
Thank you so much!! 🙂
yes, definitely spot-on! I’ve developed a scale for INFJs that runs from intuitive / emotional to more sensory / mental, and am curious what people think about it. I’m on the intuitive / emotional side. We are more dynamic and listen almost too much to our Ni, allowing it to guide us and flex our values to Harmonize. We are very sensitive to sensory over-stimulation but not to the point of immediate inability to function; we’ll collapse and go to bed at the end of the day. The sensory / mental end of the INFJ scale are more absolute, and are extremely susceptible to sensory input. They tend towards OCD, perfectionism, and autistic emotional patterns more than the intuitive / emotional sub-types. Both sub-types can appear aloof until they gather enough information about a person to evaluate the risk of getting hurt. The emotional types will appear warm and friendly to a point, while the mental types will appear colder until they have completed their risk assessment. INFJs who have been deeply hurt may never let anyone close to them again. Thoughts?
This sounds incredibly fascinating!! I would love to know more about it! I can imagine this would be incredibly useful for counselors who use Myers-Briggs at all in their work. I am very curious about the variances in INFJ behavior based on how they’ve experienced abuse, neglect, etc,. in their early childhood years.
Spot on.
Thank you!!
Whoops…sorry! Just realized you were responding to someone else! Lol
This is very interesting. I have an INFJ friend who is the sensory/emotional type. He is a very warm person.
This occurs among INTJ types as well. Ni/Te dominance and Ni/Fi filtering of Te. Of course all INTJ’s are logical but the first sub-type (Ni/Te) are the types that corral Ni with their Te, allowing very little Ni runaway. Everything must have a practical application. The latter (Ni/Fi) are gentler and less driven. Pursuits of thought and imagination more likely. I am the Ni/Fi filtering type. Enneagram types strongly influence this.
Very much enjoy this site,
Thank you
so true
Thank you for reading!!
100%! Amazingly good insight! I’m so glad you have put a voice to what goes on internally that sometimes can’t be described.
Another thing that can sometimes hinder a relationship is last minute plans.
I prefer to have things planned out. I know things change, and am fairly good at just rolling with whatever needs to be done and find quite later on. However, most of my friends are very extroverted and will call last minute wanting me to join them. I know I’ve hurt their feelings before by declining their invitations, but when I already have my evening planned at home, I’m not leaving.
I can relate completely to what you say. I hate last-minute intrusions on my privacy or finding out I have to socialize last minute. It really stresses me out. I don’t mind other last minute changes in plans so much, but if it involves having to expend social energy when I was planning on being a lone it REALLY stresses me out.
INFJs innately deep-process their experiences. For those that lack a creative outlet for their Fe, this can lead to dwelling in the emotional trauma to the point where it becomes their reality via the thinking / feeling loops INFJs are famous for. Once this happens, it can be very difficult to undo, and the INFJ may not feel able to trust others on a deep level even if they want to. All of this is normal response to emotional trauma, but for an intuitive empath it can be magnified a thousandfold.
This is very informative, thank you!!
You have it pretty much spot on there in general. I also assess people pretty quickly in quite a black and white manner and once I feel they are a lost cause I turn my back on them completely because I need to make a clean break to move on. This moving on is relentless and I am searching or something which makes me very restless and difficult to settle. I now anticipate problems years hence, or rather potential problems, and as you know cos we are smart we almost always get it right lol, and I tend to cut my losses before they need cutting really. But the biggest by far is the urge to keep moving forwards. I have no idea why. Maybe its the need for a good woman or something else, but I really don’t know.
Some very good points!
In addition, personally I also am easily annoyed by unexpected events and by too many details to handle.
As footnote, when you mention the INFJ’s inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), that makes Se the fourth function for the INFJ. That function is still very much more ‘accessible’ to the INFJ than the four remaining functions which can be be almost ignored by us, or at least far less easy to ‘reach’ (Ne, Fi and especially Te and Si)
Would you be able to direct me to a source to better understand this terminology? I hear it and see these abbreviations a lot but, I’m confused by what they mean. Thank you.
Hi Lyn! Definitely! I explain the cognitive functions in this post: https://www.psychologyjunkie.com//2015/07/23/mbti-fact-or-farce-part-two-understanding-the-cognitive-functions/ I hope it helps make things a little bit easier! Thanks for taking the time to read my post!
Yess, one on the INFJ at last!
Very accurate for the most part, although I don’t really agree with this one: “they love to come up with an idea or ‘master plan’ for the future”, because I don’t have one yet! However, I am sure that if I ever do find that dream or vision that I want to dedicate my life to, I will be very, very passionate about it. Also, I like to daydream about potential paths without making any definite plans.
I’m just curious, you wrote that INFJs don’t like it when they see facades and have to participate in small talk. Are there many MBTI types that don’t mind these things?
Thanks for responding! I definitely think a lot of the pet peeves will apply to many different types. I really wanted to focus on the things that the different types mentioned the most when I asked them in different groups, forums, boards, etc,.. For example, all people may dislike being in a messy house but ESTJs would mention that a WHOLE lot more than an INFJ or an ENFP. Does that make any sense? I know some types actually enjoy the small talk section of a conversation – although, intuitives in general can’t stand small talk. I doubt anyone likes facades, but INFJs are more keenly aware of them, so they are able to pick up on them perhaps a little easier than other types and find it more of a frequent occurrence maybe.
Yes, that makes sense. Thanks for the thoughtful reply! 🙂
*Chor. *O dearly-bought revenge, yet glorious! [ 1660 ] Living or dying thou hast fulfill’d The work for which thou wast foretold”
Oops, I am so sorry about that previous comment! It was by accident, sorry if I freaked you out. Feel free to delete this one and the previous one. (Sorry again)
No need to be sorry at all! I accidentally have double-commented on posts before so I completely understand 🙂
Agree with most of the things except I don’t walk into walls (lol) and I’m quite aware of my surroundings. And while I used to hate unexpected events because it made me insecure, I’ve grown to become more spontaneous over the years. I’ve also become less dreamy as compared to when I was a kid/teen. I’ve also learned to say “no” to others and love myself more. When I first started doing that, some friends got confused and upset. Have a read at this which explains how INFJs change and grow over the years as they learn to develop their other sensors. I find it quite true for me. – http://www.personality-central.com/INFJ-development.html
As an INFJ, what annoys me most is attention-seeking friends who fabricate information just to seek my sympathy. Because INFJs truly empathise and will go to great lengths to help a friend, it’s damaging for them to find out that their friend has lied. They will feel manipulated and betrayed. Another thing that a INFJ hates are fakers. Some people might ask, “but who doesn’t hate fakers?”. The difference is… an INFJ is usually able to sniff out these people even before you count to 3 and while I believe that other MBTI types also dislike fakers but some may be more tolerant. But the INFJ simply abhors fakers (even if they did not harm the INFJ) and cannot stand even being in the same room as them. This is because genuineness and honesty are so important to us. Some may also ask, “how do you know these people are faking it?”. We know because we’re keenly observant and we’re allergic to fake/dishonest people.
Thank you Eleanor for reading and sharing your thoughts! I love personality-central.com and that link is very informative for sure. I love to read about how the different types progress and change as they get older, and I’m looking forward to becoming more adept at using my tertiary and inferior functions as well.
I completely agree with you about the attention-seeking behaviors and lying. Sometimes I’m able to try to look beyond the surface and try to understand the ‘why’ of someone lying about something. Is it because they’re insecure? Do they feel ashamed of something or insignificant? Are they lonely and feel the only way they can get affirmation is by making stuff up? But if someone is lying just to garner a lot of attention and praise or because it’s an ego issue I have a hard time being as sympathetic as I’d like to be. It tends to frustrate me a lot, and I agree with you that INFJs are very quick to spot this kind of thing. It’s frustrating when you can spot it but you know there’s not an easy way to point it out without crushing the person who’s doing it.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts – I really appreciate it! I’m working on some more blog posts and materials and I may use a section of your comment as a quote in one of them. Would you mind that? I could just use your first name in the quote.
Sure, I’m glad you find the comments helpful!
I’m sorry – I went to hit ‘Approve’ on this comment and accidentally hit ‘Unapprove’ instead. I fixed it, but in case you got a notification that’s what happened 🙂
I agree. Same here on all counts. Thanks for commenting.
VG I would agree 4/5! But the INFJs I know are massive (quiet) drama queens. Sure they do it in a private conversation or impersonally on twitter. But for emotional over-reactivity, I did not see it coming 🙁 I’m INTJ so I relate to them mostly very strongly but they are still Feelers so when this happens it upsets and nonplusses me.
I can see what you’re saying, and I’m thinking it all through right now. Are you saying you’ve experienced passive aggressiveness mainly from INFJs? Situations where they were really emotionally upset about something and then didn’t let on until they blew up in private about it? I’m definitely curious! Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts!
As a fellow INFJ, this is wonderful and completely accurate for me! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to read this 🙂
Great post. These are also some of the features of introvert Indigo souls. Carl Jung was the person who came up with the personality types used (and popularized, although also slightly modified) by Myers-Briggs. He was INFJ and Indigo. I write about this in my book The Indigo Journals: Spiritual Healing For Indigo Adults & Other Feminine Souls. Hope you check it out! http://TheIndigoJournals.com
I will definitely check it out! It looks very interesting – thank you!
Unbelievable!!! All the 5 descriptions are so me!!! Thank God I’m not alone.. and thank God I find this post while it’s only written two days ago. I find INFJ like really really rare though, at least I never found anyone like me in real life within my circle of influence for the 34 years of my life.
Thanks for giving me your thoughts! I really appreciate it! It is VERY hard to find a fellow INFJ – I have yet to find one myself. I’m really glad you could relate to the post, although I hope you don’t encounter these annoyances very often!
I too am an INFJ and I’d have to say that these are pretty accurate! Being condescended to is my biggest bugaboo of all! And just like you said about taking note of everything people say and do – I do that without realizing I do that – which is why I don’t hold educated people to a higher regard than others (like I once did.) They may be educated in their fields but it doesn’t mean it makes them better or smarter than another person. (You can probably pick up on where this comes from – from being condescended to.) Wisdom will always supersede knowledge – in my humble opinion. I am also one who is easily overwhelmed, or overstimulated in all those ways mentioned. Too much noise, movement – all that – yep. That’s me.
Absolutely agree. It’s so neat to read something about your personality type and realize that there are other people that are so similar to yourself. I’ve never been so excited to find out my own personality type and then read things like this that make me realize there are others I can identify with. Especially parts like hating small talk. I can’t stand dating partly because all of the small talk. The only people I truly feel a spark with are the ones I can quickly delve into deeper topics with. This is all so exciting, especially as someone with a psychology degree. Such neat work you’re doing here 🙂
Hi Rebecca! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post. It IS such a relief to find out you’re not alone and that there are others like you. I think many INFJs feel lonely or different for a lot of their lives, just because the odds of meeting another like-minded soul are so rare. Sometimes it can be hard to be part of the 1%! I can’t stand small talk either. I can pretend I like it well enough, but I can’t wait till I can truly get to know someone more deeply. Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your thoughts with me! I’d love to hear your thoughts on future posts 🙂
INFJs….hmmm…I was reading this and ‘you described me , to me’ i have co-workers who take my quiet nature as a sign of unintellegence…I pass medications at a rehab facility, so i’m studying up on medications all the time, I studied pharmacy, compounding..i just don’t choose to toot that horn…yes funny, no tolerance for small talk…Thank you…I really did think, i was alone …
You’re not alone! I’m glad you enjoyed the post, I am sorry you experience people who misunderstand your quietness as unintelligence – that is awful. I’ve had people be very condescending to me just because I tend to be soft-spoken, as if that makes me somehow unable to stand up for myself. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts and taking the time to read this post!
You nailed it. As an INFJ, I find small talk so tedious, especially when I’m very stressed. But, the best one was condescension. I run into this a lot. Just because I don’t always say anything when others are talking about a complex issue, does not mean I don’t know anything about it. It often means I disagree with their conclusions but, for various reasons, I don’t want to argue. Sometimes, I want to just say “Just because I’m not pointing it out, don’t assume I haven’t noticed you’re stupid!”
This is awesome!!! Thank you!
So true, re the inability to process sensory overstimulation, and especially the annihilation part. I seriously laughed out loud at that one. I hate when someone makes me go there, but when I do, I annihilate their flawed logic completely. Great job.
Thanks for reading! I hope you don’t have to deal with these pet peeves too often! Glad to hear from a fellow INFJ 🙂
This is absolutely SPOT ON!
Thanks!!
I could have written the paragraph on condescension. I could write a book. It’s always some low IQ extrovert.
You are definitely right about my dislike of emotionally manipulative movies! No one I know seems to get this but I just find myself fuming over “crying movies”. I cry but I get pretty annoyed about it.
Yes, I totally relate. Real emotions in real life greatly affect me, but when I can tell I’m being manipulated it just gets on my nerves!
That sounds exactly like me. What is infj anyway?
Hi there! The INFJ is one of 16 Myers-Briggs® personality types. INFJs are introverted, they take in information through intuition, make decisions using feeling before thinking, and prefer an organized outer world. That’s an EXTREMELY basic description, but if you want to find out more, here’s a good description of the INFJ: http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html
I agree with the first four but I would say the last one should be with INFPs. I would switch “listening skills” to INFJs and “Accused of too dreamy” with INFPs. Both INFJ and INFP are dreamy, but INFP are very idealistic in a sense that turning dreams into a reality might be challenging for them. IMO anything artistic is the way transfer those dreams in their everyday life. The description under make sense for an INFJ though.
I agree with everything, but I’m a quirky introvert. I actually prefer small talk because it’s quicker and easier to back out of. That way, I can continue daydreaming! I don’t dislike deep, full-fledged conversations, but the problem arises when I have next to nothing to contribute to the conversation, leaving me in an awkward situation of finding words to say that flow well with the conversation. Eventually, I burn out because any further attempts to keep the ball rolling will just become awkward. I’ve mastered answers for small talk, and I’ve become quite an expert at asking small talk-ish quesions, so I am partial to it.
I absolutely HATE it when people are being fake or seeking attention. I totally agree with that one. I tend to lash out at people who think they are better than everyone else and are condescending. Not a lot of things really get on my nerves, but attention-seeking people with a facade and people who constantly talk to me like I’m stupid make me incredibly angry. The one about dreaming I also agree with. My mind is my comfort zone, my escape and I don’t appreciate when people say I’m too much of a dreamer. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. so I guess that one would make me feel more upset than angry. The small talk one I can relate to a little,but for me, it depends on the person. If it’s a person I really like or want to get to know, I don’t mind small talk. Anyway, this article was like spot on! Really enjoyed it!
Thanks for your feedback on this! I appreciate it! As an INFJ myself, I agree with you on everything you just said.
Yes, I can’t stand drama and I am a bit clumsy, bump into walls etc.
Mainly accurate but as an INFJ i’m extremely aware of my body. All the things that annoy me are summed up beautifully.
INFJ here and I agree your assessment is so spot on it’s even a little scary
Hello,
First, I would like to say that I like your website. My sister and I have been beyond intrigued with the Myers-Briggs personality types for a good long while now, so when she came across a site on the subject that we hadn’t seen, she sent me a link. Since I wanted to let you know that your site is quite lovely, I figured it would be fitting to do so on a page of my own personality type, so I could also let you know my thoughts on one of the lists.
I certainly relate, as a fellow INFJ, to a few of the ways in which to best be annoyed:
– Noise and Interruptions (and even worse when combined into loud interruptions)
– Condescension
– Facades
-Attention Seeking Behavior
As far as the two others, I suppose I haven’t been openly accused of being “too dreamy” for it to have become a pet peeve or an annoyance. On a certain level I can relate though, as I can always tell when I am dealing with someone who thinks I am an idiot or aloof because of the daydreaming or head-in-the-clouds type personality that is an INFJ. It is a bit annoying, but I suppose I find it to be more on the funny side that someone can think I have a dull sense of my surroundings all while in the same room, at the same time, I can know exactly what he/she is thinking about me.
The last one, “Small Talk,” I could certainly see that that being an INFJ’s pet peeve. Although for me it would be even more accurate in: “Things an INFJ is absolutely awful at” or “Ways to make an INFJ ridiculously uncomfortable.”
I wish you many more lists in the future and keep up the good work!
Everyone loves to learn about themselves and as you know, if these Myers-Briggs types can help us do anything, its just that.
Hi! Thank you so much for your comment! I’m so glad that you and your sister enjoy my site! Your feedback is very appreciated. It’s always really important to hear what other INFJs have to say because no two are exactly alike 🙂 I want to make sure I’m not stereotyping at all, that’s definitely something I’m trying to avoid. I am terrible at small talk as well 😉
If you ever feel like sharing your thoughts and perspectives on any other posts, I’d appreciate it! It’s always very helpful 🙂
Fairly spot on, and I’m and INFJ. I don’t be spoken down to (more than anyone else, that is), I just laugh, but that is different from when I was younger. I also don’t detest small talk, but to that point, I LIVE for the “deep” conversations you mentioned. I could never be sustained with constant small talk absent of said conversations.
Absolutely spot-on. About the only important thing you missed is my intense aversion to nuts in my baked goods – it’s a texture thing…
This is perfect.
You hit the nail on the head with these. Working in retail means I encounter all five on a daily basis.
OMG, INFJ are hypocrites, while they say they hate attention seeking people, they just loved to be heard talking, they love to feel they give advice, while in fact they have no idee about anyhting. Also their Fe is very supercifial, they say they love the other person but they have no empaty only an idee of a “ideal mate”. INFJ don’t like to listen to new ideas, god forbid you tell them you don’t fancy an ideea they like. Very imotional and very immature. I really want to avoid INFJ.
Hmmm….sounds like you’ve had a really bad experience with an INFJ! I can assure you there are plenty of wonderful and also immature examples of any personality type 🙂
I have to say that you nailed it!!! It is so nice to know own thst every now and again there is someone else out there that really understands me.
My other pet peeve is when people get offended when I leave a party or get together without saying good bye. I’ve had my limit and if I don’t bounce I will be in the middle of a panic attack, crying and I lose all ability to process anything. I can’t think, talk, or drive for thst matter, then I take 3 days to recover.
Another one is when I get put on the spot. Please don’t do this to me. I don’t celebrate holidays, or my birthday even. If you acknowledge me on one of those days expect some bad looks. I’m not one of those people. Notice me quietly, but not in front of people, in public. I will likely leave in the middle of whatever we are doing.
The worst thing for me as an INFJ is being told im too sensitive…cant handle that
I got lost in thought after reading this, wondering if (like me), other INFJ types find Trump annoying, as he exhibits many of the traits that we often find annoying (attention seeking, loud, obnoxious, inauthentic)?
Hi, I’m an INFJ and you are the first I’ve found to have mentioned condescension as being a pet peeve. It is definitely one of my top 5. My reaction is instant and visceral and the offender is an instant enemy, not just to me-I see them as an enemy to the world. If they can’t see any value in me, they can’t see the value in anyone.
However, not everyone who is condescending towards me raises such a reaction in me. I can usually tell when someone simply makes a mistake in judgement or is willing to allow me the chance to earn their respect. Their condescension just rolls right off. However, rarely, I do run into that type that generates the angry visceral reaction in me. I’m just not sure what the difference is.
Another of my top 5 is “public humiliation.” Don’t “put me on the spot” as the lady above said, no surprise parties, and never ever prank me,
Everything else in your article is spot on. Thank you so much for your article. I am 46 and have just discovered Myers-Briggs . Like all INFJs, I too cried in relief having discovered that I am not alone! Others share my “weirdnesa” too!
Wow this is spot on.
INFJ here. I agree except for the last one. I’m a massage therapist and am very much “in my body” more than the average person. I am completely in me. Mind and body.
This was pretty accurate. The first one for me is a definately issue. Especially with sound and noise! I have big issues with audio overstimulation!
All of rhem are so true. Never been accused of
Being dreamy, but the description is so right on. I just tell everyone I am clumsy.
Had me right up until the end I love detail-oriented work and I love doing everything at work in structured and repetitive steps
Scary true
I completely agree with the whole article. My husband and I were just talking about my personality yesterday and everything mentioned is everything I just said to him.. well at least over the past week. This was great!! Tell me more about me.
Most of these were on point. The first one isn’t always accurate but it is relevant to some situations. It is so intriguing to see these pet peeves written out.
100% agree
I like details as long as they come from a big picture vision and the details are the steps to fulfilling the vision. Details that are the same, boring, repetitive steps drive me insane.
My boss, a shallow, full of himself extrovert, talks down to me all the time like I am simple minded and weak because I hardly talk, unless I am so passionate about something and then I speak my mind. However, because I am viewed as “stupid” anything I say, is rarely if ever regarded as valid.
The group I work for are so shallow and ADHD they have no follow through. If I jump in to help with the details and iron out the mess, their insecurities come out en masse.
So looking forward to door slam day!
Me to a ‘T’ and now that I understand who I am, at least I’m not so confused about me and the world around me.
Although, I often feel like I’m walking a fine line between too little and too much.
Absolutely spot on!
One of the few INFJ articles that I have related to 100%
Definitely accurate!
I agree with this 100%.
so glad I came across this article. It’s an inside war of how dreamy and yet how logic of a person I am as a person.
it’s a great explanation here.
thank you for sharing the knowledge
As an INFJ, I TOTALLY agree with the point about being annoyed (a mild word) with being condescended to. I work in a job where I am condescended to on a regular basis, and if I weren’t so close to retirement, I would quit in a heartbeat. And, as you pointed out, in my mind, I am counting up the weaknesses of those who dare to condescend until the day that I will, ultimately, use those weaknesses to beat them.
Thank you for this article. The more I read and get insight to the world of being an INFJ the more I can attune my life to work with my personality. So many times I have asked myself, “why can’t I, enjoy the work I do, not be overwhelmed, be more…” it is now clicking and I don’t feel that I am broken. 🙂
100% yes
Can relate to every detail ! Thought you were talking about me, for a minute .
Agree 100%. Spent many years at a job that involved strategic national policy development and regulations and management of funding of national social problem. Loved the work, loved making a difference in the world. But couldn’t function without a dedicated secretary to keep all the incoming and outgoing research, legal, administrative paperwork organized.
Conversations with my good friends usually end up “solving the world’s problems”.
Do not like the popular trends in television, music, reading exactly because I don’t like being manipulated by the powers that be with cheap tricks. Much more discerning. in my art/media consumption.
And I may appear quiet until I destroy you in a final door slam. Generally I dislike conflict so much I usually just close the door. But you will know it.
Totally agree! I actually laughed out loud on several of those points. And it is enlightening and comforting to see others that share my traits. The struggles are real!
Oh YES, to all of it! Have you been reading my mail? 🙂
Interruptions and noise are the worst. I live in a house with two extroverts, an ENFJ and an ENFP (Lord help me!)
Sometimes, I would just like to go somewhere, alone and quiet for, I don’t know, a month? Well, I would probably need to have one of the dogs with me because I have some darkness anxiety, but other than that. I’d be good. Probably having to “people” too much right now, huh?
I can’t stand phony people and I definitely don’t like being talked down to.
All that being said, one of the greatest things for me is for someone to read something I have written, and come and tell me that it was what they needed to hear. Love to help, and I care deeply about people, I just don’t want to be smothered by them.
Spot on… It’s comforting to have some say something so accurate and meaningful…to be understood by someone is priceless…thanks
Amen.
Totally agree
I don’t know, maybe I’ve been in touch with unhealthy ones, but the INFJs I know are subtly some of the most facaded and attention-seeking people I know. They shift into what they read others want regardless of how they’re feeling and this garners them a lot of attention and praise.
I had never heard of this when I took the test, I figured I would come back as a manic depressant like every other test I’ve taken.
This has changed me in so many ways, I know the how and why. I read these things and scream internally “finally someone gets me!” I know why I’m in the relationship I’ve been in for the past 27 years now and why i cant get out. For years I’ve thought myself as being lazy, selfish, over dramatic and generally a person who didnt deserves healthy relationship, internal happiness, friends and a job i could love.
Thank you.
Very accurate, I enjoy reading your insights. Thanks!
Thank you Jenny!
I love your site, all your INFJ posts are accurate. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you!!
I think there shouldn’t be posts about how to annoy each other. MBTI was invited for us to understand each other better, not to make more harm.
Hi Dee! This isn’t meant to be instructional or to push people TO annoy people – it’s actually meant to show people what NOT to do so that we don’t accidentally annoy people. I can understand how the title might be confusing though.
Another right on article. Thank you Susan!
INFJs don’t like it when they are given too much attention too, or when people try to convince them a lot to do anything. Coz INFJs don’t like it when it reaches a limit and its difficult for them to put their loved ones down.
Definitely! Its especially draining when combined.
I’m working on my my master’s degree for psych and my family insists on some lavish celebratory party. However, all I want is to earn my degree, quietly. Everyone doesn’t need to know and I HATE being the center of attention (somehow they still don’t understand this). It will inevitably go down the route of them doing it anyway, me disappearing (I always do), them feeling disappointed, and me being seen as “ungrateful”. It’s quite obnoxious to constantly be the one to be expected to cater to everyone else’s wants while mine are ignored/trampled.
So glad to understand why I get annoyed so often. This will help me guide others as to avoid annoying me, especially being talked down to. That is a real problem for me. It happens often and I feel a resolve immediately building in my mind to express my intellectual thought processes. I do try to hold my tongue. But eventually, I pity those who cross swords with me. Bam!
I can’t thank you enough for this article! I’ve wondered all my life why people talk down to me or patronize me. ( Not everyone thankfully!) And I hate it and if someone keeps it up, I’d like to give them a peice of my mind. And I would! But so far I haven’t done so because usually I’m able to just avoid that person.
Thank you for enabling me to understand myself and why some people treat me the way they do.
I have taken the INFJ test a number of times and it always reveals that I am an INFJ. I just read the article about what annoys INFJs and it really resonates with me. Everyone of the things that annoy INFJs are extremely annoying to me. As a small child I became extremely nervous eating in the cafeteria and remember saying that the noise bothered me. I also really can’t stand attention seeking people and I know one who appears to be “very nice” to everyone else. However this person creates a situation in which she is consistently the center of attention at family gatherings. This person is not a sibling but a non-biological relative. I just get extremely upset even when I’m in the same room with her. I feel guilty about this but it’s as if I can see things about her that no one else sees. This situation is very disconcerting to me but as hard as I try to discount my perception of this person, I simply cannot do it. The other annoyances listed above are also very real to me.
As an INTP… I have all of them except for the last one 😂 but yeah probably other pet peeves would be worse for me, like messing with logic, and there are also pet peeves unrelated to my type, like people sniffing loudly, this one wakes up the enneatype beast and I’ll react with a very ferocious look 😂
(INFJ)
Yes! Can’t bear sniffing, & also someone sucking on a lolly, so that you can hear it 😳
What a “spot on” post of key peeves those of us who are INFJ/INFP (I seem to be both at times) and thank you for how eloquently you describe them.
Reading through them had me saying : yes, yes, YES!!
Especially about “lack of manners”. Yes, I am in my 70’s and so was raised in a different time, but still resonate with your comments about manners.
Kindest regards,
Duncan
I too can be either P or J and this description of pet peeves is just spot on. I’ve never seen myself represented so clearly before.
Me too Duncan! Manners and being an INFJ and 70 yrs old lends me to being very annoyed by rude, unthinking people.
(INFJ)
Yes, this was very accurate! Apart from the fact that I don’t think small talk is a necessary evil. There’s certain things (like the weather), that you know all humans have in common, so it’s logical to lead with this. It’s a way to put people at their ease…nothing wrong with it.
So you mentioned that due to the extroverted sensing function, INFJ’s are very sensitive to all the normal (or abnormal) stimuli around them, which is true for me…that gave me insight (ie: I now know it’s because of this function!).
Other pet peeves are bad spelling & grammar, & people not explaining things in a logical way. Also loud chewing/slurping/sniffing. Also feet on seats on public transport (no respect for others). And messy untidy/dirty surroundings (I always want to impose order 😛).
Thanks for your wonderful insightful articles..much appreciated 🙏🏼
I can’t tell you how much I look forward to reading these emails. I am a proud INFJ & mother of 5! Your words give me strength & sense of pride being me. I struggle so hard with my peers and the world around me. These well written meanings are so refreshing and help me be an even better me each day. Thank you 🙂
I recently travelled with some friends and was surprised at my level of irritation with their manners. And that I never noticed their poor manners before this, after knowing them for many years. Maybe they have gotten worse as they age. But I felt I was unreasonably angry at them.
Spot on for this INFJ!
This is so incredibly accurate! I cannot abide people who don’t bother with manners. I’m in my 30s, and many people my age and younger simply can’t be bothered with basic etiquette. I understand that not everyone is taught. I have grace for that, but people have point blank told me that “manners are stupid, and they can’t be arsed.”