5 Ways To Annoy An INFP
Today I’m thrilled to talk about the ultimate Idealist; the INFP. INFPs are gentle, insightful people who care deeply about the human race. They are determined to find their purpose in life, to find meaning, and to make a difference for humanity. INFPs are thoughtful and sincere, and prize authenticity and kindness. A.A. Milne, William Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe, and Vincent Van Gogh were all INFPs! As you can see, they have a knack for creativity, writing, and expression.
Of course, for the subject of this post I wanted to find out what really bothers INFPs and what particular traits especially get on their nerves. I asked in forums, groups, and checked out my Myers-Briggs® books to get an idea. Here are the five things that got mentioned the most:
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Arrogance
“A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
– William Shakespeare, INFP
INFPs value humanity in all its various shapes and forms, and can see nothing more detestable than people who think they deserve better or are somehow “above” anyone else. The INFP sees every individual as full of possibilities and potential. INFPs are champions of the underdogs, the downtrodden, the misunderstood. They will have an open mind to hearing anyone’s problems or concerns, but they are extremely turned off by arrogance and entitlement.
Phoniness
INFPs value authenticity highly and always seek to be true to themselves and their deeply-held personal values. Dishonesty and pretentious behavior turns off the INFP tremendously. As mentioned above, the INFP will have a very open mind towards nearly anyone – but being yourself, being honest, and being authentic are extremely important to them.
Narrow-Minded Judgments
“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?”
– John Lennon, INFP
INFPs are extremely open-minded and imaginative. They see the world as full of endless possibilities and forces. They often deal with being stifled in their youth by people who find their creative musings and insights “unrealistic” or “impractical”. Because INFPs make up only 3-4% of the population it is often rare that they find people who can appreciate and understand their inner world and imaginative personality.
Being Put On the Spot
“I’m shy, paranoid, whatever word you want to use. I hate fame. I’ve done everything I can to avoid it.”
– Johnny Depp, INFP
INFPs are often shy and reserved and are made incredibly uncomfortable by being pushed into the limelight. While they are drawn to creative endeavors that may bring them attention, they are extremely self-conscious about being the center of conversation or the object of scrutiny. They’d much rather enjoy their creative freedom without the attention that goes along with it.
Poor Listening Skills
INFPs have incredibly strong listening skills; in fact, neuroscientist Dario Nardi, said in his book The Neuroscience of Personality that INFPs “often enter a special listening mode. They are consummate listeners. They thoroughly engage all brain regions that process voice, words, and sounds; moreover, they may easily enter a unique whole-brain state when listening to other people, whoever those people might be.” Because the INFP has such excellent listening skills, they are often disappointed when they aren’t met with the same courtesy by others. They especially hate when people try to jump in and “fix” a problem when they are trying to discuss their feelings or emotions. They would much rather be listened to fully first, then receive empathy and understanding, then solutions.
The INFP and Stress
What Do You Think?
Are you an INFP with an opinion on this post? Feel like sharing your pet peeves? Let me know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
Other Articles You Might Enjoy:
10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFP
10 Surprising Truths About INFPs
Why INFPs and INFJs are Drawn to Sad Things
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Yes yes and yes! As an INFP I’m happy you pointed out being “put on the spot”– it’s not so much that I can’t handle a spotlight (in small doses) it’s more that I’d like to CONTROL that spotlight on my own terms… being put on the spot not only annoys me, but petrifies me too! Thanks for this Susan.
Thank you Katey! I’m really glad you enjoyed this post – as an INFJ, I also can’t handle being “put on the spot” very well – even if it’s for a good purpose, I tend to feel extremely awkward. I’m amazed by the ESPs I know who just love it so much!
by George I do believe you’ve gotten it..lol well written and incisive..broken promises is another peeve of mine..if you say I promise then to me it’s like a contract if I even say the word I promise i’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen..but if you say i’ll try my best then anything could happen or not happen such is the case..i guess it goes in with the listening skills we have cause I do hear every single word you say and those words really do hold a lot of meaning
Yes! These are absolutely true! INFPs definitely value honesty because we are always honest and genuine. We hate small talk (most introverts do) and appreciate deep, meaningful conversations. We’re also all about high expectations, which can be detrimental when people don’t live up to them. It can be devastating for us (or at least for me!).
Spot on for this INFP! Nice article
Thank you!! So glad you enjoyed it 🙂
I’m an INFP. One of the biggest annoyances for me is conflict, or any sort of confrontation, ugly situations around me. I do not even have to be directly involved in it. Just knowing about it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I can’t stand people being loud or brash. I find it difficult when people show a lack of empathy. Most of all, it annoys me when someone tries to manipulate me and I can see right through them, not that I ever let them know that I can see right through them. 🙂
I completely agree!! INFP here as well and I relate to that.
Thank you for reading and letting me know! I appreciate it 🙂
You are so correct on phoniness. I feel like I can spot it from a mile away and have zero tolerance. I’d rather someone be a consistent jerk than a flip flopper. I want to give grace; knowing most people don’t think through their words at quite the same level as an INFP, but it’s a struggle.
I agree wholeheartedly with everything described!! One other annoyance of mine is being micro- managed by someone else. I want to be able to be free to do my job (any job- considered from work and/or home) without someone criticizing my every move, hovering over my shoulder.
Idk if I just want to view myself that way or if I am this way. But this feels true. ?
Haha, yes! I’ve been waiting for this one, self-centered pig that I am. Completely spot on. I don’t mind if people see me and my expression through indirect means, like my writing, but if it’s an on-the-spot deal I just burn out. Insincerity/phoniness also drives me insane. Thanks for writing!
Oh, that doesn’t make you self-centered! I actually thought of you while I was writing this because I knew you were an INFP and I kept thinking ‘I need to write a post for him!’ lol 🙂 I’m sorry it took me so long to get to it! I relate to you as far as not minding having a certain amount of attention through writing or indirectly; but yes, being on the spot in front of a group of people or in person is a whole different story. Thanks for reading and always being so encouraging about my posts! I really appreciate it!
As an INFP, this is so dead on! Don’t lie to me, don’t make promises you can’t keep, don’t denigrate others because they’re different, don’t pretend to listen, I despise malicious gossip, do not harm the helpless, and DON’T hover over me! Thanks for a great article 🙂
I agree with every one of these.
I so enjoyed this post! So very accurate….the article and all the comments ….I had to chuckle, it’s so me.
Yay! I’m so glad 🙂 Thanks for commenting!
I just found this blog. OMG. I love it! If I don’t get any work done for awhile……it’s your fault! lol
I’m glad you love it! I’m sorry if you don’t get any work done! Lol. Thanks for commenting 🙂
Also INFP here and just found this post – I can totally relate and agree to this. Thank you for the work. 🙂
Thank you for reading it and sharing your thoughts with me! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
So much YES!!! And I couldn’t agree more with the above comment mentioning being micro-managed. I cannot deal with anyone hovering over me while I’m working. Or really doing much of anything. Go away already!
Omg that is so true also. Leave me alone. I’ll ask if I need help.
This is me! I especially agree with the listening one. I must not know a lot of INFP’s because I feel like very few people listen to me well. It’s more common for people to hear what they think I’m saying, which may or not be the same thing, and it’s so frustrating because it means they’re not really listening! Phoniness is also a big problem. A previous commenter mentioned conflict, but for myself I would have to put that more in the fear category than the annoyance one.
I strongly agree with the poor listening skills. There are way too many people with that problem too. It’s very irritating and why do people put people on the spot anyway? What is that? What is the point? Leave me alone!
Thank you Iro! I really wish all of us could be better listeners. There are way too many distractions in our world today and so many people just listen trying to formulate a response without truly hearing what someone has to say!
I enjoyed of reading this blog such amazing blog , would you let me translate it to another language ? ☹️
I didn’t realize these were traits of being an INFP but they all ring true. Fascinating!
These 5 things fit me to a tee – you nailed it!
Oh this is so accurate – as an INFP, this may as well be my journal! I like being INFP, except for the rarity of finding ppl who can relate. Bravo, nice article.
Definitely 5 out of 5.
I saw myself in every single word of this article. It’s a little bit creepy how with 4 letters its possible to describe all of us!
Slogans and mission statements.
After reading the headline , I first thought…what bugs me most? Then I read the article. You nailed it. I wonder about one other point , something that bothers me but perhaps it’s just my individual peeve and that is, people who don’t want to improve themselves or their situation.
Julie I totally understand that one! I just don’t get it. I know people who are miserable with their lives and yet will readily admit they just don’t want to try. Mind boggling!
I have that same issue and makes me so frustrated all the time! Lol and yes coming from a fellow INFPer
This is SO accurate, it’s quite scary… hahaha… but it is awesome to know there are more people like me and I’m not one or other freak!! This is so true and I’m definitely gonna share it and hope the right people read this… 😉
I do agree with absolutely everything in this blog, although I have to say listening skills are selective for me. If I’m not interested in the person talking or the topic I can completely tune out and have had an entire lengthy conversation without having a clue of what it was about. However, if I’m engaged – I’m all in, taking in posture, eye movements, sighs, breathing, voice inflections, etc. Perhaps that’s just the ADD, but I’ve wondered if INFP’s in general have this issue as well?
Vanessa, I hear you. I’m the same with tuning out if I’m not connecting with the story or the teller, especially if it’s a boastful story, wink.
Well, I don’t have ADD, but I can tune out the world rather easily. It is when I can see someone feels a need to purge emotionally that I stop and consciously take that moment to lock into what they are saying in a way they know that I’m paying real and deliberate attention. My objective is I’m mostly there to aide their catharsis rather than feeling I must actually advise them on their condition.
What I have experienced before with some people who are continuous complainers to the point that they tend to turn into background noise where I go about my business with the “white” noise buzzing and I won’t have a clue what they are talking about.
Sure it is selective, but I think that is survival because I can’t spend myself emotionally like that all the time or else I’ll end up shutting down.
So true! You give up a lot to go into that mode. Energy, and ego–you subsume yourself. And yet, when I think of moments in my life that I am most proud of, like deathbed memory proud, it is of specific conversations like this. It feels like what I was born to do.
In my case, at least, you hit the nail right on the head!
Thank you!
“They especially hate when people try to jump in and “fix” a problem when they are trying to discuss their feelings or emotions. They would much rather be listened to fully first, then receive empathy and understanding, then solutions.” I agreed with all of it but that quote right there I was like YES. So me. Growing up with ISFJ’s they did this to me all of the time. I just wanted them to listen.
AH huh yup. They were all right but that last one was a real hitter. Sooooo right.
agree
agree
This is spot on. Especially the listening one, everyone says how amazing my memory is and how easy it is talk to me, but then never have the patience or the recall for me. Very vexing.
I hate that so many INFPs have to live with that! I wish more people could really learn to listen well. Thank you for reading and commenting!
iam an infp but i think i dont listen well and i always argue >> is there a reason for that?
Personally, I find that INFPs DO listen, but if they hear things they don’t agree with and know the reason for the disagreement, they will try to convince others too. Especially if they think the other person has a blind spot. INFPs are highly defensive about their values, especially in environments which enforce societal values which they do not hold, or similar situations.
Oh the narrow-minded judgement is sooo correct! I hate it when people stating stereotypes and claiming something has to be like this or like that. I feel like they don’t want to open their eyes to every possibilities and it bugs me like hell. Thank you so much for the article! And the part where INFPs only take 3-4% of the population, really? Wow!
Thanks for reading the article! I’m so glad it resonated, although I hope you don’t have to deal with these VERY annoying things very often!
so true!!!
Thank you so much for this article! my whole life i have been told that i have low self-esteem. but up until recently i figured out that i was an “INFP” and this article made sooooo much sence to me and it gives me a big boost to go out in the world with open arms. Thank you.
This post is very true i’m so happy i’ve finally found what i am
Yes to all of it. Spot on!!
All of the above. Plus one more that irked me was that theese things above dont bother others around me. Its like they dont notice some of those behaviurs or just dont care and there i am in the group agitated and squirming inside on all the bs thats going on around me.
I know an INFP and one thing that also annoys them is someone not respecting their values. She has a rather odd rigidity to the values she keeps sacred and while she does not condemn you for making a mistake, she hates it if someone belittles or outright ignore them as much as she tries to respect the values of others.
Spot on! The thing that makes my nerves nearly explode though is when someone breaks into my thoughts with their obnoxious loudness and they won’t shut up. I should probably research other personality types to get some understanding. It highly annoys me when a person doesn’t get my polite, “leave me alone” hints.
I can very much relate. Loudness when I’m trying to concentrate makes me incredibly anxious and frustrated…and trying to be nice and polite while it’s happening is very strenuous. I hope you don’t have to deal with this often!
Excellent. Very accurate, I especially relate to not being listened to in my personal life. It’s a real challenge finding anyone who listens well or gives a response I can appreciate. Finding someone who can do both? Next to impossible.
This is me to a T. It doesn’t get any more accurate than this.
Thank you for this post. I’ve spent my entire life feeling as if no one is really listening. Maybe that’s why we INFPs like to spend time alone—there’s no one to disappoint us. 🙂
So in tune with this! It’s me…
This is excellent. It fits me to T. I found this post because I was looking for an explanation of why aggressive extroverts drain me and often make me angry. The Poor Listening Skills answers my question thoroughly, accurately, and profoundly. Thank you. You have given me a great gift.
Thank you for reading it! Yes, INFPs have amazing listening skills and definitely can struggle with finding others who listen as fully as they do.
As an INFP I also get extremely annoyed if my planned “alone-time” is interrupted or ruined by other peoples needs or plans.
YES, YES, YES! And people don’t seem to understand just how sacred that alone time is. How are we expected to survive without it?!
exactly!
Totally agree !
I do prefer to be alone. Just want to contemplate and appreciate what is here existing with me. To think about the little things that get you curious, or riled.
It has been a challenge being able to find others who listen as intently as I do. But… I must confess, I can only offer what I have been given, so if that means I offer you half-assed, you need only look to yourself why?
This is all very fascinating stuff!????????
Totally agree with the phoniness. Can spot it a mile away and is a HUGE turnoff. Yuck.
This made me laugh because it’s so accurate. Some of these are more than annoying; they are deal-breakers for close relationships vs. acquaintances, or in the case of being put on the spot–I always hated being called on in classrooms! Great article. 🙂
OMG!! This is so correct..I’ve had many times when I’m just wanting someone to listen and they immediately jump in and try to tell me how to fix something..I totally agree that they need to listen to me fully and then show they understand and then we discuss the different angles and solutions that could be possible to what’s bothering me..lol love this!!
This is me! I am extremely turned off by ‘arrogance and entitlement’ or anyone flaunting their status in any manner. Be genuine, you don’t have to impress me and I will turn off my listening switch immediately!
I’ve been at a loss to find others who think the way I do. No wonder I’m alone most of the time.
Great article.
Fake people are sometimes difficult to tell, but I don’t like people faking themselves. And if someone lies to me and I catch that they lied to me, I will have a tough time fully trusting them again until they prove themselves to be trustworthy people. I also don’t like people walking over the underdogs. I’m also very wary that people could try and hurt me because I’ve got this air of innocence about me, and people mistake that for ignorance. And I remember I got angry at one point at a friend because she lied to me and I sort of shut myself off from most of the world. When I’m angered, I tend to either isolate myself or talk to a few close friends about it. I do have one friend who I’m really close with because she’s super trustworthy and is very honest, but tactfully so. I don’t like people sugar coating, but I also don’t like “tough love.” Tough love sometimes feels like an excuse to be mean to someone and I don’t like it at all because it’s so dishonest in intent. Also tough love can be downright hurtful sometimes, even accidentally.
I’d have to say you nailed it. Although introversion can sometimes be mistaken for shyness. I’m not shy (as in scared of people or what they might think of me), but I am an introvert and often just prefer to be alone.
Yep! Right on target! I wish more people would “get” the last one. Every time I try to vent they want to jump in and fix things. I just want to be heard.
All this was spot on for me!
I agree with everything you said here. –Fits me very well !
This is extremely accurate!
Yes, it seems strange that folks who are so generally thoughtful and compassionate can get extremely annoyed at these types of traits. INFPs do have their limits! I would also add selfishness and shallowness.
I wouldn’t say annoyed as much as deeply disturbed……….but hey you got it!
This is quite funny because throughout my life there have been certain people that I have a very hard time with. I can usually be understanding of most people and find good things in everyone, but the people that I have a hard time with have the above traits. Now I know. It’s the INFP in me.
These are spot on, but I only see 4 things instead of 5
These are correct. However, I (and this may just be me) don’t like being thoughtlessly tossed under a blanket statement, even if it’s right about me.
Same here
I don’t like my intelligence being insulted by bad argumentation. Circular logic, appeals to authority (particularly if said authority is make believe) and appeals to identity. I don’t like being held to a deadline even though I know I need to have one because it makes me feel like a machine doing things for doing things sake.
I identify with all of this, but find that while I can be hyper-focused on listening to someone else, if I’m not hyper-focused, I get distracted by all of my own thoughts and emotions, which makes it very difficult to pay attention and listen.
Yes! Me too. I have to try extra hard to actually pay attention to what people are telling me because I’ll get lost in my own thought and imagination.
I thought the exact same thing when I was reading that part. I am easily distracted when in conversation by my thoughts. Conversation sends my thoughts whirrling in my head which makes it difficult for me sometimes to share equal head space for the thoughts my conversation is provoking and respecting the person I am talking with. I am very aware of this and I really want to improve my ability to listen.
OMG yes! This happens ALL The time in all situations!
I absolutely relate.
If only my ex fiancee saw this post months ago lol
I agree with this to an extent, but struggle with generalisations and no context. I am a great listener if the topic explores the things of interest. If someone is talking about accounting, i practice my powers of dissociation.
It takes years and years to accept that the whole-brain listening you provide is very rarely reciprocated. However, because what you bring is so rare, you’ll find people gravitating towards you over time saying things like “I don’t know what it is about (insert terrific INFP name) but it’s amazing to speak with them about my ambitions, ideas and plans. They give me incredible feedback like no one else every has…”
Bottom line — your gifts are valued. Be patient. Enjoy the journey of guiding others.
Well this explains a lot! My warning antenna has always sounded off in the presence of disingenuous people. I did take it personally as I equate it with lying which I abhor the most in life. That someone would convey information to purposely deceive you and insult your intelligence in the process, is something I don’t tolerate well. Arrogance amuses me – so long as no one is harmed by it. Other personalities are only too happy to take these folks down a peg. Like others the lack of being listened to is soul-crushing. It is far too easy to expect reciprocity on that front from those who value it less. If I had a dime for every time I have said “You did not listen!” To those around me, I probably could put a serious dent in the national debt. 😉
Sometimes having superior listening skills can have it’s drawbacks. I can remember previous conversations pretty much word for word, so if someone attempts to present me with different versions (read: alternative facts’) I won’t be swayed. People tend to not like being caught in lies!
yes, these are all relevant to me. I have found some more than others in different stages of my life. but seem to come full circle. The one I struggle with the most is large crowds and seems to be getting worse with age. I am close to 50 now. and prefer to be home alone with my thoughts, music, painting and pets. or to have one person around who understands interaction is not necessary to be company. luckily I have one or two friends who accept this and in like return. the “not listening” of course is frustrating and at times infuriating especially if it is one of the few people that are constant. I find it necessary for more recharging time after social settings to the extent of exhaustion after interacting with too many. I went out last Friday and ended up sleeping for two days after with intermissions of waking anxiety.
I find that my sister manages to find new ways to sink lower and lower in my eyes. I find her arrogant, and she feels she doesn’t need to contribute to the household. I’m getting to the point where I am going to write her off completely. I have always surrounded myself with interesting people. For instance, one girl was a female bodybuilder who the other girls in the office felt wasn’t feminine enough, another girl was an alcoholic who I tried desperately to help, but in the end was unsuccessful, another had ADD and I counted her as one of my best friends. Sometimes I can feel what they are saying behind the words. You know that phrase, “I can’t quite put it into words.”. Yeah, I get that. I know what you are feeling without saying it. I can see it in your eyes. These people are the type some would write off as trash. To me, they are worth being my friends. They are valuable people. I could call any of them at 3:00 AM with a problem and they would be right there to help me. That’s friendship to me. That also comes with a responsibility that you don’t take advantage of them. I’m open minded, but don’t like arrogant people or people who force their views on you. Some don’t even have all the information before they make decisions that also impact you. If they ever took the time to see all the information, they never would have made that particular decision.
I am an INFP and this hits pretty close to home. The statement, “Dishonesty and pretentious behavior turns off the INFP tremendously” is very true for me. I have been struggling at work because I have a co-worker that behaves in that manner. We work with indigent people and he is often talking about people behind their back and nice and often acts as if he is above them. I also can’t seem to shut my listening brain off!! I just have to close my office door sometimes to get a break from the chatter, I hear everything and it seems impossible to block it out. Reading this article helped me to see that it’s not just me being an intolerant person, but it’s how I’m wired. I even feel bad for being so frustrated with this person. Now I don’t feel that bad. I still wish I didn’t have to work in the same building as him though. ; )
True this stuff is like cryptonite. Especially arrogance and fakers. I can actually freeze and everything in me just wants to get away. I no longer care about whatever I went there for.
I have a question. How are we supposed to deal with deadlines? When I’m trying to do something creative I feel like someone is whipping me and ordering me to ” be creative! Be creative!” I hate deadlines but I know they are also the catalyst, the thing that calls us out. 😞
Authenticity is something I hold near and dear to me. If I detect any phoniness my guard goes up and I disengage. Love reading about being an INFP as we are so rare and it is one of the loneliest personalities to have, or this would be my opinion.