7 Extremely Annoying Challenges INFJs Face Regularly
Being an INFJ, or ‘The Mystic’, is like being a unicorn in a field of horses – magical, unique but also a bit…confusing…for everyone involved. As an MBTI® practitioner I notice patterns in the people I talk to on a regular basis. People I mentor, people who read my newsletter, or people who need help figuring out their personality type. For the INFJs, these are the challenges I see them consistently dealing with. If you’re an INFJ, here are seven challenges you might recognize in your own life!
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7 Extremely Annoying Challenges INFJs Face Regularly
“Hearing” too much:
INFJs have this uncanny ability to sense how others are feeling. It’s like they have a built-in emotional radar. This can be great but also overwhelming. It’s kind of like wanting to stroll peacefully through a quiet park, focusing on your own thoughts and emotions, only to be bombarded by a parade of emotional floats, each blasting tunes of joy, sadness, anxiety, or anger. Every passerby is like a person in that parade, unknowingly offloading their emotional baggage onto you, treating you as a defacto counselor. Sure, you find gratification in empathizing and helping people navigate their emotional labyrinth. But being an introvert, there are times when you just need a pause button to silence the emotional cacophony and recharge your empathetic batteries.
The Solitude Dilemma:
For INFJs, solitude is like that irresistible chocolate cake in the fridge. You know the one. It’s the vital, sweet slice of peace they crave, a cherished treat that helps them to recharge. However, INFJs also hunger for another delicacy – the rich, layered lasagna of meaningful human connections. So, they are constantly caught in a dilemma, a culinary tug-of-war if you will. It’s a never-ending episode of “MasterChef: INFJ Edition” in their heads, as they question: “To be, or not to be…alone?” And just like settling on the perfect dinner choice, INFJs often find themselves juggling between the need for refreshing solitude and the desire for satisfying social connections.
The “Deep-Sea Diver in a Kiddie Pool” Syndrome:
Imagine being a deep-sea diver, equipped with all the gear, ready to plunge into the profound depths of the ocean, eagerly anticipating the magnificent and mysterious wonders lying beneath. But alas! You find yourself standing in the shallows of a kiddie pool instead, with just enough water to dampen your toes. Welcome to the world of an INFJ. INFJs thrive on intellectual and emotional depth. They are like pattern-detecting machines, continuously connecting the dots, and coming up with insights that may seem like magic tricks pulled out of a hat to others. While they’re yearning to dive into discussions about existentialism, metaphysics, or the emotional nuances of ‘WandaVision’, others around them are more interested in debating whether pineapple belongs on a pizza. It’s like trying to perform a Shakespearean soliloquy in the middle of a sitcom. This disconnect can be isolating and frustrating for the INFJ, as their keen insights and profound conversations often face a shrug, a yawn, or a rapid subject change to something more surface-level. The struggle is real, friends. It’s like trying to mine for diamonds in a sandbox.
The “Perfectionism Paralysis” Phenomenon:
If you’ve ever seen a deer frozen in headlights, then you have a pretty good idea of what happens when an INFJ confronts their own perfectionism. They are visionary idealists, always carrying a mental blueprint of how things should be. From the novel they dream of writing to the exact layout of their bedroom decor, INFJs have a precise vision for nearly everything. Imagine them as artists, standing before their canvas (or life), brush poised, ready to paint a fantastical masterpiece. But, oh no! The horror! The shade of blue they have doesn’t quite match their imagined cerulean hue. Cue the existential crisis. The paintbrush freezes mid-air, the canvas remains blank, and our INFJ artist is paralyzed by the pursuit of unattainable perfection. This ‘Perfectionism Paralysis’ can be an exhausting pattern for INFJs, often resulting in spectacular procrastination rituals or an endless loop of refinements that make a simple task feel like a Herculean trial. The real kicker? Even when they’ve achieved something remarkable by ‘normal’ standards, they’re likely to say, “Oh, this old thing? Nah, it could be better.”
The “Time Traveler’s Burden” Syndrome:
Being an INFJ is like being a time traveler, but without the cool DeLorean or a joyful hobbit companion. Their intuitive nature allows them to look at the present, spot patterns, and foresee potential outcomes. Their mind is constantly predicting future scenarios – a superpower that could give Doctor Strange a run for his money. But with great power comes…great anxiety. They often feel this immense weight of the future, a burden of knowledge about the potential pitfalls and problems that others seem blissfully unaware of. It’s like being on a sinking ship, seeing the iceberg way before anyone else, trying to scream “Iceberg right ahead!”, but everyone else is too busy enjoying the canapés. This ‘Time Traveler’s Burden’ can cause them to worry excessively, overthink, and stress about issues that are yet to occur (yet few take seriously).
The “People-Pleasing Predicament”:
Meet INFJ, the certified, gold-star, undefeated champions of the “Yes, I Can!” league, in a permanent struggle with the word “No.” This two-letter word is like the spinach stuck in the teeth of their conversational smile, the one they would rather swallow than spit out. INFJs are inherently compassionate, always ready to lend a helping hand, an ear, a shoulder, or whatever else is required for emotional support. They have a hard time saying ‘no’ to others, which often leads them down a rabbit hole of overcommitment. In their quest to keep others happy, they sometimes forget about themselves, often leading to the infamous INFJ “door slam” when they’ve had enough. It’s a classic ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ transformation. One moment, they’re the sweet, accommodating INFJ, spreading positive vibes like confetti. The next moment, they’ve morphed into a solitude-craving hermit, barricading themselves in their room, with the only human interaction being the pizza delivery guy. It’s a contradicting, chaotic cycle that keeps repeating, leaving the INFJ in a perpetual salsa dance of people-pleasing and self-preservation.
The “Empath’s Enigma” Experience:
Being an INFJ is like being a seasoned translator fluent in a language that nobody else seems to understand. Their heightened empathic abilities allow them to effortlessly tune into the emotional frequencies of those around them, making sense of even the most complex emotional compositions. They can decode and resonate with people’s feelings as easily as humming along to their favorite song, providing a reassuring presence that often makes others feel truly seen and understood. However, this empathic superpower comes with its own kryptonite – the frustrating reality that while they understand others quite easily, they themselves are often misunderstood. Despite their ability to articulate their thoughts, INFJs find that their intricate internal world, filled with profound insights and nuanced emotions, is challenging for others to grasp. Like a beautiful symphony played to an audience with no ear for music, the depth and complexity of their experiences often go unrecognized.
Some Tips for the Struggling INFJ:
The “Just-Breathe” Technique:
Caught in the ‘Time Traveler’s Burden’ loop? Take a deep breath and pour yourself a cup of tea (or wine, we’re not judging). Remember, you’re a gentle seer of the future, not the controller. Allow yourself to relax and remember, not every iceberg ends in disaster. Take deep breaths, quiet your mind, tense and relax your muscles, and try to take in some of the beauty of the present moment.
The “It’s Okay to Say No” Assertion:
For all you ‘People-Pleasing Predicament’ sufferers, practice the art of saying ‘no’. Start with small things. Tell your cat no when it demands a second breakfast. Your self-care is as important as helping others, so don’t feel guilty about prioritizing yourself sometimes.
The “You-Do-You” Reminder:
Dealing with the ‘Empath’s Enigma’ experience? It’s the worst. It’s terrible. I get it. But remember that you’re a complex symphony, not a pop jingle. Continue expressing and cherishing your depth, and remember, it’s their loss if they can’t appreciate your composition. Eventually you will find people who understand, if not the whole, parts of you. But give it time and patience, and in the meantime, write in a journal! It really helps.
The “Socratic Dialogue” Approach:
If you feel like you’re a deep sea diver in a kiddie pool, why not try introducing some ‘Socratic Dialogue’ into your conversations? You know, casually toss in existential questions like, “What’s the meaning of life?” during a coffee break chit-chat. This might just provoke deeper conversations or, at the very least, might get you some hilarious reactions worth journaling about.
The “Embrace the Inner Eccentric” Method:
Sure, the world might not always appreciate your quirky, profound interests. They might not understand why you’d rather read a thought-provoking novel than watch the latest reality TV show. But remember, your passions aren’t weird—they’re just ahead of the curve. Embrace your inner eccentric. Throw a ‘Philosophy and Pie’ party. Start a club for ‘Abstract Thought Thursdays’. You’ll be surprised at how many closeted deep-thinkers might crawl out of the woodwork.
The “Create Your Own Depth” Technique:
If you can’t find the depth you crave, why not create it? Start a blog and share your insights, pen a podcast about the mysteries of the universe, or paint murals that scream existential angst. Who knows? You might just start your own depth revolution!
The “Self-Care Isn’t Selfish” Affirmation:
Lastly, remember that self-care isn’t selfish. Take some time to recharge your batteries after generously lending your energy to others. That pizza delivery guy doesn’t need an explanation for your solitude. Take a day off, binge-watch Netflix, meditate, read a book – whatever makes you feel rejuvenated and ready to tackle the world again.
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What Do You Think?
Do you find yourself nodding along as you read this? Do you see your own experiences mirrored in these words? We’d love to hear from you. Share your thoughts, your experiences, and your own tips for navigating the world as an INFJ. Relate, commiserate, and celebrate with us in the comments section below. Whether you’re an INFJ or not, your insights might just be the lifeline someone somewhere is looking for.
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I couldn’t agree more with this article. As I veer towards 50 I feel I am so much better at many of these. Primarily being able to safeguard my limits, say no when necessary, recharge in my own way… but the guilt still occasionally creeps in. But we’re all works in progress and I feel so much more comfortable in my little slice of life now than ever before.
Being an INFJ, I completely related to this. It was a little triggering actually…
I have one foot here, & one foot out in the universe…it’s the way it’s always been. Perhaps one day I can bring the two together 💫⭐️
50 year old INFJ here. You see me!
Thank you so much!! I’m so glad
Woww! I have always had a hard time explaining to people the ways I am and ways I think. But reading this felt like I finally found the home I’ve always dreamed of finding and experiencing. Reading this helped me to finally feel actually seen and explained in super perfect descriptions and I am just blown away. I am INFJ.
The create your own depth trick is a game changer! Instead of walking around feeling like dang no one gets me, creating a medium in which you can spell yourself out clearly with people who are ready to engage on that level is the trick. Takes the stress off finding people that understand you and always testing people to see if they have it in them to go deep.