7 Things That INFPs Experience As Children
What is it like being in the mind of an INFP child? What unique struggles and joys do they tend to experience? Let’s take a look!
Not sure what your child’s personality type is? Take our new online questionnaire here.
Table of contents
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
7 Things That INFPs Experience As Children
#1 – A Deep Awareness of The Emotions Around Them
INFPs are highly in tune with their own emotions, and also the emotional safety and tension of the environment. They have sensitive antennae for conflict and strain in the atmosphere and will do what they can to avoid it or heal it. They care deeply for their loved ones and will experience great inner turmoil if their home is a place of conflict.
#2 – A Rich Imagination
INFPs are extremely imaginative and idealistic. As children, they often make up fantasy stories in their heads and enjoy daydreaming about the future and all its possibilities. While other children might want constant stimulation, young INFPs can be entertained with their lush, visionary ideas. Unfortunately, some INFP children are dissuaded in their imagination and this can lead to devastating results.
“(INFPs) live a fantasy-filled childhood, which sadly, is discouraged or even punished by many parents. With parents who require them to be sociable and industrious in concrete ways, and also with down-to-earth siblings who conform to these parental expectations, Healers (INFPs) come to see themselves as ugly ducklings…Wishing to please their parents and siblings, but not knowing quite how to do it, they try to hide their differences, believing they are bad to be so fanciful.”
– David Keirsey, Please Understand Me
#3 – Deep, Intense Emotions
The first mental process that INFPs develop is called Introverted Feeling, or “Fi” for short. This function is all about processing one’s own values, emotions, and gut feelings and understanding what is important and what it all means. INFPs are sensitive, gentle children and feel things very deeply. Insults, harsh words, neglect or rejection all hit them harder than many other types because they take it so seriously and feel it so deeply. They may appear quiet and easy-going on the outside, but many INFPs feel much more intensely on the inside than people realize. They won’t usually open up about their feelings unless a great deal of trust has been established.
#4 – A Love For Misfits
INFPs tend to feel like misfits growing up; after all, they only make up 4.4% of the US population. They have a heart for the misunderstood, rejected, or lost people (and animals) of the world. They are the kinds of children who will pick out the ugliest, most abused animal the animal shelter and call it theirs. They have a driving desire to protect anyone who seems left out or marginalized and this follows them throughout life and tends to inspire many of the causes they fight for or defend.
#5 – Uneasiness in the Physical World
INFPs tend to live in their minds; they are fueled by their imagination, values, and purpose in life. They tend to get so caught up in restless imaginings that they lose sight of the physical world around them. They may put down their homework without realizing it and not be able to find it later…only for their mom to come across it in the pantry or on the bookshelf!
Personality experts Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron Tieger say of INFP children,
“Parents of INFPs often have to repeat themselves and can become frustrated when they realize their child isn’t listening….INFPs can be so completely distracted that they really don’t hear you. Their feelings are thundering in their ears much louder than you ever can – or should!”
– Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger, Nurture by Nature, Understand Your Child’s Personality Type – And Become a Better Parent
#5 – A Love of Symbols and Metaphor
The INFP child finds joy in symbolic resonance and meaning in the world around them. They tend to be gifted at speaking in metaphor, writing poetically, or making unusual connections between random ideas and things in their environment. You can see this tendency towards symbolism and poetry in the work of Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, A.A. Milne, and William Shakespeare, all of whom are rumored to have been INFPs!
#6 – Artistic Perfectionism
To a young INFP, art isn’t just for fun, and a story isn’t just entertainment. Everything they create is deeply personal and significant. They have extremely high standards for their creative pursuits and won’t usually show their projects until they feel completely satisfied with them. Even then, showing their work feels like a personal experience and they are often hesitant to do it. If their project is met with criticism or generalized compliments it can be extremely frustrating for them because they pour so much of their heart and soul into their creations.
#7 – A Feeling of Being Different
INFPs are a rare and unusual personality type, and they tend to feel it strongly in their younger years. They are less concerned with the tangible details of their lives and more concerned with meanings, the future, and understanding their purpose in life. They are often seen as “too serious” as children or “too imaginative” or “too sensitive”. But with all their serious determination, imaginative creativity, and sensitivity they are able to change the world and make it a more beautiful, compassionate place.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Did you experience these things as a young INFP? Do you have any wisdom to share? Let us know in the comments!
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
This article contains affiliate links. I only recommend products I truly believe in.
Other Articles You Might Enjoy:
3 Weird and Wonderful Secrets of the INFP Personality Type
10 Things You’ll Relate to If You’re an INFP
This article contains affiliate links.
Subscribe to Our Newsletter
Want to discover more about personality type? Get the inside scoop with Susan Storm on all things typological, along with special subscriber freebies, and discounts on new eBooks and courses! Join our newsletter today!
This is all true. As an INFP and being certified as an INFP from a psychologist. I had a really hard time growing up. I’m not even an adult yet but reading this makes me cry. You know it’s hard controlling your emotions. It makes me feel like an Obscurial. At least there are people like me out there.
Made me cry too
I cried as well.
Too sensitive is true for me. I remember when i was young, i cant stand people yelling or lashing out anger and end up i cried, and they called me cry baby. Painful, now i dont cry in front people because of that.
I am an INFP, Pisces/Aries cusp, HSP. So much beauty in the struggle. This article is accurate about childhood for INFPs. If this information was available as a child, so many INFPs might not have suffered so much solitude in confusion. Thank you for your article.
There are actually 8 things, you put 5 twice;)
Wow! I can’t believe I did that. That’s what I get for having inferior sensing in my function stack, lol! Thank you for letting me know…..now I guess I need to change the title and graphics!
I’m an INFJ, but all these things applied to me as a child.
I personally think that the INFJ child is more easy to abuse.
I can really identify with these things; I have been told for years that I “get my feelings hurt” too often, that I’m too sensitive. I refuse to get into verbal battles with angry people, because I cry when angry people yell and carry on. I love connecting with other people, and I can usually Intuit what’s up in a one-on-one conversation with them.
As a child I was certain that I wasn’t the same as everyone else. I thought God forgot to give me information that everyone else seemed to have. People were so different then me. Often finding enjoyment in being mean. That hurt me deeply. I didn’t know how to relate. I was often alone but I didn’t mind. I liked watching people. I liked watching the way people responded to eachother. I still do. Every one of these 7, I have felt as a child.
INFP – this is my life story!
I always wonder if there is a connection with ADD?
Because of my daydreamer state and inability to stay on task, life has been kind of tough at times… it takes a lot of willpower to start and finish a project or task
I have tried concerta and it has worked to a degree…
Is there any other way to become a more productive person and less forgetful as an INFP?
Sometimes I still feel quite lost and undecided about my purpose…
i dont feel this fully describe me , i was very good at language in school but incredibly good at math(one of the best in secondary ) , and in of highschool i was better at language because math was getting hard . so maybe i am intp .
infp are also know for being good with languages. as we are healers, idealist and mediators. math wasnt my cup of tea but reading, art, history, biology and geography were. i speak dutch and English and im able to communicate a bit with many languages.
Its amazing to understand why I my mum took me to get my hearing checked at such a young age, only to find out my hearing is 100%. I definitely felt too serious compared to the other kids my age, I also felt as though I could physically sense or feel and even take on other’s emotions and pain as a kid. I never trusted in my idea’s, I felt very different and awkward as a kid, although I also did stand up for anyone I felt was mistreated or bucked in school. We INFP’s are deep thinkers and I now realise that I am more intelligent than I felt or was lead to believe in school.
Very accurate. Very few people knew what was going on inside until I couldn’t hide it any longer.
This is exceedingly accurate. Not one of these isn’t a perfect description of how I felt as a child (and still). Even down to “artistic perfectionism,” which was ultimately difficult to accept. I studied art my whole life and went to fine arts college, and the general assumption is that if you are “good at art” you are loose and free and devil-may-care. I am those things when it comes to interpersonal relations, or accepting new or different ideas, but my own creations are dead serious to me and I cannot, will not, present anything less than exactly what I envisioned, which gave me a fair amount of frustration and earned me the sometimes less-than-favorable critique of my instructors.
Thank you! I can’t wait to share this with my oldest daughter! I am an INFP, mother of 3 and I have 7 grandchildren..
My oldest daughter and her husband relocated out of state a year ago, along with 3 of my grandsons; Wyatt 7, Waylen 5, Westyn 2. Mother-daughter shopping, spending a night with grandma, or holiday meals are a thing of the past. Now I’ve driven across state lines and spend 3 or 4 weeks at a time every 3 months or so. It’s amazing how close you can get to those who move far away.
It didn’t take long for me to recognize that 7 year old Wyatt is ALOT like me for instance; we are often times more concerned about another person’s needs, we feel ashamed when we let someone down, we can read emotions in the room, we aren’t competitive in any form (we never have to win a game, we only want to play), we go out of our way to help others, we live in our emotions and our heads so we appear as though we aren’t paying, we are honest to a fault, we put ourselves in other people’s shoes, we cherish homemade gifts over the store bought expensive ones, we know when people are sad, worried, angry, and disappointed, etc.
I’ve been alot of help to my daughter when she has questions about her boys because as an INFP, I know people. I watch them, learn from them, am intrigued by them, I recognize their individual, unique qualities and I can read them like a book. I’m really good at understanding Wyatt because he is SO much like me but, I also know all about Waylen too.
When I first brought up the fact that Wyatt was much like his grandma I explained it to my daughter as such, “You know how Wyatt and Waylen both will cry when they get sent to their room as a punishment? Well, Waylen cries because he’s mad he got caught and he would rather be doing anything else than to be sitting still on his bed. Meanwhile, he’s not thinking about WHAT he did, he’s thinking about WHAT he did to get caught and is secretly perfecting his “deed” as to NOT repeat THAT mistake again. However, Wyatt cries because he’s SO ashamed of himself for letting you down and he would rather do the last 10 minutes over again and NOT disappoint his mommy. Wyatt does think about what he did but he also thinks more strongly about how his “deed” affected you and he’s beating himself up inside and tries to think of ways to assure he won’t ever do that again.” (I did add that both boys are amazing and there isn’t a right or wrong way of a boy taking a punishment but that Waylens way IS the most popular way. It’s rare that a 7 year old feels shame more often than not).
“Wyatt doesn’t listen to me.!!” -A complaint I heard often. In fact, a complaint from his teachers and relatives alike. Then it became more clear when Wyatt confided in me, “Nanny, why do I always make people mad at me or I get in trouble all the time because people say I’m not listening? I listen. Sometimes I don’t hear them but I don’t mean to do it on purpose.” So, I did a few experiments with Wyatt and surprise!! He can listen..!!
I explained to my daughter that when she talks to him she needs to have eye contact and even at that, he cannot have anything in his hands to fiddle with. He has a busy mind full of thoughts and emotions so it takes extra to get him to stop hearing whats in his head and listening to her. So, instead of being at the kitchen sink while Wyatt is looking away and saying, “Wyatt, will you please take your backpack to your room and bring me your red coat so I can launder it.” (Only to have mom ignored or have Wyatt stroll down the hallway and forget what he was told to do). She takes the extra time, “Wyatt, can you come here?” He walks towards her and she gets his attention, “Wyatt.. honey, look at me please.” Eye contact AND liftoff!! It worked like a charm too!! Believe it or not, Wyatt was just as happy as everyone else that he learned what he needs to do in order to hear what others are saying.. I took it a step further though and told Wyatt that it isn’t all on his parents, after all, it is HE who cant hear. I suggested to Wyatt that should his mom hollar down the hall to him, instead of answering back, “What mom?” to answer back, “Coming mom.” and then he find her and look her in the eyes so he can HEAR what she is saying . It’s AMAZING!
The last time I helped my daughter understand her INFP son was when she had talked to him about his being bullied..
Wyatt is taller than average but quite slender too, so he certainly isn’t a tiny kid. He was getting bullied by an older boy on the bus and at school. The bullying had continued on for many months and my daughter had tried several things to get it to stop. Countless times she had brought it up to the boys’ mother who, my daughter considers a friend, she’s talked with his teacher, the principal and the recess attendant. But, time and again Wyatt would come home with marks, scrapes or a torn shirt.
One night my daughter and her husband were at wits end when they finally said that he is NOT to start anything but he can defend himself and they would not punish him for that. Wyatt didn’t understand what they meant so my daughter explained, “If that boy starts pushing you then you can push him away or push him down to get him to stop and if he’s hitting you then you can hit him back and get away from him.”
Wyatt became SO upset and said, “I CAN’T DO THAT BECAUSE I HAVE A HEART AND IT WILL HURT.”
My daughter was surprised at his animated, tearful outburst so they decided to let it go and later she asked me what I thought he meant by it. I told her it’s most likely two-fold. First of all, Wyatt feels, cares, is empathetic and he recognizes people are unique and valuable in their own ways. Wyatt is NOT a fighter, he is a feeler. He would be extremely remorseful if he unmistakably hurt someone’s feelings it’s hard to imagine what he would feel if he inflicted physical pain on another. Second, Wyatt has to go to bed at night. (similar to looking oneself in the mirror). As an INFP I know at night when my brain settles down and I’m no longer thinking of the movie I just watched and while lying alone without feeling someone elses emotions, I’m left to a final examination of my days thoughts, actions and behaviors. If I find that if I didn’t follow my moral compass and swayed in any way, sleep will not come easy for me. I said, “Wyatt can live with the pain of being bullied but he could never get past his own pain if he were to cause harm to someone. He would gladly take what the bully dishes out because he can sleep at night. Rather than fighting back or defending himself causing torment, sorrow, shame, remorse AND guilt,.. leaving him tossing and turning for a thousand nights to come.”
i am an infp. i am 20, i study english litrature, and i live with my parents. i experienced almost all of the above in my childhood. the only problem is that i still have some intense feelings that i can’t control and i still get so lost in my thoughts that i can’t seem to keep up with the demands of day-to-day life. sometimes my family gets concerned about me when they see how absentminded i am.
but it does feel good sometimes. knowing that my thoughts ARE important, although they are not supported by the practicality-demanding society.
Very accurate, except you listed 8 reasons. Not 7. There are two #5s.
This explains a lot! When i was younger a lot of people complained that i didn’t listen well (esp my mom). Im not sure probably my head was in the clouds. Junior high is hell for me since i was enrolled to a very strict school where almost all students are competing on their grades. I know that im really different. I dont try to match up the standards since i have a very strict standards to myself. Im really an odd one in the group. I can really detect someone being sarcastic or not. I also know that im smart, smart ( im not saying this coz i wanna brag) but i can easily understand concepts. I thought it was hell when my chem teacher made us memorized the table of elements (I gave up on that one) . This is the time I realized that i dont fit in.
This is SO me. As a child, I exasperated my very practical mother, who constantly was telling me, “Get your head out of the clouds!” My interior life has always been rich and intricate and exciting. I began as a writer (of novels, naturally), and had six books published. And then I discovered Reiki, a system of energy healing, and I found my true purpose. I am told I have a soothing effect on people, and I have never been more filled with love or happier. Even as an adult, it is comforting to understand that although I am a bit of an oddball (4.4% of the population), I am perfectly fine. ????
Yes this is very accurate. In fact there was a lot of emotional turmoil in the house as I was growing up. My Mother is an acoholic still and burdened me with many of her problems and the conflict that created between her and my father weighed me down a lot. I held all of my feelings in the whole day at school and at home until everything felt just too “loud” Inside of me, I could not keep any feelings in order anylonger and everything would burst out in waves of frustration, even violence at times. At home I was very emotional but not able to explain myself very well since it was just all too much. I felt everything sooo strongly that I wasn’t able to express it adequately until much much later. I even thought I was not feeling enough or not the right things for many years. I just realized much later that it was really the other way around and that I in fact was not only angry all the time as it sometimes felt to me. Sorry if there are any mistakes in my Comment, i am german and my Keyboard and smartphone keeps changing everything constantly, sorry
That was so accurate and that’s why I always daydream about the future and any possibilities and also even if I was a clever student I always struggle to concentrate to what the teacher says and get into my train of thought, I also find relation in every thing even if they are different, I also understand people and be around and stand up for the weird one the weak one the forgotten the troubled one and the broken one . even if I always try to understand people and see things in their prespective I have never been understood even if I always lend an ear for a friend who is sad I never felt comfortable talking about mine and knowing that I’m not alone is giving me a chance to accept my self and love my self. I send my love and appreciation for the INFP’s all around the world
I’m an infp and These are the reasons I felt misunderstood many times but I could never speak them. Sometimes I felt I’m a wrong person from the way my mother treated me. Thank to you it all make sense now.
To be honest, as a child, I was very happy, and had lots of friends, and when my 10th birthday rolled around, I went to a different school after my friends and I had a falling out. Then everything changed. I don’t see myself as an INFP as a child, but extroverted, happy, and silly. It’s interesting to see how I’ve become the polar opposite of who I used to be.
As a child, I don’t think I was much of an INFP. I was extroverted, had a lot of friends, and happy. Then my 10th birthday rolled around, my friends and I had a falling out, and I went to another school. I was changed. Now, I am the complete polar opposite of who I was. I am reserved, for one, but I still care about winning things, doing extroverted things, and wanting friends, yet I’m still an INFP apparently. Each time I took the test, it was INFP. And I still don’t know how. It’s like I have two worlds jumbled inside of me. One was leaving, yet a part of it stuck around. And now the second world is stuck, and they’re trapped together.
It was very accurate about me too. My family never understood me and always laughed about my feelings toward lost animals and people. Even though I was an excellent student I was lonely, because I was always learning what I wanted. Philosophy, art, genealogy, jazz for example at early childhood? Who with was I able to talk about these? Nobody. Even until today I barely meet with people who with I can talk. I stayed the misunderstood child.
oh by was that hitting a home run..As a child I had a mother who was difficult and a father who let her dominate..Only one person understood my personality and intelligence and that was my principal who had known me for 13 years..One of my lecturers called me a polymath and this has been proven ..I prefer to lift people up so they can see the possibilities and it has taken my husband a long time to see the real me.I have 2 sons like myself and a grandson the same it helps that we can sound each other out
My parents especially my mother never understood me as a child. I have a sister who is very demanding emotionally and I got lost in the shuffle a lot. I’d cry over the of attention from my family because my sister needed it more. I was sad a lot as a kid and it translated into me being less than myself as an young adult. A failed marriage and I’ve realized it’s not me.
This is so accurate, that it almost hurts… I’m finally accepting the fact that I have social anxiety, and it seems to link back to my middle school years of what I guess you could say was verbal bullying. I was the “quiet girl”, and people didn’t like me for every little reason possible. Some of their words & all of those feelings they made me feel have stuck to me, and it’s been about what, eight years? Resonated with everything, but that especially caught my attention.
Wow another homerun! You described my entire life in this article. Thank you for writing this I once spent 11 years in therapy with someone who I guess wanted to “save me” .
Susan you described me to a T… I feel so grateful to have finally in my 60’s to have so much more deeper an innerstanding of the beauty of my soul. I’ve felt like an alien on this planet all my life. Now I know I am not alone.
I’ve been an ultra distance endurance cyclist most of my life and for the last decade an ultra distance adventure runner as nature and animals have been the only places and beings that seem to allow me to feel without judgement and I feel everything so deeply. I’m beginning to seek ways to connect with in meaningful way other INFP’s. That’s my deepest dream now. I’ve crossed paths with a few over this past year or so and every time it so heart breaking to let them go back into the great unknown not knowing if it’s even ok to ask them for or offer my contact information after what’s usually a few minutes during a Rideshare journey.
I’m right now planning out and equipping myself for 2 yr 20,000 miles run that will look like a continuous “w” starting at the Mexican border below San Diego and going up Pacific Coast Highway to Vancouver and back down the Sierra Mountains to the the border a bit east of San Diego and repeating this pattern until I get to Miami Florida.
I will begin to reach out to my Social Networks online and give them a heads up as to whether they would want me to weave them into my journey and coordinate a visit along the way. Especially those I know are INFP’s.
I plan on encouraging everyone who hasn’t taken an MBTI test to take one so we can’t truly innerstand each other and also to identify whose likely to truly be another me in their inner realms ????????????????????♀️
Erskein, you’ve written so openly, beautifully and directly from your heart – your words have resonated so far inside me – I too am an INFP – thank you.
All the very best with you massive run challenge, enjoy ever step. Look forward to hearing how you’re doing 🙂
Erskien, I agree with Margot… and I felt everything you wrote as I, too, am an INFP. I cried reading this article because it described me so perfectly… and it makes me sad thinking of us INFP children out there alone, feeling (and being) misunderstood.
Your trip sounds amazing!! I hope it was what you envisioned. And I especially need to say this: please, ALWAYS ask for contact info if you feel a connection with someone… chances are, they’re feeling it too. The worst that could happen is they decline, in which case you’re where you would be if you hasn’t asked. So, since you’re an INFP, decide to trust that incredible gut feeling that is a huge part of who you are.
You must have known me when I was a child. I’m 61, so when I was young introversion was meet with distaste. My parents, who I love/d dearly always wanted me to be the star of the show and were very emotional people. I have always felt overwhelmed. When I read the book “Quiet” I then understood myself and let me be me. I credit Susan Cain for allowing me to be okay with me.
This is very interesting to me because I am an artist and writer. The perfectionism and risk of sharing speak to me. I want to get my work out into the world, but it is still a challenge. And yes, I was probably pretty frustrating for my mom because I’d forget homework or chores in favor of following the trail of thoughts in my head. 😉
So true. I really value this validation of my personality and passion. I was also a survivor of childhood abuses, humiliation and neglect. At age 12, I was a tortured “philosopher”, contemplating the meaning of life. I wanted God to take me back, to where I came from and the only place where I belonged, felt safe and loved. Adulthood did not look attractive or viable for me. Despite my extreme loneliness and desperation, I held onto heaven and heaven has held onto me. Everything is about meaning and beauty, to me.
This is me right now, except I am not a child 🥺 I don’t know what I was like when I was younger except maybe imaginative, innovative and smart, and a joke/prank lover. I still am. I was a serious yet fun child, when you got to know me. My neutral face makes me look like I’m ready to eye roll you, or I’m angry/feeling negative emotions. I also LOVE metaphors, and use them very often to explain things so my younger sister can understand what I’m saying. She says it makes it more confusing.
I’m so confused!! I take the test and it says I’m an INTP, read about ISTPs and have thought ever since I was one, and now—
0-0 there’s so many different variables… like whether I’m more intuitive or sensing, thinking or feeling, introverted or extroverted. I’m so even on all of those things, and I don’t even understand how to know if I perceive or judge more. I think I perceive, but you can’t be sure can you?? Ohhhh… 🤦🏽♀️