Why Each Myers-Briggs® Personality Type is Skeptical of Marriage

When it comes to relationships, many people feel attracted to the idea of a lifetime of shared love. This particularly rings true when it pertains to marriage. We often long for a soulmate or idealized individual who will stick with us through thick and thin. But what are some of the most common worries that each type faces when they consider the prospect of marriage? That’s what we’ll be exploring in today’s article!

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Estimated reading time: 15 minutes

The ENFP

ENFPs are skeptical about marriage because, to them, it feels like a commitment that takes away their independence. They are open-minded individuals who believe in living life with passion and spontaneity. Marriage seems like the kind of thing that would tie them down too much, so they prefer to wait until they are absolutely certain about being ready for this sort of an obligation. They need a partner who is authentic, open-minded, and ready for a challenge in order to feel like they’ve got what it takes to tie the knot.

What ENFPs Want or Need in a Marriage:

• The ability to explore possibilities and new ideas
• To have their imagination honored
• The ability to experiment with a variety of experiences
• Emotional understanding in crisis situations
• Authentic, honest communication
• Various freedoms
• Shared values
• Spiritual or emotional connection before sexual connection (typically)

Read This Next: Dealing with Emotional Overwhelm as an ENFP

The ENTP

ENTPs have a similar perspective to the ENFPs in terms of being hesitant about getting married. Marriage often means narrowing down possibilities and ENTPs are all about multiplying possibilities. They worry that they’ll feel differently about who they are and what they want after getting married, which makes them feel like it’s too much of a risk. They also tend to find conventions like marriage a bit outdated, unless they have religious backgrounds that make them feel otherwise. It’s crucial for them to feel like they’ll still have some autonomy and freedom in the marriage in order to move forward. A partner with an open-mind and the curiosity to evolve and grow as the marriage progresses is key.

What ENTPs Need in a Marriage:

• To be active rather than sedentary
• To explore the unknown
• To look for new possibilities (in business, career, education, etc,.)
• To have their imagination honored
• A partner who understands their need to analyze most things
• Someone who can be rational in a crisis
• The ability to be spontaneous or go with the flow
• The freedom to experiment

Read This Next: Your ENTP Personality Type and Your Enneagram Type

The INFP

INFPs worry that they’ll lose themselves in a marriage. Marriage is a major commitment and they want to feel like they have a stable sense of self before agreeing to take on such a big responsibility. They need time to discover who they are and what makes them happy, which can seem elusive while going through the pressures and ups and downs of dating. While they typically harbor vivid and romantic ideas about marriage, they are hesitant to actually take the plunge until they feel like they know their partner and themselves inside and out and are sure they’ll have good chemistry in the long run.

What INFPs Need in a Marriage:

• Depth of interaction and communication instead of lots of shallow small-talk
• Time alone to process information without being judged
• To have their imagination honored
• Spiritual and/or emotional contact before sexual connection
• Expressions of love from their partner
• Emotional understanding in a crisis
• Authenticity and shared values
• A strong moral compass
• The ability to be flexible and go with the flow
• Time to mentally process before making a decision

Read This Next: INFPs and Their Compatibility with Every Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

The INTP

INTPs like the idea of having a partner for life, but they also fear losing their autonomy. They aren’t sure whether they believe in the idea of soulmates, and the “perfect” marriage seems overly-idealistic to them. Marriage often comes with a lot of duties, and INTPs don’t like feeling trapped by a lot of chores and expectations they can’t foresee. They don’t want to feel forced into altering their lifestyle in ways that would limit their creative and intellectual freedom. What if their need for alone time offends their spouse? What if they wind up feeling micro-managed? These kinds of thoughts play on their mind when the idea of marriage is put on the table. They want to make their partner happy, but they don’t want to lose themselves in the process. It’s crucial for INTPs to take the time to assess how emotionally nurturing and present they can be for the person they’re thinking of marrying.

What INTPs Need in a Marriage:

• Depth of interaction rather than lots of shallow conversation
• The ability to analyze situations, things, and people without a partner being hypersensitive about it
• A reasonable amount of independence and freedom
• An intelligent partner who can explore theories and ideas with them
• Appreciation for who they are
• The ability to be flexible and go with the flow
• Time to analyze a decision thoroughly without being pressured
• Reasonable and frequent alone time

Read This Next: The Flirting Style of the INTP Personality Type

The ENFJ

ENFJs love the idea of a kindred spirit for life, but they realize that marriage is a commitment they can’t take lightly. They need to foresee a stable future with their partner and without that, they don’t feel confident about making a commitment. If their partner seems wishy-washy, temperamental, or shallow, they may worry about the long-term implications that would have for them. As passionate and driven individuals, they need a person who will be able to keep up with their goals and their intensity. The last thing they want is to outgrow someone!

What ENFJs Need in a Marriage:

• Open, authentic communication
• A partner who is empathetic with others
• Emotional closeness and understanding before sexual connection
• Someone who honors their imagination
• Appreciation for who they are
• A partner who shares their deeply-held values
• Physical closeness and affection
• The ability to be active and go out and be with people

Read This Next: The Flirting Style of the ENFJ Personality Type

The ENTJ

Many ENTJs wonder whether the whole concept of marriage is just a thing of the past. Like most, they’ve seen so many relationships go south, they don’t want to kid themselves about marriage being a magical panacea for all of life’s ills. Marriage would only work out if the person they’re considering marrying is willing to work on themselves as much as they do – which isn’t always the case. They need to be with someone who will challenge them, be honest with them, and back them up. Marriage, at least to them, would mean complete transparency, honesty, and shared ambitions.

What ENTJs Need in a Marriage:

• Intelligent, competent behavior
• Respect for their vision and imagination
• Shared deeply-held values
• Appreciation for who they are
• The ability to debate intellectual or philosophical issues
• Warmth and physical affection
• A partner who can be rational in a crisis
• Commitment and reliability

Read This Next: 10 Things ENTJs Want in a Relationship

The INFJ

Marriage often feels like a gamble to the INFJ. They want someone who they can be completely open and honest with, but if their partner is less than forthcoming about who they are, they will push back on the idea of marriage. While the symbolism and potential security of marriage can be enticing to INFJs, they also wonder whether it’s realistic anymore. After all, it’s just a legal agreement – one that could complicate everything severely if the relationship goes south. Many INFJs wonder if marriage will gradually become obsolete. They love the idea of soulmates, and if they believe they’ve found theirs, they may get married. But many non-religious INFJs feel no need to get the government’s stamp of approval to honor their lifelong commitment.

What INFJs Need or Want in a Marriage:

• Respect for their imagination and vision
• Regular time alone
• Depth of communication rather than lots of shallow small-talk
• Shared deeply-held values
• Appreciation for who they are
• Intelligence and the ability to have analytical discussions
• Someone who has “real-world” skills
• Complete honesty and authenticity
• Emotional and/or spiritual connection before sexual connection

Read This Next: The Flirting Style of the INFJ Personality Type

The INTJ

INTJs believe in the philosophy of “love is a choice, not a feeling.” Marriage comes with so many expectations and responsibilities that it can seem daunting. They prefer to have control over their situation and don’t want anyone else making decisions for them. What if they are forced into more social events than they are comfortable with? What if their partner wants to spend a massive amount of money on a ceremony that lasts just a few hours? INTJs don’t care so much about traditions or conventions, so some of the marriage rituals seem pointless to them. Marriage also holds the potential to make them compromise a lot of their individual identity, and they worry about whether or not they’ll still have space to explore their own interests and passions.

What INTJs Need in a Marriage:

• Intelligent conversation and exploration
• A competent partner
• Appreciation for who they are
• Someone who’s interested in exploring complex ideas
• Explore ideas in depth rather than spend a great deal of time on small-talk
• Time to be alone and process information
• Someone dependable and committed
• Someone who can be rational in a crisis

Read This Next: The Flirting Style of the INTJ Personality Type

The ESFP

Anticipating the distant future is something ESFPs don’t always like messing with. They like to work with what they know and focus on that. Marriage is all about leaping into the unknown and making assumptions that it will all be okay. While they might think the idea of marriage is wonderful for a moment, they worry that that unknown future will come back and haunt them later on. If there’s one thing they know, it’s that life can constantly change and they can feel one way today and a very different way two weeks from now. Marriage feels like a huge risk, if not an outright gamble. It’s an unforeseeable future commitment and one that ties you down to one person forever; there are too many moving pieces that could alter the course of that commitment and make it a bad decision down the road.

What ESFPs Want or Need in a Marriage:

• Freedom to be spontaneous and flexible
• Opportunities to be social
• Emotional connection
• Shared values
• A sense of optimism and adventure
• Appreciation for their gifts
• Opportunities to be active
• Lots of physical affection
• Freedom to experiment

Read This Next: 10 Things ESFPs Look for in a Relationship

The ESTP

ESTPs believe in seizing opportunities, living life to the fullest, and making an impact. Marriage can seem ideal for moments at a time, but “for better or worse” can quickly take on a different meaning when those “worse” moments pile up. Marriage is the kind of commitment that requires sacrificing spontaneity and choosing instead to stick it out. Marriage means losing some independence, and that’s something that ESTPs hold to very tightly. They want to remain individuals and they feel more comfortable relying on themselves than having to rely on someone else to be a good match for them for the entirety of their lives.

What ESTPs Want or Need in a Marriage:

• Someone who has their own dreams and pursuits outside of marriage
• Appreciation for who they are
• A sense of playfulness and fun
• Freedom to experiment and be spontaneous
• Opportunities to be active and social
• Sexual connection and physical affection
• Respect for their thinking and problem-solving abilities
• A reasonable amount of autonomy and independence

Read This Next: The Flirting Style of the ESTP Personality Type

The ISFP

ISFPs often see marriage as a choice that people make for the wrong reasons. Marriage is meant to be forever – there are no do-overs, no take-backs, and no spontaneously going out and doing what you want to do without thinking of someone else. Marriage is also a huge risk; if they commit to someone and it doesn’t work out, their heart will be broken or their family could be fractured. The experience is akin to jumping off a cliff without knowing where you’re going to land or how deep the water is – a terrifying prospect for many ISFPs.

What ISFPs Want or Need in a Marriage:

• Loyalty and conviction
• Authenticity
• Appreciation
• A sense of optimism and adventure
• Freedom to be flexible or have a reasonable amount of autonomy
• New experiences
• Sexual and physical connection
• Expressions of love and romance
• A partner who can be understanding in a crisis

Read This Next: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ISFP

The ISTP

Marriage is a big decision for ISTPs, because it means saying goodbye to all the independence they currently have. While it has its upsides, it will inevitably take away from their individuality and spontaneity. Often, the whole concept feels restrictive to them, as though making that commitment would be giving up on all the other things they could do in life. It also often seems like a gamble to ISTPs – after all, they could pick the wrong person and be stuck with them forever. In the end, they need someone who will respect their autonomy, be direct about their expectations, and let them maintain enough freedoms that they don’t feel suffocated.

What ISTPs Want or Need in a Marriage:

• Flexibility
• Emotional consistency (not lots of unpredictable outbursts or irrational responses)
• A spirit of adventure and curiosity
• Self-sufficiency
• Appreciation for their unique talents and personality
• Time alone to process information
• Sexual or physical connection, then emotional
• A reasonable amount of freedom and autonomy
• Shared values

Read This Next: 10 Things ISTPs Look for in a Relationship

The ESFJ

Marriage is probably something ESFJs have dreamed of (in a positive or negative light) their entire life. It brings with it countless responsibilities and expectations on how they should behave, what to do for their partner, and who to be in the relationship. All of these considerations can make marriage seem like a formidable prospect. While most ESFJs are excited by the idea of marriage, a lifelong partner, and having a firm commitment, the unknowns can make them nervous. The person they’re thinking about marrying would have to have an excellent track record and be reliable, honest, and forthcoming. They hate the idea of marrying someone ambiguous, so they need whoever is interested in marrying them to be clear about who they are and what their hopes and expectations are. Emotional support and understanding is crucial, so they will look for a partner who knows how to be warm and reassuring. Anyone who runs hot and cold emotionally will scare them away.

What ESFJs Want or Need in a Marriage:

• Clarity and decisiveness
• Loyalty
• A reasonable amount of predictability
• Warm and understanding communication
• Shared values
• The ability to go out and socialize
• Lots of physical affection
• New, beautiful experiences
• Commitment through thick and thin
• Appreciation for who they are

Read This Next: The Flirting Style of the ESFJ Personality Type

The ESTJ

ESTJs are decisive people by nature, and they hate ambiguity in relationships. Marriage can seem ideal; after all, it brings a certain security and stability to life. But they also know that it’s a huge risk – it might go well for the first few years, but who knows what the distant future could reveal? While these types don’t shy away from responsibility, they also don’t want to be stuck in a position they can’t get out of. Thus they look for complete honesty and reliability in their partner. A partner with some “grit” is essential for the ESTJ, because they know in a lifetime there are bound to be messy and challenging moments. They want to be sure that the person they choose to marry is up for the hard times and won’t shirk away when things get difficult.

What ESTJs Want or Need in Marriage:

• Trustworthiness and dependability
• A reasonable amount of predictability
• Demonstrations of respect
• Rational reactions to misunderstandings and crises’
• Punctuality
• Warmth and understanding
• Shared values
• Physical affection and sexual connection
• New and beautiful experiences

Read This Next: The Flirting Style of the ESTJ Personality Type

The ISFJ

ISFJs love the idea of a soulmate for life, but they worry that they’ll miss out on finding theirs if they commit to the wrong person too fast. While the idea of marriage seems amazing in theory, they also realize that it’s not all sunshine and roses. Marriage requires a lot of hard work and commitment, and they don’t want to get stuck with all of the “hard work” while their potential spouse takes advantage of them. Unfortunately, this is something ISFJs have often experienced all too well in other relationships. As naturally generous types, many ISFJs have had friends or loved ones be emotionally or physically needy without giving any support in return.

What ISFJs Want or Need in Marriage:

• Attentiveness and consideration
• A reasonable amount of predictability
• A responsible partner
• Practicality and common sense
• Shared values
• One-on-one time with their partner
• Appreciation for their generosity and hard work
• Physical affection without expectations or demands in return
• Emotional understanding in a crisis
• Loyalty

Read This Next: ISFJs and Their Romantic Compatibility with Every Personality Type

The ISTJ

While ISTJs are traditional individuals who see stability as key, marriage is a big commitment that they can be hesitant to make. They want to have every detail planned out and have it down pat, from what they will do for a living to how much money is in the bank – everything. If they aren’t completely stable and secure in their life, they’ll want to avoid marriage until they have every facet of their life in perfect order. They’re the last type to impulsively get married based purely off a feeling.

What ISTJs Want or Need in a Marriage:

• A responsible and dependable partner
• Respect for their contributions and beliefs
• Someone with a strong moral compass
• Punctuality
• Someone who is careful with finances
• Loyalty
• Appreciation for who they are
• Time alone to do their own thing
• A reasonable amount of predictability
• Someone who can be rational when life gets messy

Read This Next: The Flirting Style of the ISTJ Personality Type

What Are Your Thoughts?

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Find out more secrets about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!