ESTP Daredevils

Dating an ESTP – What You Need to Know

ESTPs need to know that you won’t try to put them in a box, control them, or manipulate them. It can take them a while to truly commit to someone, but once they do they’re in it for the long haul. They look for someone who has a sense of adventure, who’s willing to laugh at themselves, and who has their own goals and dreams.

ESTPs want to show you a good time; this is one of the ways they show they care. Be willing to take risks, be spontaneous, and notice when they go out of their way to give you a good experience. Whatever you do, don’t rush them, micro-manage them, or emotionally manipulate them.  The more you try to force a decision from an ESTP, the more likely he is to want to get out from under the relationship.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

• Be open-minded and up for an adventure.
• Be flexible and willing to see each other’s point of view
• Don’t pressure them to make big decisions or commitments.
• Don’t over-schedule their time.
• Experience and enjoy the moment!
• Compliment them on their appearance, abilities, and strengths.
• Be direct and clear about your feelings/desires.

How ESTPs Show They Care:

When an ESTP cares, they’re all in, riding the highs and sticking by you through the lows. They’re your partner-in-crime, the one who’ll cheer you on, laugh with you, and help you find courage when life gets rough. That camaraderie means everything to them—they want you to feel that solid “I’ve got your back” vibe, no matter what’s going down.

And honesty? ESTPs don’t hold back. They’ll be radically straightforward with you, even if their delivery could use a little polish now and then. They’d rather put it all out there, mess and all, than tiptoe around just to spare your feelings. Sure, it’s not always the smoothest approach, but with an ESTP, at least you always know where you stand. No sugar-coating, no games—just real talk.

On top of that, if an ESTP truly cares about you, they’re paying attention. They’ve made it a point to learn what makes you tick, what lights you up, and what brings you genuine joy. They apply their analytical Introverted Thinking side to figuring out the components of you; but they may need your help if they’re going off the mark.

Quick Recap: How ESTPs Show They Care

• Showing You A Good Experience: They want to give you a thrill, some excitement, and a whole lot of fun. If they care, they’ll show it by trying to brighten up your day with something unexpected.
• Radical Honesty: They tell it like it is, even if it’s a bit rough around the edges, so you always know where you stand.
• Showing Up In a Crisis: They’ll show up when you’re stuck in a bad situation and need a helping hand. Whether it’s your car breaking down on the side of the road or you’re scared walking around in a bad part of town. They love to be the hero!

Supporting Your ESTP Partner:

For ESTPs, freedom isn’t just a perk—it’s a core need. And what does freedom mean? It depends on the ESTP, of course, but usually it’s the freedom to chase new challenges, dive into exciting adventures, or just take a break without a long checklist to worry about. Respect for this need? Essential. They need a partner who “gets” their natural impulse to be spontaneous, take (smart) risks, and dive into the unknown.

Now, what happens if your ESTP is getting a bit too competitive or self-centered, to the point that it’s driving you nuts? You’re not just allowed to speak up—you’re encouraged. I’ve seen so many ESTP partners light up when their loved ones share big, wonderful experiences with them. They thrive on seeing you happy. If there’s conflict, they’d rather you just lay it out on the table. No stewing, no passive-aggressive hints; just honest, direct conversation. And don’t go assuming you know their motives. Start with curiosity—give them a chance to explain before assigning blame.

Then there’s the touchy side of things—literally. For ESTPs, love often comes through physical connection. Hugs, snuggles, high-fives; they see the world through their senses, so tactile affection speaks volumes. Show them you care with a warm squeeze, a playful nudge, or even the occasional public display of affection. It’s like a direct line to their heart.

How ESTPs Get Misunderstood in Relationships:

ESTPs: the life of the party, the thrill-seekers, the let’s-go-on-an-adventure types. They’re the ones who’ll surprise you with last-minute plans and keep things lively. Most people love this about them, but let’s be real—sometimes complaints pop up. The most common one? That ESTPs are “shallow” or “insensitive.”

Now, “shallow” is a heavy word. It usually means lacking depth or caring only about surface-level stuff. In relationships, a shallow person is someone who only cares about having a good time without a thought for the deeper side of things. But let’s cut every type some slack—anyone, no matter their Myers-Briggs® type, can be shallow or deep, depending on their maturity and health.

When ESTPs are at their best, they’re straight-up realists. They focus on the here and now, what they can see and experience. Life to them is pretty straightforward—a tree is for climbing, not a metaphor for new beginnings. Relationships? They’re about trust, chemistry, and support, not silent telepathy or mind games (although, let’s be honest, sometimes it feels that way even to an ESTP).

And just because ESTPs aren’t all about feelings doesn’t mean they don’t care. They genuinely want to know what’s going on with you—they’re just not going to guess. They figure if something’s up, you’ll let them know. As Sensing-Perceivers, they’re more into what’s right in front of them. But if you tell an ESTP how you’re feeling? They’re all in (unless, of course, you’ve landed yourself a massive jerk, which happens in any personality type).

So why do ESTPs sometimes get labeled as “shallow”? It’s because they’re experience-focused. Instead of having a sit-down heart-to-heart about your existential angst, they’re more likely to suggest a spontaneous beach trip or tickets to a comedy show to cheer you up. For them, action speaks louder than words.

Here’s a tip, Feeling partners: ESTPs aren’t mind-readers. If you need them to just listen and empathize, spell it out. For Thinking types like ESTPs, they’ll instinctively try to “fix” what’s bothering you. Feeling down? They’ll think, “Hey, how about some fun to lift your spirits?” They’re not wasting time, they’re just playing to their strengths.

So, if you need empathy, not solutions, try this: “I’m going through some stuff, and I just need you to listen, not fix.” You’ll save your ESTP partner some guesswork, and you might be surprised at how supportive and attentive they can actually be.