How to Destroy a Relationship with Every Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

Ever felt like you needed a way out of a relationship, but you weren’t sure how to tactfully broach the subject? That’s where today’s article comes in! We’re throwing tact out the window (along with any semblance of seriousness), and diving straight into the bizarre world of personality types. Picture this: You’ve been dating an ESTJ (yes, the ‘Executive’ – the ‘do it by the book’ lover) and you’re thinking of calling it quits. What better way than to start improvising a jazz dance during one of their meticulously planned dinner dates? Now, imagine you’re with an INFP (the ‘Mediator’). Simply insist that “feelings are overrated,” and voila! you’re single again. Remember friends, this is all in good fun. If you’re actually considering breaking up with someone, maybe don’t do it like this. Just maybe.

Disclaimer: I’d like to remind everyone that this article is purely for humor. That’s right, no need to clutch your MBTI® results like a holy talisman or prepare angry letters to the editor if you feel your personality type has been slighted (which is good, because I’m my own editor). This isn’t a deep psychoanalytical probe – we’re not Freud or Jung or even their lesser-known third cousin, twice removed, Burt. We’re here to poke a bit of fun at the diverse, and often hilarious, ways we humans navigate our world. So let’s begin!

Want to find out what your personality type is? Take our personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI®) here.

The ENTJ

Okay friends, if you’re scheming to get an ENTJ out of your life, I’m here to help. Now, remember, ENTJs are natural leaders. They’re like the crossing guards of life; directing traffic, making things run smoothly, and ensuring you’re not hit by a metaphorical bus of poor decision-making.

Firstly, if you want to drive an ENTJ up the wall, round the bend, and across the border into Outta Here-ville, just be lazy. Do absolutely nothing and do it really well. To an ENTJ, a couch potato is the equivalent of a vampire staring at a garlic bread buffet – it’s pure torment.

Next, up the ante with a pinch of whining. Complain about your coffee being too hot, your ice cream being too cold, or that your slippers are too…slippy. An ENTJ would rather listen to a two-hour lecture on the history of watching paint dry.

Now, sprinkle some drama on top. Overreact to everything. Spill your coffee? Act like your arm’s been lopped off. Can’t find the TV remote? Wail like you’re in a Greek tragedy. ENTJs love drama as much as a cat loves a bath.

Lastly, prove your incompetence. Misplace important files, forget crucial dates, and be sure to regularly ask, “What’s a deadline?” Nothing screams ‘goodbye ENTJ’ like the sweet serenade of ineptitude.

And there you have it! The simple recipe to make any ENTJ run for the hills. Remember to use with caution – and maybe have some running shoes handy!

Find out more about ENTJs: Are ENTJs Smart? A Look at the Strategic Visionary

The ENFJ

Now it’s time to tackle the ENFJs – a breed of human that seemingly runs on kindness, harmony, and an uncanny ability to read everyone in the room like a series of open books. Tickling their annoyance bone might seem harder than getting a squirrel to perform a Broadway musical, but fret not, I’ve got the secret sauce.

First off, let’s start with a tactic as old as time itself – being rude to waitstaff. Now, most people would find this distasteful, but for an ENFJ, it’s like sticking a fork in a toaster – shocking and absolutely not recommended. They value respect and kindness, so watch their eyes widen with horror as you act like the human version of a Yelp review gone wrong.

Next, we’ll move on to a surefire ENFJ bugbear – creating tension just for the fun of it. Start a debate about a controversial topic that puts everyone on their guard, insist that the world is flat, or just generally be the human equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. The ENFJ is by nature a peace-loving creature, so stirring the pot with needless arguments should have them planning their exit strategy faster than a cheetah on rocket skates.

Finally, if they’re still hanging around, it’s time to bring out the big guns – dismissing their intuitive insights as “flaky”. Now this one’s a real ENFJ kryptonite. They pride themselves on their ability to grasp the abstract and read between-the-lines, so brush off their profound observations with a casual, “That’s some pretty airy-fairy stuff, huh?” and watch them deflate like a punctured beach ball.

And voila! You’ve got your foolproof guide to turning off an ENFJ. Again, use sparingly and be prepared for some serious dirty looks – or maybe even a strongly worded letter.

Discover more about ENFJs: The ENFJ Personality Type and the Enneagram

The INTJ

Ah, the INTJs, the human counterparts of the mysterious, deep-thinking, highly-intelligent owls. If you’ve ever wanted to know how to push the self-destruct button on your relationship with an INTJ, then buckle up, because this is going to be one wild ride.

Firstly, become a hyper-sensitive little flower. INTJs are known for their straight-shooting, no-nonsense approach to life. So, start treating their straightforwardness like a personal attack. Every time they offer an opinion or a logical solution, crumple like a wet tissue, and sob about how they’re always criticizing you. This is bound to make your INTJ question their life choices faster than you can say “emotional meltdown.”

Next, make a hobby of misconstruing their intent. Turn their practical advice into a plot for world domination. If they suggest a more efficient route to the grocery store, assume they’re trying to control your life. If they correct a factual error in your conversation, treat it like a conspiracy. It’s like taking a stroll with Sherlock Holmes and asking him to stop making deductions; it’s not going to end well.

Now, add a dash of chronic interruption. Just as they’re about to unveil their latest intellectual revelation, cut them off to talk about the adorable squirrel you saw this morning. Remember, the key to turning off an INTJ is to show a complete disregard for their mental processes.

Finally, adopt the depth of a kiddie pool and the decibel level of a jet engine. Be as loud, shallow, and superficial as humanly possible. Discuss the latest celebrity gossip with the fervor of a political analyst on election night. Your INTJ will cringe harder than a vampire in a tanning bed.

And there you have it – your foolproof way to turn off an INTJ.

Find out more about INTJs: 10 Things People Misunderstand About INTJs

The INFJ

Now let’s delve into the world of INFJs, the rare, mystical unicorns of the Myers-Briggs® universe. Want to become the proverbial fly in their intuitive ointment? Here’s your step-by-step guide to becoming an INFJ’s waking nightmare.

Firstly, dismiss their insights like a toddler rejects broccoli. When they share their profound, existential theories about the future of AI and it’s impacts on human relationships, respond with a nonchalant, “Cool story, bro.” Such a masterpiece of dismissal will surely rattle the INFJ’s intellectual cage.

Next, embrace the art of tactlessness – be the human equivalent of a bull in a china shop. When you’re at a party and they’re trying to blend into the wallpaper, dragging them into the spotlight and loudly announcing, “Hey everybody, meet my painfully introverted friend!” should do the trick. The INFJ’s love for subtlety and quiet will evaporate faster than water in the Sahara.

Then, interrupt their thoughts like an ad break in the middle of a gripping movie climax. Every time they start to share their enlightened worldview, cut them off with something profoundly shallow, like your favorite brand of toothpaste or how you can’t tell the difference between lattes and cappuccinos. This shows complete disregard for their mental depth, a surefire INFJ turn-off.

In addition, nurture a staunch disinterest in personal growth. When they start discussing self-improvement books or spiritual retreats they’re excited about, change the topic to the latest reality TV show gossip. This kind of shallow evasion is to an INFJ what kryptonite is to Superman.

Lastly, become the embodiment of superficiality. Discuss the Kardashians with the intensity of a Nobel laureate discussing quantum physics. Talk about your latest shopping haul like it’s a mission to Mars. The more you can flaunt your shallow interests, the quicker the INFJ will be packing up their deep thoughts and heading for the nearest exit.

And there you have it – your quick and easy guide to becoming INFJ repellent.

Explore more about the INFJ personality type: Are INFJs Intelligent? A Look at the Mystic

The ESTJ

Next, we have our diligent, organized, and supremely practical ESTJs, the equivalent of an army general in the Myers-Briggs® world. If making an ESTJ roll their eyes to the point of seeing their own brain is your aim, then sit back, relax, and let us guide you through the terrain of turning off an ESTJ.

First off, reveal yourself to be as aimless as a leaf in the wind. When they ask about your five-year plan, just shrug and mumble something about “going with the flow”. Watching an ESTJ react to a lack of goals is like watching a computer try to divide by zero – it doesn’t compute, and it’s bound to generate some serious error messages.

Next up, turn whining into an Olympic sport. Complain about everything, from the weather to the way the cookies crumble, literally. The more inconsequential, the better. Remember, the ESTJ holds a strong disdain for whiny behavior. Comparatively speaking, enduring your constant griping will begin to feel like sitting through a root canal.

Then, flaunt your incompetence like a proudly earned badge. Forget how to do basic tasks, like operate the microwave, and ask them to help you each time. While you’re at it, make sure to regularly forget crucial appointments and deadlines. This will have your ESTJ questioning whether they’ve accidentally adopted a full-grown adult.

Furthermore, embrace laziness with open arms. Spend your days lounging around, making an art out of procrastination. Resist their attempts to get you off the couch with the determination of a sloth in slow motion. This is guaranteed to make your ESTJ’s eye twitch faster than a caffeinated rabbit.

Lastly, lack any form of conviction in your decisions. Waffle between options like a squirrel in the middle of the road. Show them that firm decisions are as foreign to you as the concept of fun is to a rock. They’ll be packing their “oh I have had enough” bags quicker than you can say “indecisive”.

And that’s your shortcut to becoming an ESTJ’s pet peeve. Word of caution – apply these tactics sparingly unless you enjoy the thrill of dodging metaphorical missiles of disapproval.

The ESFJ

Welcome to the friendly, appropriate, organized world of the ESFJs – the hosts, cheerleaders, and social butterflies of the MBTI® range. Want to make an ESFJ want to run for the hills? Look no further!

First on the agenda – call their cherished traditions silly. When they eagerly show you their hand-stitched family Christmas stockings or their grandmother’s secret apple pie recipe, smirk and say, “Oh, this is cute, does it come with a time machine?”. This will undeniably make the ESFJ’s heart sink like a lead balloon.

Next, perfect the art of being rude to people. Make it a point to insult the waiter’s choice of tie or talk loudly on your phone at the movie theater. The ESFJ, who prides themselves on their stellar etiquette, will be as uncomfortable as a toddler in a brussel sprouts buffet.

Then, arrive fashionably late – all the time. Show up half an hour late for dinner, or even better, for an event they’ve meticulously planned. The ESFJ, being punctual to a fault, will feel as if they’re caught in a slow-motion nightmare.

Subsequently, fill your spare time trolling people in YouTube comments. Be sure to let the ESFJ see you gleefully typing out sarcastic comments under a seven-year-old’s ukulele performance video. They’ll be questioning why they ever agreed to be seen in public with you.

Lastly, make a grand display of not understanding their feelings. When the ESFJ is crying over a sad movie or gushing about their love for puppies, be completely indifferent. This will wound them on a level nothing else can – remember, they thrive on emotional connections.

And there you have it – your easy guide to becoming as appealing to an ESFJ as a porcupine in a balloon factory.

The ISTJ

Now let’s move on to the ISTJs – the Myers-Briggs® equivalent of a library in human form, complete with the ‘Silence Please’ sign. If you’re someone who delights in stirring up the proverbial hornet’s nest, you’re in luck. Here’s your guide to turning the normally composed ISTJ into a fretting, twitching bundle of nerves.

Firstly, take a leaf out of the ‘Punctuality is for Peasants’ handbook. Show up late to every outing, every meeting, heck, why not even your own wedding? This will have your ISTJ fretting and checking their watch more often than a Wall Street broker checks the stock market.

Next, embrace the tortoise philosophy and dawdle like it’s your job. Take forever to make decisions, move at a snail’s pace while doing tasks, and deliver every sentence as though you’re reciting an epic saga with each word. Watching you will have the ISTJ feeling like they’re trapped in a slow-motion video.

Thirdly, disorganize their stuff like a hurricane on a mission. Rearrange their bookshelf, mess up their neatly stacked papers, and scatter their stationery all over the place. Stand back and watch their initial shock give way to horror as though you’ve just desecrated a sacred site.

Then, treat their belongings with all the reverence of a toddler in a toy store. Use their precious fountain pen to open a soda can, and use their limited-edition books as coasters. Every gasp from your ISTJ is a testament to their slipping sanity.

Lastly, and most effectively, turn into a human radio, blaring out loud, trivial information constantly. Interrupt their silence with updates about your neighbor’s cat’s diet or the latest conspiracy theory about aliens in government. The ISTJ, who values silence more than a monk on a vow of silence, will be silently counting to ten and planning their escape route.

By following this guide, you’ll turn from a loved one into an ISTJ’s worst nightmare faster than you can say, “late again”. Consider these tactics as powerful as they are potent – for the love of peace and quiet, use them wisely. And, for your own safety, only if you can outrun an aggravated ISTJ.

Find out more about ISTJs: Here’s What It’s Like Inside the Mind of an ISTJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, or ESFJ

The ISFJ

Now, let’s descend into the world of the ISFJ – that one organized, considerate friend who anticipates every need and never forgets a birthday. If you are looking to transform into an ISFJ’s worst nightmare, here’s your foolproof guide.

Start with a fundamental disrespect for plans. Just when an ISFJ has everything neatly mapped out for the day, swoop in like a hurricane of chaos. Suggest a sudden trip to the zoo, or better yet, show them two tickets you bought for a skydiving adventure for you and them. The look of pure panic on their face will be worth the price of admission.

Then, take every opportunity to exhibit your dismal command of language. Write them notes that read like a text message from a toddler: “We R goin 2 tha park, U in?”. Bonus points if you can include them in group texts that are totally irrelevant to their life.

Additionally, turn every situation into an unpredictable rollercoaster ride. Announce a surprise visit to their house just when they’ve settled down for a quiet evening. Or, pull them into an impromptu karaoke session while they’re in the middle of grocery shopping. The ISFJ, who loves their predictability as much as a cat loves a sunbeam, will feel like they’ve been thrown into a whirlwind.

Furthermore, you could embark on the path of tactlessness. But to other people, not just the ISFJ. Tell their mother that her new haircut is a disaster or critique your friend’s body like you’re a Fashion Police judge. The ISFJ, who values harmony and empathy above everything else, will be simmering with outrage.

By the time you’re done, you’ll be as endearing to the ISFJ as a revving motorcycle is to a mother trying to put her newborn to sleep. Remember, these tactics have all the subtlety of a freight train, so use them sparingly, unless you’re completely immune to hurt puppy-dog looks and exasperated sighs.

Discover more about ISFJs: What It Means to be an ISFJ Personality Type

The ENTP

Welcome to the sphere of the ENTPs – the Myers-Briggs® version of a brainstorming tornado with a touch of devil-may-care swashbuckling. If you have a burning desire to transform into the equivalent of a lead balloon in the ENTP’s vibrant world, here’s your trusty, step-by-step guide.

To kick things off, embrace the art of micro-management with the fervor of a zealot. Hover over them, dictate every minuscule step of their tasks, and make sure your voice is the only one they hear all day. Every sigh from the ENTP will be a victory in your quest to quench their creative fires.

Next, react to their innovative ideas like a wet blanket on a bonfire. Break down every idea, criticize their grand plans, and breathe in the smoke of crushed dreams with glee. Keep doing this until you’ve drained the color out of their eyes and made them question why they ever thought it was a good idea to share ideas with you.

To make matters even more dire, dig out your “This is how we’ve always done it” banner and wave it with pride. Each time the ENTP suggests a fresh perspective or approach, remind them, with grandfatherly wisdom, of the tried-and-true way of doing things. Bonus points if you can do this with a smug “I-know-better” smile.

Following this, engage in debates armed with a robust arsenal of unresearched opinions. Argue with the firm conviction of a flat-earther at a geography convention. The ENTP, who prizes intellectual rigor, will be grinding their teeth in frustration.

Finally, embody willful ignorance like it’s your new favorite fashion trend. Show no interest in learning anything new, and dismiss any new information with a flippant “I don’t care”. The ENTP, who thrives on expanding their knowledge, will be looking at you like you’ve sprouted three heads.

By the end of this, you’ll have transformed into the ENTP’s animated nightmare faster than you can say “stick in the mud”. Remember, these tactics are as subtle as a foghorn in a library, so deploy them wisely.

Find out more about ENTPs: 24 Signs That You’re an ENTP, the Trailblazer Personality Type

The ENFP

Let’s take a leap into the vibrant world of the ENFP, that one friend always ready to champion a cause, fight for justice, and explore 24,639 new possibilities before having their morning coffee. If you fancy morphing into a buzzkill in the ENFP’s technicolor universe, buckle up and follow this surefire guide.

To begin, unleash your inner fun-police and take aim at the ENFP’s dreams. When they share their dreams of traveling the world or starting a charity, treat their ambitions with the same seriousness as a proposal to live on a diet of marshmallows. Mockingly question their lack of a five-year plan, and insist that they’d be much better off pursuing a stable, predictable career in envelope licking. With each dismissive wave of your hand, the ENFP’s enthusiasm will fade, replaced by the look of a child who’s just discovered that Santa Clause isn’t real.

Lastly, nag them ceaselessly about the importance of “time management”. Remind them, with the frequency of a broken record, that they’re wasting precious time chasing dreams and that they need to become more “responsible”. The ENFP, who sees life as a grand adventure and not a collection of deadlines, will feel like they’re being lectured by a particularly condescending snail.

Now, whenever the ENFP stands up for the underdog, counter every argument with an impassioned speech about how everyone deserves their lot in life. Whether it’s the last picked kid in a sports team or a struggling coworker, insist with a politician’s conviction that they’ve earned their situation. The ENFP, the natural advocate, will be gaping at you in disbelief.

Finally, perfect the art of being fake. Laugh at the wrong moments, fake interest in their passions, and drop compliments like they’re hot potatoes. Each insincere word will gnaw at the ENFP’s authenticity-loving soul.

By the time you’re done, the ENFP will view you as warmly as a penguin views a heatwave. Tread carefully!

Discover more about ENFPs: How to Communicate Effectively with an ENFP

The INTP

Alright, it’s time to buckle up, because we’re about to embark on a quirky journey of how to get an INTP to quit your company faster than a cheetah spotting a gazelle. INTPs, with their love for logic and analysis, are the human equivalents of Sherlock Holmes, albeit with less cocaine and more procrastination.

Start off by suffocating their independent thinking. Force them into stringent rules and micromanage their tasks. For an INTP, that’s as pleasant as chewing on a mouthful of aluminum foil.

Next, brandish your weapon of social justice and point out how “problematic” they are. Accuse them of not being politically correct enough. Tell them their logical debates are causing “emotional harm”. INTPs, being the rational analyzers they are, will feel like someone is running their nails over a chalkboard in their brain.

If that doesn’t work (don’t worry, it will), pressure them into a relentless schedule of social activities. Invite them to karaoke nights, potluck dinners, and team-building workshops that involve trust falls and group hugs. Even better, surprise them with unplanned gatherings at their place – nothing screams ‘nightmare’ to an INTP quite like an impromptu house party. They’ll be longing for the blissful solitude of a monk in the Himalayas.

Lastly, turn up the emotional intensity. Cry because your pen ran out of ink. Get angry with the weather for daring to rain. The INTP, who typically navigates the world through logical reasoning rather than emotional instinct, will find this as appealing as a fish at a desert convention.

And there you have it, three additional steps to send your resident INTP speeding into the sunset.

Find out more about INTPs: How INTPs Say “I Love You”

The INFP

Next in line is the INFP, the dreamy idealist of the personality world, whose heart is as expansive as their imagination. If you’re looking to transform into the INFP’s living nightmare, then strap in and follow this step-by-step guide.

Begin your quest to repel the INFP by indulging in the nefarious game of gossip. The INFP, known for their empathy and understanding, will find this distasteful. But to really grind their gears, extend your gossiping to anyone who dares to deviate from the norm. Mock the unique, the quirky, the different, and imply that everyone would be better off conforming. Every snide comment and snigger will feel like a sucker punch to the INFP’s inclusive soul, who cherishes individuality and believes everyone should have the freedom to be their true selves. This, my friends, will have their patience wearing thin faster than you can say “gossipmonger”.

Then, mock their idealistic view of the world. Whenever they share their hopes for a better future, laugh it off and remind them of the harsh realities of life. Tell them their ideals are as viable as a chocolate teapot. With each snort of derision, you will be poking holes in the INFP’s dreamy balloon.

Next, bulldoze their value system. Whenever the INFP stands up for the underdog or argues for equality, counter them with a dismissive wave and a condescending smirk. Insist that the world is and should be a survival-of-the-fittest reality show. The INFP, who is more likely to wear a cape and fight for justice than most, will be left wide-eyed and speechless.

Finally, for the pièce de résistance, trivialize their deep, emotional expressions. Respond to their passionate speeches and heartfelt confessions with a casual “Wow…so crazy…”. This will be especially effective if you’re hyper-fixated on a game of Candy Crush at the exact same time. The INFP, who feels things deeply and doesn’t share their emotions except with a trusted few, will feel as though they’ve poured their heart out to a mannequin.

By the end of this, you’ll have an INFP looking at you as though you’re a Dementor from Harry Potter. Remember, this guide is essentially a “how to be an emotional wrecking ball”, so swing it carefully!

Discover more about INFPs: How to Communicate Effectively with an INFP

The ESTP

It’s time to brace yourselves because we’re about to dive into the adrenaline-filled world of the ESTP, the daredevil of the personality types. They are the embodiment of action, speed, and realism, with a logic so sharp it could slice through steel. If you’ve got an ESTP around and you’re looking to turn them off faster than a peregrine falcon diving towards a sleeping duck, here’s your guide.

Begin by shackling them to a desk and forcing them into a routine. Make them sit through PowerPoint presentations that move slower than a snail on sedatives. Assign them tasks that require endless planning, without any hint of action. Constantly focus on the distant future and berate them for not having a 10-year-plan. Condescendingly remind them of the frivolity of living in the present. The ESTP, who nearly always lives in the moment, will be itching to escape.

Next, counter their logic with extreme sensitivity. Get offended by their straightforward comments and accuse them of being brutally insensitive. Show them that their realistic view is causing “emotional damage” and insist that feelings outweigh facts. ESTPs, being the no-nonsense realists they are, will feel like they’re drowning in a sea of irrationality and hypersensitivity.

If that doesn’t push them to the brink (trust me, it will), impose impractical rules that serve no purpose. Make them fill out a form every time they want to use the photocopier. Insist they must RSVP to emails with a handwritten note. Every useless rule will be like a mosquito buzzing around the ESTP’s practical mind, pushing them closer to the edge.

Finally, be overdramatic about everything. This works to annoy any Thinking type. Cry because the office ran out of your favorite coffee. Throw a tantrum because the Wi-Fi is a little slow. The ESTP, who thrives on logic and detests unnecessary drama, will find this as appealing as a shark at a vegetarian convention.

And there you have it, four foolproof steps to make your ESTP head for the hills faster than a Ferrari on an open road. Remember, this guide is like a stick of dynamite, handle it with care!

Discover more about ESTPs: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ESTP

The ESFP

Moving on to the ESFP, the entertainer of the personality types, who live life in technicolor and enjoy every moment. They are the life of the party, spreading joy and fun wherever they go. If you’re looking to put a damper on this vibrant spirit, sit tight, as we guide you through the process of unsettling the ESFP.

Start with a healthy dose of future forecasting. Replace all spontaneous plans with meticulously detailed itineraries and set in stone agendas. Demand they plan for retirement and fret over pension schemes. The joy of serendipitous exploration will quickly be replaced by the dread of the ticking clock, and the ESFP, a creature of the moment, will feel caged in a crystal ball of prophecies.

Next, let’s bring down the mood with a heavy hand. Dilute their infectious enthusiasm with existential debates and philosophical discourses. Ponder over the meaninglessness of life and the inevitability of death at every fun gathering. The ESFP, who basks in the joy of living, will find their joy and enthusiasm being sapped away as quickly as the air out of a punctured balloon.

Then, proceed by misunderstanding their intentions and motives. Perceive their friendly nature as flirty, their eagerness to help as insincere, and their zest for life as reckless irresponsibility. Accuse them of being shallow and lacking depth, questioning their every action with a skeptical eye. The ESFP, who highly values being real, despises having their motives misconstrued.

Finally, give a loud and passionate speech supporting the ideologies they are firmly against. Declare your support for rigid bureaucracy at an impromptu get-together, or make a case for curbing individual freedoms at a backyard barbecue. The ESFP, who values personal liberty and spontaneity, will be appalled, embarrassed, and eager to get away.

And there you have it! Four surefire ways to convert a sparkling ESFP into a brooding shadow of their former self.

The ISTP

And now let’s explore the mysterious, logic-driven lair of the ISTP – that person who can fix a race car while simultaneously debunking a conspiracy theory. If you harbor a secret desire to become as welcome in their world as a WiFi outage during a Netflix binge, follow this foolproof guide.

Kick things off with a bang, or rather, a whimper in the fast lane. Insist on being the driver when you both have somewhere to be in a hurry, then drive as slowly as a geriatric snail right in the fast lane. Treat the horn honks and irritated flashing of headlights behind you as applause for your unhurried progress. The ISTP, who values efficiency as much as a climber values a sturdy rope, will be seething beside you.

Next, develop a knack for finding fault in the tiniest, most inconsequential things. Complain about the slightly off-center picture on the wall, the mismatched socks they’re wearing, or the infinitesimal tilt of their coffee cup. The ISTP, who typically doesn’t sweat the small stuff, will soon be sweating bullets trying to endure your relentless nitpicking.

Now, let’s add a dash of emotion to this perfectly brewed cup of annoyance. Respond to every situation, no matter how trivial, with high drama. Spill a drop of coffee? Wail like a banshee. The Wi-Fi’s down for five minutes? React like it’s the apocalypse. The ISTP, who prizes stoicism and pragmatism, will feel like they’re trapped in a theatrical performance they didn’t sign up for.

Finally, violate their sacred quiet time. The moment you spot them enjoying some alone time, launch into a long, rambling monologue about your day, your neighbor’s dog, or the fascinating history of paperclips. The ISTP, who values their solitary sanctuary, will start contemplating if noise-canceling headphones can cancel people too.

By the time you’re done, the ISTP will regard you with the same fondness as a software update during a boss fight. You’ll be sure to be invited back never! But hey, at least you can say you lived life on the edge for a bit.

The ISFP

Welcome to the wonderland of ISFPs – the Myers-Briggs® equivalent of an indie folk musician who’s also secretly a superhero for stray animals. If you’re hankering to get on their bad side in record time, here’s your step-by-step guide to becoming their number one pet peeve.

Begin by nitpicking their creative process. Watch over their shoulder as they paint, write, or play music and offer unsolicited advice like, “Shouldn’t that tree be a little more green?” or “Wouldn’t that character be more interesting if they were an investment banker?”. The ISFP, who holds their creative process sacred, will feel like a caged bird.

Next, learn to adopt a healthy dose of arrogance. Flaunt your superior taste in art, music, and fashion at every opportunity, dismissing their preferences as “cute attempts” at understanding culture. The ISFP, who is deeply passionate about their unique tastes, will feel like a Monet in a world appreciating stick figures.

Next, become the epitome of closed-mindedness. When they express their ideas or feelings, respond as if they’ve proposed a theory about time travel. Utter phrases like “That’s just not how the world works” or “You need to get real.” The ISFP, who thrives on emotional connection and understanding, will be left as speechless as a mime in shock.

Now, it’s time to master the fine art of being judgmental. Bring up the achievements of their peers frequently in conversation, making sure to make comparisons that paint the ISFP as insignificant. “Did you hear about Dave’s solo art exhibit in the city? I wish you could be that ambitious.” The ISFP, who despises comparisons, will be fuming like a steam engine.

Next, perfect your skill in being blatantly fake. Oversell every expression of emotion, be it shock, joy, or sympathy. React to their new painting like you’ve just seen the Mona Lisa, or to their unfortunate news like it’s a telenovela tragedy. Fake laugh at their humor, fake cry at their pain, and watch as the ISFP’s trust in you shatters like a mirror.

Finally, pry, pry, and pry some more. Turn every conversation into an interrogation. Ask deeply personal and intrusive questions. The ISFP, who often values their inner world as a private sanctuary, will start wondering if you’re an undercover agent on a mission.

By the time you’ve checked all these boxes, the ISFP will view you with the same affection one reserves for a toothache on a Monday morning. Mission accomplished!

Find out more about ISFPs: What It Means to be an ISFP Personality Type

What Are Your Thoughts?

Would these tactics ruin a relationship with you? We’d love to hear your thoughts. Perhaps, you’ve got a few more surefire ways to annoy each personality type up your sleeve. Drop your insights, experiences, and anecdotes in the comments section below.

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!