Personalities on Edge: What Makes Each Enneagram Type Lash Out

Have you ever lashed out unexpectedly at someone because something they said, did, or didn’t do made you just snap? Have you ever experienced this with someone else? Today we’re talking about those tricky sparks that light a metaphorical blaze of fury you didn’t see coming. We’re going to look at the things that make each of us lash out because they’re so deeply angering to us. Do you relate to yours? Let’s find out!

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Personalities on Edge: What Makes Each Enneagram Type  Lash Out

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes

Enneagram Type 1: The Perfectionist

They see the world in black and white, right and wrong, and when things fall into the gray zone, sparks can fly. As an everyday example, imagine a One seeing someone carelessly discard their trash next to an empty bin. To them, it’s not just littering; it’s a moral failing!

If you want to make a One lash out, then don’t take responsibility. Simple as that. Blame other people for your problems, make excuses, do things the lazy way.

But really, please don’t do this. Ones work hard enough without having to deal with all that nonsense. The crucial thing with Ones is, if you make a mistake, own up to it. If you say you’ll do something, do it. They can forgive a lot if someone takes personal accountability for their actions.

Five more things to avoid:

• Making light of the rules
• Being irresponsible or late
• Making a mess of their stuff
• Criticizing them unjustly
• Being deceptive or dishonest

Find out more about the One: 21 Signs That You’re an Enneagram One Personality Type

Enneagram Type 2: The Helper

Twos are all about generosity, giving, supporting, and being the confidante you always wanted. What sets them off? Imagine a 2 Enneatype organizing a surprise party, only to find their efforts taken for granted. Nobody says thank you. In fact, people hardly acknowledge them.

Twos are those people who want to know what you want before you know you want it. They’re emotional radar-detectors, always scanning for the deepest desires of the people around them. If you want to really bug them, you’d just pretend you don’t notice all the things they notice and all the efforts they make. You’d just expect it, without offering a word of thanks or letting them know what it meant to you.

But you’re not like that I hope. Don’t be like that. Please. The Twos don’t deserve it. Just offer a thank you, ask them how they’re doing, give them a chance to express themselves and don’t monopolize all the conversations and make them about you. If something they did benefited you in a particular way, share it in detail. It will make their day!

Five things that will frustrate Twos:

• Overlooking their efforts and care
• Taking them for granted
• Making light of their efforts
• Rejecting their help
• Constantly giving and never getting help or support in return

Discover more about Twos: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 2 Type

Enneagram Type 3: The Achiever

For the Achiever, a stalled project is not just a delay; it’s a direct hit to their self-worth. Threes are always working hard on a project, trying to get the next big achievement done. When something slows them down or people aren’t trying their best, they start to seethe.

So what ticks off Threes? When people drag their feet and hold things up, when they can’t keep up with the pace of a 3’s ambition. Even worse? When people don’t take responsibility for their actions, but just mope and complain and blame everyone else instead of trying to fix their predicament.

Five things that make a Three lash out:

• Obstructing their goals
• Being indecisive or wishy-washy
• Inefficiency
• Moping, complaining, and lack of resilience
• Their own personal failures

Find out more about Threes: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 3 Type

Enneagram Type 4: The Individualist

Type 4s feel deeply, and a lack of validation can make them feel profoundly isolated. If a 4 opens up to someone about their feelings and is met with disinterest or apathy, this is a time when they’ll start to feel deep anger or emotional overwhelm. Especially because Fours don’t share this kind of thing with just anyone.

Fours just want to be seen for who they really are. They want authenticity, connection, and a chance to express their true identity. Yet often instead of authentic connections they find a world that is preoccupied with image and superficiality. If you want to make a Four lash out, be shallow, insincere, or phony. The things that most anger a Four involve meaninglessness and a sense that they are invisible or unheard.

Five things to avoid:

• Dismissing their feelings
• Ignoring their creative expressions
• Making them feel ordinary
• Insincerity
• Shallowness and meaninglessness

Discover more about Fours: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 4 Personality Type

Enneagram Type 5: The Investigator

Type 5s value their personal space; barging in on them is one surefire way to make a negative impact. For example, imagine a 5 deeply engrossed in research, only to be interrupted time and again with trivial demands. Or worse, having their observations dismissed or devalued. Yikes! This is one way to make the normally reserved and quiet Five lash out in fury.

For Fives, their intelligence and the information they gather are part of their identity. They want to understand the world around them and share that understanding with others. To be seen as ignorant, or to have their insights ignored strikes at the heart of their self-esteem.

Also, Fives need to be allowed to be hermits now and then (or…a lot). If you want to make a Five mad, never let them have their alone time. Or better yet, follow them around and ask them questions incessantly. In contrast, don’t barge in on them, interrupt them, or overschedule their time if you value their well-being.

Five things that infuriate a 5:

• Challenges to their intelligence or insights
• Disinterest in the knowledge they offer
• Unwarranted demands on their personal time
• Emotional overloading or excessive social demands
• Interruptions during their alone time

Find out more about Fives: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 5 Type

Enneagram Type 6: The Loyalist

A breach of trust for a Type 6 shatters their sense of security. A 6 would rather deal with someone’s messy truths than be charmed by someone’s appealing white lies. They’re looking for sincerity, not the smoothest talker. But suddenly finding out that they’ve been deceived is a surefire way to make them angry.

Sixes crave reliability, certainty, safety. People who are cagey, manipulative, or at any point dishonest will break the bond of trust that’s so important to this type. And another thing? Sixes hate having their worries or carefully-thought-out advice dismissed or laughed at. Yes, Sixes tend to be on the anxious side, but they can also be excellent troubleshooters and emergency-preparedness advisors!

Five things to avoid:

• Disloyalty or betrayal
• Inconsistencies in words or actions
• Overpowering or manipulating them
• Ignoring their advice or warnings
• Creating unstable or unpredictable environments

Discover more about Sixes: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 6 Personality Type

Enneagram Type 7: The Enthusiast

Confinement is kryptonite to a Type 7, whose freedom is paramount. Imagine a 7 trapped in a routine job with no variety. The monotony can drive them to distraction, if not outright rebellion.

Basically, when it comes to Sevens, you just need to let them be free. Yes, we all have to have certain boundaries, limits, responsibilities, and rules, but for a 7 these need to be consciously chosen, not forced upon them. Micro-managers keep away!

Also, if you want to keep the peace, don’t take away their fun or adventures. Don’t berate them for not being as serious as you. For the 7, life is meant to be an adventure, and it’s not, why bother? A Seven can turn into a very unhappy, even resentful person if they’re not able to enjoy themselves or be their free-wheeling selves.

Five things that make Sevens rage:

• Limitations on their freedom
• Being forced into routines or monotony
• Taking away their opportunities for fun and adventure
• Being told they “can’t” do something
• Feeling bored
• Being told what to do.

Find out more about Sevens: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram Seven

Enneagram Type 8: The Challenger

Type 8s abhor manipulation, coyness, or ulterior motives. If an 8 feels like they’re being played or lied to, it can trigger an explosion of anger. Be who you say you are, and don’t wear a mask. People who show up differently for everyone they are with will make an 8 distrusting and frustrated.

Challengers have a strong sense of justice and are often seen as protectors of those who can’t defend themselves. They respect people who stand up for their beliefs and expect others to possess the same level of integrity. In their world, there’s no room for indecisiveness or playing it safe. To an 8, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

Five scenarios that might make an 8 lash out:

• Dealing with dishonesty or manipulation
• Being with people who lack the courage to stand up for themselves
• People who beat around the bush or can’t get to the point
• Encountering acts of injustice or unfair treatment
• Being micro-managed or controlled

Want to know more about Eights? Read 10 Things Enneagram 8s Need in Relationships

Enneagram Type 9: The Peacemaker

Disruptions to inner or external peace can awaken a Type 9’s dormant volcano. One of the worst things you can do is force a 9 to take part in a heated argument. The distress of conflict can lead them to withdraw or, paradoxically, explode. Nines want life to be calm and even-keeled, they don’t want to be forced to express opinions or thoughts that could disrupt the harmony or hinder their relationships. They need to approach these situations on their own terms, in their own time.

At the same time, Nines aren’t always pushovers. They like to be in charge of their own lives, and don’t like being controlled or pressured into doing something by other people. Pushy people, micro-managers, and inconsiderate individuals can all trigger the easy-going Nine’s fury.

Five things that can upset a 9:

• Feeling forced to take part in confrontation or conflict
• Having their peace and harmony disrupted
• Being controlled or pushed into doing something against their will
• People who don’t respect their need for alone time and boundaries
• Saying “yes” to things they don’t really want to say “yes” to.

Find out more about Nines: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram 9 Type

What Makes You Lash Out?

Let us know if you agree with these or if you have any other thoughts or advice in the comments! Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!

References:

The Enneagram, Relationships and Intimacy by David Daniels, M.D. and Suzanne Dion (2018, David Daniels)