The Dark Side of the INFP Personality Type

Ever wondered what an INFP in their dark side is like? Or maybe you ARE an INFP and you’re worried that you’ve entered your “evil” era. Whatever the case, I want you to relax. You’re not a villain. We all have a dark side that crops up from time to time. Today we’re looking at the INFPs. How does it arise? What sparks this mysterious turn? And how can you escape? Let’s find out!

But first of all, what is an INFP?

INFPs are all about ideals, imagination, and possibility. They are totally tuned into meaning, often looking for purpose in every moment, every experience, every…well, everything. If theyโ€™re gazing out the window, itโ€™s not because theyโ€™re zoning outโ€”itโ€™s because theyโ€™re considering how the sunset represents the fleeting nature of existence. Probably.

Discover the dark side of the INFP personality type, and how to cope. #INFP #MBTI #Personality

For those who donโ€™t know, INFP stands for Introvert, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving. And for INFPs, these qualities mean theyโ€™re:

  • Introverted: Time alone is a must. Social gatherings? Fun, maybe. But only if thereโ€™s a comfy spot to escape to with a cup of tea and a good book.
  • Intuitive: INFPs focus on possibilities over realities. Ask them what they saw in the forest today, and they might tell you about a life-altering metaphor they stumbled upon among the trees (or the plot to a new fantasy novel they’re writing).
  • Feeling: Decisions come from the heart, not a spreadsheet. Logic is respected but wonโ€™t always win over a good gut instinct or a deep, personal value.
  • Perceiving: Structure? Meh. Plans? Maybeโ€ฆ but letโ€™s keep it flexible. Nothing crushes an INFPโ€™s creativity like rigid schedules and color-coded agendas.

But hereโ€™s the thing: When these traits get pushed a little too far, we find ourselves on the path to the INFP โ€œdark side.โ€

Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTIยฎ here.

The INFP Dark Side Triggers

Even the kindest souls can turn to the dark side when the right buttons are pressed. For INFPs, the following are some of the big triggers that can bring out their lesser-known shadows.

1. Stress

Kryptonite of the INFP

Stress for an INFP can be like accidentally triggering โ€œdeep introspection mode.โ€ They dive into their minds, replaying interactions, decisions, and emotional momentsโ€”often convinced they missed some deeply important detail or offended someone without realizing it. Every past mistake comes to the forefront of their mind, and life starts to feel too loud, too overwhelming, too demanding, just “too much.”

One INFP I worked with described how she would โ€œzone outโ€ for hours after a stressful situation, convinced sheโ€™d somehow messed up or disappointed everyone in her orbit. Sheโ€™d analyze, replay, and obsess over every detail until she was exhausted. Meanwhile, her inbox, laundry, and life in general piled up.

Stress can also make INFPs withdraw, and not in a pleasant, โ€œletโ€™s cozy up with a bookโ€ way. Itโ€™s more like, โ€œLetโ€™s retreat to a mental bunker and brace for all possible emotional catastrophes.โ€ They might ignore social commitments, avoid friends, and end up feeling isolatedโ€”all while being too overwhelmed to reach out.

What makes an INFP feel stressed? Here are just a few things:

  • Rigid rules and schedules
  • Having their values violated
  • Not enough time alone. Too much socializing.
  • Too many demands on their time
  • Meaningless relationships
  • A lack of authenticity from others
  • Having their creativity stifled
  • Having to focus too extensively on sensory/concrete details
  • Criticism or confrontation

2. Immaturity

An immature INFP might be a little more intense about their ideals. They become so attached to their beliefs that they struggle to see other points of view. Itโ€™s like theyโ€™ve created a powerful fort of personal rules for being a “good person”, and you are not getting in unless you pass an extensive moral and philosophical background check.

One young INFP told me he would instantly distrust anyone who didnโ€™t share his same favorite authors, assuming they โ€œjust didnโ€™t get it.โ€ He felt misunderstood, isolated, and, ironically, very aloneโ€”without realizing he was holding people to a set of rules only he was aware of.

This can also look like chasing new dreams, relationships, or hobbies at the speed of lightโ€”always convinced the next thing is โ€œthe oneโ€ that will finally make everything make sense. Of course, reality doesnโ€™t work that way, and when things inevitably fall short, these INFPs may withdraw and go back to the drawing board, starting all over again.

3. The Fi-Si Loop

A cartoon demonstrating how the INFP feels when they're in a Fi-Si loop

This one sounds technical, but itโ€™s basically an INFP becoming a shut-in who wonโ€™t leave their comfort zone. It happens when they get trapped in a loop between Introverted Feeling (Fi) and Introverted Sensing (Si), ignoring their more adaptable, adventurous Extraverted Intuition (Ne).

In this loop, theyโ€™re all about how they feel and whatโ€™s familiar. Picture an INFP whoโ€™s replaying a past argument on an endless loop, convinced they could have done something differently. They focus on past hurts, past wins, and anything that feels comforting (even if itโ€™s just wallowing in old emotional wounds).

When theyโ€™re in this mode, life outside can seem too unpredictable, too complex, too โ€œugh.โ€ They become increasingly protective of their routines, their small circle, and their tried-and-true comforts. I had an INFP client once who would avoid trying any new social situations, convinced โ€œnobody would understand themโ€ if they heard his thoughts. Heโ€™d spiral, feel unheard, and then spiral againโ€”while barely leaving his apartment. The good news? Through some bravery and hard work he eventually was able to break out of the loop through spending time in nature with his family. Starting small with easy activities and then building helped him re-forge the relationship with his Extraverted Intuition. So there IS hope! Always.

INFP Insecurities: The Path to Anxiety, Isolation, and the Past Replayed

INFPs are driven by a core set of values and ideals. They want to live a life that aligns with their deepest beliefs and need to feel authentic in their actions. But this strong desire to live โ€œtrue to selfโ€ can also make them feel vulnerableโ€”especially in a world that often values practicality over ideals, and bluntness over sensitivity. Letโ€™s dive into how this insecurity can push them toward their dark side, where anxiety, isolation, and a constant mental โ€œreplayโ€ button start to take over.

Anxiety and the Inner Critic

At the heart of an INFPโ€™s insecurity is a question that many of them wouldnโ€™t dream of asking out loud: Am I good enough? They might feel unsure about whether their ideas are practical or if theyโ€™re making a meaningful impact. INFPs can be their own toughest critics, replaying interactions and second-guessing every response: Did I say the right thing? Did I come across as too intense?

Iโ€™ve worked with INFPs who canโ€™t stop wondering if theyโ€™ve disappointed someone. Theyโ€™d lie awake, analyzing every word of a conversation, convinced they were misunderstood or secretly judged. One INFP told me heโ€™d sometimes apologize for ways his words could have been misinterpretedโ€”just in case someone might have taken something he said the wrong way.

This kind of thinking easily leads to anxiety, with INFPs worrying about every โ€œwhat ifโ€ and hypothetical scenario, no matter how unlikely. While other types might brush off a critical comment, INFPs can carry it like a splinter they just canโ€™t remove. It stays under the skin, feeding a quiet storm of self-doubt and insecurity.

Isolation: When the World Feels Too Much

71.59% of INFPs feel misunderstood when trying to get to know new people

When their insecurities build up, INFPs may start to feel like they donโ€™t quite fit anywhere. They see a world that often seems loud, overly practical, or even a bit shallow, which can make them feel out of sync. If they start to believe that no one โ€œgetsโ€ them, they may retreat inward, surrounding themselves with only their own thoughts and feelingsโ€”where things feel safer and less complicated.

This isolation can take many forms. Some INFPs withdraw from social settings, preferring the company of their own mind. Others might still interact but will keep their truest selves hidden, convinced that no one would understand the โ€œrealโ€ them. I remember an INFP client whoโ€™d show up to every social event but would say only a few words the entire time. When I asked him why, he shrugged, saying, โ€œIโ€™m there, but Iโ€™m not really there.โ€

In these moments, INFPs often cling to their familiar routines, habits, and comforts. They may feel a sense of relief being away from the world, but over time, this isolation feeds their insecurities, making them even more uncertain of how theyโ€™ll be received if they do venture out.

Negative Replays from the Past

For an INFP in โ€œdark sideโ€ mode, the past is a rich, endlessly revisited playgroundโ€”especially the negative bits. They may replay hurtful comments, awkward moments, or perceived failures over and over, analyzing every detail and wondering if they could have done things differently. Itโ€™s as if theyโ€™re watching a bad movie on repeat, hoping this time it will end differently.

INFPs are particularly prone to fixating on moments where they felt misunderstood, embarrassed, or unappreciated. One INFP I worked with told me sheโ€™d replayed a conversation from two years ago, still wincing over something she wished sheโ€™d said differently. For her, that memory wasnโ€™t โ€œoldโ€; it was alive, vivid, and just as painful as it had been the first time around.

These replays are often fueled by a feeling of โ€œnot enoughโ€โ€”not assertive enough, not clever enough, not expressive enough. Itโ€™s a negative spiral where each replay makes them feel more disconnected, less understood, and even more reluctant to take risks in the future. Ironically, the very qualities that make them so reflective and insightful are also what make it so easy to get stuck in these mental loops.

Insecurity, left unchecked, can turn an INFPโ€™s greatest strengthsโ€”empathy, introspection, idealismโ€”into a breeding ground for anxiety, self-doubt, and self-imposed solitude. But recognizing this pattern is the first step to moving out of the shadows. In the next section, weโ€™ll talk about how INFPs can break free from these replays, manage anxiety, and stay connected to the world without losing their authenticity.

Finding the Beauty of the World and the Good Within

When INFPs turn the page from insecurity and isolation, they often find themselves in a world thatโ€™s richer, brighter, and far more beautiful than they remembered. Thereโ€™s this shiftโ€”sometimes gradual, sometimes suddenโ€”where they start to see the endless potential around them and the possibilities theyโ€™d forgotten. And in this awakening, they discover that the world and their own inner world have so much more to offer.

The Imagination Reignited

โ€œYou canโ€™t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.โ€ - Mark Twain. Quote for INFP

Imagination is like an old friend for the INFP, but one that can get quiet when insecurities take over. Once they start letting go of self-doubt, the imagination flares back to life. They remember the โ€œwhat ifsโ€ that weren’t “what if I ruin all my relationships and end up alone forever?” and they let go of constantly trying to be “good enough.”

One INFP I knew shared how he felt like heโ€™d rediscovered an inner world heโ€™d lost touch with. After years of feeling weighed down by daily life and fear of judgment, he started writing again. For him, the process wasnโ€™t about achieving anythingโ€”it was just for the joy of creating, of giving life to ideas heโ€™d been pushing aside. โ€œItโ€™s like Iโ€™m seeing things in color again,โ€ he said. And it was true: when INFPs reconnect with their imagination, even the mundane can seem full of possibility.

Tip: Brainstorm your way to joy.

Grab a notebook and let yourself โ€œfree-writeโ€ all the wild ideas you can think of. Think big, think weirdโ€”whether itโ€™s dreaming up with a new book idea or coming up with ten ways youโ€™d redesign the world if you were in charge. The goal here isnโ€™t to make sense; itโ€™s to remind yourself that your imagination is a superpower.

And if youโ€™re feeling particularly daring, try one of these ideas out in real life.

The Beauty of the World: Seeing the Big Picture Again

When an INFP steps out of the โ€œdark side,โ€ they start to see the world less as a place that might judge or misunderstand them, and more as a vast playground of inspiration, beauty, and wonder. Theyโ€™re often drawn to nature, art, or even small moments of kindnessโ€”anything that reminds them of the good in the world.

I had an INFP client who began taking long walks in nature whenever life got too hectic. She described how just watching the sunlight gleam through the leaves or listening to the wind was like therapy for her. These moments reminded her that life was more than her worries and that there was an entire world outside of her mind that was waiting to be experienced. For INFPs, these small, mindful experiences can be deeply healing. They remind them that thereโ€™s beauty all around and that they donโ€™t have to stay confined in their heads.

Tip: Pretend youโ€™re an alien.

No, really. Next time youโ€™re feeling disconnected, try looking at the world like youโ€™re seeing it for the first time. You might ask yourself, โ€œWhat is this strange, fascinating object calledโ€ฆbread?โ€ or โ€œWhy are humans always rushing?โ€ Take in the details, the colors, the sounds, and the โ€œbig pictureโ€ of it all.

If youโ€™re around people, observe their quirks like youโ€™re conducting a little (harmless!) experiment. Watch how someone laughs, or the way they talk with their hands. Life is full of little treasures when you give yourself permission to look closely.

Rediscovering the Good Inside

One of the most important parts of an INFPโ€™s journey is realizing that they are enoughโ€”that thereโ€™s good in them, just as they are. INFPs are naturally hard on themselves, always pushing to be more authentic, more compassionate, more true. But when they give themselves permission to be human, flaws and all, they find a gentler, kinder side of self-reflection.

Self-forgiveness is a big piece of this puzzle. For some INFPs, itโ€™s a matter of looking back at those โ€œcringeโ€ moments theyโ€™ve replayed and saying, โ€œOkay, that was awkward, but itโ€™s done, and that’s just part of the human experience.โ€ One INFP told me she started keeping a journal just for moments of self-forgiveness. Sheโ€™d write down everything sheโ€™d been beating herself up over, from a missed deadline to an old argument. โ€œI realized Iโ€™d never be that hard on a friend, so why was I doing it to myself?โ€ she asked. This simple act of self-kindness opened her up to see her strengths and gave her room to actually enjoy her unique gifts.

Tip: High-five yourself for the little wins.

Start a mini tradition where, at the end of each day, you give yourself credit for three things you did well. These could be tiny wins, like โ€œI remembered to water my plantโ€ or โ€œI managed not to overthink that text messageโ€. Write them down, do a little victory dance, or give yourself an actual high-five if youโ€™re alone (and if not, just go for it anywayโ€”INFPs make their own rules).

And remember, being a human is hard sometimes, so take pride in showing up as yourself, flaws and all.

Mindfulness and Experience: Grounding in the Moment

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for INFPs, helping them stay present and connected to their surroundings instead of getting pulled into the maze of self-defeating thoughts. When theyโ€™re grounded in the here and now, INFPs become more open to new experiences and less likely to retreat inward. The trick is learning to let thoughts come and go without clinging to themโ€”like watching clouds drift by without trying to control the sky.

For INFPs, mindfulness isnโ€™t just a way to manage stress; itโ€™s a path back to their own sense of wonder. It reminds them that each moment holds beauty and that they donโ€™t have to dwell in the past or worry about the future. They can simply be.

Tip: Become an โ€œEveryday Poet.โ€

To stay grounded, try writing a โ€œpoemโ€ about one small thing you noticed today. (And by โ€œpoem,โ€ I mean literally anything that captures the moment in your own wordsโ€”haikus are optional.) It could be about the way your coffee steamed in the sunlight or how the leaves made a patchwork of shadows on the sidewalk. The more specific, the better.

The goal here isnโ€™t to win a Pulitzer Prize; itโ€™s to keep you connected to your surroundings. By capturing these moments, youโ€™ll find that they start to feel more vivid, more alive-and you may just be able to publish it someday!

What Do You Think?

Do you relate to the INFP dark side? Have you found some helpful ways to get out of a rut? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

If youโ€™re an INFP, remember this: your imagination, empathy, and depth are gifts the world needs. Embracing who you areโ€”quirks, dreams, and allโ€”can unlock incredible potential for creativity, connection, and purpose. The journey to fully understanding and appreciating yourself can sometimes be a winding road, but thereโ€™s beauty in every step.

Take the Next Step

For those of you who want to dive deeper, Iโ€™ve written a book just for you: The INFP โ€“ Understanding the Dreamer. This eBook is designed to help you harness your strengths, navigate lifeโ€™s challenges, and find clarity in a world that often feels like it wasnโ€™t made with INFPs in mind. Hereโ€™s just a taste of what youโ€™ll find inside:

  • Insights into the INFP mind and how it works
  • Strategies for handling stress and avoiding INFP pitfalls
  • Creativity hacks to bring your ideas to life
  • Compatibility guides and parenting tips
  • Career advice tailored to your unique strengths

Whether youโ€™re an INFP parent, in a relationship, or just looking for more clarity and confidence, this guide offers tools and tips to help you flourish. Hereโ€™s what one reader, Amelia, shared: โ€œThe INFP โ€“ Understanding the Dreamer was very insightful and gave me a lot of ways to understand myself better. I especially liked the creativity tips and learning about other famous INFPs. Iโ€™ll definitely refer to this book over the course of my life so that I can be happier and get out of stress or loop situations.โ€

If youโ€™d like a more personal approach, I also offer coaching sessions, where we can explore your unique personality, goals, and challenges one-on-one. These sessions are tailored to help you make the most of your strengths and gain insights that bring more clarity, purpose, and joy to your life.

Thank you for being here, and remember: the world needs dreamers like you. Keep exploring, creating, and sharing that wonderful INFP magic!

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One Comment

  1. Another excellent article, Susan, thank you! I’m an INFJ, my best friend is an INFP, and this article hit me right in the empathy. The insights will be very valuable when I help her navigate difficult emotional situations

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