How the 9 Enneagram Types Act When They Have a Crush (It’s a Mess, But It’s Fine)

Crushing on someone is already a weird human experience. Your brain goes into full PowerPoint presentation mode at 2 AM, replaying that one time they laughed at your joke like it’s an Oscar-winning performance. But how you crush? That’s where things get deeply Enneagram-specific.

Let’s break it down, type by type—because whether you’re currently spiraling or just watching a friend make choices, this is about to feel real….and a little not real, actually, because we’re trying to have fun with it.

Not sure what your personality type is? Take our Enneagram questionnaire here!

Type 1 – The Perfectionist: “Love Is a Moral Responsibility”

Core Fear: Being seen as bad or corrupt
Core Desire: To be good, ethical, and right

Listen, One’s crushes don’t happen casually. If they like someone, it’s because they have quietly observed their moral character over the course of at least six months (minimum). Do they recycle? Do they return their shopping cart? Do they respect the Oxford comma?

If they pass the internal audit, the One enters the pining phase, which includes:

• Trying to become an even better person (because obviously, they are not “good enough” yet).
• Overanalyzing everything they say for correctness, clarity, and ethical soundness.
• Feeling personally attacked if their crush is dating someone subpar (“Oh. So mediocrity is attractive now?”).

How they confess their feelings:

Via an accidentally flirty but mostly logically sound PowerPoint titled “Why You Should Consider Dating Me: A Thoughtfully Researched Proposal.”

Type 2 – The Helper: “I Love You. Please Hydrate.”

Core Fear: Being unloved or unwanted
Core Desire: To feel loved and appreciated

Twos fall hard and immediately enter caretaker mode before anyone even knows what’s happening. Suddenly, their crush has a favorite homemade soup (delivered), reminders to take their vitamins (texted), and a hype-person for even their dumbest jokes (fully committed).

They won’t say they have a crush. Oh no. That would be selfish. Instead, they will:

• Do increasingly extravagant “thoughtful” things and pretend it’s casual.
• Actively ignore their own needs because their crush’s happiness must come first.
• Accidentally get friend-zoned because they’re too busy being an emotional support human.

How they confess their feelings:

They don’t. But they will bake you a cake with “I SUPPORT YOUR DREAMS” written in frosting, then immediately deflect if you ask if they like you.

Type 3 – The Achiever: “You Will Love Me, Even If I Die Trying”

Core Fear: Being seen as a failure or worthless
Core Desire: To be successful, admired, and valuable

Threes don’t get crushes so much as they start an undercover campaign for admiration. Does their crush like artists? Congratulations, they are now an artist. Does their crush love hiking? Wow, they’ve suddenly taken up hiking. Do they enjoy deep philosophical conversations? Amazing, they have just ordered every Nietzsche book.

They will:

• Miraculously have all the same interests as their crush (This is definitely not manipulation. It’s “adapting.”).
• Be incredibly smooth in public, then spiral alone.
• Win their crush’s affection the same way they win everything else—with charm, strategy, and just a little bit of mild deceit.

How they confess their feelings:

After an absurdly well-executed romantic gesture, casually dropping, “I mean, if you wanna date, that’d be cool. No big deal.”

Type 4 – The Individualist: “I Am Literally Dying From Feelings”

Core Fear: Being insignificant or misunderstood
Core Desire: To find their true identity and be seen for who they really are

Fours don’t just have crushes. They experience them—deeply, tragically, artistically. They are consumed. Every interaction is scrutinized like an indie film that no one else understands.

• They will meticulously imagine their future together, even the breakup phase (which inevitably winds up with them finding each other and re-falling in love twenty years later in Ireland)
• They will listen to sad music and pretend they are in a period drama.
• They will suffer, and they will like it.

How they confess their feelings:

They write a heartfelt, poetic letter, fold it up, and put it in their journal… where it will remain forever.

Type 5 – The Investigator: “I Have Researched You”

Core Fear: Being incompetent or overwhelmed
Core Desire: To be capable and self-sufficient

Fives do not fall in love easily, but when they do? It’s a research project. Their crush’s likes, dislikes, childhood trauma, and favorite pizza topping are all mentally archived for reference.

However, actually talking to their crush is… complicated.

• They will absolutely not initiate contact.
• They will replay a single interaction for months.
• They will panic if their crush flirts back.

How they confess their feelings:

They don’t. But they will send an intellectual meme about existentialism, hoping their crush reads between the lines.

Type 6 – The Loyalist: “Are We Sure This Is Safe?”

Core Fear: Being abandoned or without support
Core Desire: To feel secure and certain

Sixes want to fall in love, but also not get hurt, so their crushing process looks like a CSI-level background check mixed with occasional trust issues.

• They will ask friends for verification.
• They will analyze texts for hidden danger.
• They will overthink every interaction to the point of exhaustion.

How they confess their feelings:

Accidentally. While spiraling. Probably starts with “Listen, I know this is a mistake, BUT—”

Type 7 – The Enthusiast: “OMG I Love You! Wait, Do I?”

Core Fear: Being trapped, stuck, or in pain
Core Desire: To be happy, free, and fulfilled

Sevens fall hard, fast, and with an entire fireworks display of enthusiasm. Their brain immediately skips to the highlight reel of the relationship—epic road trips, spontaneous adventures, inside jokes that make people jealous—but then… feelings happen. Real ones. And those are complicated.

• They will flirt like it’s their full-time job—charming, playful, effortlessly making their crush feel like the most interesting person alive.
• They will plan wild, cinematic dates (“Let’s rent a boat and recreate the best scenes from ‘The Notebook’!”)—but may struggle with, you know, actually following through.
• They will 100% convince themselves it’s just a casual thing, even while imagining a life together that involves a converted van and matching leather jackets.

How they confess their feelings:

They start a conversation that goes something like: “Hey, so I was thinking—we should go skydiving. Or road trip to a city we’ve never been to. Or start a band. Or just, you know… date? No pressure. But also, huge pressure, because life is short and we should make it amazing right now.”

Type 8 – The Challenger: “I Will Flirt, But As a Power Move”

Core Fear: Being controlled or vulnerable
Core Desire: To be strong, independent, and in charge

Eights don’t crush. They challenge. Romance isn’t some delicate, fluttery feeling—it’s a battle of wills, and they will win. If they’re into you, you’ll know… because they’ll be aggressively unimpressed with everything you say while also never leaving you alone. Their gaze will be intense. Their physical presence…simmering.

• They will act like you’re just “some person.” (Meanwhile, they are mentally planning how to conquer your heart.)
• They will challenge you on absolutely everything. (Your music taste? Wrong. Your favorite movie? Basic. Do they love arguing with you? Yes.)
• They will test your strength. Can you handle them? Can you keep up? If not, they’re gone.

How they confess their feelings:
They don’t. But they will stare at you across the room with an intensity that suggests both admiration and a mild threat.

Type 9 – The Peacemaker: “I Will Like You From Over Here”

Core Fear: Conflict, pressure, or rocking the boat
Core Desire: To feel peaceful, comfortable, and connected

Nines fall in love the way they do everything else—quietly, gradually, and with the absolute least amount of disruption possible. They don’t crush so much as they settle into a warm, cozy admiration that no one (especially their crush) knows about.

• They will stare longingly but look away the second you notice. (Oh no, were they too obvious?)
• They will be aggressively chill—so chill, in fact, that you will have zero indication they have feelings for you.
• They will wait for the “perfect moment” to confess. (Spoiler: The perfect moment will never come.)

How they confess their feelings:
They don’t. But they will listen to you talk about your problems for hours while quietly hoping you’ll just know.

What Do You Think?

Do you relate to your Enneagram type’s trials in love? Let us know in the comments! We’d love to hear your experiences and stories!

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