Dating Do’s and Don’ts for Each Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and with it are many plans and expectations of the “perfect” date. How can you ensure that your experience is as successful as possible? What each personality type looks for in a date (and what instantly turns them off) is very different. Here are some do’s and don’ts to help you be on the right track!

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ISTJ Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ISTJ you want to make sure that you have a plan when you’re on a date. Don’t just show up and expect them to spontaneously come up with the perfect scenario right then and there. “Winging it” tends to stress them out. Be authentic. This is another HUGE deal to ISTJs. They can spot phoniness pretty quickly and they detest it. Just be yourself! Lastly, ISTJs usually like to start off their relationships at a slow and comfortable pace. Dinner and a movie, fixing a meal together, or meeting at a coffee shop for a quiet drink are all great first date ideas. Give them time to warm up to you and don’t try to push them into deep emotional waters right away; they take time to open up and will feel frustrated and flustered if they are pressured into divvying up emotional details on demand.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be on time.
– Have a plan.
– Respect their privacy and don’t pressure them to open up emotionally quickly.
– Respect their need for quiet and alone time. A big, loud party might not be the ideal first date.
– Give them time to think things through before expecting an answer or a commitment.
– Be real. Don’t be phony or manipulative.
– Give your ISTJ partner time to adjust to transitions and changes in plans.
– Don’t be wishy-washy. Keep your word and be reliable.

Related: 10 Things You Should NEVER Say to an ISTJ

ISFJ Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ISFJ you’ll want to make sure they know what your intentions are. Don’t be wishy-washy and make sure you’re being upfront about your desires and level of commitment. You’ll also want to be conscientious. Good manners, good listening skills, and empathy go a long ways with these types! Values are a big deal to ISFJs. It can be difficult for them to see a future with someone who doesn’t share the same values and beliefs. Make sure to listen without criticism to their values and think seriously about whether there will be a case for conflict in the future. ISFJs take their relationships seriously and aren’t looking for something shallow and superficial in most cases. They tend to be cautious at the beginning of relationships and need time to open up and feel comfortable sharing a more intimate side of themselves. Overall, they are wanting trust, shared values, commitment, and good listening skills in a relationship.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be on time.
– Have a plan.
– Be clear about your expectations and desires for the relationship.
– Don’t “spring” things on them at the last minute.
– Don’t be wishy-washy. Keep your word and be reliable.
– Be conscientious and attentive.
– Respect their values and feelings.
– Respect their privacy and their need to take things slowly.
– Give them time to think things over before expecting a response.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ISFJ

ESTJ Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ESTJ you’ll want to make sure that you’re clear on what your expectations and goals are. ESTJs hate ambiguity and wishy-washy behavior, so they usually aren’t interested in “winging it” or “playing it by ear”. Be on time, be responsible, and make sure you keep to your commitments. ESTJs do like to have fun and they enjoy engaging their senses during dates; hiking, exploring a garden, going wine tasting, or attending a concert are all favored activities. They enjoy conversing and asking questions and getting to know you. Contrary to most stereotypes, ESTJs are actually very interested in how people think and hearing different points of view. They like it when people have opinions and are willing to stick up for them. Be authentic. ESTJs can’t stand manipulation or phony behavior. Remember that ESTJs can be out of touch sometimes with the feelings/emotions of others. They usually don’t mean any harm, but if they seem insensitive try to tell them how it makes you feel without taking it personally. Remember, that feeling is their least-preferred function so it can be harder for them to stay “tuned in” to the emotional atmosphere.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be on time.
– Keep your commitments.
– Be clear about your expectations and hopes for the relationship.
– Be willing to go out and socialize with your partner. They’ll get bored if they’re cooped up too much.
– Be clear about your opinions and reactions. Don’t expect them to “guess” how you’re feeling.
– Don’t be manipulative or passive-aggressive. Be direct as much as possible.
– Always be honest.

Related: The Top 7 Gift Ideas for ESTJs

ESFJ Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ESFJ you’ll want to be clear and upfront about your hopes, expectations, and level of commitment. ESFJs like to have a plan, they like knowing what to expect, and they don’t like to be caught off guard by a level of commitment they weren’t anticipating. Generally speaking, ESFJs are interested in long-term commitments over temporary flings. While there are variations to any type, many ESFJs are looking for loyalty, commitment, and shared values. They want to know they can count on the person they’re dating. So be on time, be honest, keep your promises, and be clear about your expectations. ESFJs have strong value systems and tend to be very compassionate and generous people. They will go out of their way to ensure you are comfortable, and they appreciate when their partners do the same for them. Be attentive, listen well, and show them you care by doing little acts of kindness to make them feel at ease. Pay attention to your manners too, and show consideration for others, from the waitress at your table to your friends and family!

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Make sure you’re on the same page about important values. This can lead to less conflict later on.
– Be on time and keep your commitments.
– Be attentive.
– Use good manners and show empathy for others.
– Don’t dismiss their values, feelings, or favorite traditions.
– Don’t be wishy-washy. Keep your word.
– Be as open as you can about your feelings and desires.

Related: 5 Ways to Annoy an ESFJ

ISTP Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ISTP you’ll want to bring a good sense of adventure and your own independent interests to the table. ISTPs enjoy having a good time, engaging in new experiences, and being playful with their partners. They are incredibly independent individuals, so they don’t want an overbearing or emotionally needy partner. They are attracted to people who have their own interests, desires, and pursuits and who are willing to take the relationship slowly to see where it leads. They don’t want to be pushed into a big commitment before they’re absolutely ready. They want to have fun together; whether that’s through doing something recreational, exploring a new cuisine, or just hanging out on the couch to watch Netflix! They usually have a good sense of humor and appreciate this in a partner as well. The most important qualities in a relationship for ISTPs are trust, good communication, and mutual respect.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Have a good sense of humor.
– Be open to new experiences and fun adventures!
– Be honest and authentic.
– Be willing to take the relationship slowly and see where it leads.
– Don’t pressure them for a commitment before they’re ready.
– Respect their privacy.
– Be clear about your needs, hopes and desires.
– Be optimistic! Try not to complain too much.

Related: 5 Ways to Annoy an ISTP

ISFP Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ISFP you’ll want to bring a lot of honesty, empathy, and a good sense of adventure to the table. These individuals are compassionate, down-to-earth, and fun-loving and they look forward to lots of exciting new experiences with their partners. It can take ISFPs a while to open up to new people and they can be on the shy side, so it’s important not to rush them into things or pry too deeply right away. They need to have their privacy and space respected until they’re ready  and feel 100% comfortable.

ISFPs are driven by their values, and everything in their life stems from their desire to do what’s right and authentic. It’s important that you try to understand their values, their perceptions, and their beliefs. If you share very few of the same values this can be a major roadblock further down the road. ISFPs want a partner who will really listen well; so make sure to put your phone away on the date and give them your full attention! Try to make your dates fun and, if possible, include some beautiful sights and sounds. They tend to enjoy recreation, quiet walks, concerts, wine tastings, or anything that can engage their senses in a positive, but not overbearing way.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be as honest as possible. ISFPs are quick to pick up on phony behavior, and they don’t like it!
– Be open about your values and respect their values.
– Don’t push them to open up right away. Give them time to feel comfortable.
– Be easy-going. Don’t push for a commitment before they’re ready.
– Be open to new adventures and experiences.
– Be willing to be flexible!
– Be compassionate and empathetic.
– Be attentive and listen well.
– Don’t be passive-aggressive or mock or belittle anyone.

Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate to If You’re an ISFP

ESTP Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ESTP, you’ll want to make sure you have a good sense of fun and adventure! These individuals are good-humored, exciting, and open-minded most of the time. They love to experience all the world has to offer; whether that’s through doing something recreational, trying a new food, or packing up the car and driving somewhere totally new spontaneously. They live to make the most of today and strive to take advantage of every moment and opportunity. They want a partner who has a good sense of fun, who likes to try new things, and who is willing to take the relationship one day at a time. They don’t like to be pressured into a big commitment before they’re ready, and they need time to be sure that there is trust and respect in the relationship before they get very serious. They also don’t like to be “over-scheduled”, and will get frustrated if their partner tries to micro-manage all their time. Trust, good communication, intimacy, and fidelity are all the most important aspects to ESTPs in a relationship.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be open-minded and up for an adventure.
– Be flexible and willing to see each other’s point of view
– Don’t pressure them to make big decisions or commitments.
– Don’t over-schedule their time.
– Experience and enjoy the moment!
– Compliment them on their appearance, abilities, and strengths.
– Be direct and clear about your feelings/desires.

Related: The Top 7 Gift Ideas for ESTPs

ESFP Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ESFP make sure to be open to new, exciting adventures, and make sure that in all your interactions you’re sincere and conscientious. ESFPs hate phoniness! They live to make the most of the moment and enjoy all the beauty and experience that life has to offer. They enjoy being spontaneous, trying new things, and physically interacting with the outside world. They often enjoy adventurous dates that involve recreation, music, games, or exciting entertainment or cuisine! They also enjoy honest, open communication about their hopes and dreams and shared values. One thing to avoid is pressuring an ESFP for a major commitment or a decision. They like to take their time and be sure before making a commitment and can be slower to come to a decision than other types. They will feel flustered and irritated if they are constantly pressured to make decisions or nail down commitments. They also need to be spoken to with tact and empathy; they tend to take criticism personally and it’s best to point out areas of agreement and strength before bringing up errors, flaws, and criticism.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be open-minded and adventurous.
– Be sincere and authentic.
– Be tactful and empathetic of them and others.
– Don’t rush them into commitments or decisions.
– Don’t over-schedule their time.
– Don’t insist on doing things your way. Try to involve them in decisions as much as possible.
– Try not to be too negative or complain too much.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ESFP

INTJ Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an INTJ you’ll want to make sure that you’re sincere, open-minded, punctual, and respectful of their time and privacy. These individuals need more space than many, but they love to get into in-depth, intellectual conversations with their partners and explore new avenues of thought. They love discussing creative connections, the future, science, technology, and progress. A good conversation or reading a good book together is often their idea of an exciting date. That said, they also have an adventurous streak that tends to show its face at random times. They may go from being wrapped up in studies and books for days to suddenly wanting to go deep-sea diving or parasailing. If you have a sense of adventure or an interest in recreation be sure to bring your ideas up to an INTJ. They enjoy the occasional opportunity to go out and experience nature and adventure. It’s also important to have your own unique intellectual interests so that you can bring your own ideas and thoughts to the table.

It’s important with INTJs to respect their privacy and not push them to open up emotionally too soon. They are very independent, reserved people initially and need to have a lot of trust built up before they open up about their feelings. Even then, sharing their feelings isn’t the most natural thing for many of them and they can feel awkward doing it. They consider their feelings self-evident through action rather than words, so don’t be offended if they aren’t “gushy” about their love. Try to notice the way they treat you as evidence of their feelings. Mutual support, being listened to, intellectual stimulation, and fidelity are all important aspects to INTJs in relationships.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Respect their alone time and need for privacy.
– Be attentive when they speak.
– Be sincere and honest.
– Be clear about your expectations and hopes.
– Give them time to think before responding to questions.
– Compliment them on their ideas and accomplishments.
– Don’t push them to open up emotionally too soon.
– Pursue your own interests and ideas and be willing to talk about them!
– Be up for intellectual conversation.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTJ

INFJ Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an INFJ, you’ll want to make sure you bring a lot of sincerity, curiosity, and empathy to the table. These individuals are fascinated by the theoretical and the future, and enjoy dates that are filled with this form of conversation. They’ll enjoy listening to your thoughts, ideas, and feelings and discussing how to make your future plans a reality. They will also enjoy sharing their visions and hopes when they’ve established trust. INFJs exude a lot of warmth, but they also tend to need a lot of alone time. This can be confusing to partners who see them as more extroverted than they really are. INFJs can go from being very open and warm to disappearing entirely for days to get alone time. Try to not over-schedule their time and give them space they need to recharge so that they don’t “disappear” or get over-stimulated by too much social interaction.

INFJs are very single-minded about their goals and they enjoy having a partner who enjoys strategizing and encouraging them and who they can also encourage. They appreciate honesty and empathy a lot and are attracted to people who treat everyone with kindness. When dating they enjoy deep conversations, and they also enjoy being in nature or doing creative activities together.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Listen attentively, and don’t rush them through their ideas.
– Don’t interrupt.
– Be willing to share your feelings and be clear about your hopes and desires in the relationship.
– Give them space and alone time. Don’t over-schedule their time.
– Be open to their more theoretical, sometimes unusual thought processes.
– Be conscientious of them and others.
– Handle conflict carefully. INFJs detest conflict and non-constructive criticism.
– Be sincere and authentic.

Want a comprehensive guide to the INFJ personality type? Check out my eBook, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFJ

ENTJ Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ENTJ you’ll want to be ready for an exciting, intellectually stimulating, busy experience. They are usually confident, ambitious, determined, and decisive. They take their relationships seriously and if you’re dating them you’ll want to be absolutely clear about what your expectations are. Don’t be wishy-washy or vague; try to be honest about what you want. Be on time, keep your promises, and show you take the relationship seriously. If you have to change plans, give them as much notice as possible so they can make other plans and won’t be left hanging.

ENTJs enjoy dates that are full of intellectual conversation and discussion. They are interested in educating themselves and growing personally, so they enjoy discussing what they’ve read, learned, and accomplished. They are attracted to people who have their own independent goals and are also interested in learning and growing each day. It’s best to steer clear of gossip and small talk on a date with an ENTJ. They have very little interest in these matters and can find them to be a major turn off. Fidelity, mutual support, shared values, and intellectual stimulation are the most important aspects in a relationship to ENTJs.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be honest and authentic.
– Show an interest in educating yourself and personal growth.
– Compliment them on their achievements and ideas if possible.
– Be on time and dependable.
– Avoid gossip and small talk.
– Be direct in confrontation or criticism. Try not to beat around the bush.
– Share your own independent goals and plans and be willing to discuss them.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ENTJ

ENFJ Dating Do’s and Don’ts

When dating an ENFJ it’s important to be ready for a lot of fun, empathy, and deep conversation. These friendly, enthusiastic individuals enjoy theorizing about the future, sharing their thoughts and feelings, and participating in the arts, music, or anything creative. They like having a plan and appreciate a date who shows up on time, sets clear expectations and is open about their desires and hopes for the relationship. They like knowing what to expect and will get frustrated if their partner is wishy-washy or constantly changing their mind. They are also very interested in personal growth and want to see the same desire in their partner. They love to discuss their hopes and dreams and the hopes and dreams of their partner and find ways to make those dreams a reality. They tend to be warm, engaging, and empathetic, always trying to anticipate their partner’s needs. They like to feel appreciated for the effort they put into the relationship and the kind things they do for their partner. It’s important to be conscientious, open-minded, and dependable with the ENFJ. They highly value mutual commitment, being listened to, intimacy, and acceptance in their relationships.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be on time and dependable.
– Be tactful and sincere.
– Be ready to have a deep conversation and discuss the future.
– Show appreciation for their kindness and empathy.
– Listen attentively.
– Don’t be rude to them or anyone else in the vicinity.
– Show an interest in personal growth and learning.
– Don’t be wishy-washy about your desires and commitment.

Related: 10 Things You’ll Relate to if You’re an ENFJ

INTP Dating Do’s and Don’ts

When dating an INTP it’s important to be open-minded, playful, and intellectually curious. These individuals want a partner who can brainstorm with them, explore new ideas and concepts, and who can appreciate them without smothering them. INTPs are very private and need a lot more alone time than many other types; they are majorly turned off by partners who over-schedule their time or who come across as “needy”. They can be very dedicated partners, but they show their love through action rather than words and are more likely to show their commitment by solving problems for their partner and being there for them. They don’t like to be pressured to open up emotionally before they’re ready, but they enjoy warmth and empathy in others and are usually open-minded to other people’s differences. If you’re on a date with an INTP try to steer clear of small talk or gossip; these subjects tend to bore them. They love interesting challenges, brainstorming, and being playful with their partners by playing games, taking a class together, or watching movies together. Mutual commitment, humor, being listened to, and intellectual stimulation are highly valued by INTPs in relationships.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be open-minded and intellectually curious.
– Be open to discussing unusual ideas and perspectives.
– Respect their privacy and independence.
– Understand that they may not be especially emotionally demonstrative. This doesn’t mean they don’t care.
– Don’t focus heavily on small talk or gossip.
– Don’t pressure them to make a big commitment before they’re ready.
– Don’t over-schedule their time.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an INTP

INFP Dating Do’s and Don’ts

When dating an INFP it’s vitally important to be sincere, empathetic, and attentive. More than anything INFPs are looking for an authentic, genuine partner who can share their vision of a better world with them. They are sensitive, compassionate, and driven by their values in everything that they do. They like to discuss theoretical ideas, their projects, the arts, music, books, and anything that revolves around both of your shared passions. INFPs tend to be private initially and may need a little more time than others to open up and share the details of their lives. The more authentic and sincere you are the easier it will be for them to share their feelings with you.

Many INFPs enjoy simple dates like walking in nature, perusing a bookstore, or watching a movie and discussing it. In a relationship, the most important qualities that INFPs look for are trust, shared values, acceptance, being listened to, and mutual support.

Recapping What Does and Doesn’t Work:

– Be sincere and authentic.
– Be open-minded and accepting of others.
– Listen attentively. Put your phone away!
– Avoid gossip or talking badly about others.
– Take an interest in personal growth and discussing future possibilities.
– Be respectful of their values and emotions.
– Respect their privacy and need for alone time.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an INFP

ENTP Dating Do’s and Don’ts

Dating an ENTP is an adventure to be sure, so you’ll want to bring an open mind, a sense of humor, and some intellectual curiosity to the table. These individuals are generally enthusiastic, innovative, charming, and full of ingenious new ideas. They love a good intellectual discussion and they love brainstorming and theorizing about what the future could hold. They appreciate it when their partners listen well and show enthusiasm for the subject matter they’re talking about. They love to hear their partner’s thoughts, ideas, and reactions in real-time.

ENTPs enjoy impulsive outings and experiences that allow them to be inspired; whether that’s visiting a museum, going to a concert, or exploring a natural wonder. ENTPs are flexible, spontaneous, and enthusiastic and will enjoy a partner who can be open to new possibilities, adventures, and ideas. They also want someone who will be open about their needs and desires and won’t get passive-aggressive or hide things when there’s a problem.

Recapping What Does and Doesn’t Work:

– Be flexible and open for adventure.
– Be open-minded and intellectually curious.
– Be open for brainstorming sessions and theoretical discussions.
– Be open and clear about your feelings, hopes, and desires.
– Let them be social when they need to be. They dislike being cooped up for too long.
– Don’t over-schedule their time. Freedom is important to ENTPs.
– Don’t be passive-aggressive or use “the silent treatment”. Be clear and direct when there’s a problem.

ENFP Dating Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re dating an ENFP you’ll want to bring an open mind, enthusiasm, and love for possibility to the table. These individuals are inspiring, innovative, and always looking for what “could be” in the future. They love exploring new theories, new places, and new and novel experiences. They want a partner who is open for adventure, who can keep up with their vigorous brainstorming, and who will be enthusiastic about their ambitions and dreams. They dislike being confined or pressured to fit a certain mold, so try to leave any “traditional” stereotypes at the door before meeting an ENFP. They are individualistic and usually have very unique identities and passions. It’s also important not to pressure them into commitments early on in the relationship. They need time to establish trust and think things over before making a major commitment. They will get frustrated if they are constantly pressured to make commitments and decisions quickly.

Dates that excite ENFPs involve exploring new environments, engaging in the arts, listening to music, or learning something new. They are very interested in personal growth and enjoy any opportunity to broaden their understanding of the world and the people in it. They look for a partner who is also interested in personal growth and transformation.

Recapping What Works and What Doesn’t:

– Be flexible and open for adventure.
– Don’t expect them to conform to “tradition”.
– Have an open mind and an intellectual curiosity.
– Be open for long brainstorming sessions.
– Don’t pressure them for commitments early on.
– Don’t over-schedule their time. They need their freedom.
– Be authentic and sincere. They’re quick to spot phoniness.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you have any dating tips for your personality type? Share them with fellow readers in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBook, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type.

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