How ENFPs Handle Conflict
Conflict is part of life whether we try as hard as possible to avoid it or welcome it with open arms. Conflict is present in relationships, in workplaces, in friendships, and in families. When we are unaware of personality type differences, conflict can escalate and create rifts in relationships that are nearly unmendable. An argument over the new curtains escalates into dishes being thrown and accusations being made against someone’s character!
How can we de-escalate conflict and have an understanding of other people’s personalities? That’s what I hope to answer in this next series of posts on type and conflict.
Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.
The ENFP and Conflict
As an ENFP, conflict is especially frustrating for you. All feeling types hate conflict situations, but your goal is to try to solve the conflict by having open, honest communication from everyone involved. At first, you might feel uncomfortable, misunderstood, or emotional. But even through these feelings you will try to be fair and listen to everyone’s point of view. As an ENFP, you experience the most conflict when one of your values is abused in some way. With auxiliary Introverted Feeling (Fi), you are very protective of your inner values and will fight valiantly to defend them. You can also be triggered by being micro-managed or stifled by bureaucracy or external rules and structures. Exhaustion, an abundance of deadlines, and too much pressure from external sources can also cause conflict and stress.
Why is Exhaustion Such a Cause of Conflict for ENFPs?
As an ENFP, you have a very active, fast-paced mind and are extremely ambitious in your pursuits. Your combination of dominant Extraverted Intuition (Ne) and inferior Introverted Sensing (Si) can cause you to focus extensively on ideas and opportunities and ignore your physical needs. Because Introverted Sensing (Si) often acts as an “alarm” to tell you when you are hungry, thirsty, tired, or ill, when it has the inferior position it can cause you to forget or ignore these things. Conflict situations can cause you to be even further focused on solutions and brainstorming and less focused on your body’s needs. Over time this can lead to exhaustion and malnourishment. It’s especially important for you to “check-in” with yourself physically to see if you are taking care of your health.
How the ENFP Responds to Conflict:
According to the MBTI® Manual, ENFPs have an “accommodating” conflict style. As an ENFP, you want to hear all sides of the story when there is a conflict. Although you might tend to take things personally, you are generally accepting of disparate views and try to give everyone a fair chance to explain where they’re coming from. You will take into account the personal considerations of everyone involved and try to empathize and find solutions that will maintain harmony. You will want plenty of time to try to find a creative solution to the conflict and will seek time for everyone to have an open and honest conversation about how to address the problems. If you see bullying or blatant cruelty you can be extremely driven and zealous when handling conflict. You will absolutely not tolerate abusive behavior.
If you are experiencing extreme stress related to conflict, your needs may be different. Find those solutions here.
What the ENFP Wants During Conflict:
- Plenty of time to find a creative solution and talk things over.
- Consideration of their values and needs.
- A common goal for everyone to work together to find a harmonious solution.
- Open-mindedness and honesty among the people involved.
- An absence of blame and name-calling.
- A good balance between logical and emotional perspectives.
Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type or The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!
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Great article! Resonates a lot with how I feel. I HATE conflict and want it to stop, but am often too nervous or agitated to step in, so I disengage. And what you said about Si is spot on! Often I’ll start feeling so overwhelmed I start crying, and I can’t figure out why. The reason (as my Si dominant family members point out) is because I haven’t gotten enough sleep and I haven’t eaten yet. That’s literally the only reason!
I noticed that you tried something new, using different pronouns (you usually use “they do this” instead of “you do this”). Good for you in trying something new! However, with the change in pronouns I find it harder to follow along because I’m constantly stopping to see if it matches up with me. If you could change it back that may be more beneficial.
But all in all you’re doing a fantastic job! I love all your articles, they’re accurate (something that can be hard to find on the web), written with talent, and you’re great at articulating yourself.
Essie:)