Help for the Stressed Out Enneagram Type 1
Life can be a relentless to-do list for Enneagram Type Ones, the meticulous perfectionists among us. For Ones, it’s all about the rules, the shoulds, and the musts, driving them to construct a world that’s orderly and righteous.
I’ve known so many Ones who work themselves to the brink simply because their inner critic can’t let them rest for even a moment. They feel responsible for everything and don’t trust anyone to jump in and take the reigns. This means that many Ones, particularly average to unhealthy Ones, have a lot of bad days.
When stress comes knocking, their carefully constructed house of cards can quickly topple over, and the internal critic these Ones grapple with turns into an insufferable monster. In this deep-dive, we’ll explore what happens when Ones find themselves swimming in stress soup, and how they can paddle back to the safe shores of calmness.
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Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
When the Grounded Get Grumpy
It’s not pretty when firm-footed Ones start to lose their cool. Imagine someone known for their methodical, reasonable nature suddenly flipping into a person you hardly recognize—moody, withdrawn, and even a tad rebellious? The stress for Ones is more than just a feeling; it’s a transformation.
Under stress and overwhelm, Ones may notice that they:
- Radiate resentment and irritation through snarky remarks
- Break their own structured rules, as if staging a silent protest against their inner norms
- Retreat from others, overwhelmed by self-pity and suffocated by fantasies of escape to an idyllic, uncomplicated life far, far away
If you’ve nodded along, worrying that you’re unraveling or that a One you know is showing these signs, take heart because there are lifeboats ready for this exact shipwreck.
Why Ones Especially Struggle with Stress:
Enneagram Ones often find themselves in the vice grip of stress due to their relentless pursuit of perfection and a deep-seated fear of making mistakes. This internal pressure is compounded by their unwavering inner critic, a voice that doesn’t just aim for high standards but demands absolute flawlessness in every aspect of life. This critic is not quiet or occasional; it’s a constant companion, scrutinizing every action and decision, amplifying the fear of fault and the dread of disapproval. The pressure Ones place on themselves to not only meet but exceed every expectation creates an exhausting reality. Their commitment to integrity, responsibility, and order, admirable though it may be, also acts as a double-edged sword. While these qualities can drive Ones to achieve great things, they also set an impossibly high bar for themselves and often for those around them. This relentless push towards an unattainable ideal can lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure, feeding into the stress cycle and further empowering the inner critic.
The Enneagram 1 Child
From a young age, Enneagram Ones engage in a relentless struggle against disorder and imperfection, not just in their environment, but within themselves. This battle often begins in childhood, where their innate desire for perfection and order places them under immense pressure. Ones believe they must carry the weight of the world on their slender shoulders, involving themselves in myriad tasks and responsibilities. This tendency to overcommit not only leaves them drained but also plants seeds of deep-seated resentment and frustration which, in their eyes, must be strictly controlled. Expressing their anger or discontent is labeled as “inappropriate” or “wrong,” causing Ones to bottle up their emotions. This suppression manifests physically as constant tension, leading to common complaints of body aches and pains even from an early age.
In their quest for acceptance and love, Ones adopt a critical and judgmental facade, believing it to be a show of strength and morality. This, however, often backfires, creating rifts in their relationships. While some might appreciate a One’s integrity and loyalty, the critical nature that Ones think protects them can actually push people away. Despite craving close, loyal friendships, Ones find themselves in a paradox where their greatest strengths also emerge as their most isolating traits.
Ones are tormented by the fear that any mistake will render them unworthy of love or even fundamentally “bad.” Each failure, no matter how minor, spirals into intense self-criticism and worry over others’ judgments. Driven by an insatiable need to prove their goodness, Ones undertake numerous responsibilities and tasks. This relentless pursuit of moral and practical perfection, woven deeply into their being from childhood, is both their crowning glory and their Achilles’ heel.
Finding Lifeboats for the Stormy Seas of Stress
Being a One isn’t easy in a world that’s anything but perfect. Here are some tips and strategies for when the gales of stress hit you hard.
For the People Who Love the One:
- Unleash the Beast (Safely): Sometimes, what a One really needs is to vent—no judgment, no interruptions, just pure, unfiltered expression.
- Become Their Rock: Take on some tasks that weigh down your One’s shoulders. Lighten their load, and watch their spirits lift.
- Cheer for Their Victories: Recognize their efforts, loud and clear. It’s like sunshine for their soul
- Offer Gratitude: Dish out thanks for the multitude of ways they make life better, tidier, and more efficient.
- Grant Them Solitude: Stress can make anyone a tad grumpier. Give Ones space to cool down and collect themselves.
- Share Patience Like Candy: Their moody weather forecast is only temporary. Be the umbrella in their rain of criticisms.
- Ease Their Burdens: Assure them that they don’t have to carry the universe’s weight. Sometimes, a ‘get out of responsibilities free’ card is what they need.
- Be Their Zen Garden: Clean up, organize, and create calmness around them. Order outside can bring peace inside.
- Encourage Compassion (To Themselves): Gently remind them that being human means being beautifully flawed.
- Playtime Post-Peak Stress: Humor and play are like kryptonite to stress. Indulge in laughter, nature, and light-hearted fun together.
Preventing Burnout for Ones
Proactive Prevention for Ones:
Your natural tendency is to push, push, push, leaving you vulnerable to burnout. Here are the strategies to safeguard your well-being:
- Schedule Downtime: It might sound heretical to a One, but pencil in those precious moments of self-care and relaxation. Your inner critic might protest, but your overall health will rejoice.
- Shore Up Support: Don’t be afraid to delegate or seek support before you hit breaking point. Remember, asking for help is not a sign of inefficiency.
- Embrace Imperfection: The pursuit of perfection is a noble yet infinitely draining endeavor, especially for Enneagram Ones, who see it as their life’s mission. Yet there lies an untapped source of power in the acceptance and even celebration of imperfections. Learning to view these not as failures but as facets of our unique humanity can be incredibly liberating. It does not mean lowering standards or accepting mediocrity but acknowledging that true growth and learning stem from our missteps and failures. By redefining what perfection means—seeing it as a commitment to personal development rather than an unblemished record—Ones can find a sense of balance and fulfillment.
Whether you’re a One yourself or someone who cares about a One, understanding stress and its antidotes is crucial. And remember, Ones, although the quest for perfection is endless, your right to peace and happiness is here and now. Collect these tips like tools in a kit, ready to repair your peace of mind whenever it starts to fray at the edges. You’ve got this!
Other Articles You Might Enjoy:
Escaping the Trap of Resentment for Enneagram Ones
The Enneagram 1 Type – The Perfectionist
10 Signs of an Unhealthy Enneagram One
Let Us Know What You Think!
Was this article helpful? Do you have any suggestions for fellow stressed-out Enneagram Ones? Let us and other readers know in the comments! We’d love to hear from you!
Sources:
Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery by Don Richard Riso with Russ Hudson (Houghton Mifflin Company, 1996)
The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson (Bantam Books, 1999)
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