How Each Enneagram Type Guards their Hearts
Life has a way of throwing us some hard knocks now and then. In order to cope, we protect ourselves so we don’t feel that same gut-wrenching pain again. We all guard our hearts in different ways. Some of us build walls around ourselves to keep others out, others look for distraction, and others try to disappear to any of their own needs. Recognizing how each Enneagram type protects themselves can be an eye-opening way to understand ourselves and others better. In this post, we’ll explore how each Enneagram type attempts to guard themselves from pain or heartbreak.
Keep in mind, this article is focusing primarily on average versions of the Enneagram types. Very healthy or unhealthy versions of the types might look more mature and balanced, or more extreme and unbalanced.
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How Each Enneagram Type Guards Their Heart
Type One
Type Ones have a strong sense of responsibility and duty, and they protect their hearts by aiming to be above reproach. If they can spot any error in their own ways before someone else does, they believe that they won’t be criticized or caught off-guard by rejection. Ones also crave certainty to protect their hearts from unexpected jolts. You’ll notice their fiercely organized lifestyle, and their propensity for living in a structured fashion. They always seem to have a checklist of what they “should” do and what they “should not” do to stay on course and away from any emotional chaos.
As Ones grow and mature, they learn that the key to real joy is found in the acceptance of imperfection. They learn to be kinder and gentler with themselves, letting go of such a strong need for certainty and control. Mindfulness practices, affirmations, and learning to live more in the present moment can all help Ones protect their heart while opening themselves up to acceptance.
Type Two
Twos protect their hearts by fixating on others instead of themselves. By directing their energy outwards they hope they can avoid the pain of looking inwards at feelings and desires that might bring them shame or loneliness. For the average Two, every gift and service they provide to others they hope they will someday receive in return. By connecting with others and feeling indespensibly needed, they construct a protective boundary between their hearts and potential sources of hurt or rejection.
As Twos grow and mature, they learn that their self-worth isn’t dependent on what they do for others. They become attuned to their own feelings and desires, understanding that they need not look for external validation or approval in order to receive love and kindness. Meditation practices, self-care rituals, creativity, and journaling can be great ways for Twos to build up a loving relationship with themselves as they move forward.
Type Three
Average Threes protect their heart by focusing on their image and trying to be the “picture of success.” Often this involves wearing a mask or being a social chameleon; presenting an exterior they believe others will find agreeable, inspiring, or skilled. They strive to adapt to whatever role is required of them, whether that means being the office superstar or the perfect partner. They are afraid of showing any weakness or failure, so they work tirelessly to present a competent or otherwise perfect image. By doing so, they avoid the risk of having someone see the real them and potentially reject them.
As Threes mature, they learn that real acceptance and true belonging comes from authenticity. Step by careful step they learn to reveal their true selves and slip off the mask. Practices like mindful self-compassion, connecting with nature, and working towards a cause bigger than themselves can help them in this process.
Type Four
Average Fours protect their hearts by withdrawing and dwelling in their own emotions and imagination. Fours often retreat into their own world of creativity and introspection, where they can reflect on their feelings without feeling judged or observed. As long as they face their own inner darkness they feel they can’t be crushed by any outside source. The world of the imagination gives a reprieve from the onslaught of painful emotions that they might otherwise experience in the real world.
As Fours grow and mature, they learn that their feelings are not the only truth, and that real life experiences give a sense of deep contentment. They can integrate to One and become the best version of themselves by finding experiences that align with their values. Contributing to a cause, spending time in nature, and finding a goal that aligns with a higher calling can be great ways for Fours to strengthen their heart and bring out their best strengths of insight, empathy, and emotional understanding.
Type Five
Average Fives protect their heart through solitude. They tend to be introverted and enjoy spending time alone, where they can stay in their own world of ideas and information. Fives are known for building walls around themselves, and they’ll often limit their interactions to avoid any emotional involvement which could result in pain or overwhelm. By doing so, they can preserve their energy and avoid any emotional harm.
As Fives grow and mature, they learn the value of breaking out of their shell. This doesn’t mean going to a crazy party or socializing non-stop, but it means spending time in nature, testing their ideas in the real world, or interacting with others who share a common interest. As Fives step into the light of experience and connection, they realize that they are strong enough for the hurdles and heartbreaks life might throw their way.
Type Six
Average Sixes protect their hearts by spotting any potential threats in advance. If they can anticipate the worst-case scenario, then they believe they can prevent it from happening. They keep their guard up so they can be ready to fight or flee in case of danger. They always need to feel prepared, and may often scan the environment for anything that could possibly go wrong. This way they can protect themselves from being hurt by any surprises. Self-Preservation and Social Sixes also protect their hearts by looking for communities, friendships, or authorities to guide, mentor, or protect them.
As Sixes grow and become healthy, they learn to trust themselves and to self-affirm their ability to cope rather than looking for an external source of security. While they maintain their questioning demeanor, they develop a faithfulness and courage about life that knows that curveballs are inevitable but THIS moment can be beautiful. Practices like breathwork, music-making, and mindfulness can help Sixes develop a trusting relationship with themselves as they go through life.
Type Seven
Average Sevens protect their hearts by keeping busy and constantly seeking out novelty and stimulation. This way they can avoid dealing with the realities of life that might bring them down, such as grief or failure. Sevens thrive in the world of possibilities, where anything can happen and everything is open to exploration. As long as they know that the future is limitless, they can avoid feeling trapped by the pains and disappointments of the present moment.
As Sevens grow and become healthy they realize that accepting boredom, pain, and other uncomfortable feelings can bring a depth of experience that is invaluable. As they learn to stay present with their feelings, they become increasingly capable of processing their emotions and discovering real joy and self-awareness. This helps them to avoid impulsive decisions they later regret or eruptions of emotion and anxiety that stem from suppressed feelings. Practices like hiking, yoga, forest bathing or meditation can help Sevens feel rooted in the moment and less inclined to flee from their discomfort with distractions.
Type Eight
Average Eights protect their hearts by standing up for themselves and others. If they can be the master of their own destiny then nobody has the power to hurt them. They are fiercely independent and strong-willed, and seek advantage and power so that no vulnerabilities can be exploited. No-nonsense and tough-minded, they focus on being “street smart” and shrewd. They have to feel in control and invulnerable, or else they fear that someone could take advantage of their weaknesses.
As Eights grow and mature they realize that the key to real joy and happiness lies in using their strength to protect others and courageously be themselves; vulnerabilities and all. They learn to replace their aggression with empathy and connection. Practices like volunteering, helping a friend, or speaking out for a cause that matters to them helps them feel powerful in a way that provides meaning and joy. With an open heart and a strong will, Eights are one of the most capable and supportive members of any group.
Type Nine
Average Nines protect their hearts by going with the flow and avoiding confrontation. The less noise or disruption, the better because they can then avoid feeling any rumble of emotions which could otherwise stir up intense pain. When heartbreak does arrive, they tend to distract themselves with their imagination, with proverbs or religious mantras, or with positive statements that keep them buoyed when life’s events become too overwhelming. Some Nines dissociate or numb themselves to their own feelings of anger, grief, joy, or sadness. They “leave themselves” and disappear into busywork or complacency.
As Nines grow in health and maturity, they learn to stay connected with themselves even during challenging moments. They become aware of their own feelings and needs without becoming overwhelmed by them or numbing out. Staying present and learning to respect their inner voice and give it a chance to be heard is the path to real transformation and joy. Working towards an individual goal, communing with nature, and spending time developing their talents can help Nines find the courage to stay connected with themselves even when life gets tough. With a heart that is open and a will that is strong, they become sources of inspiration for the people around them.
What Are Your Thoughts?
What are your thoughts on this article? How has this understanding helped you in your own personal growth journey? What advice would you give to others with your Enneagram type?
Share your thoughts and experiences with us in the comments below. We would love to hear from you!
Other Articles You Might Enjoy:
What Your Inner Child Needs to Hear, Based On Your Enneagram Type
The Stoic Rule for Life You Need, Based On Your Enneagram Type
The Dark Side of Each Enneagram Type
The Leadership Style of Every Enneagram Type
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Good list!
I used to hide in the clouds of my imagination when I was little. Unfortunately the cruel world brought me down to the ground and I fell hard. Couldn’t lift off from that fall. Now I’m using the strategies of 6 and 7s (hypervigilance and distraction) to avoid pain. I still test as a 4 though – maybe a broken version.