How to Connect with Every Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

Estimated reading time: 18 minutes

How to Connect with an ENFP

“We don’t accomplish anything in this world alone…and whatever happens is the result of the whole tapestry of one’s life and all the weavings of individual threads from one to another that creates something.” – Sandra Day O’Connor

ENFPs connect through exploring ideas and possibilities with other individuals. To get to know an ENFP means to embark on a journey to vivid, hypothetical worlds where anything can happen. To connect, you have to be willing to imagine and think outside the box. You can’t connect if you’re constantly trying to get off the train and run back to the world of the “known.” Anything that provides a sense of possibility will excite the ENFP. Brainstorming, reading a new book together, driving somewhere you’ve never been, making art; anything that sparks creativity and imagination is a hit. At the same time, being real and authentic is crucial. ENFPs are quick to sniff out any hint of pretense or manipulation. They need to be able to trust you before they can connect with you.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Listening to each other’s favorite songs
• Watching movies or TV shows together and discussing them afterward
• Reading together
• Taking a road trip somewhere new
• Going thrift store shopping to find weird, original, or forgotten treasures
• Creating art together
• Playing! Do laser tag, build an elaborate sandcastle, or drive some go-karts!
• Take a class together
• Share bucket list ideas!

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Being closed-minded or judgmental
• Managing their time for them
• Being too nosey or meddling
• Shutting down their ideas
• Trying to make them behave a certain way
• Being unwilling to experiment or try new things
• Being inconsiderate or overly-critical

Read This Next: How ENFPs Pair Up Romantically with Every Myers-Briggs Personality Type

How to Connect with an ENTP

“Communication is merely an exchange of information, but connection is an exchange of our humanity.” – Sean Stephenson

Connecting with an ENTP means entering a brain space where there are no rules or limits to what can be explored. They enjoy debating theories, hypothesizing about possibilities, or doing things that challenge them mentally. Through these intellectual exercises, ENTPs are able to then open up and discuss more personal matters over time. They want to feel connected to others and they enjoy warm and energetic interactions. Having a sense of humor, fun, and possibility is crucial. People who are too uptight or focused on doing things “by the books” can get on their nerves.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Playing a tabletop strategy game
• Brainstorming ideas and possibilities
• Taking a class together
• Practicing a new skill together (archery, programming, even cooking!)
• Debating a controversial topic together (without fear of offense)
• Going to a comedy club together/doing something that will make you laugh
• Putting together a puzzle and talking
• Playing a video game together

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Limiting their ability to brainstorm or think outside the box
• Being narrow-minded or quick to judge
• Being hypersensitive (too easy to offend)
• Being manipulative or dishonest
• Not having a sense of humor
• Having a “holier than thou” attitude
• Spending an inordinate amount of time explaining details that are insignificant in the big picture

How to Connect with an INFP

“There’s a place in your heart where nobody’s been. Take me there.” – Rascal Flatts

Moving slow with an INFP is important. These types will shy away from people who seem overly pushy, nosy, or inquisitive. At the same time, they crave relationships and friendships that are intimate and authentic. Giving an INFP space while at the same time being real is crucial. They connect when they see that they can trust you and you’re genuine. They connect when you take off the “social mask” and express your honest thoughts and feelings.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Listening to favorite songs together
• Making art together (music, sculpture, drawing, painting, etc,.)
• Talking about your favorite books in detail
• Watching each other’s favorite movies
• Volunteering for a cause together
• Finding “comfort routines” together like making tea, meeting up for breakfast at night, going to the library, or other quiet, low-pressure activities
• Going to a thrift store and finding forgotten treasures together

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Being too nosey, clingy, or meddling
• Labeling them/making assumptions
• Managing their time for them
• Being tactless or inconsiderate
• Manipulating or having ulterior motives
• Making quick judgments about people
• Being narrow-minded
• Limiting their imagination

Read This Next: 12 Fictional Characters You’ll Relate to if You’re an INFP

How to Connect with an INTP

“No one else has had the same sequence of actions and reactions that have created your life and your realm of understanding. No one right now is thinking exactly like you do. You may, to the naked observer, appear to fit into a category, but that category most certainly does not define you. The only quality you share with every other human in the world is your personal understanding that you are just unique enough to operate independently, and just similar enough to others to, in turn, recognize this uniqueness in them.” – Unknown

Connecting with an INTP means being willing to start with the head before the heart on most occasions. These types enjoy exploring ideas, testing theories, and learning how the world works. Connecting can be as simple as watching a TED Talk together or as fun as creating personalized song playlists for each other. While INTPs may seem reserved and analytical, they also crave warm, easy-going connections. People who exude friendliness and authenticity are deeply special to them. Sometimes they just aren’t given a chance because people shy away from their more serious, introverted demeanor. Forming a bond means reaching across the silence to show them you actually care about what goes on in their mind.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Peruse a library together
• Take a class together
• Listen to each other’s favorite songs or watch each other’s favorite movies
• Ask them how something works and get into the details together
• Drive somewhere you’ve never been before
• Be patient when they’re thinking of a response to a question
• Be comfortable with silence – realize it isn’t a sign of disinterest
• Make them laugh and engage with them in a friendly way

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Manipulativeness or dishonesty
• Narrow-mindedness
• Hyper-sensitive emotional reactions
• Poor listening skills
• Being pushy or overbearing
• Not being able to discuss abstract or theoretical matters
• Over-scheduling their time
• Overwhelming them with text messages early in the friendship/relationship

Read This Nex

How to Connect with an ENFJ

“Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.” – Harriet Goldhor Lerner

ENFJs connect with others through meaningful conversation and activities. For some, this means discussing topics like religion, psychology, or ethics. For others, it means helping out in a soup kitchen or cleaning beaches and parks to make a positive impact on the world. The truth is, ENFJs want to share their insights with others and hear others’ insights and perspectives as well. They want to know the background reasons that people think and act in the ways that they do. They enjoy watching movies and discussing what was meaningful about the movie, or listening to songs and exploring why the song made them feel a certain way. That said, they also enjoy connecting over fun, light-hearted activities like dancing, concerts, or recreation. Mixing up a meaningful conversation with some fun, action-oriented activities keeps things exciting and interesting for them.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Listening to each other’s favorite songs
• Watching movies and discussing them afterward
• Going for long drives and talking
• Playing a tabletop social game
• Doing a fun sensory activity like dancing, going to a concert, or cooking together
• Making inspiration boards or mapping out goals together
• Having vulnerable, raw, heart-to-heart conversations
• Volunteering for a cause together

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Manipulativeness or dishonesty
• Judgmental behavior
• Disinterest in personal growth or in-depth discussion
• Tactlessness or insensitivity
• Hypersensitivity (getting too easily offended)
• Lack of shared values
• Cold, secretive behavior
• Inability to see things from others’ perspectives

How to Connect with an ENTJ

“We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results.” – Herman Melville

Connecting with an ENTJ means cutting past a lot of the small-talk that other types need to get comfortable. ENTJs hate wasting time on pretense or chit-chat; they usually have a hundred things they need or want to do, so having something interesting to say or do is essential. They usually connect by sharing goals or ideas with others. Highly ambitious, they enjoy discussing their hopes and objectives and hearing about others’ hopes as well. They also enjoy probing the more abstract depths of life; is there an interesting new theory you’ve discovered? Have you learned something new about the nature of the universe or the human mind? Bring these topics up! ENTJs are curious about the world and are drawn to intellectual topics of conversation. They often connect over activities and projects as well; particularly if those projects have to do with a shared value. Volunteering for a cause can be a great way to really get to know an ENTJ’s heart.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Discuss your goals and objectives for the future
• Watch a TED Talk together
• Share life-changing thoughts from the books you’ve read or podcasts you’ve listened to recently
• Play a strategy game together
• Volunteer for a cause that’s close to your hearts
• Do something recreational and challenging (rock climbing, white-water rafting, or an obstacle course, etc,.)

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Filling time with chit-chat or small-talk that has no real future purpose
• Texting excessively about mundane things
• Being emotionally needy or clingy
• Being manipulative or dishonest
• Not having shared values
• Being disinterested in discussing theoretical or abstract topics
• Being disinterested in personal growth or hard work
• Complaining
• Being lazy or undependable
• Showing up late to a planned meeting

How to Connect with an INFJ

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” – John Joseph Powell

Connecting with an INFJ means being honest, open-minded, and curious. INFJs crave intellectual as well as empathic data – Who are you? What do you care about? What matters to you? What thoughts tickle your imagination and make you curious? Being friendly and warm helps them to feel comfortable with you, but you’ll really get to know them through thought-provoking conversations and sharing feelings and values. Low-pressure activities and comforting routines can help them to relax and connect emotionally without feeling overwhelmed or anxious.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Discussing favorite books and movies
• Listening to each other’s favorite songs
• Enjoying calming sensory activities together like gardening, baking, or bird-watching
• Playing “The Question Game” and asking thought-provoking, deep questions
• Taking a class together
• Perusing a library or bookstore together
• Volunteering for a cause together

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Being narrow-minded or quick to judge
• Limiting their imagination or belittling their ideas
• Being too loud, showy, or attention-seeking
• Over-scheduling or managing their time
• Being manipulative or dishonest
• Being too secretive/reserved and not sharing your feelings
• Being passive-aggressive instead of directly airing grievances
• Being short-tempered and moody

Read This Next: The INFJ’s Cognitive Functions

How to Connect with an INTJ

“To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.” – Anonymous

Connecting with an INTJ often starts in the mind before it starts in the heart. These types shy away from rapid-fire questioning or people who seem overly intrusive or nosy. They enjoy discussing ideas, theories, and insights more than they enjoy chit-chat or small talk. Sometimes they also connect over shared causes or recreational activities. They can enjoy tapping into their Extraverted Sensing side with others through playing games, going to concerts, or doing a physical activity like kayaking or fishing (depending on the INTJ of course).

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Discussing your favorite books
• Listening to each other’s favorite songs
• Taking a class together
• Playing strategy games together
• Joining a book club together
• Doing a recreational activity together (kayaking, fishing, sports, table tennis, etc,.)
• If you’re already friends or in a relationship, do something like start a garden and tend to it together.
• Wander nature together

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Being too nosey, clingy, or meddling
• Scheduling their time for them
• Surprising them unexpectedly
• Being hypersensitive
• Manipulating or having ulterior motives
• Dwelling on small-talk excessively
• Showing little interest in theories or abstract ideas
• Being closed-minded
• Lack of interest in personal growth

How to Connect with an ESFP

“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

Connecting with an ESFP means allowing them to get to know you through shared experiences and adventures. Go to the beach, attend a concert, volunteer together, or take a last-minute trip to somewhere new and exciting. ESFPs appreciate people who show them something new and live it up in the moment with them. They also bond with people  over authentic, real, honest communication. Don’t try to pretend to be anything you’re not with an ESFP – they’ll usually know.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Sharing favorite music/songs together
• Trying new, unusual restaurants
• Playing social tabletop games together
• Doing volunteer work together
• Having a movie marathon together (complete with snacks)
• Doing something recreational (rock climbing, dancing, kayaking, etc,.)
• Driving around and talking while listening to music
• Making pizzas together with your own unique/favorite toppings

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Dishonesty/manipulation
• Narrow-mindedness or quick judgments
• Critical, harsh words
• Making too many demands on their time
• Overwhelming them with numerous texts/calls
• Being unaware of what’s relevant in a conversation
• Expecting them to make commitments to things very quickly
• Unwillingness to try new things

How to Connect with an ESTP

“Everything you do has an impact. Who you are – that you are – actually matters. In an interconnected world (the only kind we have), our actions and the actions of others are inextricably linked – we are always and forever in a dance of mutual influence with those with whom we directly and indirectly participate.” – Paul Greiner

Connecting with an ESTP means getting off the couch and actually doing something interactive. That could mean taking a walk or it could mean attending a concert! For the ESTP, life is meaningful when it’s filled with interactivity and action. You’ll get to know them better when you do something with them rather than just talk at them. Discussion becomes easier when they have something to do with their hands – whether they’re driving, playing a game, or even cooking! Connect over fun experiences, daring challenges, or intellectual exchanges of interesting facts and ideas.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Playing a game together (tabletop, card, or video game)
• Going to an event together (concert, show, etc,.)
• Listening to each other’s favorite songs
• Swapping jokes and have a good sense of humor
• Cooking or baking something together (be willing to experiment instead of strictly following a recipe!)
• Playing at an old-fashioned arcade
• Doing something creative together
• Learning how something works together

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Phony or manipulative behavior
• Taking yourself too seriously
• Not having a sense of humor
• Being too sedentary
• Being self-righteous or punitive
• Being illogical or over-reactive emotionally
• Being impractical
• Being overbearing or pushy
• Over-scheduling their time

How to Connect with an ISFP

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.” – Rachel Naomi Remen

For ISFPs, connection is forged during those quiet, trusting moments when there’s no pressure to be “on” for anyone. When they can be truly themselves in the stillness and not have to pretend or meet any unsaid expectations. Connection also forms during intimate conversations, shared songs, and experiences that make the heart race. For the ISFP, hours of chit-chat are rarely where the connection happens. Sharing a playlist, driving beneath the stars, or being creative with someone will always be more impactful. Even more, doing something that aligns with one of their deeply-held values will create a bond.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Listening to music together
• Doing a creative project together
• Watching a movie or television series together
• Participating in a cause together (volunteering, helping, teaching)
• Doing a low-key recreational activity together while talking
• Making music together, even if you don’t know how to play any instruments
• Trying new foods together or baking and cooking together
• Playing tourist in your hometown together
• Having a spa night together

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Manipulative or dishonest behavior
• Narrow-mindedness or quick judgments
• Critical, harsh words
• Overly-scheduled time
• Being pressured to “be” something for others
• Pushiness or micro-managing
• Hypocrisy
• Disinterest in their feelings or projects
• Negativity and pessimism

How to Connect with an ISTP

“The first thing you should know about me is that I’m not you. A lot more will make sense after that.” – Anonymous

Connecting with an ISTP may seem tricky at first because of their more reserved demeanor. But if you can look past that, many ISTPs enjoy getting to know others through shared interests and recreational activities. If you want to connect with an ISTP, be sure to take an active interest in what they’re learning about or tinkering with. Are they a gamer? Perhaps you could swap stories from your games or try a game together. Do they enjoy playing sports? Maybe there’s a sport you could play or watch together! The key for ISTPs is to engage their senses. Don’t just sit and make chit-chat for hours on end (yawn). ISTPs would rather get to know people through an activity with chatting on the side. Also, don’t take yourself too seriously – ISTPs appreciate people who are down-to-earth and casual.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Do something recreational together (fishing, kayaking, Frisbee, rock climbing, etc,.)
• Play a game together
• Cook together
• Go to the beach, hiking, or any other outdoor space
• Play a video game together remotely
• Watch a movie together
• Go to a concert together
• Play cards and make conversation at the same time

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Being too nosey or meddling
• Scheduling their time for them
• Making too many demands on their time
• Being uptight or too formal
• Having no sense of humor
• Being hypersensitive
• Having no sense of adventure
• Doing things by the book too much
• Lack of interest in knowledge or learning
• Manipulative or cloying behavior

How to Connect with an ESFJ

“I wonder if this is how people always get close: They heal each other’s wounds; they repair the broken skin.” – Lauren Oliver

Connecting with an ESFJ means sharing each other’s values or at least trying to understand them. It means remembering special occasions, respecting their traditions, and making traditions of your own together. Creating meaningful routines and celebrations helps them to feel an ever-growing bond with you. This could be as simple as getting coffee together every Monday morning or as complex as forming a charity for a cause that lies close to your hearts. Mostly, ESFJs need to feel that their friends and relationships are there for them to discuss feelings and thoughts openly. Tactfulness, openness, friendliness, and dependability are crucial.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Conversation over a meal or coffee
• Texting and asking questions about their day (without being overbearing)
• Helping them with a practical task
• Supporting each other in a cause or community service
• Watching movies together
• Listening to each other’s favorite songs
• Playing a social tabletop game like Apples to Apples or Telestrations
• Camping or having a bonfire together
• Sharing practical tips and solutions to everyday problems

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Being secretive or withholding
• Being tactless or inconsiderate
• Being late or disrespecting their time
• Disrupting their plans
• Taking them for granted
• Showing little interest/concern for others
• Being wishy-washy or moody
• Being lazy or undependable

How to Connect with an ESTJ

“Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality. One learns so much just from living a lifetime. Share that knowledge with the people you come across, it can only help them in their journeys. Even more important, share your failures so that others will not repeat them.” – Jordan Leuwaan

Connecting with an ESTJ means taking the time to prove that you’re trustworthy and authentic. These types don’t spare time for anyone who has a hint of manipulative or dishonest energy. Trust can be established by making commitments and following through on them, being honest about your scruples, and staying level-headed in the face of difficulty. If you’re craving a deeper or stronger connection with an ESTJ, then get involved with their goals. Ask them about their hopes and see if there’s a way you can contribute! For example, if they’re planning a garage sale, ask if you can come put price tags on things. Often ESTJs bond with others through work projects or causes that serve their communities. But that doesn’t mean that ESTJs don’t also like to play! Many ESTJs enjoy gathering with friends to watch sports events, do recreational activities, or even just go to a good restaurant.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Working on a task together
• Meeting up for a meal or coffee together
• Helping them with a practical task
• Doing a recreational activity together (kayaking, fishing, Frisbee, etc,.)
• Going to a movie or concert together
• Camping or have a bonfire together
• Sharing practical tips to everyday problems together
• Cooking or baking together
• Supporting each other in a cause or community service
• Asking their advice and listening respectfully to their thoughts
• Competitive activities like games or sports

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Dishonesty or manipulation
• Disrupting their plans
• Being late to planned events or meetings
• Being emotionally hypersensitive
• Bending things they say and taking them out of context
• Being wishy-washy
• Laziness or procrastination
• Being passive-aggressive or giving the silent treatment instead of addressing problems directly

How to Connect with an ISFJ

“Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone – and finding that that’s OK with them.” – Alain de Botton

Connecting with an ISFJ starts with honesty and consistency. Show that you’re someone they can trust by being authentic and living up to your commitments. Give them personal space, don’t push or pressure them, and find low-key activities to do together. Some friendly small talk can help them get comfortable with you, paving the way for more in-depth and intimate discussion. Smile often, have a sense of humor, and show up on time to scheduled outings. Respect their time while being attentive and understanding. These are all ways to put them at ease and connect over shared activities.

Things That Encourage Connection:

• Cracking friendly jokes
• Smiling and exuding warmth and friendliness
• Being tactful and polite
• Starting a conversation with small talk and veering into deeper discussion with time
• Taking a class together
• Discussing favorite books and movies
• Listening to each other’s favorite songs
• Doing low-key sensory activities together like gardening, hiking, baking, or bird watching
• Spending time in nature together
• Asking about their interests and listening and asking questions
• Doing a service project together (cleaning the beach or park, helping at an animal shelter, etc,.)

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Being insensitive or tactless
• Being too quiet/reserved and making them do the conversational heavy-lifting
• Being hypersensitive/too quick to offend
• Asking deeply personal questions too quickly
• Belittling their interests
• Being late
• Being too loud, showy, or attention-seeking
• Over-scheduling their time
• Calling them “too sensitive” or dismissing their feelings
• Being secretive/withholding
• Irresponsibility

How to Connect with an ISTJ

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” – Dr Brene Brown

Connecting with an ISTJ means proving yourself honest, dependable, and loyal. These types don’t open up readily with people until trust has been established. Creating that bond of trust comes from sharing experiences together. Actions speak louder than words to this type! This means making plans together and being there on time every time. It means putting your phone down when you’re together and really listening to what they have to say. It means treating people considerately even when it’s difficult. It also means being authentic and honest, sometimes about vulnerable things. When it comes to activities, ISTJs enjoy discussing their interests and hobbies in-depth with people who are interested. You can also connect with them by discussing favorite books, perusing a library together, or doing something recreational.

Activities That Encourage Connection:

• Take an interest in their work, career, or hobbies
• Discuss your favorite books and/or movies
• Do a quiet recreational activity together (fishing, hiking, boating, etc,.)
• Go antique hunting or thrift store shopping to see what interesting things you can find
• Go geocaching together
• Have a picnic and watch the sunrise together
• Bake or cook something together
• Spend time in nature together and notice the details

Things That Discourage Connection:

• Emotional over-reactions
• Dishonesty or manipulation
• Impracticality
• Prying too much early on in the friendship/relationship
• Dismissing/invalidating their experiences
• Being late to a planned meeting
• Being wishy-washy or undependable
• Being inconsiderate or insensitive to others

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you agree with this article or have any extra tips or pointers for people trying to connect with your personality type? Let us know in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!