How to Impress Each Enneagram Type

Each one of us looks for different characteristics and strengths in potential friends, work partners, or relationships. What impresses one of us may be of no consequence to someone else. This is a testament to the colorful diversity of human personalities, and their unique yearnings in life. The Enneagram, an in-depth personality system, sheds light on this diversity. It helps us understand why we value certain characteristics and are influenced by specific strengths. Each of the Nine Enneatypes perceive the world through a distinct lens, seeking different qualities that resonate with their core beliefs and values. Recognizing this allows for deeper connections, personal growth, and a richer appreciation of our shared human experience.

As an Enneagram 3 myself, I’m impressed by people who know themselves and allow space for authenticity. The journey to know myself has been a struggle, so when I see someone else who has that strength it’s inspiring to me. At the same time I appreciate people who know what they want in life and are willing to work hard for it! People who have a hunger and drive behind their actions; a yearning for something more.

What will impress you? See if you agree with my assessments in this article, and leave a comment if you have any insight or experiences you’d like to share!

Not sure what your Enneagram type is? Take our in-depth and free questionnaire here

How to Impress Each Enneagram Type

Enneagram 1

Enneagram Ones, also known as The Perfectionists, are focused on integrity and aiming for the highest standards. To impress a One, you’ve got to show that you’re determined to stick to your values, be reliable, and stay true to your word. They really respect someone who walks the talk and lives by their own moral code. It’s not just about putting on a good front, but taking actions that show you mean what you say and are willing to even make sacrifices for it.

But impressing a One isn’t just about personal integrity, it goes further than that. They admire people who take initiative, who step up and make a difference without being told to. In their perfect world, everyone would take responsibility for their own actions and the impact they have. So, if you want to impress a One, show them you’re the type of person who doesn’t wait for others to fix things or help out, but jumps in and gets things done.

The Role of Integration:

Ones integrate to Seven and can be impressed by some of the best qualities of the healthy Seven. The key word here is healthy; unhealthy Sevens will drive Ones batty. But if you’re someone who can bring some humor, fun, and possibility to life, Ones may find themselves drawn to you because they sense there’s growth and balance in your direction. You’ve just got to make sure you’re balancing this with responsibility, common sense, trustworthiness, and an ethical compass.

Summing It Up:

• Display consistency and responsibility in all your actions. Make sure you follow through on your commitments and fulfill your responsibilities.
• Uphold strong ethical standards. Show that you value honesty, integrity, and fairness.
• Recognize their effort to improve the world around them and their relentless pursuit of the ideal.
• Don’t shy away from admitting your mistakes. Ones appreciate honesty and respect those who can own up to their missteps and learn from them.
• Show good manners. Treat everyone around you with respect and kindness, regardless of their status or position.
• Be punctual and value their time. Being on time shows your respect and consideration for others.
• Invite them to relax and unwind. Show them it’s okay to take a break from their relentless pursuit of perfection, and that enjoying life’s simple pleasures can be equally fulfilling.

Find out more about the One: Escaping the Trap of Resentment for Enneagram Ones

Enneagram 2

Enneagram Twos, also known as The Helpers, are characterized by their warmth, giving spirit, and a powerful ability to empathize with others. Their ever-present desire to feel loved and appreciated is the driving force behind their actions. If you want to impress a Two, look at the efforts they are making for others and show them genuine appreciation. Use this as an opportunity to make them feel special; pointing out their unique gifts and talents. They are often moved by heartfelt expressions of gratitude and acknowledgment of their gifts.

Another effective way to engage with a Two is by showing an interest in their favorite subjects. Twos love to share their passions, and your willingness to learn and discuss these topics will make them feel valued and understood. This is also a great way to encourage them to focus on themselves, which is a rare thing for Twos who are usually occupied with the needs and desires of others.

However, the most profound way to connect with a Two is by encouraging them to be real with you. Twos often divert the focus to others to avoid dealing with their own feelings and needs. Make them feel safe and accepted, and reassure them that their feelings matter to you just as much as they care for yours. And when they do open up, honor their trust by responding with empathy and understanding.

The Role of Integration:

Twos integrate to Four and can be quite fascinated by the unique and authentic qualities of a healthy Four. The key word again is healthy. An unhealthy Four can seem too self-absorbed for a Two. But if you embrace some of the qualities of a healthy Four – displaying a clear sense of self, embracing your individuality, and expressing your emotions authentically – Twos will likely be drawn to you. They see in you the balance and growth they aspire to achieve.

To be clear, I’m not saying to “pretend” to be a Four, by the way. I’m suggesting that if you integrate some of the Four’s positive qualities, it could make a profound impact on the Two’s life, as well as your own.

Summing It Up:

• Show genuine appreciation for their warmth and giving nature. Let them know you value their kindness and empathy.
• Make them feel special. Acknowledge their unique qualities and contributions.
• Show interest in their favorite topics. Engage them in conversations that allow them to express their passion and knowledge.
• Encourage them to be real with you. Create a safe space for them to express their own feelings and needs.
• Display authenticity. Show that you are comfortable with who you are and are not afraid to express your emotions openly and honestly.
• Explore creative pursuits together. This can further help them to move towards the healthy side of Four and explore their own self more.

Find out more about the Two: Escaping the Trap of Flattery for Enneagram 2s

Enneagram 3

Enneagram Threes, also known as The Achievers, are characteristically ambitious, energetic, and driven. They are motivated by a desire to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, and to have their accomplishments recognized. If you’re looking to impress a Three, show that you’ve got big dreams and ideas and the competence to make them a reality. It doesn’t hurt if you throw a few compliments their way as well; even if they act like they don’t need it, Threes love a good compliment.

However, while it’s important to appreciate their achievements, it’s equally important to connect with Threes on a deeper level. Show them that you value them for who they are, beyond just their accomplishments. Engage them in conversations about shared interests or common goals, and suggest ways you can work together to achieve these.

Because Threes are so achievement oriented, they’re often busy. It’s crucial to respect their time and give them the space they need when they are immersed in their work. But also remind them that it’s okay to take a breather, to disconnect from their tasks and enjoy some downtime.

A lesser-known way to connect with a Three is to demonstrate through your actions that it’s fulfilling to work towards a purpose that’s bigger than oneself. They admire people who help out in their communities or strive for something greater than material success.

The Role of Integration:

Threes integrate to Six and will be impressed by the qualities of a healthy Six. As usual, the important word here is healthy. An unhealthy Six can seem too fearful or indecisive for a Three. However, if you embody the qualities of a healthy Six, demonstrating loyalty, responsibility, and a strong sense of community, a Three will likely be drawn to you. They will appreciate seeing that success doesn’t have to come at the expense of personal connections or societal contribution.

Summing It Up:

• Acknowledge their achievements and show admiration for their ambition and drive.
• Engage them in shared interests or goals, showing them that collaboration can be as rewarding as individual accomplishment.
• Respect their busy schedules, but also encourage them to take time for relaxation and fun.
• Show through your actions that working towards a greater good brings a sense of purpose and satisfaction that surpasses individual success.
• Demonstrate qualities such as loyalty, responsibility, and community spirit.

Find out more about the Three: Escaping the Trap of Vanity for Enneagram 3s

Enneagram 4

Enneagram Fours, also known as The Individualists, are self-aware, sensitive, and emotionally honest. Known for their depth of understanding and creative approach to life, they are motivated by a desire to express their individuality and to create an identity distinct from others.

If you’re looking to make a lasting impression on a Four, start by appreciating their creative pursuits or share some of your own! Show genuine interest in their unique viewpoint and acknowledge their feelings, even when they’re intense or complex. It’s vital to remember that, for Fours, emotions are not just fleeting thoughts or moods—they are an integral part of their identity.

Another important part of making a good impression on a Four is to acknowledge their unique qualities. Fours don’t want to feel like one of the crowd. When you notice something unique to them and affirm it, you’re showing them that they are seen and understood. This is huge for a Four.

Fours deeply value authenticity in their relationships, so communicate openly and honestly with them. Show them that their feelings have an impact on you, and don’t shy away from expressing how what they feel and say resonates with you.

Now here’s what not to do: Don’t be brusque or overly-critical. Approaching a Four with criticism requires sensitivity. They have deep and powerful emotions and may take criticism to heart. Be gentle and constructive with your feedback, showing respect for their feelings and perspective.

The Role of Integration:

Fours integrate to One and will appreciate the stability, integrity, and sense of purpose that healthy Ones embody. As always, it’s crucial to remember that this refers to a healthy One. An unhealthy One may seem overly critical or rigid to a Four. However, if you exemplify some of the qualities of a healthy One—displaying responsibility, fairness, and an earnest desire for integrity—a Four will likely be drawn to these qualities.

Of course, I’m not asking you to pretend to be something you’re not. If you’re a Seven, don’t bother trying to look like a One! The key is to embrace the qualities that we all have, but that may be less intense for your type. For example, if you’re an Eight and you want to help show support for a Four, showcase your own sense of responsibility, integrity, and talk about the values that are close to your heart.

Summing It Up:

• Show appreciation for the Four’s creativity and depth of emotion.
• Respect their need for personal space and don’t pressure them into socializing.
• Notice things that make them unique or different in a positive way
• Acknowledge their feelings and express how they impact you.
• Be gentle and respectful when providing feedback.
• Give them time to process their feelings and experiences.
• Display qualities of responsibility, fairness, and continuous self-improvement.

Find out more about the Four: The Enneagram 4 – The Individualist

Enneagram 5

Fives, also known as The Investigators, are perceptive, innovative, and driven by an intense desire for knowledge. They want to connect with people who sharpen their minds, appreciate their space, and broaden their way of thinking.

When you’re spending time with a Five, take the time to get to know about their interests. Express genuine interest in their insights, ask thought-provoking questions, or engage in deep, meaningful conversations. They’ll love being able to geek out about their favorite subjects in-depth.

It’s also important to be straightforward and clear in your communication with Fives. They appreciate honesty and clarity, and hate being expected to be mind-readers or filter through a bunch of emotional data. It’s also crucial to give them their space, as Fives often need time alone to recharge and process information.

As far as what not to do, interruptions are a major no-no. Fives need their space when they’re focused on something, and when they talk they choose their words carefully. Interruptions could disrupt their thought process and may come across as a lack of consideration for their ideas. Instead, allow them to fully express their thoughts before responding.

The Role of Integration:

Fives integrate to Eight and will appreciate the confidence, self-reliance, and assertiveness that healthy Eights embody. Remember, we’re referring to a healthy Eight. An unhealthy Eight might appear too controlling or confrontational for a Five; and that would be a major turn-off for them. However, if you demonstrate the qualities of a healthy Eight—showing decisiveness, forward momentum, protection of those in your circle, and the ability to stand up for what you believe in—a Five will likely be drawn to you.

Summing It Up:

• Show appreciation for their wisdom and intellectual pursuits.
• Be straightforward and clear in your communication.
• Respect their need for space and alone time.
• Avoid interrupting them during conversations.
• Engage them by asking for their opinions.
• Show interest in their passions.
• Display qualities of pro-activeness, self-reliance, and assertiveness.

Find out more about the Five: The Enneagram 5 – The Investigator

Enneagram 6

Sixes, also known as The Loyalists, are reliable, caring, and security-oriented individuals. They place a lot of importance on trust and loyalty, and they’re often driven by a strong desire for certainty and stability. So, of course, being someone that can be relied upon is crucial when trying to impress a Six. Don’t be flaky, erratic, or undependable.

The most important key to connecting with a Six is being trustworthy. Show up consistently, follow through on your word, and be real with them. Bonus points if you support them in their endeavors and give them a sense that you’re a dedicated and loyal friend. Sixes may test your loyalty from time to time—this is their way of checking in on the stability of your relationship with them. Understand that this is not a sign of manipulation, but a reflection of their desire to make sure that your relationship is on a steady foundation and all is well.

However, remember to maintain your own boundaries while being supportive. If their anxieties are affecting your own peace of mind, it’s okay to communicate this to them honestly. Sixes appreciate authenticity, and it’s important to be real with them—even if that means admitting that their worries can sometimes be overwhelming for you. Using humor to diffuse tense situations or get them out of their head can also be a great way to connect with Sixes.

Sixes also deeply appreciate people who take action to contribute to their communities and lend a hand in support of others. They are community-minded and appreciate others who are willing to do hard work to take care of the people around them.

The Role of Integration:

Sixes integrate to Nine and will appreciate the patience, acceptance, and tranquility that healthy Nines embody. An unhealthy Nine may seem too complacent or passive for a Six. However, if you demonstrate some of the qualities of a healthy Nine—showing calmness in the face of adversity, open-mindedness, and an unflappable sense of peace—a Six will likely be drawn to you. Of course, if you’re not a Nine I’m not suggesting that you adopt these traits inauthentically; but it’s always good to cultivate these strengths regardless of your Enneagram type.

Summing It Up:

• Show up consistently and be supportive.
• Be patient when they express their worries.
• Communicate openly if their anxieties become overwhelming.
• Help out when you see a need in your community.
• Be authentic and avoid flattery.
• Demonstrate qualities of patience, acceptance, and tranquility.

Find out more about the Six: The Enneagram 6 – The Loyalist

Enneagram 7

Sevens, also identified as The Enthusiasts, are spirited, versatile, and spontaneous adventurers who are driven by an insatiable thirst for experience and novelty. They harbor a love for life that is contagious, and they have an unquenchable sense of possibility and fun when they’re at their best.

When spending time with a Seven, your best approach is to share in their enthusiasm and zest for life. Show interest in their tales of adventure, share your own experiences, and, if possible, join them in their explorations. Sevens appreciate those who can keep up with their pace and join in their joy.

However, it’s crucial to understand that beneath their sunny exterior, Sevens often grapple with a fear of being trapped or limited. Respect their need for freedom and avoid being overly possessive or restrictive. Remember, Sevens are more likely to stick around if they don’t feel cornered.

Moreover, while Sevens are known for their pursuit of fun, they also appreciate intellectual and meaningful conversations. Engage them in discussions that stimulate their mind and challenge their perspective. They will appreciate your depth and the refreshing change of pace.

Avoid criticising their spontaneity or suggesting that they need to “settle down”. Sevens value their freedom and view their spontaneous nature as a strength, not a shortcoming.

The Role of Integration:

Sevens integrate to Five and will appreciate the depth, focus, and investigative nature that healthy Fives embody. Remember, we’re referring to a healthy Five. An unhealthy Five might appear too withdrawn or distant for a Seven; and that might cause them to stay away. However, if you demonstrate the qualities of a healthy Five—showing curiosity, depth of understanding, and the ability to focus—a Seven will likely respect and be intrigued by these traits.

Summing It Up:

• Engage in their enthusiasm for life.
• Respect their need for freedom.
• Engage them in intellectual and meaningful conversations.
• Avoid criticizing their spontaneous nature.
• Demonstrate qualities of curiosity, depth, and focus.

Find out more about the Seven: The Enneagram 7 – The Enthusiast

Enneagram 8

Eights, also recognized as The Challengers, are energetic, assertive, and protective individuals with a strong desire for control. They are drawn towards power and strength, often acting as champions for those who can’t defend themselves.

When engaging with an Eight, it’s essential to match their energy and stand your ground. They respect individuals who aren’t afraid to be direct and assertive. Show them you’re not one to back down easily, but ensure this assertiveness stems from a place of authenticity, not pretense.

Invite them to join you in an adventure or a common goal. Eights are always up for a challenge, and they admire those who aren’t afraid to take risks. Make sure to be real and down-to-earth, as Eights have little tolerance for pretentiousness or deceit.

Humor is like a secret handshake when it comes to connecting with Eights. They love a good laugh, especially if it’s paired with a down-to-earth, honest perspective. So, go ahead and sprinkle some humor into your interactions to lighten the atmosphere and forge a bond.

The Role of Integration:

Eights integrate to Two and will appreciate the empathy, warmth, and generosity that healthy Twos embody. Now we’re not saying to pretend to be a Two; that would be inauthentic and lead to more harm than good. But demonstrating the best qualities of a Two (qualities every type should try to emulate) will likely make an impression on an Eight. Showing compassion, helpfulness, and emotional understanding – with a good dose of healthy self-respect – will make you stand out with an Eight.

Summing It Up:

• Show energy and be direct.
• Stand up for yourself.
• Invite them to join you on an adventure.
• Be real and authentic in a down-to-earth way.
• Use humor to lighten the mood and build rapport.
• Demonstrate qualities of compassion, helpfulness, and emotional understanding.

Find out more about the Eight: The Enneagram 8 – The Challenger

Enneagram 9

Nines, also known as The Peacemakers, are receptive, accommodating, and accepting individuals with an inherent desire for inner and outer peace. Being someone who can join them in their world and gently encourage them to share their ideas with you will make a huge impression.

When you’re spending time with a Nine, it’s essential to acknowledge and appreciate their kindness. Nines are often the quiet supporters in the background, making sacrifices and smoothing over wrinkles without asking for recognition. A simple word of gratitude can go a long way in making them feel seen and valued.

Connecting with a Nine via the imagination is also a powerful way to make an impression. Encourage them to share their thoughts and ideas with you, and honor their unique perspectives. Engage in calm, nature-based activities together, which can act as a catalyst for them to express their thoughts and feelings more freely.

Listening is paramount when interacting with Nines. They tend to be soft-spoken and may not assert themselves, but their thoughts and feelings are deep and meaningful. Show genuine interest in getting to know them and be patient if they need time to reflect and process. This will make them feel valued and understood.

The Role of Integration:

Nines integrate to Three and will appreciate the ambition, motivation, and effectiveness that healthy Threes embody. As in all situations, we’re not asking you to become a Three. And we’re certainly not asking you to act like an unhealthy Three. Unhealthy Threes are too image-conscious and competitive to jive well with Nines. But healthy Threes, with their optimistic, competent, and empowering energy, can be deeply inspiring for Nines. If you can demonstrate these qualities while maintaining a calm and peaceful demeanor, Nines will appreciate the balance you bring to the table.

Summing It Up:

• Appreciate the Nine’s kindness and patience.
• Exhibit patience and give them time to open up.
• Encourage their imagination and engage in calm, nature-based activities.
• Listen sincerely and show interest in their thoughts and passions.
• Demonstrate a sense of energy and effectiveness without being overwhelming

Find out more about the Nine: How Enneagram Nines Handle Anger

What Are Your Thoughts?

We hope you’ve found this guide insightful, no matter where you are on your journey of understanding and personal growth. The Enneagram is a tool for deepening self-awareness, and in sharing our experiences, we learn more about ourselves and others. We invite you to share your thoughts in the comments section. How do you relate to these personality types? Have you found certain approaches effective in building connections? Your perspectives and experiences enrich our collective understanding, so don’t hesitate to share!

References:

Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery by Don Richard Riso with Russ Hudson (Houghton Mifflin Company, 1996)

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert (Crossroad Publishing, 2001)

Are You My Type, Am I Yours? Relationships Made Easy Through the Enneagram by Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele (1995, Harper One)