The Myers-Briggs® Personality Types in Love

Do you ever feel like you and your partner, friend, or family member show love in completely different ways?

As an INTJ I often show love by problem-solving or looking for intellectual intimacy. My ESTP husband shows love by calibrating thought processes and engaging emotionally (thanks to his tertiary function, Extraverted Feeling).

Often in relationships we feel like the way we show love is the one “right” way and miss all the ways that our partners or other important relationships are showing care and concern. That’s why today’s article (the MBTI® types in love) is so important!

Let’s get started!

Not sure what your personality type is? Take our personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official Myers-Briggs Type Indidcator (MBTI®) here.

How You Show Love, Based On Your Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

The INTJ

As an INTJ you tend to show love through your thinking side. This means, you’re all about troubleshooting, solving problems, “fixing” things.

You are not one to sit idly by and let someone else wade through the glue of a problem when you could easily strategize a way to get relief. You easily spot patterns and create strategies, so you harness this gift to try to create a brighter future for the people you love.

And while some people connect by sharing words of affirmation and praise, you create a sense of intimacy by exploring intellectual matters and making new discoveries with your partner. Mental intimacy is something that you crave and you seek out relationships with individuals who can meet you in the exploration of rich, mental or philosophical territory. A “mind mate” is your ultimate goal.

On top of that, you show you care by giving the person you love space and autonomy. Clinginess is not loving to you. As an introvert, you believe that a big part of showing love is allowing the object of your affection to have time to themselves.

Find out more about INTJs: 10 Things People Misunderstand About INTJs

The INFJ

You show love by empathizing with others and really diving into their experience. INFJs haven’t gotten a reputation as “empaths” for nothing!

Offering emotional support, giving words of encouragement and affirmation, and being a shoulder to cry on are all ways you reach out. You enjoy giving relational advice, being a sounding board, or hearing someone’s emotional story. In all that emotional data you find threads of meaning and insight that you can use to inspire and uplift others.

Feeling deeply for others and putting yourself in their shoes is a natural way for you to show your concern and affection. You have a gift for creating a sense of emotional safety in order for others to be their authentic selves.

Find out more about INFJs: 10 Reasons Why INFJs Feel Misunderstood

The ENTJ

Insightful and strategic, you show your love for others by giving them a vision of what their future could be. You know that life is filled with potential and if you love someone you want them to reach their potential.

You enjoy motivating people with a strategy or plan that could transform their lives. You also enjoy problem-solving and giving logical advice or troubleshooting.

You’re often the person with the plan, and being in this state of competence is one of the ways you look out for others. You likely say “I’ve got it!” a lot, because you do have it. When a problem shows up, you’re ready with a course of action – and this is just one of the ways you show you care. You’re often two steps ahead of the game; you’re somebody who can anticipate what might be coming next.

Find out more about ENTJs: Are ENTJs Smart? A Look at the Strategic Visionary

The ENFJ

Being an attentive and empathic listener is one of your most special gifts. You don’t just hear what someone is saying, you also hear what they’re not saying. You find threads of meaning and insight that others easily miss in their rush to formulate a response.

As an ENFJ, you have an uncanny ability to sense the emotions of others, and you’re naturally drawn towards building intimacy and delving into someone’s psychology.

You often express your love with words, offering compliments and encouragement to those around you. You also enjoy painting a mental picture of a future possibility someone could achieve; inspiring and catalyzing them to go after their dreams. Spotting potential in people comes naturally to you, and you can often give people insights into themselves that they may have been blind to. Through mentoring, encouraging, and motivating, you show that you don’t just care about who someone is now, you care about their future self as well.

Explore more about ENFJs: 24 Signs That You’re an ENFJ, the Mentor Personality Type

The INTP

People often underestimate you because of your quiet and reserved nature. But when you’re really close to someone, you show a creativity and intensity of knowledge that draws people in.

You show you care by creating windows of possibility for others to see through. You open your mind to others and try to understand their ideas, worldviews, and principles. You also try to open others’ eyes to possibilities and solutions they may not have thought of before.

Like other NT personality types, you create intimacy in the mental sphere. You enjoy discussing ideas, exploring theories, and making new discoveries to dissect and debate with your loved ones. Intellectual exploration is one of the top ways for you to forge a sense of closeness with someone you love.

Find out more about INTPs: 12 Fictional Characters You’ll Relate to if You’re an INTP

The INFP

Listening deeply to what someone is saying and really allowing them to process their authentic feelings is one of the big ways you show you care. You enjoy understanding someone on a soul-level, and letting them share whatever they’re feeling in the moment – even if it’s not positive or happy.

You are willing to sit with difficult emotions and help people process their feelings; sharing your own experiences when appropriate. You’re not afraid to encounter someone’s dark side or to hold hands with them as they tread in deeper and more complicated territory than usual.

Your intuitive insights can help others gain clarity about themselves and their situations, offering advice that comes from seeing the big picture and multiple possibilities. Generating options and seeing the potential in someone’s future is one of your special gifts. You also enjoy creatively expressing your love; whether that be through creating a playlist of carefully selected songs, drawing a picture, or writing a poem inspired by your loved one.

Find out more about INFPs: INFPs and Their Compatibility with Every Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

The ENTP

You show love by being a source of mental stimulation and enjoyment; engaging with others intellectually, philosophically, or strategically.

You enjoy having conversations that challenge you and your loved ones to think differently and see things in a new light. For you, making new discoveries and sharpening each other’s thinking is peak connection material.

While it might seem unconventional, love for you often is about clarifying thoughts. You show you care by posing thought-provoking possibilities, challenging inaccurate thinking, or even refining your own thinking when you’re wrong and admitting your error. When you see someone who is stuck in a self-defeating pattern or belief system, you often step in to help them see a new way of looking at the situation. You enjoy inspiring people to play with new ideas, perspectives, and angles.

Find out more about ENTPs: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ENTP

The ENFP

You show love by being authentic and sincere in your motivations and intentions towards others. When you love someone, you give them the respect of being real with them.

You also enjoy listening to people’s stories and helping them build up their own dreams. You have an incredible ability to spot potential in people and help them hone their passions into something tangible. The world is filled with untapped potential, and you want to open people’s eyes to that potential. This is part of what makes you such an inspiring figure in the lives of so many!

As an ENFP, you also enjoy creating a physical or emotional space for someone to be themselves – a safe haven where they can express their true feelings and experiences. Your enthusiasm is infectious and it often rubs off on the people around you, making them feel more energized and inspired.

Find out more about ENFPs: How ENFPs Pair Up Romantically with Every Myers-Briggs Personality Type

The ISTJ

As an ISTJ you show you care by being dependable, reliable, and loyal. You come through for people in tangible ways and offer a no-nonsense inner strength that gives people a sense of security.

On top of that, you enjoy troubleshooting for people and helping them organize their lives. You often come up with practical solutions and strategies that can help people achieve their goals. Being that helping hand or wise sounding board when someone is struggling is something you excel at.

Whether you’re helping a friend formulate a business plan, a partner file their taxes, or a child research their career prospects, you show your love by offering practical advice and steadfast loyalty.

Discover more about ISTJs: Are ISTJs Rare? A Look at the Detective Personality Type

The ISFJ

You’re someone who deeply feels for the emotional needs of others. Empathy comes easy for you, and you use this power to nurture others and guide them through life’s storms.

You show love by empathizing, sympathizing, and offering validation and emotional support. Listening to peoples’ stories, noticing the details of their lives, and being understanding to their feelings is one of your special gifts.

You show you care by going the extra mile for others, offering a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear when someone needs it most. You also enjoy creating comfortable and cozy spaces where people can relax and be themselves. I’ve known so many ISFJs personally who know how to create an “atmosphere” when life is hard. They’ll give you a warm blanket, light a candle, play some soft music, and give you a snack. They know that love isn’t just about words, it’s about going the extra mile to give someone a feeling of safety and security.

Discover more about ISFJs: 24 Signs That You’re an ISFJ, the Protector Personality Type

The ESTJ

As an ESTJ you show love by providing a sense of security and stability to your loved ones. You see it as your job to be a beacon of strength and direction for those around you.

You like to take charge and make sure that people have the resources and guidance they need, offering practical advice and logical solutions. You also enjoy having conversations with people; offering them a chance to discuss their problems and problem-solve together. You’re very time-focused and productive, so when you care, you dedicate a lot of time to just being there for someone. This isn’t a gift you give lightly!

Your decisive nature and pragmatic outlook helps give people the confidence to tackle difficulties head-on, feeling safe knowing that you’re always there with a plan.

The ESFJ

As an ESFJ, you take your responsibilities to heart and focus on being the reliable support your loved ones need through rain or shine. For you, love isn’t fickle or fair-weathered. It’s about being there through sun and storm, giving your loved one a sense of “home.”

You love to plan events and create special moments with your friends or family; celebrating accomplishments, recognizing milestones, and creating or preserving traditions. Your warm and hospitable nature draws people in and makes them feel welcome in your presence.

You also show love by offering emotional support and warmth. You have a natural gift for “reading” other people’s moods and feelings, and you’ll go out of your way to support your friend or partner, even if they haven’t explicitly told you what they need. You enjoy guiding people through interpersonal struggles or creating a positive mood to uplift their spirits.

The ISTP

You show love by respecting and preserving the independence and privacy of others. You believe everyone has a right to autonomy, and you believe in cultivating that for your loved ones.

But this doesn’t mean you just exit the scene when you care about someone. You also enjoy helping people in practical ways; whether that be by tinkering with a car engine, helping someone move furniture, or offering useful insights that can make day-to-day life easier. You’re a problem solver, and you enjoy problem solving for your loved ones. That said, you don’t like being treated like everyone’s resident IT expert (something I’ve heard many ISTPs complain about). Love for you isn’t just about troubleshooting. It’s also about getting out and having experiences together. Going on a motorcycle ride, hiking a mountain, or eating donuts while watching the sun rise! You want to cultivate rich, awe-inspiring experiences with the person you care about.

And lastly, you also have a protective side that shows up for your loved ones; no matter what crisis they find themselves in, you’ll be there to chart a course to safety and security.

Discover more about ISTPs: 5 Reasons Why You’ll Need an ISTP During a Zombie Apocalypse

The ISFP

You show love by creating a space for others to be their authentic selves. You turn off distractions and really listen to a person, letting their words echo in your heart and truly paying attention to their stories. In a world filled with distractions and smartphone pings, you know how to quiet the noise and just be there for someone.

You also enjoy offering people creative outlets to express themselves; whether that be through art, music, or writing. Cultivating beautiful experiences is something you excel at. I know some ISFPs who make playlists for their loved ones, others who cook four-course delectable meals on a regular basis, and others who plan impromptu road trips to exciting locations! The theme is the same, though. When an ISFP loves you, they’ll not only listen to you, they’ll add more beautiful, sensory-rich experiences to your life.

And lastly, you have an incredible ability to give thoughtful gifts; often zeroing in on the perfect item that speaks to a person’s unique tastes!

Explore more about the ISFP personality type: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an ISFP

The ESTP

As an ESTP, you show love by offering clarity of thought to people. Swapping helpful data, troubleshooting, and weighing in on difficult decisions is something you enjoy doing. But don’t get me wrong, you’re not just a mechanic or tech support for your loved ones!

You also enjoy showing people an incredible experience; whether that means taking someone to a concert, an amusement park, or simply giving them a massage at home. You’re an extraverted sensor, after all. This means that you’re tapped into the world of the senses; the world of sight, sound, taste, smell, texture. And when you love someone you want to amp up this world for them! This means taking them to the best restaurants (even if that’s your own kitchen!), showing them something they’ve never seen before, or making them feel the rush of a thrilling experience.

You want your loved ones to walk away from an experience with you feeling fully alive, mentally stimulated, and revved-up from the experience.

The ESFP

As an ESFP, you show love by creating exciting and memorable moments with your loved ones. You’re the spark that can turn any mundane activity into something extraordinary; often energizing a person and awakening them to the rich beauty of life.

Your enthusiasm is infectious and it draws people in, making them feel seen and appreciated around you. You often feel like people just go through the motions in life. This is a no-go for you. You want people to wake up to the real, thrilling experience of being 100% alive. This means dancing till you’re out of breath, staying up a little later than usual to make pancakes at midnight, or just going for a quiet car ride with the windows down, enjoying the breeze and the open road before you.

You also take honesty to heart and believe in being real and authentic with your loved ones. Sometimes this means admitting your own mistakes, but it also means you don’t shy away from difficult conversations when they need to be had.

What Are Your Thoughts?

No matter your personality type, it’s clear that everyone expresses love in their own unique way. Do you recognize yourself in any of the descriptions above? What are some other ways you’ve seen people show love? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!