The Flirting Style of the ESTJ Personality Type
Everyone needs an ESTJ in their life.
I would know.
I married one.
ESTJs are often labeled domineering and blunt, with nothing but high expectations for everyone in their immediate vicinity. These accusations have some truth, but they also curtail what is actually going on in the mind of an ESTJ. At their core, ESTJs want to help solve problems effectively and efficiently, for the betterment of people around them. They do these tasks so well that others come to count on them with little to no appreciation for their efforts. It’s as though the ESTJ’s high work ethic and drive are expected, but not respected or valued.
That’s a no-go for me.
They deserve recognition.
Like all the gold stickers on a sticker sheet level of recognition.
In my husband’s words, “people expect me to do everything and only sometimes I get a thanks for it. Yet I can’t help but do the work anyway because I take pride in what I do.”
ESTJs hold themselves to such a high standard that the amount of responsibility they hold upon their shoulders would prove crippling if another were to take their weight. The high expectations they hold others to is only half the weight they hold themselves to. ESTJs are so dedicated and driven in the causes they set themselves towards that one can’t help but admire their strong will.
I’m fanning myself.
Excuse me.
It’s not hard to imagine how dedicated this type is towards their love interest. Or the lengths they would go in flirtation style.
Prepare to be wooed.
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
They Persistently Pursue You
An ESTJ who is infatuated with you will be there for you over and over again. They are consistent in their nature and will drop hints they are smitten with you wherever they can. If ESTJs are interested in you, they want to prove they will be there for you, no matter the cost.
My husband and I met in high school. The way he tells it, he hit on me almost every day we saw each other, whereas I just thought he was being nice and funny. (I’m a bit daft.) However, that didn’t stop him from striking up conversations with me and trying to figure me out. I was very shy and would often sit with my headphones in to avoid talking to people, but he would talk to me anyway and I’d take my headphones out just for him. He would learn something new about me and bring it up in our next conversation. The level of persistence he had in approaching me, despite the clear barrier I created with music, denoted a level of care I can’t fathom to this day.
ESTJs aren’t known for their patience but when it comes to the people they want to build their life with, they seem to have an abundance of it. When an ESTJ is interested, they’re interested. No amount of time, force, or barrier could change that.
They Boldly Approach Your Needs
As described previously, ESTJs are great at fixing problems and knowing what to do in a range of situations. Their competency level is high and widely applicable. When it comes to your needs, they will be on them like a slab of butter melting on pancakes.
Yum.
Whenever I have a need of some kind, my husband has always been right there trying to figure it out for me. I need a new computer? He’s researching the best fit for me. I broke the vacuum again? He’s fixing it. I need another approach to write the characters in my story? He’s right there giving advice.
As soon as you state a problem, it’s as though the ESTJ will manifest the correct solution. They’re so tactical and have such a broad range of abilities that they seem to like putting themselves to work for you. They take great pride in being able to provide you a service, in a way, and will not take no for an answer. If I bring up even the smallest issue I’m experiencing with my husband, he’s got it.
I highly, highly appreciate ESTJ care in this way.
They Traditionally Romance Your Heart
ESTJs really want to show you off in ways that prove their adoration to the world. They’ll post about you on social media and share pictures of the fun things you do together. ESTJs generally want to showcase their firm connection to you, in any way they can.
ESTJs are known for their connection to tradition, as most SJs are. They highly respect the traditional idols of romance: flowers, long walks, chocolates, going out to restaurants, and so on.
As an ISFJ, I eat all that up.
When my husband and I got married, he paid for a service that displayed both of our family crests together within an elaborate black frame. Inside the frame, our wedding date was displayed between the crests in order to show the “morphing” of our two families. A very sweet, romantic gesture, that seemed to denote the historical significance of our love while also connecting us to the past. He made a point to hang it on our wall in a place everyone would see when they came into our home.
It’s no coincidence that an ESTJ will court you like a white knight. They’re old school enough to be part of the round table.
They Will Protect You at All Costs
The bold flavor ESTJs present comes out especially strong when their loved ones come into play. One wrong word or accusation against the people they care about will bring out a drastic, cutting response. It doesn’t matter whether your mom says something against you or a stranger on the street. An ESTJ will not stand for someone tearing down the people they cherish.
My husband has jumped to my defense on several occasions. He’s so in tune with my emotional spectrum at this point that he “knows” what will grate me. Things I would try to avoid an argument over with family members, despite my being hurt by them, he will call out point-blank. My husband just won’t stand for anything that’s negative towards me. As I’m naturally more apt to stick up for other people than for myself, his will to address the issues both excites and terrifies me.
Much like an all you can eat chocolate fountain.
ESTJs have such abundant care and consideration for their partners it’s hard to put into words. They can come off harsh sometimes, but nearly everything they do is tied to considering the benefit of their loved ones. They don’t get enough credit for how loving (and sexy, if I’m being honest) their responses that come out somewhat brash actually are.
What Are Your Thoughts?
Did you enjoy this article? Do you have any thoughts or experiences to share? Let us know in the comments!
About the Author:
Jami Cannon is an MBTI® enthusiast who hopes to shed more light on the SJ experience. She holds a very stereotypical degree in History (MA) and loves to learn all she can about the people around her.
Other Articles You Might Like:
What It Means to be an ESTJ Personality Type
10 Things You Should Never Say to an ESTJ
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Hi, Jami! I just read your article, The Flirting Style of the ESTJ Personality Type. I wonder if there is a more permanent/personal format in which to contact you? Thanks for replying to this, and thank you for the article.
Hi, Jami, and thanks for this article. I know you wrote it over a year ago, but I thought , since I just saw it the other day, that my comment would still be seen, and, hopefully, answered? I am married, also, to an ESTJ. This all rings so true to me, on so many levels. Which, of course, you being married to an ESTJ, you WOULD know, as you state. I just thought you might be interested to hear my comments and thoughts on the matter. You see, my husband and I have been married 45 years (!–yes, that’s right, we’re definitely old hats at this marriage business) in July of this year, 31st. That being true, we may have just as well gotten married recently because I just found out his true MBTI personality type is ESTJ. So now I’m reading all I can to “re-acquaint” myself with him, in terms of his strengths and weaknesses, for instance, since all these years–30 or so–we’ve been thinking of him as an ENFP. I attribute that to misinformation due to knowing he was a Choleric but also understanding, over the years, that the Choleric temperament was made up only of NF personality types (according to a well known author). Anyway, my husband sort of answered, recently, a few of the basic general questions from another test, after I had come across some new-to-me information about the ESTJ seeming to match the Choleric temperament. Very long story, but basically, he answered now as an ESTJ, that’s three letters changed (!). Turns out, who knew? All of it makes sense now. Also, I must say that, I had always just fixed in my mind that he was an ENFP (because of the Choleric connection) and he just sort of went along for the ride, agreeing, for the most part, with the one or two descriptions I had him read, or, more likely and typically, I read to him (as I said, he was just going along for the ride). I also had verbally read him the MBTI questions, years ago, and gave the explanations (from purely an experience reference point, as he is a very intelligent man), so he took the test more from my point of view. I am really showing my ENTJ type here, I know. So interesting, is the fact that we always knew he seemed traditional with liking History, and much more–quite different from me, an intuitive. He was always scheduled, being on time and all, but also very organized in his mind–tediously so–whereas I am more organized in my environment. More points abound, relating to his newfound ESTJ type. I’m learning to show him my feelings more, since, as an ENTJ and both of us being Choleric, I was never good at that, but of course, neither was he; I caught on from my ISFJ–same as you–sister how to be more expressive with my love, as she would come right out and tell her husband (ESFJ, I think) how she loves him “so much.” It really gave me pause, let me assure you. I am done, and would appreciate any response from you, Jami. Thanks, again for your writing.
Thank you so much for this article, Jami. As how I analyzed your perspective, I really think you are an INFP, so this, being an INFP myself, made me feel a bit enlightened and motivated to have an idea from your experiences and point of view. I am glad that both of you worked.