The Job You’d Absolutely Hate, Based On Your Enneagram Type

When it comes to careers, all of us crave something that suits our natural strengths and abilities. Nobody wants to feel like a fish out of water in a career that could potentially span a lifetime! So today we’re taking a rather humorous look at the jobs each Enneagram type would detest. Let’s get started!

Want to find out which jobs you’ll love instead? Check out Here Are the Careers You’ll Love, Based On Your Enneagram Type.

Disclaimer: I am not trying to demean any of the careers here (except perhaps the paparazzi career). I know many incredible people who have had these jobs (I’ve even had one of these jobs!) this is merely meant to connect each Enneagram type with the job they’d feel most disillusioned in.

The Job You’d Hate, Based on Your Enneagram Type

Enneagram 1 – Car Salesman

Nobody goes to a car salesman expecting to hear the words, “This Ferrari is overpriced and impractical. Let’s look at a cheaper option! Have you considered an Audi?” In fact, no dealership wants a salesman who explains to prospective buyers why they really should put their money towards their children’s college fund instead of a built-in entertainment system. You’re not there to teach people responsible decision making! You’re there to make money for the dealership, and you’ll despise the whole racket as a matter of integrity.

Enneagram 2 – Bouncer

As a Two, making people feel comfortable and accepted is something you excel at. Your nurturing, thoughtful demeanor puts people at ease and gives them a sense that they can confide in you about anything. As a bouncer, you’d be working against your strengths in every possible way. No employer will respond well to a bouncer who grasps people gently by the arm and in a soothing voice says, “Time to go! Here’s a plate of chocolate chip cookies. You’re not mad, are you? Here, let me take your bag and escort you to the door. Do you need to talk?”

Enneagram 3 – Dishwasher

As a Three, you’re motivated by the need to be productive, successful, and innovative. You enjoy climbing the ranks of whatever workforce you enter and winning over the competition with your charming personality. While you might technically be a good dishwasher (You’ll show everyone just how shiny and lustrous your dishes can be!), your enthusiasm will rapidly fade unless you can quickly advance to a top chef position. As a dishwasher, the most traveling you’ll do will be from the washing machine back to the sink and your work selfies will do little to boost your Instagram following! What a pain.

Enneagram 4 – Drill Sergeant

You’re someone who wants to inspire people with your creativity and empathy. Your deep soul and intuitive nature give birth to unique works of art or profound insights about the human condition. You would epically fail at your job as a drill sergeant. This career field would require you to essentially act like a jerk to a bunch of young people and force them all to conform into one unit (gasp!). That being said, you might have some creative tools up your sleeve! Do you want to really punish the arrogant jock who keeps showing off to everyone else? Instead of “Drop and do 50” you might say “Drop and write an essay about your childhood traumas!”

Enneagram 5 – Wedding Planner

As a Five, you’re an analytical and self-contained individual. You hate having your space invaded and tend to feel overwhelmed by too many people. With that in mind, being a wedding planner would put you in a constant state of discomfort and annoyance. For one thing, the hours are long and irregular, and for another you’re expected to emphatically empathize with every single mundane detail that a bride thinks is earth-shatteringly important. Feel like being called into work at 1 AM because your bride’s family didn’t remember to get her something blue? Feel like not only attending, but overseeing, parties full of unpredictable, potentially intoxicated people for a living? I didn’t think so.

Enneagram 6 – Paparazzo

As a Six, you have a high code of conduct and dislike unpredictable situations that lack rules or regulations. As a paparazzo you’d be so busy having moral crises’ about your chosen career field that you’d lack the aggression needed to get that money-making photo. Plus you’d always be on edge waiting for some hot-tempered celeb to punch you in the face. Of course, you could only stalk celebs you feel are endangering themselves or others. You could politely follow after them, calling out warnings like “Smoking kills people!” “Watch out for that curb!” “Your hair extensions are about to get caught in the door!” Truth be told, you’re more than likely to evolve from apologetic paparazzo to hyper-vigilant bodyguard in a matter of weeks.

Enneagram 7 – Toll Booth Operator

If you’ve ever dreamed of being locked in a box eight hours a day while you watch other people roam free, then a toll booth operator is the job for you. While some types might find a way to enjoy this career (audiobooks, music), you would find it a veritable hell on earth. The entrapment of it, the sticky pocket change, and the sheer feeling of mundanity and claustrophobia are enough to make you run for the hills, literally.

Enneagram 8 – Costumed Product Promoter

It’s not every day you see a hot dog punch a pedestrian in the face. But it would be if you were a costumed mascot. As an Eight, you love a challenge, but you absolutely detest the idea of being someone else’s pawn. Dressing as a foot so you can entice women to get pedicures will have you swapping foot into fist in a matter of seconds. Cast this career to the curb and get back to pursuing your career in criminal justice, law, or something that makes far better use of your naturally dauntless, strong personality.

Enneagram 9 – Criminal Defense Lawyer

“Ahhh, the tender-hearted, gentle defense attorney” said no one, ever. As a Nine, you thrive when your surroundings are harmonious. In fact, you like nothing better than when everyone is getting along and playing fair. Sunshine, rainbows, and….prosecutors? Let me tell you, there’s nothing harmonious about a courtroom where victims and their friends and families are in tears and hysteria over something your client did (or didn’t) do to them. If you’re a glutton for punishment, then this job may be fulfilling to you. But if you don’t want your empathy dashed to pieces, better to get back to that mediator career you were looking into beforehand.

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Here Are the Careers You’ll Love, Based On Your Enneagram Type

Why Each Enneagram Type Feels Trapped

How You Handle Emergencies, Based On Your Enneagram Type

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you agree or disagree with this article? Do you have any stories from a job you hated? Let us know in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!