The Top Love Language of Each Enneagram Type

One of the tools I’ve found most impactful in my coaching practice is the Enneagram. For those new to it, the Enneagram describes nine personality types, each with unique motivations, fears, and patterns of behavior. As a certified Enneagram coach, I’ve spent years diving deep into the nuances of these types, helping people to find more understanding for themselves and others along the way.

But my curiosity didn’t stop there—I wanted to see how these nine types connected with the Five Love Languages. The love languages can be a helpful tool to connect more deeply with your partner and give and receive love more effectively. So, I embarked on a massive survey, involving over 80,000 email subscribers, social media followers, and clients. My goal was to find out the most common love language for each Enneagram type, bridging two powerful frameworks for understanding human connection. Here’s what I discovered:

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The Top Love Language for Each Enneagram Type

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The Enneagram 1 Love Language: Quality Time

Quality Time came out as the top love language for Ones, and it’s no surprise as this love language tends to take first place for most of the types. For a One, quality time together lets them know that you genuinely care and are committed to the relationship. Acts of Service came in as a close second, and these two love languages are deeply linked for the One. This Enneatype firmly believes that actions speak louder than words. Anyone can promise anything, but following through with generous or selfless acts lets them know you mean what you say.

Ones need to know that their partner holds high standards of integrity, ethics, and a sense of conviction. To truly connect with a One, show up consistently, admit your mistakes, listen actively, and create space for them to unwind and step away from their often demanding routines. Here are four ways to improve quality time with a One:

1. Plan Regular Date Nights: Prioritize time to connect without distractions (or phones).
2. Engage in Deep Conversations: Discuss personal values, goals, and interests.
3. Stick to Commitments: Be dependable and always follow through on your promises.
4. Encourage Relaxation: Help them take breaks and enjoy more carefree activities with you.

Find out more about Ones: 21 Signs That You’re an Enneagram 1 Type

The Enneagram 2 Love Language: Words of Affirmation

For the generous and empathetic Twos, Words of Affirmation came in as their top love language. These types crave verbal recognition and affirmation—the knowledge that their efforts have made a real difference. Twos pour themselves into others, often to the point of exhaustion, so knowing that their efforts are seen and appreciated fuels their emotional tank. Quality Time comes in at a close second for Twos, which makes sense—if you’re really committed to being their person, you’ll carve out uninterrupted time to shower them with all the warm fuzzies.

Twos have an uncanny ability to know when someone’s faking it, so your affirmations need to be as genuine as a grandparent’s love for Werther’s Originals. Hollow compliments just won’t cut it—they need the real deal. Here’s how you can make your Words of Affirmation and Quality Time count for Twos in your life:

1. Be Specific with Praise: Instead of a general “You’re great,” say “I really appreciate how you always take the time to listen to me and make me feel valued.”
2. Send Thoughtful Messages: Surprise them with a heartfelt text or a note in their lunchbox—channel your inner Shakespeare, but, you know, make it understandable.
3. Plan Meaningful Activities: From brunch dates to watching the sunset, make plans that show you genuinely want to spend time with them.
4. Express Gratitude Frequently: A simple “Thank you” or “I couldn’t do this without you” goes a long way in making them feel valued.

Discover more about Twos: 21 Signs That You’re an Enneagram 2 Type

The Enneagram 3 Love Language: Acts of Service

Driven and ambitious Threes prioritize Acts of Service as their top love language. These go-getters value efficiency and competence, and nothing says “I love you” more than alleviating their load. Whether it’s tackling their to-do list or helping with mundane tasks, your service speaks volumes to a Three. Quality Time runs a close second for them because they appreciate engaging with people who understand their hustle and are willing to invest in undistracted moments together.

For Threes, actions indeed speak louder than words—they’re all about results and achievement. If you want to know the way to a Three’s heart, show them you’re willing to put in the effort and assist where needed. Authentic acts of service combined with dedicated quality time makes them feel like they’re truly winning at life. Here’s how you can really make an impact with a Three’s love language:

1. Pitch In On Their Projects: Offer to help them with that presentation, organize their workspace, or lend a hand with their latest side hustle. Show that you’re invested in their success.
2. Schedule Time Together: Block out chunks of time for undivided attention, like a productivity date where you both work on your goals side by side (just don’t forget the coffee!).
3. Celebrate Their Wins: Give them time to bask in their achievements, whether it’s a small victory or a major milestone.
4. Take Over When Needed: If they’re swamped, take care of a few errands or surprise them with a gesture that lightens their load—like handling grocery shopping or cooking dinner.

Find out more about Threes: 21 Signs That You’re an Enneagram 3

The Enneagram 4 Love Language: Quality Time

Now let’s move on to the elusive Fours—those romantic, introspective souls constantly searching for meaning and depth. For Fours, Quality Time reigns supreme as their top love language. These creative types crave intimate moments that break through the superficial and reach the core of their soul. Acts of Service comes in as a close second, because nothing says “I see you” more than taking action on their behalf without them having to spell out exactly what they need.

To truly connect with a Four, you’ve got to dive into the deep end. Surface-level chat won’t cut it; they want to explore the mysteries of the universe with you, explore likes, dislikes, experiences, and past stories. They want to feel seen and valued for who they really are; warts and all. Here are four ways you can make Quality Time and Acts of Service resonate with the Fours in your life:

1. Create Special Rituals: Whether it’s a weekly coffee date at that quirky café or stargazing every full moon, make traditions that feel exclusive to just the two of you.
2. Listen Without Judgment: Let them share their intricate thoughts and feelings without jumping in to fix things. Sometimes, being a sounding board is the ultimate act of service.
3. Participate in Their Passions: Join them in their creative pursuits or hobbies, whether it’s painting, poetry, or perfecting their vinyl collection. Even if you have two left feet, taking that dance class with them shows you care.
4. Step In Discreetly: Anticipate their needs and assist without turning it into a grand gesture. Knowing you’re picking up their favorite ice cream or handling a mundane chore can mean the world to a Four.

Discover more about Fours: The Enneagram 4 Individualist

The Enneagram 5 Love Language: Acts of Service

And now we move on to the enigmatic Fives—those cerebral, knowledge-seeking aficionados who’d rather dissect the mysteries of the universe than engage in small talk. For the Fives, Acts of Service is their top love language, closely followed by Quality Time. But here’s an interesting fact—they had the highest number of “unsures” of any type. Confusing, right? Well, it makes sense; Fives are more about analysis than emotions. They tend to objectify their feelings, finding ways to intellectualize everything. For many Fives, figuring out what makes them feel loved can be an exhausting exercise. On top of that, it’s not exactly straightforward.

As an example, Fives are all about valuing their space and autonomy. They love it when you swoop in to help them out with practical tasks, but respecting their need for solitude and independence is equally important. Quality Time came out as their second-favorite love language, but it must be sprinkled with a hefty dash of alone time. Here’s how you can decode the love language of Fives and make it resonate:

1. Do the Heavy Lifting—Literally: Offer to handle those menial tasks they dread, like grocery shopping or making an appointment on the phone (yikes!). They’ll appreciate your effort to make their life easier.
2. Share in Thoughtful Silence: Sometimes, the best quality time is spent quietly together. Read side by side, or just enjoy the comfort of each other’s presence without the need for constant conversation.
3. Give Them Their “Me Time”: Always respect their need for solitude. Give them the breathing room to retreat and recharge. Trust me, they’ll come back more energized and appreciative.
4. Be Specific and Thoughtful: When helping out, tailor your actions to their ultimate needs. If they’re deep in a DIY project, assisting without intruding can make all the difference.
5. Connect Through Ideas: Engage in deep, meaningful discussions about their latest obsession or favorite topic. They cherish intellectual engagement as a form of quality time.

Find out more about Fives: The Enneagram 5 Investigator

The Enneagram 6 Love Language: Quality Time

Now, let’s delve into the world of the steadfast Sixes—those loyal, vigilant souls who are always prepared for life’s curveballs. These dependable individuals are the backbone of any group, always aware of risks and working to mitigate them. For Sixes, Quality Time is the ultimate love language, because it conveys loyalty, commitment, and contentment with just being together. Acts of Service ranks a close second, proving that for Sixes, actions do speak louder than words.

Connecting with a Six means reassuring them that you’ll stick around through thick and thin. They thrive on predictability and knowing that you’re genuinely there for them. They appreciate partners who not only say “I’ve got your back,” but demonstrate it through attentive presence and thoughtful actions. Here are some foolproof ways to resonate with a Six’s love language:

1. Plan Ahead Together: Nothing delights a Six more than a well-thought-out plan. Lay out an agenda for your weekend outings, or discuss your long-term goals. Show them you’re committed and that you’ve considered every detail.
2. Be Their Emergency Contact: Yes, literally and metaphorically. Be the person they can call when their car breaks down, or when they just need to vent about the latest office drama. Having you as their go-to person is a huge deal.
3. Show Up Consistently: Regularly scheduled time together—whether it’s nightly dinner, a weekly movie night, or a monthly adventure—helps reduce their anxiety. Just keep showing up and sticking to those commitments.
4. Take On Their Worry Load: If you step in and handle some of their stressors, like dealing with bills or arranging appointments, they’ll be forever grateful. By taking off some of their burden, you reassure them that they’re not alone.
5. Encourage Self-Trust: Gently remind them of their strengths and past successes. Help them build confidence in their decisions by avoiding second-guessing and instead supporting their instincts. Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small, to reinforce their belief in their capabilities.

Find out more about Sixes: The Enneagram 6 Loyalist

The Enneagram 7 Love Language: Quality Time

Next up, we have the adventurous Sevens—the explorers who view the world as an endless playground of opportunities. These lively individuals are forever chasing the next big thrill and seeking out experiences that bring joy and excitement. For Sevens, Quality Time is the top-tier love language, with Acts of Service following suit. Why Quality Time, you ask? Because nothing makes these enthusiasts happier than sharing their spontaneit

/y and vivacity with someone else.

Sevens crave connection and thrive in the company of loved ones, absorbing the energy like solar panels on a sunny day. They don’t just enjoy your company; they revel in it. Whether it’s impromptu trips or heart-to-heart conversations, they want to feel that they’re not just passing time but creating memories. Acts of Service also finds a cozy spot on their list, as small gestures that help pave the way for their fun-filled escapades are always appreciated. Here are some specific ways you can connect with a 7 in their preferred way:

1. Embrace the Improv: Say yes to their spur-of-the-moment plans. Whether it’s a late-night drive to the beach or signing up for a pottery class out of the blue, being their partner-in-crime for these spontaneous adventures will mean the world to them.
2. Be Present and Enthusiastic: When spending time together, ditch the phone and be all in. Laugh at their jokes, dive into their stories, and show genuine excitement for their wild ideas.
3. Simplify the Mundane: If there’s anything a Seven dreads, it’s getting bogged down by mundane tasks. Surprise them by tackling those boring chores on occasion.
4. Plan a “Yes Day”: Dedicate a day to doing whatever they fancy. No questions, no objections—just a complete dive into whatever fun they suggest. Then give yourself a few hours to recoup and recharge.
5. Create Mini Adventures: Quality Time doesn’t have to mean epic journeys; even small, shared activities feel grand to a Seven. Explore a new coffee shop, have a picnic in the park, or try cooking an exotic recipe together. It’s the shared moments that count.

Discover more about Sevens: The Enneagram 7 Enthusiast

The Enneagram 8 Love Language: Physical Touch

Now, let’s take a look at the Challengers—Enneagram Eights want a life lived with intensity and gusto. These assertive, take-charge individuals are natural-born leaders, fueled by a desire for control and rich experience. For Eights, Physical Touch isn’t just a preference; it’s practically a primal need.

Eights thrive on the tangible, craving physical contact as a way to build intimacy and show unwavering support. And because they appreciate authenticity and loyalty, Quality Time ranks second—they want to know you’re genuinely there for them, not just in spirit, but in consistent, meaningful presence.

So, if you’re looking to vibe with an Eight, here are some tips to keep them in their happy place:

1. Lay on the Touch: Whether it’s a surprise bear hug, a playful nudge, or just holding hands, make sure your interactions are filled with physical affection.
2. Show Up Strong: Regular, meaningful time together reassures them of your dedication. Be their sidekick in this wild ride called life. Plan consistent date nights, adventure days, or even just focused hangouts where you’re all in, both mentally and physically.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Bold: They respect and love straight shooters. When you talk, complement your words with gestures—like touching their arm to emphasize a point or leaning in close. Your direct approach, reinforced by touch, will make them feel understood and appreciated.
4. Spontaneous Touchpoints: Quality Time doesn’t always have to be planned. Sometimes, a spontaneous kiss on the forehead or wrapping your arm around them while binge-watching their favorite show can make their day. It’s the little, unexpected moments that show you’re always in their corner.

Find out more about Eights: The Enneagram 8 Challenger

The Enneagram 9 Love Language: Quality Time

Wrapping up our journey through the love languages and the Enneagram, we arrive at the peaceful and easygoing Nines. These gentle souls are all about creating a tranquil and steady life. For Nines, Quality Time is the ultimate love language, closely followed by Acts of Service. Why Quality Time? One Nine said, “Quality time lets me know they really enjoy being with me. Not just what I can do for them, what I can contribute physically, but just being in my presence. It makes no demands, but shows contentment in the relationship being what it is.”

Nines thrive on moments where they can simply be—no rush, no pressure, just sharing a peaceful experience with their loved ones. They treasure the feeling of being seen and heard, savoring the quiet yet meaningful interactions. Acts of Service also mean a lot to them, as small helpful gestures reassure them of your care and consideration. So, if you’re aiming to connect with a Nine in the most impactful way, here’s your roadmap:

1. Create Calm Spaces: Plan activities that foster a relaxed environment. Whether it’s a serene walk in the park, lounging by a lake, or just a cozy night in watching movies, nurture spaces where they feel safe and relaxed.
2. Engage in Deep Listening: When you’re with a Nine, truly tune in to their thoughts and feelings. Listen without rushing to respond. Your genuine attention validates their presence, making them feel valued and understood.
3. Be Steady and Reliable: Show up consistently and be dependable. Knowing they can count on you to be a grounding force in their life is incredibly reassuring for Nines.
4. Delight in the Ordinary: Understand that Quality Time doesn’t always need grand plans. Sometimes, just doing everyday things together like grocery shopping or gardening can be incredibly fulfilling for them.
5. Lighten Their Load: Surprise them with acts of service that ease their daily stresses. Whether it’s running errands, handling chores, or organizing something they’ve been putting off, these gestures speak volumes and show you care about their well-being.

Find out more about Nines: 10 Things Enneagram Nines Need in Relationships

What Are Your Thoughts?

How do you like to feel loved and appreciated? Are there insights or tips you’d like to share with other people who have your Enneagram type? Let us know in the comments!