The Top Love Language of Each Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

When it comes to expressing and receiving love, not everyone speaks the same language. Do different Myers-Briggs® personality types have different ways of showing and receiving love? According to the theory of love languages, there are five different ways that people tend to communicate their love—whether it’s through words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.

Where Did the 5 Love Languages Come From?

The concept of the five love languages was first introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”. Chapman, a marriage counselor, developed this theory through years of observing couples in counseling. He noticed that individuals express and experience love in different ways, and often, misunderstandings arise when partners do not recognize or appreciate the distinct manner in which their significant other expresses love. According to Chapman, understanding and speaking your partner’s love language can transform relationships, fostering deeper connections and more meaningful interactions. This revolutionary idea has since become a key tool in relationship counseling and has helped countless couples around the world better communicate their affection for each other.

Myers-Briggs® and the Love Languages

With that in mind, I decided to survey my email list of over 100K subscribers to see which types preferred specific love languages and if there were any type-related patterns. I was able to get 1,478 respondents to my survey which was amazing (thank you to all who took part!), and today I’m going to go over some of the results. Interestingly, in the Myers-Briggs universe, it seems that ‘Gifts’ rarely make it to the top of the love list. A mere 1.21% out of 1,478 respondents pointed to ‘Gifts’ as their main love language. This really didn’t surprise me though, as I’ve only ever met one person who mentioned this as their love language while the majority of people I talk to about it clearly state that it’s not theirs.

What’s your love language? Does it match the majority of the people of your type? Let’s get started and find out!

Not sure what your personality type is? Take our personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.

The Top Love Language of Every Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

Estimated reading time: 24 minutes

The ENFJ’s Love Languages

For the ENFJs out there, you’ll be unsurprised to find that your top love language is Words of Affirmation. This doesn’t come as a shock, given your natural inclination towards empathy, affirmation, and verbal encouragement in relationships. I’ve never known an ENFJ who didn’t seem to have the right encouraging words to say at the right time and who also loved a timely compliment. Closely following this, Quality Time ranks as your second preferred means of expressing and receiving love. It makes sense—ENFJs thrive on deep, meaningful connections and nothing says “I care” like undivided attention and shared experiences. When it comes to feeling loved, ENFJs mentioned a few other key preferences:

• Being shown genuine appreciation for their efforts and qualities.
• Receiving hugs and other forms of warm, physical touch that reinforce a sense of closeness.
• Getting words of affirmation that affirm their value and contributions.
• Being listened to without judgment, showing that their thoughts and feelings are valued.
• Though Gifts may not top their list, thoughtful presents that show attentiveness to their interests are always cherished.
• Engaging in deep conversations that allow for emotional and intellectual intimacy.

Find out more about ENFJs: 24 Signs That You’re an ENFJ, the Mentor Personality Type

The ENTJ’s Love Languages

For the commanding ENTJs, it’s all about Quality Time. This might seem a tad surprising for these natural leaders, known for their assertiveness and drive. One might always imagine them leading teams, playing chess, or managing huge company initiatives. But that would be relying too heavily on stereotypes. What ENTJ’s really want in a relationship is deep, meaningful connections. They don’t want idle chit chat, but something deeper and more intellectually exciting. Quality time spent in the company of someone who truly understands them is invaluable. Not far behind is Physical Touch—a reassuring hand on the shoulder or a comforting hug can speak volumes to an ENTJ, reminding them that you see them and are there for them.

ENTJs express and feel love in several unique ways:

• Having deep conversations: They thrive on intellectual stimulation and feel most connected when engaging in thoughtful discussions.
• Being truly seen and heard: For ENTJs, nothing beats the feeling of being acknowledged and appreciated for who they are, beyond their accomplishments.
• Following through on your word: Reliability is key.
• Affection: Simple acts of physical affection can go a long way in making them feel loved, moreso in romantic relationships than platonic ones.
• Being asked questions: It shows that you’re genuinely interested in understanding them and their perspectives. They’ll enjoy asking you questions too!
• Being understood: A lot of people see and notice the exterior of the ENTJ; what they accomplish, what they do. And this is for good reason; ENTJs are highly selective about who they share their inner world with. Few understand what’s going on beneath the surface. Someone who takes the time to get to know and really appreciate that person will be indispensable.

The INFJ’s Love Languages

For the thoughtful and introspective INFJs, Quality Time stands out as their primary love language. Time spent together, one-on-one, connected in deep, soulful conversations. Spending uninterrupted, focused time with someone, where both parties are fully engaged in the exchange, is what truly makes an INFJ feel valued and loved. Following second is Words of Affirmation. INFJs deeply appreciate verbal expressions of love and affirmation. Hearing that they are valued, appreciated, and loved and seen and acknowledged for who they really are is vitally important. Many people misunderstand INFJs or try to rush them through their process, only half-listening as they share insights, dreams, ideas, and concepts. The INFJ wants someone who will acknowledge what they say, compliment their insights, and take part in conversations about deeper subjects.

Here are more ways that INFJs mentioned best receiving love:

• Words of Affirmation: Expressions of love, appreciation, and validation are essential to them.
• Deep, thought-provoking discussions: INFJs love engaging in conversations that challenge their intellect and allow them to explore new ideas.
• Listening without judgment: Being listened to attentively, without any rush to judgment.
• Helping out with tasks: While Acts of Service didn’t rank very high as far as a favorite love language, it’s still important that someone’s actions line up with their words. If you love an INFJ do some things to help out and ease their load.
• Appreciation: Let the INFJ know that you see and appreciate their empathy, their acts of kindness, and the sacrifices they make for others.

Find out more about INFJs: A Look at INFJ Rage

The INTJ’s Love Languages

For the strategic and independent INTJs, Quality Time ranks as their primary love language. This might come as a surprise to some, as INTJs are often seen as the strong, silent types who would rather go swimming in a vat of vinegar than go to a party. However, the quality time they seek is not about simple proximity; it’s about engaging in shared activities or discussions that stimulate their minds and allow them to connect on a deeper level. They want “mind mates” and will thrive in a relationship where they can connect over ideas, intellectual curiosity, or even more intimate discussions. Following Quality Time, Acts of Service stands out as their secondary love language. INTJs show their affection and receive love through practical means, appreciating when their partners understand and contribute to their projects and daily tasks without having to be asked. If the actions don’t line up with the words, then any profession of love means nothing to an INTJ.

Here are some more ways that INTJs want to receive love:

• Having deep conversations: Intellectual stimulation and sharing complex ideas is a key way they connect.
• Being given space: They value autonomy and appreciate when their need for independence is respected.
• Listening to them: Having their thoughts and theories heard without being dismissed or invalidated.
• Sharing dreams and plans together: Let them know your far-reaching dreams, ideas, hopes, and fears.
• Helping out: Acts of service, especially those that save them time or effort, are deeply appreciated.
• Accepting them for who they are: As one of the rarest personality types, INTJs are often misunderstood. They appreciate a partner who loves them and doesn’t try to change them.

Read This Next: The Underrated Kindness of the INTJ Personality Type

The ENFP’s Love Languages

For the imaginative and spirited ENFPs, Quality Time is at the forefront of how they give and receive love. These visionaries want meaningful interactions that go beyond the surface, favoring creative and thought-provoking conversations that stimulate their minds and imagination. Hot on the heels of Quality Time is Words of Affirmation. ENFPs, with their empathetic and passionate nature, soak up verbal accolades and acknowledgment, especially when the person doing it is being specific rather than giving vague general compliments.

ENFPs also express and experience love through:

• Being given freedom: They thrive on autonomy and the space to explore their endless interests and ideas, and want a partner who can trust them enough to let them be free and not micro-managed.
• Being confided in: Openness and trust turn their wheels, and being someone’s confidant feels like a special badge of honor.
• Going on adventures: Whether it’s a spontaneous road trip or an intellectual deep-dive, shared adventures fuel their soul.
• Affection: Physical touch and closeness are essential, especially in romantic relationships.
• Active listening: Being heard and understood is critical; ask questions, put the phone down, and make eye contact.
• Being 100% authentic with them: Nothing resonates more with ENFPs than the realness and rawness of being genuine.

Find out more about ENFPs: 24 Signs That You’re an ENFP, The Visionary Personality Type

The ENTP’s Love Languages

For the dynamic and inventive ENTPs, Quality Time emerged as their favorite love language. ENTPs want to fill their time with interactions that are both intellectually stimulating and creatively inspiring. This need for quality time is rooted in their quest for a mental equal – someone who can match their pace in the pursuit of thrilling new ideas and theories. Following closely behind, in a tie for second, are Physical Affection and Acts of Service. The former speaks to their need for a tangible sense of connection and presence, while the latter aligns with their appreciation for practical support in their myriad of projects and endeavors.

Here are some other suggestions ENTPs gave about how they like to receive love:

• Affection: Hugs, cuddles, you name it.
• Empathy: ENTPs may seem analytical and logical, but they appreciate emotional intelligence as well.
• Attention: Actively listen and pay attention, showing a genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.
• Sharing ideas: Intellectual exchanges and the opportunity to explore new concepts together are one of the most exciting ways for them to connect with you.
• Being given respect: Don’t dismiss their ideas just because they seem new and unusual to you.

The INFP’s Love Languages

For the deeply introspective and empathetic INFPs, Quality Time landed as their top love language. In one-on-one time, they look to share ideas and meaningful insights that go beyond the surface. Spending undistracted, quality time together validates their worth in the relationship, making them feel truly seen and understood. Following closely is Words of Affirmation. They appreciate it when people notice their unique quirks in a positive way, when people affirm their creative efforts, and validate their values. These expressions of love align with their idealistic nature, providing a sense of security and emotional intimacy.

INFPs also mentioned wanting to receive love in the following ways:

• Acceptance: They seek unconditional acceptance of their true selves, along with their complexities and quirks.
• Understanding and Showing Curiosity About Their Values: Delving into their values and beliefs shows them that you truly care about the essence of who they are.
• Written Expressions of Love: INFPs like to privately absorb and reflect on their feelings. Getting a special note or letter gives them a token of love they can cherish and reflect on in a quiet, unobserved way.
• Space: Respect for their need for alone time is crucial, as it allows them to recharge and, later, show up as their best self.
• Gentle Touch: Soft, thoughtful gestures of physical affection convey love and warmth without overwhelming them.
• Reassurance That They’re ‘Enough’: In a world where they often feel out of place, being reminded that they are good just as they are provides immense comfort.

Discover more about INFPs: 25 Quotes That INFPs Will Instantly Identify With

The INTP’s Love Languages

INTPs, like most of the personality types surveyed, listed Quality Time as their favorite love language. But what was interesting about INTPs is how many of them felt unsure about the way they wanted to receive love best. Why could this be? INTPs tend to know what they think more than what they feel. What makes sense, what’s logical; this is clear to them. How they feel; what their emotions and deeper desires are, this can be blurrier. Many INTPs mentioned to me that they don’t know what really makes them feel loved until they’re in the midst of the experience.

But let’s get into what INTP’s did know. More than any other love language, “Quality Time” came out on top. INTPs crave a meaningful exchange of ideas, thoughts, and questions. Quality time offers INTPs an unfiltered space to explore complex concepts and theories, a place to gradually become more vulnerable and feel increasing acceptance for who they really are. In these moments, they don’t just share thoughts; they reveal parts of their inner world.

Words of Affirmation came in second, possibly because INTPs, with their often self-critical and analytical minds, might not always recognize their worth or the impact of their contributions. Hearing verbal acknowledgments and affirmations from those they respect and value acts as a powerful reassurance. It helps to validate their efforts and ideas while providing a much-needed emotional support.

INTPs also mentioned the following ways they like to receive love:

• Someone who will listen: They value having a partner who not only listens but understands and engages with their endless streams of thoughts and ideas.
• Freedom to be themselves: INTPs cherish the space to explore their interests and theories without judgment.
• Friendly debate: An intellectual spar, rather than being confrontational, is a way for them to connect deeply, sharing a mutual respect and discovering new truths and ways of seeing things.
• Encouragement: They appreciate when their partners support their often ambitious, if not unconventional, goals and endeavors.
• Affection: Physical signs of love, though they might not be the most expressive about their own feelings, help reassure them of their partner’s presence and care.
• Heartfelt notes: Written words of affection and admiration strike a chord with their inner romantic, often hidden beneath layers of rational thought. Just make sure to let them read the notes alone – if they have someone watching they tend to feel self-conscious.

Discover more about INTPs: 24 Signs That You’re an INTP, the Prodigy Personality Type

The ESFJ’s Love Languages

For ESFJs, the top love langauge is Quality Time. More than words or hugs they want to be given meaningful time with the people they care about. This is probably why they are such natural hosts; they enjoy gathering people together for traditions, special celebrations, and even quiet moments where two people can simply confide in each other. Acts of Service comes in closely behind; ESFJ’s appreciate when people’s actions line up with their words. If you care about an ESFJ, do something to make their lives a bit easier. Help out with chores, make a cup of coffee, offer to run an errand. These little actions speak volumes about the way you feel about them.

ESFJs also mentioned they receive love best by:

• Spending Time Together: This reinforces their belief in the importance of close, personal relationships and their desire for connectedness.
• Talking Together & Phone Calls: While the modern world is in love with texting, ESFJ’s love a good phone call or actual in-person communication.
• Hugs: A warm embrace can be a comforting balm on a rough day.
• Listening to Them Without Trying to Fix Anything: Being listened to empathetically validates their feelings and perspectives, making them feel truly seen and accepted. Don’t try to jump in with solutions; instead, try to simply be present, listen, and understand.
• Specific Acknowledgement of Their Efforts: ESFJ’s do a lot of things to take care of the people they love. Sometimes people come to take their efforts for granted. Specifically acknowledging their contributions and efforts lets them know you see all they do.

The ESTJ’s Love Languages

For ESTJs, nestling at the top of their love language list is Quality Time. It’s not just about being in the same room, though. ESTJs value engaged and intentional time spent together that strengthens their bonds and demonstrates a genuine interest in their lives. It’s about those moments that affirm to them, “Yes, you matter, and I choose to be here with you, fully present.”

Then we’ve got a three-way tie for the runner-up position: Physical Affection, Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation. Physical affection to an ESTJ is like saying, “I’m here for you,” without needing words. Simple acts, like a reassuring hand on the shoulder, mean the world. Acts of Service speak volumes, too. In the pragmatic mind of an ESTJ, actions often shout louder than words. Help them out with their day-to-day tasks, show up when you say you will, and just make their lives a little easier. And then there’s Words of Affirmation; they may seem tough on the exterior, but hearing, “I appreciate you,” goes straight to the heart.

But the love doesn’t stop there for ESTJs. They feel valued when you:

• Help them out: Lending a hand not only eases their load but shows you’re a true partner in crime.
• See and hear them for who they truly are: ESTJs hold authenticity in high regard, so recognizing and respecting their true self is key.
• Show affection: Don’t hold back on those warm gestures. They might not always show it, but they appreciate it deeply.
• Pay attention to the details: ESTJs are detail-oriented, and noticing the little things can make them feel incredibly valued.
• Smile at them: Sometimes, a simple smile can light up their day. It’s a silent way of showing you’re glad to be with them.
• Take time to be together: Quality time is their top love language for a reason. It’s about creating those meaningful, uninterrupted moments that say, “You’re my priority.”

The ISFJ’s Love Languages

For ISFJs, Words of Affirmation take the lead as their preferred love language. Hearing “I love you,” “I appreciate you,” and other affirmations means the world to them. ISFJs tend to do a lot of behind-the-scenes work that gets taken for granted, so having their efforts acknowledged is crucial. They especially like when people notice the small details that make them happy or recall stories they’ve shared from their lives. Quality Time, coming in at a close second, signifies the importance they place on fully present and engaged companionship. It’s in those moments spent together, free from distractions, that ISFJs feel most loved and valued.

ISFJs also appreciate:

• Affirmation Emotional Support: They are deeply comforted by verbal and non-verbal expressions of support, understanding, and solidarity.
• Small Gestures: For them, it’s the little things that count. A thoughtful note, a favorite treat, or a handpicked flower can brighten their day.
• Sharing Family Stories and Experiences: ISFJs hold a deep appreciation for family and tradition, finding joy and connection in the sharing of personal histories.
• Ignorning the Phone: In an era of constant connectivity, an ISFJ feels especially valued when their partner consciously chooses to focus on them over digital distractions.

Find out more about ISFJs: 24 Signs That You’re an ISFJ, the Protector Personality Type

The ISTJ’s Love Languages

For ISTJs, the language of love is spoken through Quality Time and Acts of Service. ISTJs place a high value on reliability and dedication, both in themselves and in their partners. By spending quality time together, ISTJs feel a deep sense of belonging and appreciation. This isn’t about grand gestures but more about being present, listening, and engaging in shared activities that hold meaning for both partners. Creating special routines and traditions  mean a lot. Quality time for an ISTJ is about creating memories through shared experiences, whether it’s a quiet evening at home or exploring new hobbies together.

Acts of Service prove there’s more than just words and promises behind your love. For them, actions speak louder than words. Doing small chores without being asked, such as tidying up, preparing a meal, or handling a repair, are seen as demonstrations of love and support. It’s about easing their burden and showing consideration for their day-to-day life.

Beyond these, ISTJs greatly appreciate:

• Being Given Space: Recognizing their need for independence and respecting it is crucial.
• Being Given 100% Honesty: ISTJs value straightforwardness and sincerity. Honesty strengthens the trust and foundation of their relationships.
• Loyalty: Commitment and fidelity are paramount to ISTJs. They give their loyalty freely but expect the same in return.
• Doing Small Chores Without Being Asked: Share the load of daily responsibilities without having to be asked.
• Appreciation: ISTJs tend to do a lot of work without a lot of fanfare or recognition. Make sure to notice the things they’re doing that make your life better!

The ESFP’s Love Languages

The ESFP’s Love Languages

For the ESFP, Words of Affirmation reigns supreme as their primary love language. Expressions of appreciation, encouragement, and acknowledgments of their unique qualities and efforts are deeply meaningful to them. Hearing that they are valued, loved, and respected not only boosts their spirits but also nurtures their self-esteem and motivation. Following closely behind is Physical Affection, a love language that ESFPs cherish as a form of connection and intimacy. A hug, a gentle touch, or a reassuring pat communicates love in a tangible way that words alone cannot express.

ESFPs are also drawn to:

• Hugs: There’s nothing like a warm hug to turn a bad day around.
• Being sought out and checked in with: ESFPs feel loved when others make the effort to reach out to them, showing that they are on someone’s mind.
• Empathy: Demonstrating an understanding and sharing of their feelings reassures ESFPs that their emotions are valued.
• Quality time together: Spending undistracted and meaningful moments with them reinforces their significance in others’ lives.
• Humor: Sharing laughs and lighthearted moments is a vital part of building and maintaining bonds for ESFPs.
• Being present with them: In a world full of distractions, giving undivided attention to ESFPs is a precious gift.

The ESTP’s Love Languages

For the dynamic and adventurous ESTP, Physical Affection stands out as their primary love language. This is not only about intimacy; it’s about every touch conveying a sense of connection and immediacy that ESTPs crave. Whether it’s a spontaneous hug, holding hands, or a comforting arm around them, these gestures make ESTPs feel genuinely connected and loved. Closely following is Quality Time, which for an ESTP, means sharing experiences that are full of life and excitement but also having those quiet moments of just being together, undistracted by the external world.

ESTPs also deeply value:

• Affection and Intimacy: lots of hugs, hand-holding, and more intense physical intimacy makes them feel connected and valued.
• Laughter: Sharing moments of humor and laughter is crucial. It’s not just about fun, but it’s a way of strengthening the bond and creating lasting memories together.
• Being present with them: In an age of constant distractions, giving undivided attention is a sign of respect and affection that does not go unnoticed.
• Listening without judgement: Really, this is something all 16 personality types value.
• Compliments: ESTPs like being the heroes, and they like other people acknowledging their efforts. Let them know when you’re having a positive thought about them and you can light up their whole day!

The ISFP’s Love Languages

For the insightful and observant ISFP, Quality Time came in as the top love language. To them, nothing says love quite like giving them your undivided attention. This isn’t about grand adventures or extravagant dates; it’s about the precious, uninterrupted moments spent together, where the world fades away, and you can both just be real together. Sometimes this means being quiet, at other times it means going on an adventure or sharing a funny story. Simply being together, fully present and engaged, is what truly matters. Putting down the phone, letting go of distractions, and just being mindful and authentic.

Following closely is Words of Affirmation. Hearing verbal expressions of love, support, and appreciation profoundly impacts their emotional well-being. These words of affirmation confirm their loved ones’ feelings and recognition of their unique qualities, offering a deep sense of security and belonging.

ISFPs also mentioned that they feel valued when they can receive:

• Listening Without Judgement: ISFPs feel deeply appreciated when they are heard without bias, criticism, or jumping to conclusions.
• Acceptance for Them as They Are: Celebrating their unique persona and traits without attempting to change them validates their individuality and boosts their sense of belonging.
• Affection: Demonstrated through both physical and verbal expressions, affection reassures ISFPs of their significant place in their loved ones’ hearts.
• Helping with Routine Tasks: ISFPs haaaaate boring, mundane chores, so if you can take some of the load off their shoulders, they will deeply appreciate you.

The ISTP’s Love Languages

For the practical and spontaneous ISTP, Physical Affection takes the lead as their foremost love language. ISTP’s like to have their space, but especially in romantic relationships they love the physical warmth or sometimes intensity of physical affection. This makes sense considering ISTPs are Sensing-Perceiving types. SP individuals are deeply in tune with the physical world and especially aware of every nuance of physical sensation. Quality Time, particularly spent in shared activities or exploring new experiences together, ranks closely behind, offering ISTPs the feeling of genuine connection and partnership.

Further aspects valued by ISTPs include:

• Respect: Acknowledging their independence and decisions fosters a healthy, respectful relationship.
• Intimacy: Not just physical, but emotional intimacy, where they can be open and vulnerable, is crucial.
• Freedom to be themselves: ISTPs cherish the freedom to maintain their individuality and pursue their interests within the relationship.
• Sharing day-to-day experiences: Whether it’s mundane routines or exciting adventures, sharing these moments brings them closer.
• Agreeing to disagree: Respectful disagreements and accepting differing viewpoints strengthen their bond.
• Laughing together: Humor and the ability to laugh through life together keep their relationship light-hearted and resilient.

What Are Your Thoughts?

What’s your love language? How do you best want to give and receive love? Let us and other readers know in the comments!

References:

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman (Northfield Publishing, 2015)